Better to be a criminal than a square

I'm actually having second guesses about writing this one I can just see it being read in a court room.However let me just say anything I ever did that was illegal has all been taking care of and I have paid my dues I do not condone or recommend you share or are encouraged to break the law.Breaking the law is bad and NO! Do you hear me don't you ever break the law bad human.I'll put you in timeout if you break the law yes I will.I knock that ice cream right the fuck out of your hand.Oh you want to be like that guy in the movie with all the freedom and not a care in the world well guess what! Just because that guy does whatever he wants and gets the hottest chicks and has the greatest stories and the most lived life, you think that gives him the best life?Sit in you chair and blankly live a world where you don't think you react and you can't understand your neighbors because you forget about what it's like to have a thought? I don't even know if that last statement was a question but I promise you I'll put a question mark anywhere I damn well please.And do you think the guy who named the question mark might have just been trying to help us solve a mystery?!!!That would be wild if Mark Saw a murder but was locked in a basement with no mouth parts.Mouth parts sounds like something I would order at a robotic Orthodontistry shop office.Wait what?

10:04 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Better to be a criminal than a square

I'm actually having second guesses about writing this one I can just see it being read in a court room.However let me just say anything I ever did that was illegal has all been taking care of and I have paid my dues I do not condone or recommend you share or are encouraged to break the law.Breaking the law is bad and NO! Do you hear me don't you ever break the law bad human.I'll put you in timeout if you break the law yes I will.I knock that ice cream right the fuck out of your hand.Oh you want to be like that guy in the movie with all the freedom and not a care in the world well guess what! Just because that guy does whatever he wants and gets the hottest chicks and has the greatest stories and the most lived life, you think that gives him the best life?Sit in you chair and blankly live a world where you don't think you react and you can't understand your neighbors because you forget about what it's like to have a thought? I don't even know if that last statement was a question but I promise you I'll put a question mark anywhere I damn well please.And do you think the guy who named the question mark might have just been trying to help us solve a mystery?!!!That would be wild if Mark Saw a murder but was locked in a basement with no mouth parts.Mouth parts sounds like something I would order at a robotic Orthodontistry shop office.Wait what?

10:04 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Burn something then!!!

Oooooooooooooooooohhhhhh it sits in my stomach like ah useless onomatopoeia used at the beginning of a blog.This roller coaster is making me feel stabby.Crack my knuckles and give the fucktard at the light the 5 times look.You gotta do it real fast ,everything. Is it really that important to try and make a girl cum when all they really want is your jism in them. If my fist had ovaries I'd kiss it softer before fucking it in the ass.What are the stages for wiping your ass called? The mop the sop  the swipe the swoop and the Lionel. The last one's called the Lionel to make sure your not dragging any shit around like a tiny blue blanket which by the way would look awesome hanging from your ass. I think people should wear ass ornaments. Girls are showing there ass crack anyway go ahead and stick a flower in there or maybe a Popsicle.If girls were walking around with Popsicles melting down their asses their would be a lot more wiener in the gyro action! I hate it when you bite in to a gyro and all you can taste is that old chick in the cellar with the patches of hair on her gut.Why is Duck Sauce called Duck Sauce ?Is it because when you use it as a lube your dick goes ...Quack? If I can't slap asses then why are my hands perfectly ass shaped? How many things can you add to the waffle house hashbrowns before they no longer taste like poor? I once got mad at a girl for light getting in her eyes. I should've been mad that she got upset when I said she should pluck her chin hair instead of combing it back.

8:33 AM - 9 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Oh so you heard

Yeah it happens and it happened. George Carlin did what he wanted and was admirred immitated and idolized. He help bring comedy to an ever evolving level and made most comedians look like Open Mikers still wearing their aprons. He talk shit and about it it.He made us question perception the English language politics and the way we treat each other. George Carlin looked good saying"fuck you!!". I just wanted to say thanks for the laughs.

2:12 PM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

So I hear your stupid

I like it when people admit that they're stupid,which is commonly followed by"oh your not stupid" by someone who knows damn well that this person is in fact stupid. I like to think of myself as under educated but still with plenty of room to learn and yes sometimes stupid. I think I'm smarter than the average person but I don't think thats saying much. I don't have all of our states capitols memorized nor can I work a trigonomic theory with tons of scrap paper.I can however sit outside your house while you think I've forgotten about you and stick a knife in your kidney. I can wait till your asleep and throw a dead body through your windshield then light it on fire. Thats stupid for ya.Try explaining that one. I can let you think your better than me just long enough for you to feel comfortable then break the sink in the men's bathroom with your head.Ya like that ? Does that sound like something you may be interested in. I'm not a tough guy or a bad ass but I will cut you with the understanding that you won't take me to court and I won't show up anyway. What are you gonna move? You think I won't dose you then fill your mouth with hair and glue then shit in your eyes? You wanna roll the dice cuz I have those ingredients and I know you have eyes so let's do the glue hair poo dance tonight. One time when I was watching you walk to you car I thought that's the kinda guy I'd stab in the thigh then light on fire.See you around.

1:02 PM - 8 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Another of Floyd’s perfect blogs

Dirt was a freshman, I was a junior

I saw a guy wearing a tie and overalls. He looked like a lawyer on Dukes of Hazzard. People always tell bums to get a job. What they don't realize is sometimes on applications there is a section that asks about number of teeth. And the question, "have you ever eaten Spaghettio-s from a shoe?" That's almost always a deal breaker. The best is when a bum is hitch hiking. Yeah, jump in, I was looking for a navigator with diarrhea in his hair. I was watching The Bachelorette because I'm apparently homosexual and no one told me. Twenty square jawed meatheads in ties trying to out monkey each other for this belle of the ball. She makes out with three of them in an episode and then breaks down like she's accepting the oscar because she didn't give a rose to three guys who I'm pretty sure she didn't know their names. I give it two thumbs up. Your butt.  Have you seen Midget Kiss. I don't care how short you are, Kiss sucks.  I was at Denny's and the cook  (a lady) had an eyepatch. It said Born To Griddle on it. I had no idea that griddle could be used as a verb.  I was beaten up by a grown man when I was a kid and years later I had to wait on him in the restaurant I worked at. I was so dissapointed that he didn't have any children I could punch. Remember when people thought cell phones would give you tumors? That shit went out the  window with blue tooth technology.  As long as I look like I'm in Star Trek the Next Generation give me a tumor. And if I turn a certain way it looks like I'm talking to myself. Scoreboard !   I think it is ironic that when you say "mission accomplished"  alot of people think of George W. Bush. Okay, I'm questioning my own existence now. I was watching So You Think You Can Dance. Total American Idol rip-off.  The judges are a british asshole, a nice overly enthusiastic possibly drunk woman with super fake teeth, and then the guy who came up with the choreography for the California Raisins.

9:37 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

this silly shit

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZikbTyxyjk

sorry about last post so here it is hahahaahahahahahahaa!Mad weenerie

5:23 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

www.tbt.com

I'm up for Best Bartender contest you can vote once a day until June 22nd I believe so vote it up.Otherwise it's gonna be another long year of lackluster blogs. Do it for funny people.

10:41 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Don’t eat sunscreen

..TR> ..TABLE>

8:00 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Don't eat the sunscreen

It probably taste like it smells. Ever look at a group of women and try and guess who takes care of their pussy less. It's weird to see a hot chick with a unkempt vag, and equally as disconcerting to see a ugly chick with a well manicured hoo hoo. Girls sure do spend a lot of time and money making sure it's clean and presentable. I trim for the most part the shaving is way to uncomfortable and anyway what am I cutting the time on my backstroke? Sometimes you can start to trim and end up with a shave. No bueno. I once wrestled my balls into a headlock and soaped them up for a good wistful shaving then got distracted left the soap on them and it look like my balls had psoriasis. Are there a group of charitable strippers who occasionally make their rounds in hospitals cheering people up? I grew up believing this was true. I somehow mixed up candy stripe-rs for candy strippers. Either way if it's not happening I'm gonna make it happen. Positive reinforcement will go a long way in the road to recovery. Ask your alcoholic mom how she feels, every time you fall asleep in the living room with your dick out,about no longer drinking.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Thats right keep shoveling With gas this expensive who needs a reason to stay in. Stimulus check more like here's your money back in a lump sum go spend it on our gas and our price gauging products. Oh by the way when your done pulling the barbwire out of my dick could you take away more of my civil liberties. I feel like I'm drowning at a party full of def people. Not that they wouldn't hear my screams but def people are notorious bad swimmers and terrible lifeguards. The environment is going to shit right? Aren't we taking a huge risk by debating this. What cock fuck is against us improving the environment. Not a common man not the person who has boils from poisonous reservoirs and power lines. Not the poisoned soil families with soft teeth and little girls looking like Bull from Night Court. Why no Fuck Telethons? Come on Porn Industry save the world with your mostly natural resources. I wish I could fly. I would fly over the Senate and Pee on everyone. I capitalized pee in that last sentence because after peeing on the Senate that action would be known as the great pee. Homework assignment everyone, start writing your State Rep and list your grievances. Also if you  haven't already spit in a dogs mouth they like it I like it, everybody wins. 10:52 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment