every beginning has an end
Current mood: blah
Category: Life

There's always a time in your life where you realize the past is the past, and you must now face a new beginning.  I have felt that coming at me for awhile (maybe a month or two), and I think I finally read the last page of that chapter.  I'm single again.  In a weird way I'm happy because it's been such a strain on me mentally that I didn't know what to do anymore.  I always try to fix things, and when there's nothing to do...I get lost.  I had hoped for the best and gave it my all, but I guess it wasn't meant to be.

Jisun was my first true love.  Everything before I thought was love was really nothing in comparision.  It's something that I learned that cannot be taken lightly, and I have no regrets.  I lived and learned, and even though I'll probably be messed up for awhile...it was worth it.

I kind of wish that I could go back to the way I felt awhile ago when I was on top of the world, but it will happen in time.  My life is full of ebbs and flows, and I'm looking for the tide to rise again.  I have alot to look forward to, but in truth I'm not looking forward to anything.  Life is just blah right now.  Maybe I need a totally reversal, and move to a far off land. 

I guess we'll see... 

haha that last line is really funny

mikey j

Currently listening : Fast Times at Barrington High By The Academy Is... Release date: 2008-08-19

8:28 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

this is not my heart
Category: Life

Wow so I haven't written one of these bad boys in awhile.  Sorry.  I guess alot has happened since the last post, but I've been searching for the career job lately.  It's a long arduous process, but I have a few possibilities left here in the area.  If it doesn't work out in a week or two I'm gonna start looking away from the Southeast I guess.  We'll see right?

Peg legs is slowing down and I have had to miss three shifts due to the tropics this last few weeks.  I hope after Ike it's done. 

So yea life has changed alot for me especially since my girlfriend left.  I'm trying to not get sucked into feeling sorry and drinking away my savings.  I'm trying to do positive things like take care of my house, my money, my job, and doing some reading and other activities I used to enjoy.  I miss it though...  I miss her alot sometimes as well, but that was to be expected I guess.

I remember coming home a few years ago when I had nothing, and I don't feel like I have nothing, but I also feel like it's a new beginning.  I try to force myself into the new, but it's definitely an adjustment.  I'm just hoping it gets easier with time. 

We'll see right,
mj

Currently listening : Superstar Car Wash By Goo Goo Dolls Release date: 1993-02-23

6:28 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

attention blognation
Category: Life

So yea sorry it's been awhile for the 1 to 2 avid readers of my blog.  I really hope my mom dropped her subscription to this.  Anyways life keeps moving along.  It's kinda crazy how things change in my head, and ideas that I had a month ago have evolved into something else. 

I've been working a bunch lately, and that's been alright I guess.  I'm ready to move on to bigger things I guess, and I've been trying to get a career job lately. It's tough but rewarding, and I have an interview tomorrow morning.  I know it's only a matter of time before I find something, and luckily this time time is on my side.  It's exciting and nerve-racking because anything can happen.  Nothing is holding me here in Pensacola so I maybe leaving soon, but who knows?

My girlfriend is leaving in a few weeks.  It's hard to wrap my head around that, but it's coming.  I'm gonna miss her very much, but I think we can make it through any situation.  Anyways that's the hope, but only time will tell. hmmm

I'm excited for football season, and I'm excited for a change of pace.  I always wondered when it would happen, but it's here.  Here hopefully soon

mikey j

8:11 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

down to me
Category: Life

I think the last few weeks have been theraputic to me in many ways.  Sometimes stress does weird things to you, and you lose focus on things that make you happy.  My brother just got married a few days ago, and I couldn't be happier for them.  To see the way that they look at each other...it's just something that I hope for myself one day.  It makes me happy to see such a great example in front of me.

Now my brother and I have different philosophies on life, and I know I can't be him...I can just be me.  I can only do a relationship mikey j style.  So I know I've made some mistakes in the past and I'll continue to make mistakes, and I can only hope that I keep living, growing, and learning.  I feel good at this point in my life right now....everythings not perfect...not even close...but I feel like I'm getting closer to the person I've always wanted to be.  It'll be a self-improving battle till the day I die. 

One thing that I hate is that I think I am more jaded with my trust in all sorts of relationships, but I think that's what happens when you get older.  Innocence and ignorance is bliss, but when you're as smart as me those things fade fast because you just realize that even the ones that love you put themselves first. 

In certain circumstances I haven't been putting myself first lately, and I think that that's good in certain ways.  I'm learning to be more selfless, but I still think I need to look out for number one.  It's all balance again.

If anyone has got this figured out better let me know, but in the mean time I'm going for a run...thanks for letting me clear my head

mj

Currently listening : Before Everything & After By MxPx Release date: 2003-09-16

4:11 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

there is no light
Current mood: apathetic
Category: Life

I know I'm about to make alot of stupid analogies, but they make sense to me so bear with me if you're interested.  None of my teams have ever won a title.  Not the Chargers, the Mariners, the Fresno State Bulldogs, or the Seattle Supersonics.  I've never gotten what I expected out of anything in my life, even something as dumb as a sports team.  Maybe I wish for too much, or maybe I'm just cursed.  I have been pleasantly surprised in many cases, but more often then not I'm disappointed.  Not that I don't realize or understand what's going on, but sometimes I wish I could suspend reality and shape it to fit my dreams.  By far the biggest disappointment in my life was leaving Annapolis.  Not that things didn't work out in the end, but my expectations for three years were crushed and left to die.  Somehow I feel that way right now with every relationship in my life, and not that I deserve better because I don't, but it's still not what I had hoped for.  I know you're gonna say well that's life, and that's true, but it doesn't mean I can't feel disappointed.  I feel like life is mostly out of my hands, and even though I'm not really religious, I find myself asking questions without answers.

I guess I can only hope that one day my good surprises outweigh my bad surprises, and that one day my expectations will be met and maybe even exceeded.  But until that day comes I think I'll always end up disappointed

Currently listening : I-Empire By Angels & Airwaves Release date: 2007-11-06

12:50 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

blackjack
Category: Life

I keep reminding myself that life is just a ride.  That sometimes you're up and sometimes you're down, and it's how you deal with it is what matters.  Now I know I'm not perfect by any means, and I'm not sure if I've dealt with things in the right manner when things were up and when things were down.  I was in biloxi a few days ago at a blackjack table at the IP where I asked the dealer what I should do (hit or stay).  Now she didn't tell me what to do specifically but she hinted about it.  I busted and I lost that hand and I said hey, "Even when you do things right you lose sometimes and sometimes when you do things wrong you win sometimes, but in the long run the right call will always get you further."  I looked around the table and felt like I had just said one of the most wise things that has ever came out of my mouth.  Life is like that I guess.

Either things happen or they don't...

be prepared for both and I'll try to take my own advice

love you,
mikey j

Currently listening : Blue Skies, Broken Hearts...Next 12 Exits By The Ataris Release date: 1999-04-13

11:59 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

keep it real pensacola
Current mood: adored
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

Now that the hurdles have been sufficiently been cleared, it's finally time to start the next chapter of my life.  I'm in no rush mind you, but I am going forward.  Still many uncertains, but isn't that the fun part?  Tomorrow my resume should be completed, and then the real process should begin.  I've already heard a few possibilities and offers.  I guess it's been a lot lately...besides graduation I just got over some stomach flu/ food poisoning ordeal.  It was terrible.  I had never experienced anything like it before, but it sucked cock.  Don't ever eat at Tudo...they don't cook their food, they just make you shit 80 times in two days.  The last part was unnecessary, but I'm okay with that.

I thought it might be really hard to part ways with my old job "peg legs", and possibly even leave pensacola, but it's becoming easier.  By not working as much, it's easier to look at Peg Legs from an outsiders perspective rather than the guy that has to return your half eatten over-cooked dinner special.  Some people work there are there because they want to, and for a good solid 2+ years I was one of those people.  It was perfect for my situation, I had fun, I made decent money, and the people were fun.  However, now I'm entering my third summer and I'm still working with most of the same people who for the most part are doing the same thing they were doing 2 and a half years ago.  Either that or they have babies now.  Not that that isn't a good thing or a bad thing...I'm just over that part of my life now.  I guess I'm a tool now right?

Quit blaming pensacola and look in the mirror, because yes I am better than you

jk

love,
mikey j

2:47 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

respect or lack there of
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Life

I can respect being told almost anything, and responding in a polite manner.  There's one lesson out there that many many people have never learned:

"It's not what you say....it's how you say it"

I guess I learned that a long time ago and even reinforced it at the Academy, but I've run into a few situations over the past week, for whatever reason, people have said things to me in a disrespectful way.  I'm not the type of person to take it and turn the cheek either; I'm the type of person to throw it back in your face and treat you with as little respect as possibe.  Childish.... yes ....  Mean..... absolutely.... Effective .... Hell yea

I'm gonna try to say things that will be easier to shallow for everyone around.  It's something that I will focus on because I hate it, but don't cross me unless you want your shit to be thrown back....harder

In other news I graduate in a week!!!!!


sweet

7:46 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

swirling in your face
Category: Life

It seems like things are going great, but there is so much unknown that  I can't help and worry a little.  I guess I'll always be good at that...damnit.

I can't believe that school is almost over....

I feel like I'm looking pretty solid headed into finals, but you never know what type of problems I may run into...I'm working my hardest to get through this last semester.  I've never had this much pressure, but I'm handling it very well.  I can't wait to finish so I can go along with my carefree life again.

The whole friendgirl things has been great and she continues to become a bigger part of my life.  I'm just taking it one day at a time, but it's good to think ahead especially now when it feels like my whole life is in front of me....it's weird to say the least ... it's awesome though.

May 10th people is my graduation crawfish barbeque drink-athon

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

mike

3:24 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

swallowed stories
Current mood: warm
Category: Friends

Some people live for the highs

Believe it or not some live for the lows

me....I live for this...for the medium...for the balance...for the serenity

balance

because life delivers all sorts of blows

it lifts you high

balance

it drags you down

balance

don't mistake this for misaction

balance

this is harder than it looks

things in life used to have these affects on me but no more...it's just a ride

we'll all find our place

home

7:00 PM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment