Wild Berry White

So Im probably starting on bourbon next week. yay...

I keep meeting people that make my decision making very difficult.

I had alot of fun last night. I mean. It was a great night. And this morning as well. And because of that I will be in a good mood all day. Im going to the gym. Going to walmart. To the bank. Home to clean. Read and do some self inflicted homework. Wash my hair. Maybe.

Life is difficult and confusing. But I do love my life.

Look up.

Seriously?

Wow.

4:32 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Irony.
Current mood: breezy

I really am completely fucking baffled by life and its irony.

My life is insane. Not saying thats bad. Im just finding myself constantly stopping, looking up, and going "Seriously?! Wow."

Nothing happens for a long time. And then, everything happens all at once.

Currently listening : Kala Release date: 2007-08-21

7:08 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Puzzle

And I feel as though this is what Ive been missing.

Maybe why I have been so detatched and void of emotion. Keeping my body and mind occupied so that there is too little time. I will make this a habit again. Ritual. Routine. Daily. Understand myself again. F E E L again. Because I really havent in a long time, and I dont know if I know how to anymore. Or if I really want to, if I should. If its a good idea to sew those nerves and veins and ligaments back together.

I just know Im sitting here in this living room. With the rain and the wind and its silent otherwise besides the faint piano in the background and the clicking of the keyboard. And I am the only person breathing in this room. And it gives me a space to think. t h i n k . Skip the work. Skip the gym. Skip the errands. Just think. Remember. Wonder.

Im thinking of someone and I would like to see their face.

I am enjoying meeting people. I have met many lately. And I am enjoying the new company.

I am enjoying this space. for thought.

10:41 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Nothing at all.

I believe that I talk myself into thinking things.

My goal in life: constant progression. good job. good home. good man. warm bed.

nothing more.

8:01 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Bloodsuckers

It absolutely amazes me how some people behave. How some people still spoil their children to the point where their faces alone make your stomach spin. Where you can tell their almighty, holier-than-thou outlook just by their fake, greasy smile. So selfish theyd suck the blood right out of your veins even with no use for it.

I live a pretty blessed life. But sometimes I feel like im kidding myself. Bust my ass, run in circles so fast that I THINK Im making it somewhere, but when I slow down to take a breath I realize Im right the fuck back where I started.

12:30 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

C r u m b l e

There's alot I dont believe in.

Things I once filled my whole heart with. Holiday fairytales are no longer a mystery. And faith in people is something so silly. Because people are just so petty. Marriage isnt what it used to be. The fine line between love and in love has become obese to me.The possibility of me wanting that connection is decreasing rapidly. And God knows this. He knows I severed those limbs and they are quickly dying. And Im not fighting for them back. The relief is so much more soothing. Disconnection is key. And He understands. Its a rotten, roten world and its every man for himself. With the occasional calming face and warm hand. Its humbling. And I like it this way.

Currently listening : Mr. Beast By Mogwai Release date: 2006-03-07

4:48 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

you are secondhand smoke.
Current mood: complacent

you know whats sad?

when people that used to say they love you treat you like youre shit.
but i mean, i guess its like i said before. i wouldnt be as strong as i am if it werent for all the fuckers that shit on me.

Currently listening : Tennessee By Lucero Release date: 2002-09-24

4:12 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Skeletons
Current mood: complacent

Completely unimpressed.
Disgusted even.
What a sparkling, gleaming aura you hide you dirty truth behind.
I'm glad I never gave in to you.
The pedestal you stand on is steadily crumbling.
Piece by piece falling from beneath you.
And you run to my shoulder when you feel it cant support you.
My pity doesnt prance your way, this is your doing.
This is all your fault.
Ill sooth your fevered head and calm your panicking lungs, but I will never tell you what you want to hear.
Never again.
there is not enough room in my sanctuary for your skeletons.

Currently listening : Let It Die By Feist Release date: 26 April, 2005

5:43 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

I belong behind the wheel.

Driving in from the edge of town.
Ice cold winter sun is going down.
And I'm staring just the way I used to through that dirty all night restaurant window.
Just thinkin' bout the things I wish I could give up and the things that won't let me go.
But I know I'm gonna be alright.
My mind won't focus
I take an out of the way drive in and around the north side of town
Where the smoke from hell's exaust pipe lingers above the cheap rent in the dark night.
Hours pass through me.
I'm tired of wasting time.
Half hour later towards the downtown lights.
I don't know what I'm still doing here.
The Coliseum Blue Room has been empty for a long time.
You have to push these kind of thoughts right out of your mind...
And I try.
Something has been wasted.
At least that's what it seems.
All the bars have long closed down.

There's no one but me in the streets of my hometown.
I've already said too much.
I'm all lovesick for endless broken white lines.
And I say to all the young wild ones...
For you...
Yeah on your way up...
The world isn't against you, my dear, it just doesn't care.

Marshlltown.Modern.life.is.w.a.r.

9:50 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

The Sound of Clearing

I woke up with a new head on my shoulders today.

Seems whatever stupid shit I did last night pulled me through my thickened gray

Space that had me caught dwelling on a life I use to have.

Well today is better and with a more determined mind

Im breaking past thinking I could never  find.

Some sort of peace.  Some sort of place.

That wont tear me apart but make stronger.

And I realize my years arent getting longer

But this time im more focused than ever.

And I will do this without you.

All I need is myself, my home, and my family.

8:25 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment