Let’s talk Cubs

(Note: Anyone who knows me knows that I am a die hard Cubs fan. This blog is being written in lieu of me having to find some rope and a tall tree after witnessing the Cubs get swept by the LA Dodgers in the NLDS.)

At the beginning of this baseball season, after watching the Cubs lose in extra innings to the Milwaukee Brewers, I wrote a blog. In that blog I wrote how even though the Cubs lost a close game, they looked really good. More than that, they looked special. They looked liked a team that was primed to bring a World Series title to the North Side of Chicago that has been 100 years in the making.

As the season progressed, it seemed that as if my original blog was prophetic. The Cubs raced out to an early division lead and never dropped out of first place since mid-May. They sent a team high 8 players to the All-Star game. 8 players! The only real injury all year was to Alfonso Soriano and he only missed 42 games.

At seasons end, the Cubs had the best record in the National League. They scored a league high 855 runs and gave up the 2nd fewest runs as well. They tied a team record with 5 players with 20+ home runs (Jim Edmonds would have been 6, but he finished with 19 playing part time). They didn't have a Manny Ramirez or a Alex Rodriguez and they didn't need one. Offensively, this roster produced all of the way through the lineup.

Their pitching was among the best in baseball this year as well. Ryan Dempster and Ted Lilly had 17 wins each. They traded for Rich Harden who produced a mind boggling 1.77 ERA for his new team. Kerry Wood, against all odds, converted to the Cubs closer and was dominant. Chris Marmol and the rest of the bullpen were as close to lights out as any bullpen in baseball. And if you didn't think this was a special year yet, then the amazing happened. Carlos Zambrano pitched the 1st Cubs no-hitter since 1972.

So, after playing the best season as any Cubs team in my lifetime, the Cubs headed into the playoffs as the favorites to go to the World Series. This was going to be the year. Generations of Cubs fans who have been waiting, who have been pleading with the baseball gods, we thought this was going to be it. The White Sox got their championship. The Red Sox got 2 of them. Why shouldn't the Cubs get theirs? But alas, the Dodgers played better.

There was no billy goat. There was no black cat. There was no fan interference. There was lots of poor play though. The Cubs only lead this entire series was 2-0 early in game 1 after a Mark DeRosa homerun (kudos to Mark for having 4 of the 6 Cubs RBIs this series).

What's a Cubs fan to do? Let's face, everyone who bleeds Cubs blue is hurt tonight. After this special season, expectations were high. So I am going to do what every other Cubs fan is going to do...I'm planning for next year. And here are some of the things on my wish (it would take a genie to grant these wishes) list:

1) Sam Zell...sell this team to Mark Cuban!!!! Unlike Zell, Cuban cares about winning. Zell bought the Cubs because it was part of the Tribune company with the sole intent of breaking the company up and selling the pieces. Cuban is one of several bidders, but he is the only one I know who will commit resources and increase Cubs payroll. We're talking Steinbrenner-esque payrolls here people. Assuming Cuban gets the team, then I'd like to see...

2) Sign CC Sabathia. CC is the 1 free agent this year and adding him to the rotation would give the Cubs a starting 5 of Sabathia, Zambrano, Dempster, Harden and Lilly. As unlikely as signing Sabathia is, this rotation could be the greatest starting 5 in the history of baseball.

3) Let's shore up the bench. Daryl Ward and Ronny Cedeno are adequate, but better players are out there. Jim Edmonds had a great year, but he's probably not re-signing. Keep Reed Johnson and Mike Fontenot. They played with heart all year. Let's bring up Micah Hoffpauer and find some good bats to come off the bench on the free agent market.

I don't expect the NL Central to be difficult net year and the Cubs should run away with it again. Even if they don't make any changes, the rest of the division will likely get worse. The Brewers will drop off. The Pirates and Reds are the Pirates and Reds. Barring anything unexpected, St Louis and Houston will be middle of the road non-contenders.

The table is set for next year. Can the Cubs win their first playoff game since Bartman? Can they win their first pennant since the billy goat? Can they win their first World Series since Teddy Roosevelt was president? So, like every other Cubs fan in the world, we wait for next year. Year 101.

5:52 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

random complaining

I can't say that I was always a pessimist. I have always been a cynic. I knew that people act in their best interests and rarely make even the most minor of sacrifices if it were to help "the greater good". But lately, due to my inability to spend much time in the outside world, I have spent much of my time reading news reports and opinion pieces on the state of affairs in the world. I have come to the conclusion that the world sucks and is full of stupid people.

Let me give you a few examples to support this opinion:

1) The New Yorker reported that the US is spending $500 million on intelligence gathering and anti-government actions inside of Iran. This is a plan developed by stupid people that is going to make the world suck more. Iran has made it no secret that it is developing a nuclear program for energy. The US thinks that there are weapons based motives as well. Iran insists that it has the right to protect itself. And in that effect, Iran is giving money and material support to insurgent fighters in Iraq in order to destabilize the US-led Iraqi regime. Iran, US, and Israel are just a misunderstanding away from a full war. And it is all the US' fault.
Back in the day, Iraq had a democratic government and was emerging as the power of the Middle East. Because Iran acted with its own self interests in mind, it became a threat to Western powers in the Cold War world. The US overthrew the government and placed the Shah of iran in power. This guy was a brutal dictator and it didn't take long for someone to aspire to conquer that government. Along comes the radical Islamic Fundamentals. Who promise the people a democratic regime and a life away from the decadent West who imposed this Shah. After a brief Civil War, the Shah was overthrown and living in exile and the fundamentalist republic we have come to know and love has been in place ever since.
This type of government is very hostile towards the US and poses a threat. But it is our best interests to leave them alone. Why you ask? Because 80% of the Iranian population is sympathetic to Western causes but sees any foreign interference as a threat to their sovereignty. This means, if the US can back off for 20 years, the Iranian population will correct its own government.

2) Last month, in a Texas community, a local mosque delivered copies of the Koran to several hundred homes. This community is in an uproar. My favorite comment from a citizen who had received a copy, "Of course I'm mad, if I tried to pass out Bibles in their country, I'd be shot!". Why is this story even making the news? Why is this woman given TV time? Lady, you don't live in some other country where religious expression is dangerous. You live in the US of A and people have as much right to pass out a Koran as others pass out the Bible or Book of Mormon. Be grateful that you aren't forced to read this book and you can throw it away if you want. Or better yet, read the stupid book. Reading it wont automatically convert you and maybe you'd learn a thing or two about some of your neighbors and their beliefs.

3) President Bush has rescinded an executive order banning oil drilling off the US coast. This is mostly symbolic because there is a Congressional law banning the drilling as well. President Bush has called on Congress to lift the ban and is blaming Democrats for doing nothing to help cash strapped Americans.
What President Bush isn't telling us is that drilling will not solve the energy crisis. It is the equivalent of putting a bandaid on a gunshot wound. But President Bush is dumb and he has ridiculously low approval ratings and it's an election year. He's a lame duck and he doesn't know any better. Congress, for their part, has done nothing since taking over. President Bush does stupid things, Congress sits their with their thumbs up there butt waiting for Obama to become president. DO SOMETHING!!!
Some individuals are trying to do things to help on a large scale. Visit PICKENSPLAN.COM and see a fascinating video on how this man is trying to build a wind farm that will generate 22% of this country's power needs. Al Gore is calling for a mandate that all electrical power needs are from renewable resources in 10 years. He wants to do it like Kennedy did with the moon landing. The thing is, we can. We have the technology to eliminate our need for foreign oil and we wont have to drill offshore, we wont have to drill in Alaska and we will be poised be a world leader in using renewable resources. Besides Pickens' wind farm, solar energy farms in our deserts and wave farms off the coasts would generate Gigawatts of power. With an annual power consumption of 2.4 trillion MWh, and solar and wind accounting for less than 1% of that total, there is room for improvement. I encourage everyone to write Congress and their state legislature and push the importance of these programs. They should encourage legislation that forces new construction to incorporate solar panels and other renewable energies in the design.

4) The US has to bite the bullet and raise interest rates. We have reached that awful point where the benefits of low interest is outweighed by the costs of inflation. Housing prices will continue to fall and mortgages will continue to be difficult to get, but gas prices will come down, food prices will come down and your dollar would go further. The US is coming off one of the greatest economic expansions in history. We knew the bubble would burst, but by overcorrecting we are causing more harm than good. This is a capitalist system and smart people will develop new industries and new ways to grow the economy (probably by investing in renewable energy). It's time for the government to step back and realize they are doing more harm than good.

In conclusion, the world sucks and people are dumb. But there are smart people out there who can make a difference. Let's make the world suck a little less. Even if that means we make a minor sacrifice for the greater good.

This blog is not funny or even interesting, so I am sorry. But please go to pickensplan.com and see what he is doing. It's pretty cool. As always, I invite criticism and comments from anyone who reads this.

10:07 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

It’s Finally Next Year...
Category: Sports

It’s March 30, 2008 and it has been 100 years since the Cubs last one the World Series. It’s Opening Day at Wrigley Field and the Cubs are begin this campaign defending their division crown against last years runner up, the Milwaukee Brewers. And after watching this game from first pitch to final out through 2 rain delays, I have concluded that the Cubs are going to win the World Series this year.

It’s been 100 years. Some years held promise, most held none. But this year is different. Carlos Zambrano pitched 6 2/3 scoreless innings and the game was tied 0-0 going into the top of the 9th. This is when the wheels fell off the bus. Kerry Wood game in after a phenomenal Spring to pitch the 9th and on his 1st pitch...he hit the batter? By the time the Brewers were done they had plated 3 runs and the Cubs went into their half of the 9th down by 3. This is when I realized this year is different.

1st up in the 9th for the Cubs was Derek Lee, 0-3. He hit a single. Next Aramis Ramirez, 0-3. He drew a walk. Then came Katsuke Fukudome. By far the Cubs most successful batter of the day. 2-2, including a double and a walk. He got ahead 3-0 and forced Eric Gagne to throw a strike, 3-1. The next pitch was over the heart of the plate and Fukudome wasted no time sending it soaring over the fence in right center! The game was tied! The game was tied! Could the Cubs come back? The Cubs failed to plate the winning run in the 9th. We were going to the 10th.

Cubs pitcher Michael Wertz came in and couldn’t get the job done. He gave up a run and the Cubs would come to bat down again, but by just one run and the top of the line-up due up. Would they score the run? Could they do it again?

The first batter was Ryan Theriot. Theriot was 0-4 on the day and had looked like a retard trying to do algebra at the plate in his earlier batting attempts. Ryan fell behind in the count 1-2 before hitting a ground ball that almost broke through the middle. Theriot was thrown out at first. 1 out.

Next up was Alfonso Soriano. No walks here, this guy is a hacker. But he can get it out if he connects. the first pitch, strike 1 swinging. The next pitch, ball. The third pitch got fouled off and was tracked down for an out. 2 outs.

Derek Lee was the potential last batter. He hit that single in the 9th, could he get magic in the 10th? It wasn’t meant to be. A pop out to shallow center field. Cubs lose...Cubs lose. Just like many years before, the Cubs begin their season 0-1.

But it doesn’t matter because THIS year is different. This team looked better. They struggled against Milwaukee pitching. The bullpen faltered in the 9th AND 10th. They lost the game. But this year is different. Carlos Zambrano looked awesome. Katsuke Fukudome has a great approach to the plate and roamed right field like an All-Star. And most importantly, their are 161 more games in this season before the playoffs. 161 more games until the Cubs make the playoffs and begin their run towards the World Series and end 100 years of futility. 100 years of "next year". And while I have only been alive long enough to have seen 28 of those 100 years, I have witnessed my heartache. The collapse of ’84. ’98, when the Cubs won the wild card and Kerry Wood won Rookie of the Year. ’03 and Bartman. And finally, 2007s comeback to win the division only to be swept by Arizona. This year is one game old and it feels better than all of those campaigns combined. The magic is in the air and I feel it. Other Cubs fans feel it. The Cubs players feel it too. Look out MLB...it’s finally next year.

3:34 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Greg Snyder...C’mon Down!!!!!

As you can see from the title...I was a contestant on the Price is Right today.  Before going into the details of this story, I would just like to say...this was the best fucking day EVER!!!

It all started 3 days ago. I was playing around the internet when I stumbled on a site for tickets to the show.  I asked and I asked mmy friends if they wanted to go.  No one would commit, but I figured, I'll get 2 tickets and i'll go by myself if I have to.  Fortunately, on MOnday, my good friend Christine said she would come.  I told her we would have to leave at 4am and I told her about the lines, but she was still game.

We arrive at the studio at about 5:30am.  And we go through the processing and we wait and we wait until the time comes for the show to get taped.  The show didn't start until 1:30pm.  We got inside and we had great seats.  We sat right behind contestants row. It was awesome.  And when the show started I knew my name was going to be called.  And then something unexpected happened.  One by one contestants were called and games were played. but they never called my name.  I was severely disappointed :-(  Then the announcer told the audience that they didn't have enough audience members for the 2nd taping.  I asked my friend if she wanted to stay and she agreed. She was a little trooper by the way, she was starving and she stayed anyways.  The only rule was that we had to go register again.

The 1st time we registered, we were interviewed by the producer.  He asked us a few questions and he moved on.  I tried to be witty and interesting, but he owned the conversation.  I didn't stand out.  I told myself I was going to make an impression the 2nd time through. 

Now, when my interview came up, the producer recognized me from earlier. Let's face it, I'm a giant ogre and I don't blend well in a crowd.  He had been politely asking the people in front of me what they liked to do for fun and was working his way towards me.  Then my turn came.  "Come back for more Gregory?", he said.  "What do you like to do for fun?"< he asked.

I looked him straight in the eye and I practically yelled, "What do I do for fun?  I dream about spinning that big wheel on the Price is Right every night.  And you can help me accomplish that dream.  And I'm willing to tell you whatever I need to tell you in order to make that happen.  You want me to be a cop, a firefighter, or ex-marine? You want me to say it's my birthday, anniversary, or tell you I'm dying?  I will say whatever it takes and all you need to do is give me that chance and I will make it worth it."

He said, "Okay.  You're number 144. I'm gonna call number 145".

I thought I made an ass of myself and i didn't think I had a chance in hell. But the then, after the first 3 contestants spun the wheel...it happened.  "Gregory Sn...".  I didn't even wait for the rest of my name. Now, I was sitting in the back.  Where I was sitting, there was suddenly a Greg shaped cloud.  You see, I took about 3 steps and was on contestants row jumping and screaming like an idiot.  I couldn't believe it.  And before I could catch my breath, Drew Carey said, "What's the next item up for bid?"

I didn't hear what the announcer said after that.  All I saw was a sofa. It looked okay.  Drew looked at me and asked me for my bid.  I said, $1675".  I then waited for the next 3 bids.  "$900...$1150...$1400...".  Miraculously, the other 3 all bid less than me.  I started praying for Drew to say a big number.  And all I heard was, "2 thou...".  I didn't hear the rest and I started jumping up and down and the arrow in front of me started blinking telling me to gut my fat ass up stage. 

I jumped up there and was greeted by Drew Carey.  He shook my hand and he kind of gave me a pull to go over there.  I told him, "Just tell me where to go".  He looked at me and said, "You're the biggest guy I've had on the show. You'll probably go wherever you want."  He follow that with, "If you're that excited about a couch, how'd you like to win a new car!!!"

Now the stage door opened and I saw a bumper before I started running around like a chicken with its head cut off.  Drew was finally able to calm me down long enough to get me over to the game I was supposed to play.  It was Pathfinder. For those of you who don't know, you start in the middle of a board filled with numbers.  You stand on the 1st number of the car. Mine happened to be a  2.  Which meant a $20,000+ car.  You then step on what you think is the next number and if you're wrong, you go back.  If you're right, you try for the next number. You can nullify 3 mistakes by guessing the price of some random items.  I looked at the car and then I looked at the numebrs and I figured the next number had to be a 1. It was.  1 down, 3 to go.  Now, I had hundreds of people screaming the next number to me.  But all I could do was look at the board.  And I quickly figured out, that if I tried certain numbers, they would lead me to a deadend.  I was able to guess the next 2 numbers leaving me 1 to go.  Also, I was on the side of the board. I couldn't go the way I came. That left only 2 possible numbers.  I still had my 3 chances left.  I looked at Drew and said, "I can't lose!" I then stepped on the wrong number.  "Wah Wah!!!!!", went the horn of failure.  But I didn't care. I quickly picked a prize and guessed the right price.  I then jumped onto the only remaining number. After what felt like an eternity, bells started ringing and I finally realized I won a car.  Now, it went to commercial before I stopped running around. 

All that was left was for me to spin the Big Wheel and try for a dollar. Since I was the biggest winner, I spun last. Unfortunately, the guy ahead of me got a dollar :-(  I only got 95 cents.  But, they did tell me that I had the longest spin in the hostory of the show!!! Iwas so stoked about winning the car, I was actually rooting for the other guy. He only won the bid and lost his game, so he didn't win much. 

In the end, this was a fantastic experience. I am so greatful for the opportunity and I can't wait to collect my new Pontiac G6 (and my sofa).  Thanks for reading. 

9:39 PM - 10 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

You have got to be f%$@ing kidding me!!!

All of my best stories seem to happen at the grocery store, and this one is no exception.  Earlier today I went to the store to buy some dinner.  I happened to be in line behind a guy who was buying a gallon of milk and some baby formula. To pay for this purchase he used his WIC checks.  For those of you who don't know, WIC is a program in CA that provides milk and other baby food items to low income families.  I happen to think it is a good program and we shouldn't punish young children for their parents inability to make money or to avoid fucking. 

But after this man made his WIC purchase, he pulled out his cash to pay for the third item in his cart, a 12 pack of Bud Light.  This is something that I have a HUGE problem with.  You see,  I have not yet reproduced. I'm not married and I don't own a home.  All of this means that I get royally fucked when it comes to paying taxes.  You see, the government feels that the people who use the least amount of public services, should pay the most.  And while I believe that paying taxes is as American as apple pie, I don't like seeing a first hand account of the mismanagement of that money (I haven't forgot about you President Bush and your Iraq war). 

With this in mind, I felt I had a responsibility to pose a question to the gentleman making this purchase.  So I asked him, "Are you fucking kidding me?".

"I'm sorry", he relied.  "What do you mean?"

"Why am I buying you beer?", I asked him.

He replied, "You're not.  I'm paying cash for the beer.  And why is it any of your fucking business!?" 

"It's my fucking business because I pay the taxes which is giving you the extra money to buy that beer.  Now don't get me wrong, if I was poor as hell, I'd probably want to drink until that was a blur too. But I wouldn't be asking strangers to pay for it!", was my response as he was walking away.

Here's my deal.  I think that a program like this is important and again, we shouldn't punish kids for their parents being jackoffs.  That's a little ironic because if he would have jacked off, he wouldn't have this kid that I have to pay for.    Anyways, I think that these people should have to pick up their milk and baby food and whatever form a central processing agency.  People who use WIC already have to attend classes in child rearing, why not give them thier milk there?  And while you're at it, making then submit to a blood test too.  Anyone who has drugs or alcohol in their system could then have their child taken away and given to a family that knows how to pay bills, find a job or function within society. 

I'm sure some of you have some opinions on this, I welcome them. Feel free to post your comments.  Thanks

9:02 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

You can't choose your family?

You don't get to pick your family. It's a sad cliche that is used to justify every crazy/stupid/fanatic that is unceremoniously tied to you through blood. The other half of this cliche is that you get to pick your friends. I was fortunate enough to go to a wedding last weekend where 2 of my best friends tied the knot. These are 2 quality people and having them as friends makes me a better person. I have decided to officially adopt some of my friends as family and distance myself from certain relatives in order to show that you may be born into a family, but that doesn't mean you can't pick your family.

Before I continue, I owuld like to note that I have some awesome family members. While most of them have their faults, they have the ability to overcome those faults and still be quality human beings. But many of them owe their troubles to one person....

Grandma- Ladies and gentlemen, my grandmother is evil. Not mean. Not misunderstood. Just evil. This is a woman who doesn't keep her money in the bank because Hitler didn't finish the job. This is a woman who, at my mothers funeral, asked my dad to return the wedding china they received as a present because grandma wanted to keep it in the family. This is a woman who will never die because there isn't a enough room in hell for her and Satan. She will simply degrade until she is nothing more than a black heart beating in a glass jar. Some of you will think I'm being rough, I invite all of you to visit her and see for yourself.

While my grandma has had a negative influence on virtually everyone she has contact with, she is still just an old lady sitting alone and pretty much just waiting to die. While I choose not to associate with her, I don't wish her pain and suffering. In contrat to her, I have been good enouh to have some very positive influences in my life.

My father has always been one of the hardest working people I've known. I actually use to resent him for it. He spent too much time working and not enough time with me. I dind't understand that he was doing it to provide an example of what a man is supposed to do to provide for his family. And he did more than enough. We never had everything, but we always had more than enough. thanks!

My mother had it very rough. She struggled with many issues that stemmed from the environment the evil one provided during her childhood. And while my mother lived in constant pain, she always did her best to shield my brother and I from the effects of her destructive childhood. My mother got a raw deal and she did the best she could with it. She left us way too young and I hope that if she is somewhere else, she knows how much I love her and miss her.

Gaining Jacob as a friend definately led to a turn in my life. My introduction to his family showed me that hard work is important, but a CEO can work just as hard as a janitor. It's not just about hard work but smart work. I learned about leveraging myself and getting the best return for my hard work. And that I should reap the rewards of that work.

Steve and Sneha are the happily married couple that I referred to earlier. While they are also hard working, that is not the quality I associate with them. They have taught me about the value of family. Not just because they are starting a family together, but because of the relationships they have with their parents and extended family. The example they set has encouraged me to talk more to my father and to look for and appreciate the qualities in someone that I may want to marry in the future.

Donny is the quintessential example of someone who does what he wants to do. Donny is breaking into the horse racing/breeding industry with no experience, no friends in the business and no "in". But that doesn't stop him because that's what he wants to do. He has returned to school for a degree in the field. He got an internship at a race track. And he has shown me the importance of doing something you like.

What's the lesson? We learn about life from our family. But they're not perfect. We need to look elsewhere to fill in some of the gaps. I could have ended up an alcoholic who is depressed and suicidal. I could be into drugs and barely able to hold a job. But I'm not. Those all could have been lessons I could have learned from members of my family, but I was able to recognize what I wanted and I have seen those characteristics that I want to become apart of me in my friends. We don't have to limited by our genetics. Recognize and overcome those obstacles and keep your friends close and those family members as far away as possible (When necessary).

11:49 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

The accomodations we make for stupid people

Has anyone noticed, that in an attempt to make the world as fair as possible, that society is trying to bring everything down to the lowest common denominator?  For example, little Billy is in 3rd grade and has a problem with fractions and spelling.  Does Billy repeat the 3rd grade?  No.  Billy moves on to the 4th grade because we don't want to hurt his self-esteem because he was held back.  Boo fucking hoo.  I don't blame the teacher. He/she has 30 kids and in the end, it's up to fucking Billy to pay attention.  This means that Billy is either stupid (and needs to be held back) or lazy (being held back would be a wake-up call that you need to work in life).  Either way, promoting him along is not doing him any favors. 

There is a huge difference in making sure that everyone is equal and everyone has the equal opportunities.   It's a slippery slope saying that everyone has a chance to go to college and everyone should go to college. Let's face it, everyone shouldn't go to college.  Just like everyone shouldn't be a millionaire.  The value of a million dollars would go way down.  Everyone in our country has the opportunity to go to school and work hard and put themselves in a position to go to college.  There just has to be a value in it to the kid.  Whose fucking job is it to instill values in kids?  That's right Mom and Dad, wake the fuck up!  Because your the ones who bitch at the teacher when they want to hold Billy back.  But your also the ones who told him he could do homework after watching The Simpsons and eating his ice cream.  Your the ones who told him that he could stay home because he was tired or had a stomachache.  Everyone believes their kid is the smartest, cutest, fastest, whatever.  Wake the fuck up!  Everyone has some natural talents at this, that or the other thing.  But there are still dumb kids, ugly kids and fat kids.  Parents, do your fucking job and raise your kids to have a work ethic and your children will grow up to embrace their talents and overcome their faults.

With that I mind, I have a few guidelines for parents or for people who are thinking about having kids:

1) Brace yourself...your kid might be dumb. It's ok though, because I'm looking for a housekeeper and I don't plan on hiring a lawyer for that.

2) Don't tell me how cute your kid is if its obvious he/she fell out of the ugly tree.  Maybe he/she is a late bloomer?  Probably not.  Hopefully rule #1 doesn't apply though.

3) Unfortunately, a small number of kids will be both ugly and stupid.  God doesn't hate them.  You probably shouldn't have drank during the pregnancy though.

4) If a teacher tells you that your kid is behind. Don't blame the teacher.  It's not worth 40K/year to deal with your kid and your shit.  But it might be time to take your kids XBox away.

5) If your daughter gets pregnant at age 15 because you think birth control is permission to have sex, then you're a horrible parent.  And now you've raising a grandchild to make bad decisions too.  Way to keep the cycle going.

6) If you ever let your kid do a book report by watching the movie, you should be publically whipped.  Kids are always going try to find the easy way out.  But life is not easy and it's your job to make sure they are prepared for that.

7) Don't be pissed at spoiled rich kids. They have rich parents who probably worked hard to get where they're at.  Let's face it, you'd do the same thing if you had the money.

8) Self-esteem is extremely important. But if your kid is 13 and can't read,  he/she shouldn't feel good about themselves.  And neither should you.

9) In the end, having a kid is fucking voluntary.  Take your pill, wrap up his dick, and do everything you can to avoid passing on your retarded genetics to the next generation.  Society is getting to the point where we need to treat people like pets.  I want to see Bob Barker come out at the end of The Price is Right and say, "Help control the population, spay or neuter your ugly, stupid and fat kids!"

I'm interested in your feedback.  It's easy for me to throw stones, I don't have kids.  I'm trying to avoid passing on my ugly, fat and stupid genes :-)

8:50 AM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Am I the only one who hates grocery stores?
Category: Life

Why is it that evertime I walk into a grocery store it is a giant test of my patience?  I am a bachelor in my late 20's and I only look for a few things in my shopping experience: geographic convenience, selection and a quick check-out process.

In America, finding the first two are easy.  Supermarkets are everywhere and have everything.  But why the fuck is it so hard to check-out every goddamn time I go shopping?!  Up until today, I thought it was the grocery stores fault. They never have enough registers open and I am always in line with 5 items behind the woman with a full basket. 

But it's not the stores fault, its the fucking shoppers.  I figured it out today when the woman in front of me in line was asked if she would lik epaper or plastic.   The bitch replied, "Neither, I like it when you put a paper bag into a plastic bag."  What the fuck it that shit?  And that wasn't the worst part.  Her total was a little more than $200.  "Oops", she said. "I forgot I have coupons".  She then reached into her purse and handed the clerk about 20 coupons he then had to scan in.  Her new total was about $150 and it was now she decided to pull out her checkbook and begin to fill it in.  She got about 75% done when she said, "You know what? I'll just pay cash".  She put away the checkbook and pulled out her wallet. After fumbling around with some bills she looked up, "I don't have enough cash, I'll just do a check".  And then she went back into her purse and pulled out the fucking checkbook again.  I am standing behind her with 7 items and a desire for the ability to kill someone with my mind. 

When this bitch finally leaves and the clerk starts to scan my items, before he was finished I had already swiped my club card and my debit card. I had entered the pin and was simply waiting for a total.  I got my total, hit the "OK" button and took my bags and left.  It took me about 30 seconds. Why is this process so fucking difficult for  some people? With that in mind I am proposing  rules for shopping that all shoppers need to abide by:

1) No fucking checks- ATM cards are free, quick and easy.

2) If you don't give the clerk your coupons before you get your total, tough shit! 

3)  Paper or plastic? Fuck you! You get what they give you...Deal with it!

4)  If you have to dig for exact change, then you probably need to increase your reserves.  Take the change they give you.  Money's money.

5)  If an item scans the wrong price and it's less than a dollar, then you have to get out of line while they verify it.  My time is obviously worth more than yours.

6)  Take a look at the line behind you before you decide to chat it up with a clerk.  We don't care about your new baby or if your grandson is getting married. Move it along!

7)  If your kid starts screaming because you wont let him/her grab candy, then anyone in line should have the option to spank the kid.

8)  Hey, Jerry Maguire.  Put the fucking phone away and show the clerk the money.

9)  10 item maximum for the express lane is not a fucking recommendation. Get in the right line or lose a few items.

10) If they card you and you're under 21. Don't beg, it's not becoming. you'll be 21...someday.

11) If they scan your cartload of shit and you forgot something, I'm not a good samaritan.  You don't get to make me wait while you run around the fucking store.  Go back later.

12) Use the fucking divider.  It's there so I don't pay for your shit.

If you have any more rules that you think I should add, send them to me. All good ideas are accepted.

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