post-op

Things are good post-op, though it seems I've come down with the fatness.  I know my toes are there, it's just rather hard to see them when I'm standing up.  We have been spending some quality time in the shower though, what with the shaving of the tops of my feet for the swim fins we're getting some alone time.

Though I'm pretty functional I won't be doing gymnastics or rock climbing ever again, and it seems relentless amounts of running are also out, so no more marathons, etc.  Actually, with the absence of the constant back pain I've started to notice injuries I'd forgotten about.  Sticking to single sports for such a long time has created some rather impressive repetitive stress injuries, though I'm sure the constant tumbling on whatever surface was available didn't help matters.  So I've decided it would make much more since to do three sports at once instead.

I figure a half mile swim, 13 mile bike and 3 mile run by march.  By the end of next year the olympic triathlon of a 1 mile swim, 24 miles bike and 6 mile run to qualify for the Alcatraz triathlon in 2009.

Of course I can't walk more than 20 min. yet, I'm about 20 pounds over getsome weight and my back muscles are still amazingly weak, so I might push for the Alcatraz triathlon by next spring.

3:22 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

shards of glass for the win

..> ..>

..> ..> Johnny Tight Lips People Iced: Six Car Bombs Planted: Eleven Favorite Weapon Shards of Glass Arms Broken: Fifteen Eyes Gouged: Sixteen Tongues Cut Off: Fourteen Biggest Enemy: Mickey Z Get Your HITMAN Name AWSOME-GAME

3:41 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Chloraseptic!

Did you know you're not supposed to swallow Chloraseptic?!  I've been sucking that stuff down since I was old enough to sneak into my grandmothers bathroom and squirt a throat-full.  Imagine my surprise when I look at the active ingredient and realize that its Phenol, which is the substance I put gloves on to handle in lab for certain organic syntheses.  You might recognize it as carbolic acid, also used for disenfecting, antiseptic purposes, etc.

Though to be honest, this just takes a rather nostalgic drug I've always found tasteful and makes it dangerously fun.  You know you can get Phenol from coal tar?  Lovely stuff really..  which also sheds a bit more light on how it's been mixing with the Jack (which is 'quite well', incidentally).

However this brings me to an important list I started making a few years ago of things that are some bullshit, much like being bit by a pig, but more in the manner of operations that should never be accompanied with unreasonable pain.  So far I'm up to sex, sleeping, and lately, swallowing.  Though as an addendum to that list, you should also be able to sneeze and cough violently without fear of losing all control of your bowels.  Luckily, I've been reading that "DEPEND® Underwear fits better now with more stretch, in more places."

The application I got to the AARP a couple of years ago was funny at the time, but in retrospect I bet I could get some serious deals on absorbant materials and Rascal scooters.

1:44 AM - 11 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

2007 - year of the piano

And there was a great rejoicing, as Miles found something to do besides whine about being in pain; he shall whine about being in pain IN SONG!!

10:04 PM - 8 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Things to know-

If you are given a prescription by a doctor, you can get a partial filling of it to see how it effects you and if it's worth the cash you're shelling out.  I just dopped 40 bucks on a Pfizer drug called Lyrica, which wasn't explained very well to me by the doc, and after reading up on it I'm pleased to report that it's an incredibly expensive band-aid for me.

Hospital stays well create seperate bills from everyone there but the janitor and the valet.  Often you will get these statements months apart, and all that is listed in the description is the coding, so you may not always be sure what you're paying, thus leaving the impression that you have cleared your debt to the medical services when there is more paper-fun on the way.

It never hurts to ask what you're being billed for.  In some cases you may see doctors names that you don't recognize, who could be someone that did rounds with your doctor and was cheeky enough to bill you for it under the title of 'consulting fees'.  It's possible he really was consulting and everything is groovy.  It's also possible that he was discussing golf; however, it's probable you'll have to pay either way.

2:11 AM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Heh-

You are The Fool

The Fool is the card of infinite possibilities. The bag on the staff indicates that he has all he need to do or be anything he wants, he has only to stop and unpack. He is on his way to a brand new beginning. But the card carries a little bark of warning as well. Stop daydreaming and fantasising and watch your step, lest you fall and end up looking the fool.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

1:05 AM - 4 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

character assassin wanted

So we're coming up on three years since I caught that fat kid, and I'm finally starting to adjust to the life.  Also, my dreams of killing my claims adjuster and lawyer have gotten more exotic.

I want to assassinate their lives.  I want their jobs, their homes, and the clothes they're wearing.  I want to find them destitute and cold on the curb, and then beat them with fat children.  Then, I want their lives taped so I can watch them unable to find jobs and unable to gain any resolution from the court system as they wallow, helpless, in an endless string of appeals and red-tape.

Then again with the beatings.

I will never be allowed to die, because the government isn't even sure if I'm injured yet.

If you really loved me you'd kill me.

1:59 AM - 6 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Excerpts

Fun and exciting excerpts from me funcitonal capacity evaluation (read "how broken are you?")

date of injury: January 26, 2004

date of evaluation by the man to see if maybe i shouldn't teach gymnastics anymore: June 9, 2006.

"In referring to the supplied job description, Mr. Kidd falls in to a high-risk category.."

"He appears low-speed qualified for assembly type work."

"Based on the job description provided, Mr. Kidd does not appear to be capable of safely returning to his pre-accidental job position.."

"demonstrated capabilites: occasional - 10lbs; frequent - 5 lbs; constant - 3lbs"

"physical demand classification of worker: sedentary"

So at some point now I'll go see a feller what will create a recomendation for what I should be retrained as, before being released into the wild on my own reconnaissance.  I'm intensely curious about this next bit, and I'm voting for either piano player or mad scientist.  I think dictator is a sedentary postion also.

1:41 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Everything but the monkey's uncle.

So I was prety sure I'd tried every possible remedy for the herniations and pain, including some odd rituals with cat litter that are illegal in 34 states, and was merely waiting for the man to punch my papers so I could get the first of a wonerful string of surgeries.  Then the wife comes home with some sort of pain-easing cream and several lidocain patches that were recomended to her by some chaps she works with.

Well, a fist full of the cream, three lidocaine patches and two beers later it was a pretty nice night.  Though from what I understand those weren't the ratios they suggested.

12:18 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

catching up

So I was told that my blog is broken, for it appearanlty explains little more than the myspace page.  However, it never occurred to me that people I haven't seen in years would find me and enquire.

So I created this myspace account because some strange man has been impersonating me in pictures and posting them about, such as the following:

Though I'd like to point out that I have better legs, and a nicer butt; my hair is not curly, and that he really just frightens me.  Though I do wonder why my friends would ever think that is me.  I hardly dress like that since I got married.

So I was coaching gymnastics and I caught an unusually large 10 yr old that was moving at a rather alarming speed towards some ceiling supports and away from his mighty coach (me).  My disks at L4/5 and L5/S1 popped like greased pigs through a cat door.  Luckily, the workman's comp insurance has assured me that little is wrong and closed my case, so I'm in the process of suing to reopen it so I can get surgery.

Yes, I've tried all the other options.

Now I'm going back to school since I can't function either as a working acrobat or a gymnastics coach.  Even my fallback plan of Wal-Mart greeter is closed to me, though I happily report that I received a letter inviting me to join the AARP shortly after my MRIs were done - swear.

Several more years and I will be a doctor of physical therapy, and I will search out the fat kids of the world, and they shall sweat and run for every person who has asked me how I'm feeling on this day.  I hurt, I always hurt; somedays I hurt more, but I always hurt.  I also make noises like my grandfather when I move around, so thank god I got a woman to marry before this all happened.

It sounds rather miserable, and it is, but I'm quite happy mostly due to my lovely wife, otherwise I might be a smear on some sidewalk.

2:55 AM - 4 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment