FROM A LOSER’S MOUFF....
Current mood: tired
Category: Life

THIS MAY BE MY LAST BLOG...IM NOT SURE, SO IM WRITING....WITH UNCERTAINTY: BLIND BLOGGING...BECAUSE  THESE PAST FEW MONTHS….I'VE LOST SO MUCH…INCLUDING MY WILL TO MOTIVATE….TOLD MYSELF IF MY "SPACE" BECAME A PLACE WHERE EVERY BLOG I WROTE SEEMED TO BE DEPRESSIVE….THAT I WOULD GO DORMANT….RE-EVALUATE ME…..EVERYTHING I DO NOW FEELS..ERRR UMMM..WELL LESS THAN UPLIFTING…AND I KEEP TRYING TO FRONT AND AVOID WITH RANDOM BLOGS…THAT BECOME METAPHORS TO MY LIFE….MY MOODS…OK..ENOUGH RAMBLE...WITHOUT BLANTANLY TELLING ALL MY BUSINESS AND TO CURE THE CURIOUS MIND...

IM TIRED...I'VE LOST: MY

STRENGTH

DESIRE

TRUST

MOTIVATION:  A LIFE

FOREVER

LOVE

STA-

BIL-

ITY

A CHILD                I NEVER

KNEW                   EXISTED

UNTIL                   DEATH

AND                      NOW

I AM                      TOR

MEN                      TENT

          BECAUSE

I WONDER IF I KILLED

WHEN

I LOST

THE

VOLIT-

ION-

ARY

DESIRE

TO LIVE…….MY LIFE?

TO                    JUDGE

HOW I                 GRIEVE

OR IF            WE EVER

CONCEIVED

WHILE

OTHERS

TEST

IF

EYED

HOW I BLED   HOW MY

HEART                 LOST

IT'S                      RED

VALIDITY                CASTED

AND                           YOUR

FREE                           DOM

WAS                            FED

ON                             SOME

FALSE                         PERCEP

TION AND PAST DECEPTION          

           TURNING

             SMALL

            DEFECTS

              INTO

           EXCUSES

RENDERS YOUR LOGIC

AS                        USE

LESS                     SO

YOU                    ERASE

YOU                       TO

START                 ANEW

WHY                     RUN                   

FROM THE PLACE YOU

  MADE ON MYSPACE?

ASHAMED          OF THE

REFLEC               TION

THAT'S              GLARING

BA                        CK?

WHY                     ELSE

DO WE               WORRY

HOW                SOCIETY

WILL                   ACT?

I DON'T.             I JUST

DO ME                 & SAY

FUCK YOU  TO THOSE

WHO DO NOT AGREE!

THERE'S A BIGGER MESSAGE IN THE ARRANGEMENT (MY ATTEMPT OF IS IMPROMPTU….AND WHACK)….BUT IN CASE YOU CANT SEE THE BIG FUCK YOU AND UNDERSTAND THE POEM…..LEMME RE WRITE IN A FORM YOU CAN:

IM TIRED...I'VE LOST:

MY STRENGTH

DESIRE

TRUST

MOTIVATION:

A LIFE

FOREVER

LOVE

STA  BIL   ITY:

A CHILD I NEVER

KNEW EXISTED

UNTIL   DEATH

AND NOW I AM

TOR MEN TENT

BECAUSE

I WONDER…

IF I KILLED

WHEN

I LOST

THE VOLITIONARY

DESIRE

TO LIVE…….MY LIFE?

TO   JUDGE

HOW I GRIEVE

OR IF WE EVER

CONCEIVED

WHILE

OTHERS

TESTIFIED

HOW   I BLED

HOW MY HEART   LOST

IT'S    RED

VALIDITY CASTED

AND  

FREEDOM

WAS FED

ON  SOME

FALSE PERCEPTION

AND PAST DECEPTION

TURNING

SMALL

DEFECTS

IN    TO

EXCUSES

RENDERS YOUR LOGIC

AS      USELESS

SO   YOU ERASE: YOU

TO      START     ANEW

WHY    RUN

FROM THE     PLACE

YOU'VE CREATED ON MYSPACE?

ASHAMED OF THE

REFLECTION

THAT'S GLARING

BACK?

WHY ELSE

DO WE WORRY

HOW SOCIETY WILL ACT?

I DON'T.

I JUST:  DO ME

& SAY

"FUCK YOU"

TO THOSE

WHO DO NOT AGREE!

UMMM RIGHT NOW MY MIND IS RANDOM…AND THIS POEM MAY NOT MAKE SENSE…UNLESS YOU KNOW WHAT I KNOW….BUT IT'S WHAT I FEEL AT THE MOMENT….COMMENTS DISABLED…..I STILL HAVE MUCHO LOVE FOR YA….IM JUST TIRED….PLEASE DON'T TAKE THAT PERSONALLY…

9:17 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos

IN THE CLUB...BIG PIMPIN....HUH?
Current mood: blank
Category: Life

UMMMM SO TELL ME WHAT CHOO THINK ABOUT THIS LIL PIECE THAT MY FRIEND WROTE: I HAD TO RE-POST IT HERE BECAUSE IM SUPER CURIOUS TO SEE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK:

04/05/08 8:28AM
THE CLUB
I have to say that I’m not a huge Blogger, and for the most part I pretty much respond to other people’s Blogs, but A Close friend and I were speaking on a subject and they found my point of view interesting enough to talk about.. and asked that I spill it out to others, so here it goes....

The Club is a place that I use to frequent on a regular basis in my younger years, not that I’m that old but I learned so very much about it. I liken the CLUB to a MALL. They are truly no different when you really sit back and think about it. The Mall is a place where we shop for products, clothing etc. The club is a place where we shop for people. Now you may say that this is not why you go to the club.. whatever! Then you’re simply lying to yourself. You are just simply window shopping. You get to go there look at all the people and even try them on if you will. A dance, a drink, you stare and you have fun with people you otherwise don’t live with. You go to the Mall with your girls/homies and thus you go to the club the same way.

People in relationships should not frequent the club if you are in fact happy with your relationship. Don’t give me that I just need to get out and dance. The truth is you can play loud music at your home and jam. The truth is you are lookin for something and it aint at home. You shopping

Yes you may say that I go all the time, and I don’t hook up with anyone, but that’s just like going window shopping a lot and you just don’t have the money, or you just did not see a product worth buying.. so is the club. You go all the time, but you’ve just not seen that product/person that’s worthy enough for you to purchase. both places will cost you. One will cost you money, the other your relationship.

If you’re in the Mall and you’re rich. I see no problem with buying the entire place. If you’re in the club and you are single; This a great place to shop. If you’re with someone stay the hell out. and Oh! I know you might be saying me and my man go together. lol Then you’re both shopping and will soon purchase new products.



REELISTIC THOUGHTS.

3:40 PM - 79 Comments - 68 Kudos - Add Comment

THE RAMBLINGS OF A CRAZY BLACK WOMAN
Current mood: chill
Category: Writing and Poetry

I WOULD EXPLAIN MY BLOG HIATUS…BUT IM DONE EXPLAINING LIFE…SIKE…SHOOT ME A PM IF YOU JUST HAVE TO KNOW..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

….A FEW WEEKS BACK; I HAD A MESSAGE SPLATTERED ACROSS MY SCREEN...

"PEACE ITSELF IS WAR IN MASQUERADE IS WONDERING IF GOD CAN HEAR HER PRAYERS"

.....AND I GOT A FEW MESSAGES FROM SOME CARING SOULS....THANK YOU....I KNOW NOW THAT HE HEARS....AND I MAY NOT ALWAYS GET IMMEADIATE ANSWERS.....BUT HE'S NEVER FALLEN SHORT.....I PRAY, HE ANSWERS....

LATELY…I'VE LEARNED TO PRAY FOR FOLKS THAT I LOVE....AND SOME I HATE....AND SOME THAT I LOVE BUT DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY ARE GOING THROUGH....THUS CAUSING DISTANCE IN WHATEVER RELATIONSHIP I SHARE WITH THAT PERSON....ANYWHO....THIS BLOG IS NOT ABOUT THIS.....

I WOTE THIS POEM A FEW MONTHS BACK...BEEN MEANING TO POST AND SHARE, BUT I HAVENT HAD THE ENERGY TO DO SO....HAVENT HAD THE ENERGY TO DO MUCH...BUT WORK, EAT, AND LISTEN TO THAT NEW BADU.....

LOVE IT!!!! CLASSIC....

*SNAPS FANGERS*

"HIP HOP....IT'S BIGGER THAN RELIGION HIP HOP!!!!"

THAT GAL WENT "HARD IN DA PAINT" ON SOLDIER....I LOVE IT!!!! 

*TURNS POD DOWN*

ANYWHO....AT THE TIME I WROTE IT….I SAW NO PURPOSE TO POST IT….BUT A MONTH AGO....I MET A YOUNG LADY WHO I CALL AZIZA.....

SHE'S A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADY...

WITH A TROUBLED SOUL....BEEN THROUGH A LOT FOR 14...AND STILL GOING THROUGH.....

AZIZA AND I SHARED A MOMENT....I WONT GO OVER THE WHOLE CONVERSATION....BUT SHE BASICALLY TOLD ME THAT SHE WISHED SHE WERE ANYTHING BUT BLACK....

FYI: AT THE TIME I WAS TEACHING AT A MIDDLE SCHOOL WHOSE POPULATION IS PREDOMINANTLY WHITE AND HISPANIC….ANYWAY….I DIDN'T FEEL THAT THIS POEM HAD A REAL PLACE IN THE WORLD UNTIL I MET AZIZA

WHAT? I WROTE A BLOG...
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Life

A GLASS + WINE =FORTUITOUS MIND

GREETINGS PEEPS…OK…A FEW MONTHS AGO I WROTE A BLOG ABOUT FINDING MY SUN….AND THEN I JUST LEFT…NO EXPLANATION….JUST LEFT AND TRUTHFULLY: I HAVE BEEN HERE, BUT IT'S BEEN RANDOM…LIFE HAS CHANGED FOR ME IN MANY WAYS…AND IN MANY WAYS IT HAS ALSO REMAINED THE SAME….SO AS A RESULT I HAVEN'T BEEN ON THE BLOG SCENE AS MUCH….AND MANY TIMES: BY CHANCE, I LOG INTO THE SPACE AND READ BLOGS….I'VE BEEN COMMENTING AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE TO LET MY PRESENCE BE KNOWN….AND THEN THERE ARE SOME THAT I JUST REFLECT…AND CLICK ON THE NEXT BLOG IN MY SUBSCRIPTION….YOU KNOW WE ALL DO IT…IT'S NOT THAT I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY….BUT I'VE LEARNED THAT SOMETIMES IT'S BEST TO JUST LET THINGS SINK IN….ESPECIALLY WHEN ALL THAT NEEDS TO BE SAID…HAS BEEN STATED….SO I MOVE ON TO THE NEXT BLOG IN MY WORTHWHILE SUBSCRIPTION LIST…..

AND IN THE MEANTIME AND BETWEEN TIME:

MY OWN BLOGS MOVE FROM FREQUENT, TO MONTHLY, TO RANDOM, TO UMMMMMMMMMM:

 BUT LEMME LEVEL WITH YOU, THIS BLOG IS NOT ENTIRELY BY CHANCE….SEVERAL EVENTS HAVE LURED ME OUT OF MY BLOGGING HIATUS:

--> --> --> I'VE RECEIVED SEVERAL WARM INQUIRIES ABOUT MY WELL BEING & WHEREABOUTS…

--> --> --> AND THEN I HAD A GLASS OF WINE (Y'ALL *that's TEXAN for you all* KNOW I HAVE A TWO DRINK MAX….SO YEAH, IM TIPSY)

--> -->  --> I GOT SOME RELIEF FROM FAMILY ISSUES

--> -->  --> I WAS TAGGED AND AGREED TO TELL 10 WEIRD THINGS ABOUT MY LIFE, BUT SINCE I THINK IM THE MOST NORMAL PERSON ON EARFF…earth (LOL) THEN I WILL JUST LIST TEN THINGS YOU MAY NOT HAVE KNOWN ABOUT ME. SOME MAY SHOCK YOU, OTHERS WOW YOU, MAKE YOU TURN YA NOSE THE OTHER WAY, ROLL YOUR EYES, AND SOME  YOU MAY EVEN BE ABLE TO RELATE TO…GO FIGURE:

--> --> --1)REMEMBER MY LAST BLOG ABOUT THE SUNSHINE IN MY LIFE? IF NOT CLICK HERE:  IN SEARCH OF SUN

WELL, I FOUND MY SUN…SORTA: ALL IT TOOK WAS FOR THE SCHOOL YEAR TO BEGIN AND A TRIP TO THE REGISTRAR'S OFFICE. I ASKED THE REGISTRAR TO LOCATE THE NEXT SCHOOL FOR SUN AND WAS TOLD: HE'S IN J.J.A.E.P…FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW THAT'S BASICALLY AN ALTERNATIVE SCHOOL FOR "TROUBLED" YOUTH…I HAVE SINCE FOUND OUT THAT HE IS IN A TYC FACILITY….UMMMM JUVENILE JAIL. I FOUND CONTACT INFORMATION FOR HIS MOTHER AND AN ALTERNATE EMERGENCY CONTACT….I CALLED BOTH NUMBERS TO TRY AND SEE WHAT THE STATUS WAS ON HIS MOTHER AND HOW I COULD GAIN VISITATION RIGHTS TO SEE SUN. ONE NUMBER WAS DISCONNECTED AND THE OTHER NUMBER HAD BEEN ISSUED TO A NEW PERSON ALREADY….SO MY NEXT STEP WAS TO WRITE HIM A LETTER….I WILL LET YOU ALL KNOW IF/WHEN HE REPLIES….

--> --> --2)MAYNE EFF INTERNET CHAT RULES…THIS IS MY (AS IN KISURA USIKU) SPACE AND I'LL DO WHAT I FEEL WITH IT…I TYPE IN ALL CAPS NOT BECAUSE IM YELLING (ALTHOUGH I CAN TALK LOUD AT TIMES) I TYPE IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE IM TOO DAMN LAZY TO HIT SHIFT….IT'S JUST EASIER!!! GET OVER IT IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT…

--> --> --3)I LOVE TO SLEEP IN "WIFE BEATERS" AND BOY SHORTS…NUFF SAID

--> --> --4)I DON'T HAVE A SWEET TOOTH…I DON'T CRAVE THINGS LIKE CAKE OR CANDY….I DO HAVE A "TART" TOOTH….I CRAVE THINGS LIKE GREEN GRAPES, OLIVES, YELLOW RICE WITH BLACK BEANS, FETA CHEESE….AND FALLING IN LOVE WITH  HE…JUST PRETEND YOU DIDN'T READ THE SMALL PRINT

--> --> --5)ON AVERAGE, I SLEEP BETWEEN 3-6 HOURS A NIGHT AND FEEL JUST FINE

--> --> --6)I STILL OWN TWO….YES TWO…..VCR'S….AND I ACTUALLY HAVE TAPES THAT I STILL WATCH ON THEM!!! ONE I USE TO RECORD THE BEST SHOW AFTER THE WIRE: THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS [DON'T HATE ON SWEET VIC (VICTOR) NEWMAN….HE'S BADDDDDDD 2 DA BONE….I BEEN WATCHING SINCE NICKY NEWMAN WAS A STRIPPER]

--> --> --7)I AM A KLEPTOMANIAC….BUT I DON'T STEAL ANY AND EVERYTHING….IN FACT, I ONLY STEAL BOOKS (I REALLY DON'T STEAL)….BUT I DO HAVE A SERIOUS BOOK FETISH….I MEAN MOST THIEVES STEAL THINGS LIKE MONEY, CLOTHES, CARS, ETC….BUT I STEAL KNOWLEDGE IN THE FORM OF BOOKS…I LOVE THE SMELL OF BOOKS, HOW THE SPINE FOLDS, THE COVERS BEND, AND THE PAGES TURN…

--> --> --8)THROUGH 10…YEAH THIS LAST ONE IS SORTA A DOOZIE….SO MUCH SO THAT IT TAKES UP 3 NUMBERS…BUT THE NUMBER THREE HAS SIGNIFICANCE IN MY LIFE: MY FATHER PASSED AWAY ON THE THIRD DAY OF THE FEBRUARY; IM THREE TIMES A LADY(LOL); THE YOUNGEST OF 3 CHILDREN; I WAS BORN ON THE 30^TH DAY OF THIS MONTH; I'VE GRAD-JOO-MOO-ATED COLLEGE THREE TIMES AND SINCE THE THIRD TIME IS THE CHARM, I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE….YES THREE TIMES:

WTH?

YES….LET THAT SINK IN: IM IN LOVE…..AND HONESTLY, IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME COMING, BUT I HAD TO LET GO IN ORDER TO LET LOVE HAPPEN….SO THOSE FIRST TWO WILL GET NO LOVE IN THIS BLOG…I EMPTIED THAT BAGGAGE IN A PREFERRED BLOG THE EX FACTOR:

INSTEAD I WILL TELL ABOUT MY JOURNEY TO HE:

AFTER THE FIRST TWO LOSSES WITH LOVE, I SORTA JUST HIT THE DATING SCENE AND MET A FEW GREAT GUYS…THEY JUST WERE NOT GREAT FOR ME BUT I HAD SOME GOOD TIMES WITH GREAT PEEPS….I ALSO HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO WITNESS & EXPERIENCE THE UPS…AND DOWNS OF DATING FOR EXAMPLE:

JUST LIKE THIS PERSON, I HAD SOME DATES THAT I WALKED AWAY FROM SMILING:

I EVEN WENT ON DATES BACK TO BACK…AND WHILE I DON'T THINK SOME GUYS LIKED IT, OTHERS DIDN'T CARE AND REALLY GOT A KICK OUT OF IT…. (….LMAO @ MY CHAMBER):

 (THANKS QUITA....THESE ARE TRUE CLASSICS)

BUT OUT OF ALL THE GREAT GUYS I'VE DATED; ONLY ONE WAS TRULY WILLING TO DATE ME ON OUR TERMS. ….HE WAS MY FRIEND FIRST. WE BOTH DATED "OTHERS"

WE JOKED; FLIRTED, SHARED OUR DATING EXPERIENCES, FLIRTED, SHARED OUR WRITING, FLIRTED, CREATED ART, AND FLIRTED. AS TIME AND OPPORTUNITY PROGRESSED…I FOUND MYSELF ON DATES, BUT THINKING ABOUT HIM, COMPARING OTHER DATES TO HIM. I PRAYED (YES I DID) TO GOD AND ASKED FOR A SIGN THAT IT WAS TIME TO TAKE OFF MY NIKES &STOP RUNNING FROM LOVE…AND GOD ANSWERED IN MULTITUDE….EVERY TIME WE BOTH THOUGHT TO STAY PLATONIC, GOD PUSHED US TOGETHER. GAVE US CONNECTION AFTER CONNECTION….AND THEN HE AND ME….BECAME WE….AND THIS TIME I CAN TRULY STATE, I KNEW HIM BEFORE…AND I AM HAPPY, SO HOPEFULLY ALL ARE HAPPY FOR ME….BUT I WONT CARRY ON…. AIN'T TRYING TO TELL TOO MUCH OF MY BUSINESS BUT A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS Y'ALL SO ENJOY:

PS: GO COWBOYS…5-0!!!!!!

BLISS N BLESSING FOLKS....KISURA USIKU

Currently listening : Finding Forever By Common Release date: 31 July, 2007

2:22 AM - 121 Comments - 114 Kudos - Add Comment

IN SEARCH OF SUN...
Current mood: disappointed
Category: & sad Life

IN SEARCH OF MY SUN

GREETINGS MY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE…..IT'S BEEN ABOUT SIX WEEKS SINCE I'VE LAST BLOGGED….PROBABLY LONGER…WHOSE COUNTING….THE POINT IS…I AIN'T BLOGGED HUH? WHY? READ & SEE:

I'VE BEEN TEACHING NOW FOR FIVE YEARS…AND I LOVE KIDS….I LIKE MY JOB, BUT IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN A STEP…THE NEXT STEP UP THE LADDER….AND AT THE TOP ARE TWO THINGS: SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGY & WRITING….GETTING THERE…

YET THAT AIN'T THE PURPOSE OF THIS LONG OVER DUE BLOG…NOPE….NOT AT ALL BUT IT HAS SOME RELEVANCE TO MY JOB… LEMME JUST GET TO IT:

IT'S AMAZING THAT IN THE FIVE YEARS I'VE TAUGHT….I'VE YET TO LET MY PERSONAL LIFE BE INFUSED OR EFFECTED BY WORK…IN FACT I'VE MANAGED TO TOTALLY SEPARATE THE TWO….MEANING THAT IF IT DOESN'T GET DONE IN MY 8 HOURS….IT CAN WAIT TILL TOMORROW…I MAY GO IN EARLY….SELDOM OCCASIONS, STAY LATE, BUT I NEVER….REPEAT…NEVER TAKE HOME WORK!!!!

OK…ONCE OR TWICE, I TRIED….AND IT SAT BY THE DOOR….SO YOU WONT EVER CATCH ME AT HOME GRADING PAPERS…NO SIR….NOT THIS QUEEN….

BUT I'LL BE DAMNED….IF THIS PAST SCHOOL YEAR….THINGS CHANGED:

HE BOUNCED INTO AND AROUND THE CLASSROOM LIKE A SLINKY SLIDING DOWN STADIUM STAIRS….14 YEARS OLD, BRIGHT SMILE, GUILELESS EYES AND A VERY ACCOMMODATING NATURE….ALWAYS "YES MAM AND NO MAM."

YOU JUST DON'T SEE THAT TOO OFTEN WITH INNER CITY YOUTH THESE DAYS….

YOU AUTOMATICALLY KNEW…THIS KID WAS SOMETHING SPECIAL. HE MADE STELLAR GRADES WITH MINIMAL EFFORT; BREEZED THROUGH STATE STANDARDIZED TEST; AND HAD TIME LEFT IN CLASS TO MAKE US ALL LAUGH…

HE ALWAYS WENT THE EXTRA MILE TO HELP ME….ALWAYS. WHENEVER HE WAS CAUGHT DOING SOME SMALL JUVENILE BEHAVIOR, I GOT A LETTER OF APOLOGY WITHOUT EVEN ASKING….

HE WAS JUST SOMEONE YOU LOVED TO SEE COMING….AND HATED TO SEE GOING…..

HE HAD A LUMINESCENT AURA, SO I CALLED HIM SUNSHINE….

HE WAS PUBESCENT….TOLD ME THAT SUNSHINE WAS "TOO GIRLISH" SO I CALLED HIM "MY SUN" FOR SHORT….STUDENTS PICKED IT UP….GAVE IT A YOUTHFUL LINGO

"S'UP SUN SUN"…..THAT WAS HOW HE WAS GREETED….

AND THEN HE STARTED MISSING SCHOOL…NOT JUST A DAY…..WEEKS….

I CALLED HOME….GOT NO ANSWER….INQUIRED WITH HIS OTHER TEACHERS…..FOUND OUT HE WAS SKIPPING THEIR CLASSES….THEY CALLED HIM A "BEHAVIOR PROBLEM" INQUIRED SOME MORE…FOUND OUT HE WAS GOING TO OTHER TEACHERS' ROOMS WHEN HE SKIPPED TO DO HIS WORK…..CLEARLY NOT THE SIGN OF A KID WHO DIDN'T WANT TO "BE IN" SCHOOL….NOT A "BEHAVIOR PROBLEM EITHER….HE WAS JUST FINE IN MINE AND OTHERS ROOMS I HAD PREVIOUSLY OBSERVED HIM IN….I MEAN…WHO SKIPS CLASSES TO GO TO OTHER CLASSES AND DO WORK? NO SOMETHING WAS WRONG….HELLO…..RED FLAG FOLKS….

CALLED HOME AGAIN….GOT MACHINE….LEFT MESSAGE….GAVE PERSONAL CELL NUMBER….AGAINST WHAT I NORMALLY DO, BUT THIS KID HAS A HUGE STAIN ON MY HEART…SO I LEFT A MESSAGE AND WAITED…

TWO DAYS LATER THERE WAS A CALL ON MY PHONE….IT WAS SUN'S MOM…I SAT DOWN….PREPARED MYSELF BECAUSE SHE SOUNDED HORRIBLE…

SUN'S MOM HAD RECEIVED A LETTER ABOUT HIS ABSENCES. SHE EXPLAINED THAT SUN HAD BEEN HOME AND THAT HE WAS EXTREMELY WORRIED ABOUT HER. SHE TALKED ABOUT WHAT A GOLDEN CHILD HE WAS AND THAT HE CRIED WHENEVER HE DISAPPOINTED HER. SHE TALKED ABOUT HOW SHE WAS VERY ILL AND THAT SUN WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT HER THAT HE WOULDN'T GO OUT AND PLAY WITH KIDS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD….INSTEAD HE WOULD GO GET HIS FRIENDS AND BRING THEM BACK INTO THE HOUSE TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES SO HE COULD KEEP AN EYE ON HER….HE WAS ALL SHE HAD…AND SHE WAS ALL HE HAD….HE HAS 2 SISTERS, BUT ONE WAS INTO PROSTITUTION, THE OTHER…TOO YOUNG AND FREE TO CARE….NO MALES IN THE FAMILY…IT WAS CLEAR THAT WAS WHAT SUN WAS LACKING….A LITTLE MALE GUIDANCE….ACCORDING TO HIS MOM….AND SHE KNEW NOT WHAT TO DO….AND TIME WAS RUNNING OUT QUICK FOR SUN. HE WAS AT THE EDGE….THAT FORK IN THE ROAD THAT MOST YOUTH GET TO AND WITH THE RIGHT GUIDANCE THEY TAKE THE ROAD TO SUCCESS…THE WRONG GUIDANCE, THEY RUN STRAIGHT INTO THE KNIFE OF THE FORK…….SUN WAS IN TROUBLE, NOT BECAUSE HE WAS MISBEHAVING….HE WAS A LITTLE….BUT IT WAS BECAUSE HE FELT LIKE HE WAS UNWANTED AND LOVED…..WHY?

FOR STARTERS….WHERE WAS HIS DAD…..MOM DIDN'T KNOW AND TIME WAS OF UTTER IMPORTANCE TO HER…..

 SHE ENDED THE CALL BY REVEALING THAT SHE WAS IN THE FINAL STAGES OF AIDS…..

I SIGH…..AND I CRY….YOU JUST NEVER KNOW WHAT GOES ON IN THE LIVES OF KIDS….AND ALL THAT THEY GO THROUGH….AND IF WE JUST INQUIRE…WE MAY UNDERSTAND THEIR BEHAVIOR A LITTLE MORE….

SUN WAS LOSING HIS COMFORT ZONE….THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD HE FELT CARED….WHICH WOULD EXPLAIN HIS BEHAVIOR IN SCHOOL….

HIS MOM TOLD ME SHE TRIED SEVERAL OUTREACH METHODS, BUT SOME WERE LACKING BLACK MALES….WHICH WAS WHAT SUN REQUESTED….THE ONES THAT HAD BLACK MALES….WERE EITHER TOO SWAMPED WITH MENTEES OR BAILED OUT ON SUN ONCE THEY FOUND OUT ABOUT HIS MOM OR FOR OTHER UNKNOWN REASONS….HER WORDS NOT MINE…

I TRIED….ASKED AROUND….NO LUCK….COULDN'T FIND ONE MALE WITH THE TIME…THEY CARED….JUST HAD LIVES OF THEIR OWN THAT GOT IN THE WAY….

SUN CHECKED OUT OF SCHOOL BEFORE THE END OF THE YEAR….RECENTLY HE LEFT A MESSAGE FOR ME….I TRIED TO CALL BACK….HOURS LATER….PHONE DISCONNECTED….

I LOST MY SUN AND I FEAR THAT HE HAS LOST HIS WORLD BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY REASON WHY I THINK THAT PHONE COULD BE DISCONNECTED….IT BOTHERS ME BAD….I WANT TO ADOPT THAT KID….I COULD'VE TAKEN CARE OF HIM FOR 3 YEARS….SEEN HIM THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL…. GOT HIM INTO COLLEGE…AND THROUGH…BUT I DIDN'T….AND I DINT FIND HIM A MALE FIGURE EITHER….AND THAT BOTHERS ME….BECAUSE HE HAD PROMISE PEEPS….AND I JUST PRAY THAT HE IS NOT ANOTHER YOUTH LOST TO THE STREETS….SO IF YOU SEE MY SUN (YOU'LL RECOGNIZE HIM BY THE GLOW) PLEASE SHINE HIS LIGHT BACK ON ME….I MISS HIM…..

DISCLAIMER: YA'LL KNOW I CHANGED THE NAME…MADE SOME THINGS UNRECOGNIZABLE….

I APOLOGIZE FOR THE SAD BLOG…IT'S HEAVY ON MY MIND….AND I'LL WRITE A HAPPIER ONE NEXT TIME….CAUSE I GOT SOME GREAT NEWS FOR YOU….THERE'S A REASON WHY IM GLOWING IN MY NEW PIC….SOON I'LL REVEAL….IF YOU READ PAGE DETAILS…OR KNOW ME PERSONALLY….YOU ALREADY KNOW.

IN THE MEAN AND BETWEEN TIME….ANSWER THIS: HOW DO WE RESCUE LOST YOUTH & WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HELP IN THAT MATTER? WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD'VE/COULD'VE DONE TO KEEP MY SUN SHINING? SPEAK PEEPS!

BLISS N BLESSING FOLKS....KISURA USIKU

Currently listening : Songs in the Key of Life By Stevie Wonder Release date: 02 May, 2000

9:38 PM - 117 Comments - 108 Kudos - Add Comment

A Love Letter...Sorta
Current mood: amused
Category: & in like Writing and Poetry

Greetings Peeps,

Ummmm it's like this...PLEASE check out this entry of the "Dick Diaries" by the Professor...I SORTA AM REALLLLLLL TITE with the Queen who wrote it...LIKE we may even have the same genetic make up....but I cant tell you who it is because it's sposed to be anonymous....IM SORTA NERVOUS about it cause I...opps I mean SHE has never written anything quite like it....ANYWHO...CLICK ON THE LINK & READ:

A Love Letter....Sorta?

Thanks Chamber for posting this earlier & Professor too, for getting She to try a lil something different...Bliss N Blessings!

Currently listening : The Best of Clarence Carter: The Dr.'s Greatest Prescriptions By Clarence Carter Release date: 09 October, 2001

7:55 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos

RUNNING: AS FAST AS I CAN...AWAY FROM HIM
Current mood: frustrated
Category: Writing and Poetry

A simple explanation to the following poem is that I am more comfortable loving with some of my heart than all of it...but it's actually a lot deeper than that...I wont bore you with the details....Simply put: YES, I am am more comfortable with being in love "in mind" than ACTUALLY living out the emotion...I also run when there is even a PROFOUND fondness...the possibility of love scares me...Not love, but failure...yeah that's it....anywho...here is my art dedicated to that emotion and it's inspiration: Umph! If You feel ME...Holla If You Hear Me...

(This flows best when you read it aloud....it's spoken word piece)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 2.5 License
 

Shake HIM Loose

Every Morning    I wake    to taste:

HIS

Syllables in my grey matter

The day passing through ME

Instead of I through IT

FETTERS

Of HE thoughts    

Gripping MY mind?

I STAND

Undetected and dangled in time

COVETING:

Denied conversation

WAITING

But impatient

Greedily HE 

Consumes ALL of my thoughts

The rest of me?

 Maimed

With no room to    deduce

IF

WE even suffer the

Same

Shake loose this:  WARRIOR

From my skin

Piercing the epidermis  

  POKING   PRODDING   PUNCTURING

Every opening        of my massive organ

Extracting SOULLLLLL         through my pores

MAKING

ME

Exist

In terms of WEEEEE

In spite of ME    

   In spite of MEEEEE  

Shake loose this:  LOVER of my

MIND

Singing to my temporal with HIS right

Fondling my parietal with HIS left

Taking my cerebellum from be   hind

Yeahhhhhh     Cause    EVEN I likes it like THAT

SOMETIMES

Cunning LINGUIST

My occipital    until our localisms flow and saturate

My oblongata

With the scent of our

SIN-----TEX (get it?....syntax )

YEAH  

HE gives Hella-fied  Mind SEX

Shake Lose this:  SEEKER of

MY Heart

Causing my pulmonary to swell

While my Aorta dwells

Suspended in TIME

HE   makes ME wanna LET HIM

Take Advantage…..

Go head baby

ENTER & EXIT

My Vena Cava

Make me

Superior and Inferior

Till my Vessels

BURST

Betta yet…I'll just settle for:

THE THOUGHTS: 

& CONTINUALLY:

Wake    to taste:

HIS

Syllables in my grey matter

The day passing through ME

Instead of I through IT

FETTERS