I am a very perceptive person.I surround myself with people that posses the same quality. Lately my best friends and I have all been deceived by people we thought we could open up to, people we DID open up to, and people we GAVE our hearts to. We saw nothing but the good in these people we so whole heartedly entrusted.
My problem is this. I give humans the benefit of the doubt. I swear. I could make a serial killer look like a good person. Now, none of these people that deceived us were anywhere near serial killers, but figuratively speaking, I could. I think it's sad that giving people the benefit of the doubt is considered a bad personality trait. It almost makes you seem weak, but anyone who really knows me and I mean REALLY knows me, knows, I am not weak. I am emotional. I live to love. I stand by my words and I expect others to as well.
Someone I thought cared about me once said, "You're easy to break down." Imagine someone you loved telling you they KNOW they have gotten under your skin and hurt you and because of that they are turned off. They walk away. Now why would you want to see me broken down? Why would someone want to be apart of breaking someone down? When someone is broken down they loose the inability to be themselves. Their confidence goes out the door and it is NOT because they are weak. It is because they have been manipulated into thinking they are not worth it. Being with someone means building them up, not breaking them down. And newsflash, I AM WORTH IT!
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I do not understand insensitivity. That is one thing I just DO NOT and WILL not ever understand. That, my friends, is a good quality. If I don't GET it I will never BE it. So here I am. Living and learning. I don't regret letting down my guard and I don't believe any of my friends do either. Each one of us has learned something new. REAL knowledge is best gained from experience. We now have that experience. Heartbreak is embedded into our minds and now we are building up a tough skin that naturally comes with living life. No more baby skin.
One of my friends said to me tonight, "I hate going to sleep because then I dream about him. I just want to stay up all night." To the people who have broken us down. Please, get out of our dreams. Let us sleep peacefully. Let us rest our eyes without the fear of seeing you. Allow us heal so that we can once again become ourselves, the people we were meant to be. Allow us to recapture our freedom. The freedom we had when we were little girls chasing nothing but butterflies, post heartbreak. May our dreams be sweet.
I won't loose faith in mankind. I still believe in the good. I don't want anymore reasons to believe the contrary so please, don't give me any. If only we could eliminate pain and suffering we would find that truth exists. These people may not be serial killers but what they unknowingly did was attempt to kill off our last bit of hope. I still have hope. We still believe. Love is possible.
And to you. I didn't see it in you, but it was in you.
MUSIC FOR SHOPLIFTING FROM THE GENIUS P.O.S
Current mood: determined
These words (a clip from his song, Music For Shoplifting) are from someone who has lived a completly different life than me, but I understand and feel his words. The genius in my mind...P.O.S
This is for those who can't pay the rent Run out of toilet paper Find the sunday paper Wipe your ass with the President This is for them thugs Who done crack, but stopped Cause they saw first hand, what crack does This is for all the artists who know their work is just a drop in the ocean but do it anyway, hoping This is for everybody who carrys the world's weight But stands up straight Put a hand up, Try to relate
GET TO KNOW ME!
Current mood: creative
Category: Life
Q:WHAT MADE YOU SMILE YESTERDAY? A: Chris
Q: WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT 8 THIS MORNING? A: I got up and then I went back to sleep
Q: WHAT WERE YOU DOING 15 MINUTES AGO? A: Finishing my homework (yes people, i go to school)
Q: SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU IN 1995? A: I was the biggest HANSON dan EVER
Q: LAST THING YOU SAID ALOUD? A: HAHAHAHAHA
Q: HOW MANY DIFFERENT THINGS DID YOU DRINK TODAY? A: I drank ISAGENIX body cleansing for life juice and water.
Q: WHERE IS YOUR BEST FRIEND(s) RIGHT NOW? A: At school missing me!!!
Q: WHAT COLOR IS YOUR TOOTHBRUSH? A: Purple and green...
Q: WHAT IS OUT YOUR BACK DOOR? A: A patio and a bunch of crazy college kids
Q: LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? A: Frozen Veggies
Q: LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? A: A guitar signed by B.B KING!!!!! So amazing!
Q: WHAT COLOR IS YOUR FRONT DOOR? A: White
Q: WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR CHANGE? A: In a plastic bag so it wont ruin my wallet. Is that weird??
Q: WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE TODAY? A: SF FOG!!!
Q: BEST ICE CREAM FLAVOR? A: I don't eat ice cream but I am obsessed with Frozen Yougurt....My favs are peanut butter, banana and irish mint!
Q: SOMETHING YOU ARE EXCITED ABOUT? A: My music. It is what keeps me a live. It is unpredictable....
Q: LAST RAINBOW YOU SAW? A: On the back of a car....a sticker..yeah i live in sf.
Q: WHAT SIZE SHOE DO YOU WEAR? A: 8 1/2 or 9
Q: DO YOU HAVE ANY SISTERS? A: No. One amazing 17 year old brother
Q: ARE YOU VERY RANDOM? A: FROGS
Q: DO YOU WANT TO CUT YOUR HAIR? A: I want to change it like every other month. At the moment I am content!
Q: ARE YOU OVER THE AGE OF 25? A: Nah
Q: DO YOU TALK A LOT? A: To much sometimes
Q: DO YOU WATCH THE OC? A: Guilty
Q: DOES YOUR SCREEN NAME HAVE AN '' X '' IN IT? A: YEAH XXXTAYLORLEEXXX, haha NO!
Q: DO YOU KNOW ANYONE CALLED STEVE? A: Yes, Actually like 10
Q: DO YOU MAKE UP YOUR OWN WORDS? A: It's the only way to go
Q: ARE YOU TICKLISH? A: God yes
Q: ARE YOU TYPICALLY A JEALOUS PERSON? A: Nah, no time for that
Q: NAME A FRIEND WHOSE NAME STARTS WITH THE LETTER "J": A: 3 Jakes, Jackie, 3 james, 2 Jamies, 2 Janets, Jasmin, 2 Jasons, Jeff, 3 Jens, Jesse, 4 Jessicas, Jill, 2 Jims, 2 Jo's, 4 Joeys, 10 Johns, Jules, 3 Justins and 2 Justines.....DAMNN THATS A LOT
Q: 4TH PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALLS? A: Jonathan Lally
Q: WHAT DID THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED SAY?: A: Whats that chiks name again?
Q: DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS? A: No
Q: DO YOU HAVE CURLY HAIR? A: Yeah I straighten it.
Q: WHAT IS THE NEXT CONCERT YOU'RE GOING TO? A: Jacks Manniquen or Regina Spektor...
Q: WHO IS THE COOLEST PERSON YOU KNOW? A: Ellen and Janina, and Bex bc i respect her a lot. And of course Chris!
Q:WHAT SAYING DO YOU SAY A LOT? A: Hellllaaaa
Q: WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? A: Green Beans
Q: DO YOU WATCH TV? A: Yes, MTV, E, The Cooking Ch. The News and Vh1 mostly..
Q: WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU FOUGHT? A: Physically prob with my brother when I was little. Verbally, I had an argument about an hour ago ):
Q: DO YOU HAVE WORK TOMORROW? A: School. I start work soon.
Q: EVER BEEN HUNTING? A: Nah couldnt do it. My grandpaw used to tho.
Q: IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE? A: Id love to think so. I am very skeptical of everything right now. My parents are divorced and almost all of my friends. I think our generation needs to bring TRUE LOVE BACK!
Q: WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID "I LOVE YOU" AND MEAN IT? A: Today. To my mom, my roomate, chris, my dad and brother
Q: WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DOING RIGHT NOW? A: Taking a shower
Q: DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? A: Rock Star, Crazy Allllyyyyyy, Al and my brother likes to call me Albert!!!!!
Q: DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? A: Lust at first sight
Q: YOUNGEST PERSON IN YOUR FAMILY? A: My little cuZ Sommerset. 10
Q: ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER? A: I think I am a normal sleeper.
Q: LAST TIME YOU USED A SKATEBOARD? A: My best guy friend is am amazing skater, so I believe when he tried to teach me. i love u nicky gaston!
Q: BEST MOVIE YOU'VE SEEN IN THE PAST TWO WEEKS? A: Taladega Nights??? lol
Q: WHAT KIND OF CELLPHONE DO YOU HAVE? A: The verizon version of a side kick. LG
Q: WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? A: The new Danity Kane record...I check out all kinds of music. It sounds good! Those girls worked hard.
Q: ARE YOU CURRENTLY DEPRESSED? A: Depressed now, no. Have been tho...It's a serious thing and I believe sometimes needs treatment. One of my best girlys was depressed and she overcame it. She is a true inspiration.
Q: DO YOU THINK ANYONE MISSES YOU RIGHT NOW? A: I always miss my family, old friends, friends and chris....and yes...I believe there is someone missing me right now.
Q: SOMETHING STUPID YOU'VE DONE IN THE PAST WEEK? A: O lord. I hurt a friend and didn't mean to. At the moment I am trying to make things better.
Q: FAVORITE COLOR?
A: Black, White, Turquoise, Hot Pink, Green...actually like everything
Q: NAME SOME FAVORITE BANDS.
A: Tom Petty, Hanson, Jacks Manniquen, Regina Spektor, Sublime, 3rd Eye Blind, Atmosphere, The Matches, Something Corperate, Etta James, The Used..so many bands.......I could go forever but those are a few favssss!
Q: WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE?
A: I just got rid of my hugeee Ford Expedition and got a Jeep Liberty, black! SO MUCH BETTER ON GAS!
Q: WHAT COLOR IS UR HAIR?
A: What color isnt it??? lol
Q: FAV QUOTE?
A: "Don't wander through this glassy surface, expecting to find more than me, cause what am I without a purpose, but a lone mirrage to see." -Hanson, A Song to Sing
AN IDEA ON LOVE
Current mood: melancholy
Category: Life
An Idea On Love
How we glow over these novels of passion, when the story is told with any spark of truth and nature! And what fastens attention, in the intercourse of life, like any passage betraying affection between two parties? Perhaps we never saw them before and never shall meet them again. But we see them exchange a glance or betray a deep emotion, and we are no longer strangers. We understand them and take the warmest interest in the development of the romance. All mankind love a lover.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson, from "Love" Essays: First Series, 1841
I came across this "quote," (and I put quote in quotes because it is more of a paragraph of ideas) I fell in love with it because it really applies to my life right now. I believe that there are people in this world that you have a sepcial connection with and it takes over your whole body and there is nothing you can do to control it. I have met a few people in this world like this...For some reason you just care about their well being more than others. Wether its because of common intrest or maybe you were friends, lovers, or just passed by them in another life, you care. This feeling can be just a feeling of deep friendship all the way to a passionate love. Whatver it is, it is powerful and something I believe everyone will or has experienced in their life. The eyes are a powerful thing but when the heart acts on it, your life is changed forever.
IF MYSPACE WERE REAL- THIS IS HALARIOUS!!!!
Current mood: crazy
Hay guyzzz,
A friend of mine posted this and I thought it was HALARIOUS and SO TRUE!!! Comment and post anything else you think would happen if "MYSPACE WERE REAL." ROCK ON!
Tila Tequila would know everyone in the whole world.
You would struggle over the time it takes someone you like to add you to their top 8.
19 year old boys wouldn't own shirts and 19 year old girls would not own pants.
If you're a fat girl, people would only see you from the shoulders up.
People would be able to photoshop out pimples on their face.
Girls would always be posing, cheeks sucked in and lips puckered two feet off their face.
Your attraction to someone would be based on their favorite clothing label, their favorite band, and a survey.
All females are bi and all males drive import muscle cars.
Most people would walk around with a full size mirror 2 feet in front of them.
Your driver's license would have hearts around your name or quote from an emo song.
The phrases "Yo," "your hawt," or "hit me back some time" would attract the opposite sex.
Bands with 3 song demos could book stadium tours.
Lesbian women would not allow anyone with a penis within 50 yards of them, not even to deliver a pizza.
It would be perfectly acceptable to blurt out any random filthy perverse sexual thought at any random woman/man you thought was "hawt" as a first greeting.
It would be no more unusual to see a man walking around displaying his erect, naked penis than it would be to see random women running around in a g-string w/nothing covering their breasts but their hands.
You would look your very best at all times.
Some people would be holding their right arm out straight in front of them at all times.
Everyone would make $100,000 a year or higher.
There would be alot of underage strippers in the world
There would be a lot of youthful looking 99 year olds.
Blogs would be required reading and any random thought in your head would be shared with everyone.
Everywhere you would walk, an image of Angelina Jolie would be behind you.
Forbidden would actually be hot.
You'd have a friend named Tom creepily following you around giving you bad news constantly.
It wouldn't be odd to have Brad Pitt in your circle of friends.
Hello Kitty would be a real person.
Conversations would sound like this "How are you?" Sent. "Good, how are you?" Replied.
During a long conversation you'd have to say "Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: all right, well call me later."
When it was time for bed you would say you're "Undergoing Maintenance."
You would have to paint your walls using Thomas Myspace Editor codes in your apartment.
Stewie from Family Guy would be your best friend.
In your circle of friends you would hang out with Scottsdale bars and clothing lines.
When someone said something funny, you'd actually roll around on the floor and laugh your fucking ass off.
"Friend Whoring" is equal to STD's.
"Fuckin MySpace!" is the only universally known term in any language to show anger.
At nights when you are asleep you would get people running in your room that you don't know saying. "It's 4 a.m., I can't sleep, someone talk to me."
Bands go to your house and ask you to give them a listen because they see that you like a band they sound nothing like.
Anytime you walk into someones house they have the same video or song playing all the time, non-stop for three months straight.
People would run up to you, tell you a random message, and you'd have 17 minutes and 13 seconds to pass it along before a ghost came to your house and raped your dog.
People would inexplicably be stuck in their homes for hours unable communicate with the out side world because some asshole put up a large white wall in front of every door and window with a note attached saying Sorry but an unexpected error has occurred
YES, MY SITE WAS HACKED...
Current mood: disappointed
Hay guys,
So many of you were deleted from my myspace account becasue yes...my account was HACKED. I woke up one morning last week to find someone had deleted all my friends, pictures, music, comments, blogs, emails, layout and whatever else you can delete. It was cruel. Anyway, please help me get my friends back!!! Myspace did not have my profile saved on their data base so I lost EVERYTHING! I NEED YOUR HELP! Please copy and paste the code. Thank you to thoes who have continued to support me! To you, I thank!!!
hopeful
crazy
determined
creative
melancholy
disappointed
Hay guys,