There’s a bad smell down there in San Antone....
Current mood: catalyzed
Category: Sports

...And that smell is decay.  It's clear to all who know me and talk to me on a regular basis that I am not fond of the San Antonio Spurs franchise.  I have issues with nearly everyone on that team:

--Tim Duncan:  Looks like those Mon-chi-chi dolls from the 80s.  Talks to refs after every call, but not in an antagonizing manner (ala R. Wallace),  so maybe offering them favors of a Senator Larry Creighton manner?  Radiates a glow of deservedness.  "Smug" is an understatement.

--Tony Parker:  Confused by accent, which resembles more Floridian-on-demerol than French.  Looks a little like my friend Danny.  Annoyingly cuts to shots of Longoria wife every time he is mentioned.  Probably cheated on her.

--Robert "Big Shot Rob" Horry:  Well, I've just hated him ever since the Lakers, so it conveniently carries over.  Plus, he's got some big bug eyes, and he's washed up and old.  There.

--BRUCE BOWEN:  Ah, Mr. Bowen.  I've been saving you for last.  I think it only fitting that our friend Mr. Paul detests you as much as the rest of the league does.  You are a cheater, a fake, and one of the dirtiest players in the history of the league, and there are numerous episodes which point to this.  There's Aleister Crowley, Stalin, Pol Pot...and then there's you.  Enjoy your spot in hell, good sir.

Even that Oberto guy who's only been there, what, 2 years(?), is starting to play Pop ball.  So what better way to end the Spurs dynasty--what more fitting design to crush the life out of the San Antonio chokehold on the NBA Playoffs--than to pit the hometown b-ball team against them?  In other words, let the unassuming (CP) dethrone the high-and-mighty (their starting five).  Here are some notable stats from the first two games:

GAME 1:

Tim Duncan:  5 pts (1-9 FG, 3-6 FT), 3 reb, 3 ast, 3 stl

Tony Parker:  23 pts (9-17 FG)

vs.

David West:  30 pts (13-23 FG)

Tyson Chandler:  15 reb

Chris Paul:  13 ast (that's more than double the highest Spur)

GAME 2

Tim Duncan:  18 pts (6-11 FG)

Tony Parker:  11 pts (5-14 FG)

vs.

Chris Paul:  30 pts (11-20 FG, 7-8 FT), 12 ast

Peja Stojakovic:  25 pts (5-7 3P)

David West, Tyson Chandler:  21 pts. combined

---

I made this point to a friend:  is it possible that CP, along with Brees, Reg, etc., was sent by God as karma for Katrina?  I don't know, but I feel blessed.  Let the good times roll, t-boy!

12:55 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

More comparisons
Current mood: bored
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

vs.

Maybe?

Also!!!!:

Project Runway star Chris March

vs.

David Mora

12:40 PM - 4 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Andrew Zimmern vs. Aleister Crowley
Current mood: breezy
Category: Pets and Animals

Check this OUT.:

vs.

not EXACT, but enough to wonder....

Currently listening : Goats Head Soup By The Rolling Stones Release date: 26 July, 1994

9:48 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

EVRY-FW-MNTHS-R-SO Rant
Current mood: bitchy
Category: Parties and Nightlife

1.  Semi-Pro looks like it's going to suck as bad as Anchorman. 

2.  I am done with banking institutions.  I don't care who you are, I will use you for bill payment only.  Otherwise, fuck off.

3.  I cannot convey how deep my hatred runs for the San Antonio Spurs.  I don't care who you are in the East or West.  Take them out.  Break Tony Parker's jaw.  Kidnap Tim Duncan.  Peel Ginobili's fingernails off.  I DON'T CARE!

4.  Anybody who whines about "there just isn't any good music to find" or something similar should be shot on the spot.

more later...

Currently listening : Mortal Kombat: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack By Fear Factor Release date: 15 August, 1995

6:07 AM - 2 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

EVRY-FW-MNTHS-R-SO Rant
Current mood: bitchy
Category: Parties and Nightlife

1.  Semi-Pro looks like it's going to suck as bad as Anchorman. 

2.  I am done with banking institutions.  I don't care who you are, I will use you for bill payment only.  Otherwise, fuck off.

3.  I cannot convey how deep my hatred runs for the San Antonio Spurs.  I don't care who you are in the East or West.  Take them out.  Break Tony Parker's jaw.  Kidnap Tim Duncan.  Peel Ginobili's fingernails off.  I DON'T CARE!

4.  Anybody who whines about "there just isn't any good music to find" or something similar should be shot on the spot.

more later...

Currently listening : Mortal Kombat: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack By Fear Factor Release date: 15 August, 1995

6:07 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

NKOTB is BACK.
Current mood: breezy
Category: Music

And i'm very serious.  All 5.  For info, go to www.nkotb.com.  They got new tracks playing there.  I'll be lovin you...FOREVER.

Currently listening : Zen: A Retrospective By Various Artists Release date: 10 February, 2004

10:10 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

I’m shooting for you...
Current mood: bored
Category: Sports

So i just saw some stuff about this guy Herb Parsons.  Herb Parsons is considered by most experts to be the greatest exhibition shooter in history. He mainly used a pump action shotgun. He died suddenly in 1959 of a heart attack.  Here is his legacy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUjAFtSzebI

Currently listening : Don’t Fear the Reaper: The Best of Blue Öyster Cult By Blue Oyster Cult Release date: 08 February, 2000

9:09 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

A track-by-track analysis of the "Across the Universe" soundtrack
Current mood: bored
Category: Music

I am very hesitantly journeying into the collection of Beatles covers for the "Across the Universe" film.  The hesitation is due to the fact that I normally loathe Beatles covers (with the few exceptions being Cocker's "With a Little Help..." and another one i can't remember right now).  In fact, the only reason i'm even addressing this in-all-likelihood portentous quest is because i have been told by certain friends that it is nothing short of "amazing".  I'll bet.  Nevermind my reservations.  I will put them aside and judge accordingly.  SOOO....here I go (in no particular order):

1.  "Happiness is a Warm Gun" by Joe Anderson f/ Selma Hayek - It's not baaad, but it's not particulary amazing, either.  The first question is raised:  why would i want to hear an exact cover--or even a cover at all--of an original that is way better?  I think as a general rule that if you cover a song, you should either warp it beyond belief and/or improve upon it so as to be better than the original (hence, the Cocker version of "With a Little Help...").

2.  "I Want to Hold Your Hand" by T.V. Carpio - I'm sorry, but I thought this was awful.  The faux school-of-Neko Case vocals, the glistening studio acoustic, the sappy, full-bodied, over-digitalized strings at the end...to be fair, I just don't know if this song can really be covered at all.  I'd just prefer it in the real, not all glossy and nouveau-white-girl-soul.

3.  "Girl" by Jim Sturgess - The best thing about this one is the length.  Is this Josh Groban?  Can I buy this at Wal-Mart under the "Holiday" section?  I need to take a shower.

4.  "All My Loving" by Jim Sturgess - If anyone wanted me to see this film, i'm probably not going to anymore.  This soundtrack is a terrible segueway into it.  I think (and there's no sarcasm here) that I heard this in Starbucks, which is no surprise.  This guy's vocals are horrendously calculated and hollow.  I can actually hear him pursing his lips when he says "true" (ugh!).  Do all of his songs sound this awful?  Again, to be fair, the distorted bass and bottom of this song isn't bad, and they keep the triplets in check.  But that voice!  Where's Gibby Haynes when you need him?  Let's continue; i'm looking for some kind of light here.

5.  "With a Little Help from My Friends" by Jim Sturgess and Joe Anderson - Jim Sturgess is a cursed man.  The instrumentation here is actually a little delicious, and I was kinda hoping that the My Bloody Valentine-industrial-wash would overtake him completely.  This guy is probably really cool in real life--along with his Lennon shades and black leather jacket and goatee.  Only real highlight:  they use a snippet of the Cocker version.  Really, though, it's lost.

6.  "It Won't Be Long" by Evan Wood -  It's just not good!  This was a good song.  And this is a recipe for how to make it completely mediocre. 

7.  "I've Just Seen a Face" by Jim Sturgess - Yet again, instrumentation not half bad (think Ween's White Pepper).  I can't do this anymore, Jim.  I'm gonna forego the rest of your tracks lest my ears start spouting plasma and brie.

8.  "Let It Be" by Carol Woods and Timothy T. Mitchum - Salvation, literally.  I've secretly always wanted to hear a gospel send-up of this song, because it's practically built for it.  This track starts off a little blandly, but the choirs twist it into Southern sweetness.  Thank you, Jesus.

9.  "Come Together" by Joe Cocker - There's been so many covers of this song that it's hard to really do anything with it, but this is pretty okay.  Starting off  and maintaining the really dark and swampy atmosphere implemented by the original (here made by way of squiggly, Eddie Van Halen-style overdrive and wah-wah, and voodoo drums) and adding the typical Cockerian choir touches, it actually surpasses the Aerosmith and Soundgarden versions by a long shot. 

8.  "Why Don't We Do It in the Road" by Dana Fuchs - Not really my cup of tea, but I admire the over-the-top organ and guitar.  Not half bad.

9.  "If I Fell" by Evan Wood - Way too serious and (not meaning to be literal here) soundtrack-y.  The vocal is not bad, but just a little too on-key and Broadway in its perfect execution for my tastes.  The original is gorgeous, so it's hard to mess up, but it's just that:  with the original in hand, i would never listen to this again.  Where's my copy of A Hard Day's Night?

10.  "I Want You (She's So Heavy)" by whoever - I tire of repeating these same names.  Not a terrible cover, if you've never listened to Abbey Road, I guess.  At least it's shorter.

11.  "Dear Prudence" by whoever, again - Wow, what a surprise.  A full-up three part vocal.  Please, my heart cannot take the strain of how wonderfully original your rendition is.  Message to Evan Rachel Wood:  Don't ever put the words of this song into your Manson-kissing mouth again.

I could go on and do the rest--the "Blue Jay Way" cover by Secret Machines was nice and gloomy and Eddie Izzard does the best that can be done with the here-vaudevillian "Mr. Kite"--but all in all, with the number of Dana Fuchs/Evan Rachel Wood/Jim Sturgess/Joe Anderson covers dominating this thing, it's hard for me to keep my stomach in check.  Maybe the movie would convince me otherwise, but this is an abyssmal way to begin.  And I thought you people were my friends...

Currently listening : Across the Universe By Original Soundtrack Release date: 09 October, 2007

11:23 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

"SNL" rips off Richard D. James? The first cleared Beatles sample goes to....the Wu-Tang Clan?
Category: Music

Some interesting tidbits...

Junket 1

"On Monday morning, as it made the rounds on the AIM and the blogs and that del.icio.us, "Iran So Far" was yet another mildly amusing Andy Samberg-helmed "Saturday Night Live" digital short. In case you missed it, it's a slow jam featuring some hushed rapping about Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, buoyed mostly by Fred Armisen's Ahmadinejad impression and a surprise guest appearance by the actually-OK-in-miniscule-doses Adam Levine. As these things go, it did the trick, but it's no "Roy Rules".

But it's Tuesday now, and the internet's still abuzz about "Iran So Far". As our postmillenial attention spans don't permit mere amusement to retain mere chuckle fodder for more than maybe a day and a half, that can only mean one thing: CONTROVERSY.

Turns out, the Silk-style backing track of "Iran So Far" was lifted from an unlikely source: Mr. Richard D. James, better known to you and me as Aphex Twin. Samberg (or whoever) lifted the piano track for "Iran" straight offa "Avril 14th", a tune from Aphex Twin's 2001 double LP Drukqs.

Mr. James' publisher, Chrysalis Music, was apparently less than amused by the uncleared sample, which-- according to TVGuide.com, prompted NBC to take the video off the show's website (replaced, it seems, by "COMING SOON") and their official YouTube channel.

It's at this point that the plot-- never the show's strong suit-- thickens. According to The Daily Swarm (who first reported all this nuttiness), an "SNL" source confirmed that the sample was, indeed, Richard D. James' work, and that a clearance procedure is currently in progress. In addition, Daily Swarm reports that Chrysalis Music has confirmed that NBC didn't actually need permission to use the song for "ephemeral use," and won't, until they plan to air the show again. The internet being roughly as ephemeral as a stone tablet, the video remains yanked from all official NBC sites until, presumably, some clearance agreement is made.

Will Mr. James and the brass at NBC ever settle their differences? Will "Iran So Far" ever flash across our TV screens again? What will Andy Samberg Jodeci up next?"

Junket 2

"We knew RZA could be persuasive, but convincing the Harrison Estate and the Beatles to allow Wu-Tang Clan to be the very first group ever to legally sample the Beatles (!!?!) would be an impressive feat for a Supreme Court attorney. Nonetheless, the Clan accomplished this mission somehow (we imagine RZA and GZA bugging the Beatles in their Coffee & Cigarettes voices: "Hey Paul McCartney!" "Hey Ringo Starr!").

The sample comes from the George Harrison-penned "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" and is featured on the Wu's "Gently Weeps", from their forthcoming new album, 8 Diagrams. The song was originally thought to be just a partial cover of the Beatles track, albeit one featuring both Harrison's son Dhani and the Red Hot Chili Peppers' John Frusciante playing guitar. Now, it's obviously something more.

Also, the group thanks Erykah Badu "for helping bring this song to life" in its website missive about the sample clearance. Might the wrap-wearing soul singer also appear on the track?"

Currently listening : The Piper at the Gates of Dawn (40th Anniversary Edition) By Pink Floyd Release date: 04 September, 2007

10:26 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I promised I wouldn’t do this...(VMAs)
Current mood: sick
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

So the VMAs were horrible yet again, but horrible in a good way, which it hasn't been for years.  At least it's not lame.  I'd rather see miscues and fat divas and nice dancing over minute-by-minute micromanagement over the "award ceremony".  Maybe MTV knew how lame they've become, and rolled with it.

Everything else is just too obvious, but I'll go ahead and put my thoughts out there.

1.  Britney.  Actually, the song isn't terrible.  In a way, you almost have to admire the fact that she never gave up on the performance, considering how overweight and lethargic she was, and how much everyone in the audience noticed.  But why did she get onstage?  There has to be a logical reason.  Custody battle reasons?  "Hey, I'm working, earning money.  Now give me my boys!"  I don't know.  That outfit, the hair, the belly, the incapacity to follow any dance moves....all the really big ones have a "Fat Elvis" period, and maybe this is hers.  Kinda looking like her death knoll, though.  50's face was hilarious.  She had to see Rihanna and her friend laughing at her.  Where's Elvis when you need him?

2.  I thought the Kanye performance was cool, but the one performed at the Palms suite is much better (it's on the Mtv website).  And prettier.  Maybe I'm just partial, but I think the song is pretty hot.

3.  Obviously, the highlight of the night was Chris Brown.  If you didn't see it, go see it.  "Wall to Wall" is a fucking sick song, though.  I didn't think Rihanna was hot until this performance, a revved up version of "Umbrella"--a refreshing diversion from the stale cornbread of modern R&B (I was kinda hinted to this by my previous love for her established by the sampling of Soft Cell, who, in my opinion, she topped with her version, "S.O.S.").  Why don't more black entertainers do this?  Maybe Kanye's otherworldly collage of bizarro 80s-themed high fashion has something to do with this.  I don't care; just keep rolling with it.  Ashanti's impressed.

I don't know if Chris Brown did Michael better than Michael (that's a stretch), but those trapezoid kicks were on the money.  On a final note, sadly, I think I'm enamored by Roger Troutman-ripoff T-Pain.  What can I say?  I'm a sucker for a good vocoder break.

4.  50 was just kinda boring.  Sorry, Curtis.

Currently listening : Total Magique (Dig) By We Are Wolves Release date: 02 October, 2007

11:34 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment