an egoist learns through getting dumped and ignored
Current mood: here
Category: here Life
on the day after my birthday, i can wholeheartedly say that the past year sucked.
first, i got dumped via e-mail and in retrospect, i think the fucker was probably entertaining ideas of being with a shitty artist that lives on the west coast. i mean, her paintings make some of the first graders i subbed for look like Renoirs. anyway, getting dumped like that is pretty hard to get over. even though we did not live in the same city, i think a phone call would have been kinder. so i hope his asshole implodes. i see no reason to feel otherwise. the total coldness with which i was just dismissed really surprised me. and what does it say about me to totally place my faith in someone just because he says he loves me, will help me, goes on and on about how talented i am, how special i am, how much i mean to him blah blah blah fucking blah? it says i am a needy egoist who needs to get her shit together, that's what it says. the pain of the whole situation has in many ways been worse than when i dated a guy who died. i would much rather this happen because the other guy did not deserve to die, but i loved this man more. i believed him. i thought we were a team and i wanted to help him however i could, so it has been more painful because the rotting fucking resulting stink stems from my own poor judgment.
and one of my "close" friends never calls, never returns calls; never e-mails, never returns e-mails. she keeps in touch with others, but not me. i only except that "i was so busy excuse" in times of real crisis---natural disasters, sickness, trauma. because if someone cares about you, they make the time to talk to you. they make the time to see you before you leave town. if they do not, you know where you stand and frankly, it ain't close by. so she can fucking eat Tompkins Square dog park shit. people who have so many problems--- consumed by their own business, chemical dependencies, or other bad luck stories--- and then use these things to avoid friendships and love or as excuses for why they cannot give need to buy a plane ticket to the Grand Canyon and jump. you already live like you are dead, so why not just be dead? the only reason i can see for such behavior besides a REAL mental condition is trauma brought on by severe physical abuse/cruelty. the rest is just laziness, fear, and a lack of consideration. i got several other friends who are nutshit crazy and busy as muthafuckas, but they always stay in touch so that sums it up.
and finally, this past year i felt consumed with death, even more than usual. perhaps because of the above situations; perhaps because of the ghost book. i believe that we go on and there are spirits, yet i do not easily fall for psychic phenomenon or many of the stories in my book.(hello, has anyone heard of PR stunts?) but i still believe there is a God and that our world---which should be understood through science and not creationism---contains things that will never be explained. our minds cannot even fully grasp what time is, let alone what we are. that may be because it is so simple; i am not sure. but i really find myself disillusioned with organized religions. these dogmas all contain good aspects of God, but in the end, being meek while waiting to inherit the earth just ain't my style. i resist anything that encourages me not to. it is hard for me to imagine that God wants that. i includes Buddhism in this as well. it often gets a free pass in religious discussions because of its gentle nature, but some of it is just so... gently horrible. i find it hard to imagine why anyone would spend day upon day just meditating. thinking and feeling, yes, but not speaking or interacting with others makes no sense to me. i think it is a cop out to lock one's self in a room, never live the risk of life, and maybe not speak for 40 years. suffering exists on many levels and i know that i am going to die, yet i see no reason why that means i cannot enjoy something of the physical world, whether it is cheap wine or sex or lobster or conversation. i do not understand why people portray God as a dictator who created this world for us not to enjoy. living like a virgin hermit is not something to admire
A Billy Carter Crisis
Current mood: handsome
Category: damn, i’m handsome News and Politics
A Billy Carter Crisis:
if John McCain wins this November, our country faces what I call "A Billy Carter Crisis". two reasons lead me to this conclusion: Sarah Palin's family and Cynthia McCain. John McCain looks like he loathes both of these women. Palin is the new Lyndon B., baby. and Cynthia McCain is the right's answer to Jackie O. though she wears a lot of red to evoke memories of the golden Reagan years. anyway…
Todd Palin looks like new pop country. real mavericks like Johnny Cash or Merle Haggard would stomp kick his ass, but he has something to prove. if McCain wins, Todd will buy a cobalt blue Camero which he sets on forty-inch chrome rims. he will then proceed to pick fights with people like me over parking spaces. such antics will result in repeated butt whoopings for Todd. Sarah strikes me as the kind of woman who can throw back a few beers or snort a few lines, but never allows it to interfere with her goal of running the world. Todd will be so wasted that he uses the "red phone" to call Roger Clinton for advice. this, after he uses it to order Papa's Johns for some real goddamn Italian food. country does not always equal ignorant just as city does not always equal smart. everyone suffers some form of ignorance, but when your ignorance stems from close-minded greed rather than lack of experience or knowledge, disaster looms. that whole damn family gonna be an issue.
and poor Cynthia. do they not have food on the campaign trail? looks like Todd could rustle up something for her to gnaw on---a squirrel, a possum, anything. she appears nervous, cornered and in need of someone to actually listen to her. whatever she uses to soothe her nerves no longer works. (SEE: PILL POPPER) if she makes it to the White House, her future consists of many picnics with Betty Ford on the south lawn.
(this also appears at: http://culturekitchen.com/user/tara_parks)
Nancy Reagan Red: Thoughts on an Election
Current mood: annoyed
Category: with the shit News and Politics
i tell you what, them there GOPs sure don't want to be associated with Bush. it's like they are trying to channel 'ole Ronnie, right down to their refusal to listen to song lyrics. "Born in the USA"; "Barracuda". choose songs about abused Vietnam vets and vicious bastards and make 'em your own! anyway, that poor Cindy looks like she is one rung short of downing the last of her pain pills, borrowing a gun from Palin, and climbing a rooftop. they pulled her hair too tight. she looks very unhappy having to imitate Nancy Reagan all the time.
for the love of God, it is hard to believe how elections are run---either party. "make sure to resemble an icon; make sure to be Ivy League." (and btw, Cindy is not on the ticket.) so what if Sarah Palin comes from Alaska? it is part of this country. from what i can see, she is a raving idiot, but Alaska has nothing to do with that. yet that is the first thing a lot of people jumped on, as if it is a crime to be from a certain place. the same hateful rationale exists behind claims that Obama's name is not American. how absurd. his name represents the diversity of our country. Alaska represents diversity, too. it consists of numerous native tribal groups, gays, straights, men and women. yes, there are white people there, but the last time i checked my status as a white person, it was considered American. and lo and behold! i think there are blacks livin' up in 'em hills, too! how ignorant to assume otherwise. how ignorant to say that someone cannot live somewhere because it does not represent your stereo type of that person. Palin should not represent our country because she is one gun short of a militia, not bc of where she lives and who lives there with her.
but really, even as a progressive, i see nothing wrong with owning guns. just saying...i would much rather focus on equal education opportunities, housing the homeless, feeding people well, health care, and equal rights for everyone. not extra rights, but equal, no matter who you are---white, black, yellow; man , woman; gay, straight; all religions. gun control always gets dragged into elections because it is something that both sides can argue without having to take real action for or against. you can either pretend to give a shit about rights or safety. some people in rural communities need their guns to hunt for food. it is not gross. what is gross is relying on huge factories to mass produce your meat with antibiotics and food coloring to extend size and shelf life for profit. also, when you live in the middle of nowhere, safety is a factor. when such people do the same things in other countries, we praise them for living off the land and maintaining the old traditions. but here, we put them down. think about that as your cultured ass bites into the next tasteless Whopper.
(this also appears at: http://culturekitchen.com/user/tara_parks)
perhaps you remain ignorant about Lee Greenwood's great contributions to this country; if so, allow me to enlighten you with this renaissance of patriotism:
i believe that one of the most patriotic things we can do as a country involves relighting the Towers of Light at Ground Zero for the Fourth of July. but instead of a white light, the light should reflect Lee Greenwood's face into the New York nighttime sky. kind of like the Bat Signal, but way more patriotic. in fact, whenever anything goes wrong in NYC or even from the lakes of Minnesota to the hills of Tennessee, that Lee Greenwood Light should shine steadfast and bright.
Now a Proud Member of the National Writer’s Union...
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
...so let's strike!!!
oh, wait, that's the Writer's Guild of America. i don't write scripts...yet.
i joined yesterday and was approved today. for the last however many years---well, i guess since i quit acting---i have had no insurance, so i go to clinics or pay cash. as a former member of SAG, my insurance eligibility and coverage type was based on my performance earnings or days worked on set in a given year. once i no longer auditioned and my commercial stopped running, i saw no sense in staying with them bc i no longer wanted to act.
the way i understand it, the NWU offers insurance based on tax proof showing that i earn as a writer instead of waiting until i earn a certain amount as a writer and then opting me in. they provide dental and life insurance to members in all areas of the country while offering other medical coverage to select areas of the country, working everyday to expand/improve this coverage. and when i move again, i am sure i will have access to that other coverage--- i.e.,BUTT DOCTOR, etc. etc.---based on the states i have narrowed my moving search down to. plus, i need some kind of back-up if something goes wrong with the release of my book or any other work i take on. i know, i know--- i thought the BUTT DOCTOR knew all about back-up/release issues, but it turns out i need lawyers to wade through the shit, too.
and as always, i would like to thank The Eyebrowless Wonder of the West for her invaluable input and support of my career, for without her, i would not have gotten this far in my "dry writing".
Shortlisted for Trim Swift Festival, 2008
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Writing and Poetry
recently, i learned that i was shortlisted for the Trim Swift Festival, 2008. i was the only American to make the cut. please take the time to read the winners' work, which is posted on the website: http://www.boynewriters.com/swift.html.
Competition for Satirical Work in Commemoration of Jonathan Swift
Subject:
The Lisbon Treaty referendum: a Modest Proposal. or Global Warming – a Lot of Hot Air
WINNERS Place Author Topic Prose/Poetry 1st Marie Gallagher, Kildare Lisbon Treaty Prose 2nd Peter Goulding, Dublin Global Warming Poetry
3rd Janet Fisher, Essex Global Warming Prose
COMMENDED Author Topic Prose/Poetry Conor Gallagher, Dublin Lisbon Treaty Prose Maureen Gallagher, Galway Global Warming Prose Paddy Halligan, Cavan Global Warming Prose Oliver McDonagh, Navan Global Warming Prose Gaberiel Stella McDonnell, Meath Lisbon Treaty Prose Roy Murray, Trim Lisbon Treaty Prose Tommy Murray, Trim Global Warming Prose Jamie Ward, Monaghan Global Warming Prose Tara Parks, USA Global Warming Prose
The winner read at the Swift Festival closing dinner on Sunday, 1st June. Thank you to all who entered.
Obama: Just like Everyone Else but With Bigger Ears
Category: News and Politics
i am so tired of stupid people---people easily swayed by speeches and sound bites and balloons dropped from ceilings while vague statements about change make their heart swell. "revolution!!!" um, does the policy in the article below sound different from anything George W. did for the last 8 years?
i am seriously considering my right NOT to vote this year. i am sick of voting against people like John McCain. there is not much difference between the two candidates, except Obama has big ears and McCain looks like he is storing nuts for the winter. one seems hip and one appeals to conservative people. the Oval Office will either be occupied by Alfred E. Neuman or Alvin from the CHIPMUNKS. i got my $300 rebate. what more could i ask for?
Obama pledges to back Israel against terror threats from abroad by Hannah Strange
Barack Obama today pledged to put America's alliance with Israel at the heart of his foreign policy, as he used his first speech as the presumptive Democratic nominee to counter accusations of anti-Israeli bias that have dogged his candidacy.
In a speech to the American-Israeli Public Affairs Committee, the country's most prominent pro-Israeli lobby, he challenged emails "filled with tall tales and dire warnings about a certain candidate for president" - referring to suggestions that he is a secret Muslim with a hidden agenda.
"Let me know if you see this guy named Barack Obama, because he sounds pretty scary," he said.
Instead, he insisted, he was a "true friend" of Israel and regarded its security as his top priority. As President he would authorise a further $30 billion in assistance to Israel over the next decade, he added.
Crucially, he insisted Jerusalem must always remain the capital of Israel and must never be divided, a pledge enthusiastically received by the 7,000-strong crowd.
To loud applause, he declared his "strong commitment to make sure the bond between the United States and Israel is unbreakable today, unbreakable tomorrow, unbreakable forever."
"Israel's security is sacrosanct, it is non-negotiable," he went on to say.
In a wide-ranging analysis of regional problems, the senator pledged action on the challenges to Israel from Hamas, Hizbollah, Syria and Iran, characterising the latter as "the greatest strategic threat in the Mid East to the United States and Israel in a generation."
On Monday, the Republican nominee-in-waiting John McCain expressed disgust for Mr Obama's declared willingness to meet President Ahmadinejad of Iran without preconditions. "It's hard to see what such a summit would gain, except an earful of anti-Semitic rants and a worldwide audience for a man who denies one Holocaust and talks about starting another," he said.
Mr McCain went on to declare that Mr Obama's plan for a withdrawal of US troops from Iraq would "result in a catastrophe" and a potential terrorist sanctuary in the heart of the Middle East. This, he said, "would profoundly affect the security of the United States, Israel and our other friends".
But Mr Obama dismissed such claims, painting a McCain presidency as a continuation of the "failed policy" that had lead to a Gaza controlled by Hamas extremists, an emboldened Iran and an America hamstrung by its involvement in Iraq.
"We must be clear-eyed about the failure of today's policy," he said, proposing a phased withdrawal from Iraq and a tough diplomacy with Iran based on "meaningful incentives" and the threat of further sanctions.
Military action against Iran would "always remain on the table," he added.
"I have no interest in sitting down with our adversaries for the sake of it," Mr Obama stressed. Pledging that any such talks would take place only after careful preparation and close coordination with allies including Israel, he said: "I would be willing to lead tough and principled diplomacy with the appropriate Iranian leader at a time and place of my choosing and only if it can advance American and Israeli interests."
And in a swipe at President Bush, he said he would not wait until "the waning days" of his presidency to push for a peaceful solution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.
Outlining a vision of two nations "living side by side in peace and security," Mr Obama spoke of the need for a "cohesive and contiguous" Palestinian state. However he would never force concessions on Israel but only help resolve stalemates, he said.
"Any agreement with the Palestinian people must preserve Israel's identity as a Jewish state, with secure, recognised and defensible borders," he insisted.
There could be no negotiation with Hamas until it had renounced terrorism, acknowledged Israel's right to exist and stood by existing agreements, he said, noting that he had opposed 2006 Palestinian Authority elections with Hamas on the ballot.
But, he insisted: "A secure and lasting peace is in Israel's interest, it is in America's interest and it is in the interest of the Palestinian people and the Arab world."
Mr Obama was followed on stage by his vanquished rival Hillary Clinton. She once again resisted calls to concede defeat but told the audience "he will be a good friend to Israel."
Harvey Korman died yesterday. he knew comedy. we went to the same drama school, though of course, i was ahead of him by a few years.
i love his work. RIP, Mr. Korman. we have lost some great comedians. Madeline Kahn and Richard Pryor among them. i thank all three for their work on "Blazing Saddles". in recent years, both Gene Wilder and Mel Brooks have been sick. Cleavon Little is gone, too.
here are some vids of Mr. Korman. when i was a kid, the first vid made me want to know more---meaning, i knew it was funny, but knew i was missing out on many of the jokes. thus, i became very interested in early Hollywood. later that year, i had a birthday party where i dressed up as Gloria Swanson.
handsome
annoyed
accomplished