(False) Truth, (Miscarriage of) Justice, and the (New Despicable) American Way
Category: News and Politics

Every election cycle I think our behavior as a nation can't get worse, and yet it does. My Mom, bless her heart, has worked behind the scenes for almost 10 years now in Colorado to get elections fought on the issues and not with character assassination tactics. To her credit, she's made great strides, and in the 2004 election she tried to get every single mayoral candidate for the Mayor of Denver to sign an agreement to wage a clean and issues focused campaign. Guess what? They did, and it was considered one of the most civil and non-hostile elections in Denver history (and made national news).

Sadly, she didn't manage to get the governors to sign up, so while I'm quite happy with the eventual winner here in Colorado, the campaign was about as ugly as I'd ever seen (except for her own mayoral race where she was brutally smeared, a story for another blog, but the principle reason I despise dirty politics), until now.

What is wrong with people in this country? What happened to our American values and wanting to be unified as a nation?

Every election you hear people promise they will build bridges across party lines, then they proceed to sling mud and bullshit at a furious pace. Why do they act surprised when the election is over and no one wants to play? It's an evil, infectious addiction to partisan, two-party politics that prevents them from working together, but this infection starts with us and spreads to our politicians, not vice versa!

Why does anyone think that calling their opponent or those who disagree with them the most foul and vulgar names will create a spirit of collaboration or compromise? When did name calling ever solve anything? How crazy is that?

If you can't convince me that the person you support is a good person without smearing the opposition, then you're candidate isn't very good. I don't want to vote for the best of the worst, I want to vote for the best of the best.

Think about how shocking it would be to hear any candidate in ANY election say "my opponent is a smart and honorable person, but we don't share philosophies, so I'm going to explain to you my stance on the issues, where we disagree, and why I disagree with my opponent. I am not going to tell you how awful they are and what a bad leader they would be. No, instead I'm just going to make the case for why I would be a BETTER leader."

If dirty tactics and vulgar or disparaging commentary is how you approach your personal relationships, romantic, work or family, then I feel sorry you, because saying things that hurt cannot be undone. When you speak out of anger, hatred, or whatever emotion is driving you to say things that cut deep, you create wounds that never really heal. Those wounds destroy personal relationships, they are just as capable of destroying political alliances (and this explains almost exclusively why McCain did not pick Romney and Obama did not pick Clinton), and for sure they do nothing to build bridges or resolve conflicts.

Coqueto wrote a blog this week about having class, and I saw a series of blogs from people who are tired about the classless, partisan, ugly type of communication that is going on today in politics (and Sam's blog was not about politics but easily could have been). It all ties in together because it's all about how we treat each other as human beings.

Why are people so willing to act like a foul mouthed angry teenager when they are actually trying to convince you of something? Since when is telling the truth grounds for saying hurtful things couched as honest criticisms? It doesn't matter whether the topic is politics, religion or love; you should treat your fellow human beings the way you wish to be treated, PERIOD.

How many times has someone said "I tell it like it is" or "I'm brutally honest" before they cut you deep? That's not being honest, it's malicious and mean-spirited, probably driven by jealousy, fear or hate, and it's NEVER productive. It doesn't matter whether it's personal, familial, or political, it's classless and divisive.

In politics, we get a unique brand of "telling it like it is" in that people decide for themselves what the truth really is, no matter what a candidate says, and they post their version of truth and convince you how right they are by making your candidate look like a liar. Guess what folks, ALL politicians lie, they can't get elected if they don't lie, and you can smear anyone you want from either political party and make them look like something far worse than they are.

To think that a great patriot like McCain or a genius like Obama can be made to look as bad as they look right now is beyond depressing or disheartening, it's disgusting.

Why do we think on average we get shitty politicians, or we end up with elections where we have to choose from the best of the worst? Because anyone with any morals and ethics shies away from politics because of how they get treated. Here we have an actual election with two very decent, very accomplished men, and yet you'd think we were choosing between Satan and Beelzebub.

Ethics and morality are not daily inconveniences to be turned off like a switch when having them hurts your cause. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you? Has anyone heard that phrase, I mean it's only called THE GOLDEN RULE? Does anyone really practice it?

All is NOT fair in love, war or politics, and in fact it's when you most disagree with someone that your true character shows. I will respect, admire and potentially follow the people who act with the most class, and those who follow the classless deserve what they get.

We live in a society driven by extreme news, extreme sports, extreme entertainment. Reality shows dominate our evening worlds, gossip and rumor-mongering make up half the daily television shows, and hateful talk radio is all over the airwaves. If it's not hyperbole and hyper-exaggeration, then it's not worth talking about these days. People post blogs not to change minds, but for shock value. Why should we tolerate this sort of behavior?

Political candidates and political parties have eschewed any semblance of polite discourse for the politics of anger and hatred. If it's in politics, you can be sure it's in bedrooms and boardrooms across the nation, and I find that pathetic.

Communication, compromise, trust and honesty are the keys to good relationships of ALL types. Those things aren't possible in a climate of hatred or character assassination. If you can't disagree agreeably, if you can't make your points with class and character, then why do you expect your leaders to behave any differently after you elect them, or your spouses or friends or lovers to treat you any differently than you treat them?

7:59 PM - 169 Comments - 119 Kudos - Add Comment

An Economics Lesson
Category: News and Politics

I first posted the data in this blog below back in December. Since then, I did a tiny bit more analysis which makes the results even MORE striking. It is the percentages I list below that are new, not the basic data.

I admit, from the comments I had before, the analysis is simple, there is very little to this except for picking EVERY recession we've ever had and seeing which party was in control of each element of the government at the time.

That being said, you can still see some amazing results. Not just in terms of the amount of time each party has us in recession, not just in the percent of their time in control they have us in recession, but how often the argument that Democrats cause recessions and Republicans fix them just totally fails. '

For years I felt my economic beliefs were closer to the Republicans, my social, environmental, educational and ethical values closer to Democrats, so I described myself as a centrist who leaned pretty strong to the left. Still, I am equally critical of extreme leftists and rightists and it is never going to comfort me to side with any one party on all their ideals.

The scientist and lawyer in me is always ready to challenge my own preconceived notions about anything. So, when I had a conversation with a friend of mine back in October who was trying to defend the Bush tax cuts even in light of what was then an impending recession, I felt compelled to see who really did a better job of managing our economy over time.

Now if you're conservative and/or a traditionalist, you will automatically assume it's the Republicans, and that those damn liberal dreaming socialist-wanna-be Democrats tax and spend us to death whenever they are in power, forcing the business savvy conservatives to rescue the country from the brink of disaster every few years. Guess what, that's WRONG!

I did some research, and much to my surprise, found that the most gross economic mismanagement has occurred when the right is in power, and it's not just by a narrow margin, it's dramatic. Here is the summary of my results without any spin.



So, what's the lesson boys and girls?  No, it doesn't mean Republicans don't understand economics.  There's nothing wrong with having a "conservative" economic policy, especially when times are tough and money needs to be saved, but it appears that "republican" policies are not all they are cracked up to be.

Sure, if you're on the right you can make a wide variety of arguments about how the left really caused all the recessions or how the left prevented the right from staving them off. If you're on the left, you can gleefully say "see, I told you it's the economy, stupid."

Neither of you would be right.  The fact is, any good economic policy, and I'm going to blog on this more in the future, should borrow from both conservative and liberal principles.  And to be clear, conservative does not equal Republican, liberal does not equal Democrat, they are philosophies, not political parties.

Businesses know that when times are good, you invest in your infrastructure and your future and you share the wealth without sacrificing growth, but by all means be careful that you don't grow too quickly and squander the benefits of good times by sharing too much of the wealth; and, when times are bad you hunker down a little bit, save money, cut costs and, if you have to, shrink operations to be more streamlined but ALWAYS continue growing even if it means some pain (that is the Southwest Airlines mantra, never step too far, never step too little, make steady progress all the time whether good or bad). That is taking the best of conservative policy and the best of liberal policy and coming up with a recipe for success.

 It'd be so nice of someone in our government, or the majority of our citizenry, was willing to once and for all end the stupid partisan bickering and recognize that there are times to be more liberal and times to be more conservative and one way is never going to always be the right way.

Could we have a tax policy that actually makes sense? An approach to economics that won't make actual economists blush? Heaven forbid.

4:26 PM - 104 Comments - 96 Kudos - Add Comment

Nostalgia Tour 3 -- Harem-type dating as a co-blog with Stephanie
Category: Romance and Relationships

Nostaliga cubed, the memorabilia trilogy is complete with a discussion about how dating has changed from when I was younger. From the beginning, I should say that since I wasn't 38 until I turned 38, and since I didn't really spend a lot of time asking people 10-15 years my senior when I was in my 20's how they dated, it's possible that what I see as a big change in society is only a result of my having grown older. However, I don't think so, and the comments will probably show me one way or the other how right I am.

Stephanie (and you can read her blog HERE ) asked me a few weeks ago about whether I thought the stereotype was true that men more often tended to date more than one woman at a time, while women tended to fixate on a single man at a time. When I first answered, without giving it much thought, my answer was yes.

Then I sat back and thought about that question, and remembered not only my dating experiences but my conversations with women, and realized I was wrong to answer so quickly. Guess what folks, yes, this is a gray area, no real rule here, but I see this area as one that has changed from when I was younger (and thus this observation closes out my nostalgia series).

What I have seen as I've grown older is that more and more women than ever before are approaching dating with the harem approach usually attributed to men. I think this actually is a bottom up change, meaning it's one of those times where the younger generation is altering behaviors of the older generation, because I read about it first with the 20-something crowd then saw it in action with women my age.

It was clear as far back as a decade ago that "kids these days" were dating differently. More open to oral sex and sex in general, dating many people at once, not committing, avoidance of marriage.

We've all heard about the symptoms of the disease, but one of them was the idea that there's nothing wrong with dating (or "hanging out with") a variety of people until you meet one person who takes your breath away.

When I grew up, and even as recently as my late 20's, this wasn't a common approach to dating. You were either a player, or a serial monogamist, but there wasn't this funny middle ground that seems so common today.

I can't deny that I do it, in fact, I'm usually very adamant about maintaining my freedom to date whoever I want to date until I'm ready to lose that freedom, but whether or not I do it now doesn't change that it's a big difference from the way people (including myself) seemed to date in the past.

As I have been forced to assess not only my behavior but that of society, I have come to think it's a change for the worse. While I think there's great logic to this behavior, and I don't know how you change it without taking big gambles with your future, it does greatly complicate matters and makes it even more difficult to connect with the right person.

Interestingly, the people who date one at a time always say they aren't "exclusive" or "committed" and yet they don't date anyone else until that option is exhausted. If you don't use the words, but you practice exclusivity, how is that any different than committing yourself after a first date?

There's the rub, and it's what drives my behavioral approach. It's not analytical, it's purely emotional, I'm just waiting for that moment to hit me when I realize "wow, I don't want to see anyone else, and I am really jealous that she has that freedom too."

But to get back to Stephanie's question, who does this more, men or women? The stereotype says men are more likely to have a harem than women, but is that really true? I am positive amongst people under 25 it's less true than ever before. For women over 25 and especially over 30, I know it's definitely not as true as it used to be, but what's typical these days?

As I see it, this multi-tasking dating style has become as common, if not more common, amongst women than it has with men. Men may be labeled as commitment-phobes, but it seems like I hear more women complain about how serious men get and how quickly they get serious, and I run into more and more women who are adamant about not tying themselves down too quickly.

I ask the women out there, of all ages, how do you approach dating, or if you're married, how did you approach dating and does it look different to you as you view it from the outside?

Are you more likely to keep your options open while you wait for lightning in a bottle?

Do you drop all possible options when you meet someone you like even if you've only had a good first date? Do you worry that if you date just one guy that you might miss out on the right guy?

If you date many guys, do you think that fact, in and of itself, is a sign that none of them are the right guy, and if so, what's the point of dating them all?

What about all of us men? As you've gotten older, are you more or less likely to keep your options open, and if so, why? Does it really work, or are we in fact making it harder to connect with the right person by being so adamant about getting to view the grass on the other side of the fence?

Is it perhaps worse now because not only can you see the grass, but thanks to the internet you can inspect it first for bugs, disease, or even overwatering?

12:22 PM - 196 Comments - 140 Kudos - Add Comment

Fertlizer poisoning
Category: Pets and Animals

I've never had children, but I would imagine that before a child can really communicate, when something goes wrong it's a terrifying experience for the parent trying to know what is happening.  I'm not going to fully compare being a pet owner to having kids, but it's all I know, so this weekend has been one big scare for me.

I woke up Thursday morning to a dog that wasn't my dog.  

Nostalgia
Category: Life

The nostalgia blog tour continues, and it started with Tommy Blaze, and that man starts a lot of trouble I tell you! We were talking about the cheap things in life that still matter to all of us, so I was brainstorming with him while he mentioned things like paper bags and paper clips, and I thought of tennis balls and bubble gum. But thinking about what still matters got me to thinking more about what no longer seems to matter, those little things in life, the cheap thrills we used to have, that are pretty much lost forever.

Then I wrote my blog about aging, and further realized that one of the universal things about getting older, and this is true at any age, is you get nostalgic about things that have changed. Think about your life, and regardless of how old you are, you've watched the world change. As change has occurred, inevitably there have been things lost to your past life that aren't carried forward into the present (or the future).

The world evolves, and we struggle to keep up. Sometimes that struggle is worth it, you find yourself exploring a new technological or social landscape full of opportunity and adventure. Sometime, though, change has an unintended though negative consequence and something wonderful is left behind.

I love communication in all its forms, and no doubt modern technology has made us more plugged in than ever before. We live in the age of rapid and ever present and available communication, whether it's emails, SMS or text messages, voicemail, video conferencing, webcams and Skype, VOIP, faxes, web conferencing, all wonderful inventions, but we've lost something too. 

One thing I really miss is the letter.

I get a lot of mail these days, way more than I did a decade ago, but 99% of what I get is junk, advertisements and bills. There's the occasional card, or something I purchased, but I cannot honestly remember the last time I opened my mailbox to find a handwritten envelope containing a hand written letter (cards don't count).   If you're not a parent with a kid far away, or have a family member in prison, do you still get handwritten letters?

Do you remember what it was like waiting for a letter you knew was arriving? The anticipation you felt, especially as a kid,  as you opened the mailbox each day to see if there was a letter with your name on it? The disappointment you felt when you realized the needle you sought was not part of the day's haystack, and the excitement you felt when it was there? Remember the thrill of spending the next 5 minutes reading the letter, which probably took an hour to write but had less words than are in this blog??

I often wonder what it was like for my parents when they received a letter from me when I was at sleep-away-camp, or my years in college.  If I ever have the reward of raising kids, I'm rather certain my communications will be electronic or digital, so I may never know that thrill.

The letter is such a simple thing, a 2 cent envelope, a now 41 cent stamp (correction they are now 42 cents!!!), a couple of sheets of paper and some ink. All told the whole thing is maybe 50 cents, and yet I think it delivers far more excitement than any email or text message! Don't get me wrong, I love emails, I love texts, I love communication in just about any form. But I miss getting letters.

Do you still get letters?

Do you still write letters?

What has the world forgotten that you miss?

4:16 AM - 179 Comments - 143 Kudos - Add Comment

Kids These Days
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

I went to sleep yesterday, and I was 25 years old with a full life ahead of me.  This morning I crawled out of bed, went to put in my contacts, and when the blurry vision cleared I saw this horrifying vision.

No, I am not having a mid-life crisis, and in fact I love being my age and enjoy getting older.  So this blog isn't musings on the life that I've lost.  What it is, however, is a memorial to realizing I'm not young anymore.

I can tell you EXACTLY, to the hour, when I realized life was forever different.  It was 9:00PMish, July 5^th, 2008.  I have a lot of smaller events (some funny, some depressing) that occurred in the last year or two that only hammer home the point that 38 is not 25, I'll share them too, but first, the moment of truth.

I was sitting in the neighborhood hot tub that night.  It was a warm early July evening, I was trying to unwind from a long day of hiking and helping friends move.  There was a crowd around the pool partying it up, a bunch of 22-26-somethings, drinking hard, being rowdy, basically amusing me as I sat there relaxing.

Suddenly one of the women calls out "hey you, the guy in the hot tub, how old are you?"  I could have said "how old do you think" or something silly, but I was tired and humor was too difficult, so I just answered that I was 38.

"Good," she says, "because my friend thinks your hot and she loves OLD men."

Can anyone make the terrible ripping sound when you drag the needle of a record player across the record (ok, I may have just dated myself again using the word "record" but I think everyone has heard that sound LOL)????

Old man?????   I know she wasn't being insulting, and at least I was the hot old man, but hell, Sean Connery I ain't.

That event, and a few others that have happened, made me realize I'm at that stage where I really am now part of a different generation from the "youth of today."  This was not the first age awareness moment this year, it was just the most stark.

It started with Stephanie telling me that women under 30 don't date men over 35, and while that's not entirely true, it's sadly true more often than not.

Then, again thanks to my wonderful friend Stephanie, she pointed out the new research into male fertility and that men too face greater risks having children as they get older (while not to the same level as women, it's far more than previously thought).   That's just what a 38 year old man who has always hoped he'd have a child someday really wants to hear.

Being told by a 31 year old on match dot com that 38 was just too old for her!

Meeting someone who was 21 and had never heard of Def Leppard.

Listening to the radio and realizing the oldies are now 10 years after I graduated from high school!

I remember watching when JR got shot, I think most people under 25 don't even know who JR is, or have ever heard "Daa Plaaane, Daa Plaaane."

Realizing I am one of about 10% of my high school class that's on myspace while I read stats that 80-90% of most college students have a myspace page.

Discovering almost none of my lifelong friends text message, while it's the most common mode of communication in the 20-something crowd.

Buying my first iPod/MP3 player and coming to grips with the fact I must be the last human on earth to make this purchase after being the first person I knew to own a CD and then DVD player.

Playing softball and managing to tweak a hamstring for the first time in my life because I hadn't stretched.

Watching my 31 year old younger brother have the first grandchild in the family, how did my baby brother, 5 ½ years my junior, become a father???

Discovering a woman I dated just a couple of years ago is becoming a grandmother!

Both of my parents had surgeries this year, and both times I was not worried about how they would handle the surgery, I was worried whether they would SURVIVE the surgery.

Having Bell's Palsy, that first 5 hours of the morning when I thought I'd had a stroke and thinking "I'm too young for this."

Watching the 80's actually make a comeback!  You know you've turned a corner when your decade has gone out of fashion and then come back.

Being told by someone who was 23 that I needed to grow up, that she knew that LOVE IS LOVE and I was being immature about life.  When did I reach the point where so many people under 25 became silly and annoying?

Getting angry at the 23 year old "kid" in my neighborhood who keeps shooting off fireworks every night even though it's now a month after the 4^th and he knows it pisses everyone off.  I was that kid once, although I was 14 when I realized you stop shooting off fireworks at 1:00AM on July 24th.

I actually lodged a complaint with my HOA this year for the first time in my life, and I was so embarrassed to do so I apologized profusely and called myself the Grumpy Old Man of the neighborhood.

Reading blog after blog written by "kids" and realizing that once they've lived a little longer, they'll look back like I am and realize how idealistic and sometimes foolish we all are when we're that age.  Does anyone between 20 and 25 not think they have figured things out?  How many of us realized at 30 we knew less at 30 than we did at 25?

Finally, the one true and most horrifying reason I know I'm not 25 anymore?  I promised and promised AND PROMISED myself I would not use this phrase, I would strike it from my lips, I would banish it from my conscious, but I cannot help it, every time I go to the movies and watch kids whip out their cell phones and talk in the middle of the movie, every time I stand in line somewhere and watch kids muscle people out of the way with no regard for the elderly or even their seniors, when I get flipped off by a 16 year old for actually driving legally, when I hear the language ("hey bitch, what's hanging, yo bitch isn't that the shit, gotta run bitch, love ya") kids use, when I watch the way children run screaming in restaurants and young parents more concerned with being friendly to their kids than raising them, I am forced to say "KIDS THESE DAYS."

Ah well, that just means life is changing, like it always does.  I'm a long way from the rocking chair, I'm hopefully going to avoid the mid-life crisis stage, and with luck, I'll spend my 40's and beyond with a special someone, making memories, maybe trying to have a child without a birth defect (although my poor sperm are aging every day), and plucking those damned gray hairs off my chest!!!

What has happened to you that let you know you're not young anymore (and even if you're young compared to me, there are events that occur when you're 20-25 that let you know life has changed)?

Do you feel in touch with, or out of touch with, the generation following you?

What's the funniest thing someone younger than you has said to you that made you realize you were from a different planet?

9:26 PM - 273 Comments - 66 Kudos - Add Comment

Fitness -- A Co-Blog Tale of Two Cities
Category: Life

A few times now Stephanie has asked me what if your wife gained a lot of weight ,< A> what would you do?  Can you believe I haven't really thought this would be an issue?

Can the culture in two cities or states separated by a little over a thousand miles be so incredibly different that what I take for granted, Stephanie finds crazy?  In short, yes, Colorado is absolutely nothing like Tennessee and I'll prove it while I write this blog.

In relationships before I've been asked "if I lost a limb would you still love me?"  or "if I was horribly disfigured in a fire would you still love me?"  Those are awful, difficult questions to ask, but they happen to people, and so you try your best to think of an answer and hope it doesn't horrify your partner.

But what about weight?  Honestly, until Stephanie challenged me, I hadn't thought of this issue in that way.  Why?  I think it's a cultural thing, and I'm going to show you some astonishing numbers below to prove it.  

It's simple to me, Stephanie and I truly live in different worlds, and where I live, it's just not unreasonable to presume someone not only likes being active, but will stay active and fit for most of their life. 

I find it challenging to write this blog right on the heels of my body image blog, so I want to make some things clear here even though no matter what I write, someone will always be offended.  I'm not trying to say anything judgmental about people's figures, nor that anyone of any shape is better or worse than anyone else.  I'm definitely NOT placing standards for everyone. 

I want to discuss two related things:  First, the interesting and stark difference between where I live and Stephanie lives, and springing from that, why I believe it's reasonable to expect that I will end up with someone who shares my values about personal health, who shares my love for exercise and activity, and who is highly unlikely to face a permanent weight gain that forces me to answer Stephanie's challenging question.

I don't believe it's arrogant, prejudiced or piggishly male to say my preference when seeking a partner is to find someone who shares my values and lifestyle.  I'm not perfect nor do I ever expect it, far from it in fact.  I want commonality, not perfection. 

I'm a full 5'8" (I hate that fact too, talk about body image issues, what happened to that 6' frame I was promised as a kid???), 165 pounds with 19% body fat.  There's a lot of work I could do to my body to achieve "perfection," which isn't in my plans for tomorrow (or the day after).  I'd be a hypocrite if I expected a woman in my life to be better than I am, but is it unfair or irrational to expect her to be like me?

From the very beginning I'll ask and expect honest answers about whether someone I am dating really does like to hike, or ski, or go to the gym, or play golf or softball or rollerblade, or swim or bike, or any one of a myriad of activities commonly done here in Denver and Colorado.  And you know what?  People here really do love active lifestyles, it's not a chore to go have fun outside, and it shows, Colorado is BY FAR the thinnest state in the country because people of all shapes and sizes get out and participate here.

So, is it really unreasonable to assume I can find a woman who shares my same values, and that because of those shared values, I won't even have to deal with Stephanie's question?  Well, I suppose I may face it some day, but may parents are still in shape and they are 63 and 70 respectively.  My sister-in-law's parents are both thin, avid skiers (in fact they only just this year quit the ski patrol) and active as I am. 

Almost every one of my friends is active and all of their parents are active.  There simply aren't huge numbers of couples I see where people get lazy and soft and out of shape just because they get married or older.  Why should I be prepared for something I don't see a lot of? 

Before you scoff or tell me I'm crazy, look at these rather astonishing figures I found to support my lifestyle argument.  Comparing Colorado (or Denver) to Tennessee (or Nashville)

Obesity Rates Per Capita

Colorado 1 at 14% (statehealthfacts.org)

Tennessee 40 at 23%

Overweight People Per Capita

Colorado 3 at 51.5%

Tennessee 41 at 59%

Cities with the Lowest Rate of Obesity among Adults

Denver, CO 14.2

Portland, ME 15.0

Santa Fe, NM 15.1

Burlington, VT 15.8

Bergen-Passaic, NJ 16.1

According to Forbes magazine's 2007 survey Denver is the 4 healthiest city in the 1 slimmest state in America, while Nashville is the 7^th most obese city (out of thousands) in the 10^th heaviest state, with Memphis, TN being the most obese city in America 

(http://www.forbes.com/2007/11/14/health-obesity-cities-forbeslife-cx_rr_1114obese_slide_9.html?thisSpeed=3000)

It's so bad in Nashville, it's considered the most heart unfriendly city for women in America!  While Denver is 4 for heart healthy cities for women

(http://www.huliq.com/59805/heart-association-ranks-nashville-least-heart-friendly-city)

Activity Levels Per Capita

Colorado 8 at 81.2%

Tennessee 47 at 70.3%

Advanced Education Per Capita (I threw this in to poke a little fun at Tennessee, it has nothing to do with fitness)

Colorado 3 with 35.5% of the state at bachelor's or higher

Tennessee 39 with 24.3%

Now here's a really interesting one, I went on match dot com and searched the women in Denver and Nashville who SELF REPORTED their body styles.  I know this is a dating site, I know that a large percent of the people on here are dishonest, but unless Denver or Nashville has a lot more liars than the other city, the relative rates of honesty should be the same.  Plus, if you look at what I found (and yes, I sometimes have WAY too much free time on my hands in the evenings), the sample size is so large it cannot be random chance (for those who know statistics, I did a t-test and the p-values are less than 0.0001 which is basically zero chance it's random).

The disparity is shocking at the two thinnest reported categories, whether you break it down for 20 year olds or 30 year olds.  I did not continue this to 40 and 50 somethings, except I can tell you where I live, body style distribution doesn't seem to change much.  I went to my 20 year high school reunion last month, and of the 400 38-year olds who showed up (class of 1100), I bet no more than 10% of them were classically overweight (men and women both).

I think it's also very interesting that the categories that include anything from curvy to heavyset don't vary as much between the cities, I wish I could explain that equally unpredictable result, but all this table emphasizes is there's an enormous difference between the numbers of women in each city who see themselves as slender or athletic compared to all the other categories.

All these numbers do is justify my lifestyle choice, nothing more.  They don't say anything about values, they don't say anything about what is right or wrong.  They just support the argument I've made with Stephanie for a long time.  I live in Denver for many reasons, but one of the most important ones is the people here share common interests, values and lifestyle choices with me. 

So I ask you, my dear reader, is it really silly, misguided or arrogant to presume I can find someone in my city who shares my values about activity, who really does like to be outside doing things, who sees staying in relatively decent shape as a way of life?

If that's not silly, then is it also silly or stupid to think that same woman is unlikely to experience, barring some major health issue or a car wreck, irreversible weight gain?

Is it also wrong of me to think that if either of us is to gain noticeable weight, it would not be offensive to suggest we eat healthier and increase our MUTUAL activity levels?

If you force me to answer a question I don't think I'm ever going to face, here's how I'd answer. If I were to get married to someone who SHARED my lifestyle, and either of us gained enough weight so that we could no longer share an active lifestyle, our sex life potentially suffered, and we stopped doing things together, then yes, I'd think it would be justifiable to consider whether or not the relationship was what it had been promised to be in the beginning (irregardless of which one of us changes).

Put another way, if you marry someone who's pursuing a career in medicine, and 10 years into the marriage after earning $200K per year they decide it's better to be a ski bum living in a cabin eating spaghetti and cheerios every day, would you stick with them forever? I'm raising my eyebrows at the answers to that one!

11:44 AM - 244 Comments - 126 Kudos - Add Comment

Men, Women and Body Image Issues
Category: Life

The last 100 years have seen huge changes in society, none more obvious than the advent of eating disorders and women's fixation on body perfection. Men are almost always accused of being the source of this problem because of the pressures we put on women to look perfect. I no longer agree with that conclusion.

"Anorexia nervosa is thought to be a new disease by most people of today's society….The role of restrictive corsets during the Victorian era shows the early focus on body type and exemplifies how women…have been taking extreme measures to achieve the believed ideal body type."

--Carol Lawson; Anorexia: It's Not a New Disease, Published: Decenber 8, 1985

Note two things, the disease is NEW (despite the title of the book, which was written to show anorexia started in the late 1800's or early 1900's, to me that is new since it wasn't around before modern society and modern media), and that "women" took extreme measures to look a certain way, it does not say men were forcing them to do anything.

This blog isn't about anorexia or eating disorders, it's about the way women view themselves and how I believe your self image is much more driven by personal competition with each other than some need to impress or live up to the standards of men.

Men have not changed very much over time, we've been shackled to our penises for as long as we've been walking upright. So why would it be right to blame men and their "shallow" ways for the way women feel about themselves these days?

Don't get me wrong, men have a role here, we always have and always will have a role in making you all insecure about yourselves. I am quite certain that after cavemen stopped using the club-into-the-head technique for catching a mate they sat around the fire grilling mammoth steaks and ogled cave women and made them feel insecure. I also know that men were running the show in Hollywood and then later in advertising firms to perfect the exploitation of the female physique.

It's also true that men like to look at women, men stare at boobs and breasts, some men rubberneck, some men even use their fancy new mirrored cell phones to stare at the babe that just walked by even while talking to their wife/girlfriend/lover/mistress, but THIS IS NOT NEW. Men wrote about these fascinations from the days of the Greeks, since writing began!

The male mind starts with the eyes, moves to the penis, then goes back to the brain and asks a few follow up questions. The more deep a man you are, the longer that list of questions, but all men, or let's say MOST men, start with the glance, then the groin, and finally the brain. So, with all the staring and ogling and leering that men do, why do I think the modern era's weight and image issues are being caused by women?

Because men are simple and visual creatures and always have been, we are nowhere near as demanding as women make us out to be, and our demands cannot compare to the ones you all put on yourselves when you compete with each other. The way you all interact is worse than tomcats fighting for attention on a fencepost in the middle of the night! It's vicious!

Which sex is more likely to be jealous of a friend because of how they look, and which sex is more likely to choose friends who they feel are less attractive than they are just to feel more secure about themselves?

What type of model is used to sell men's products? Attractive women, of course. AND what models sell female products as well?

Which sex is more likely to try and steal away someone else's partner? I don't mean have an affair, I mean target someone else's mate and try to take them away because they are jealous of what someone else has?

How many men have you heard say "I just can't have guy friends, they are all so catty and difficult to get along with, all my best friends are women."

Notice any trends????

Wouldn't it be fun to read minds and compare the thoughts of the 2nd place runner up in Mr. Olympia ("damn, I should have taken more steroids") to Ms. America ("you bitch that crown was mine")???

Men love to look at women, but let's be honest, it's not looks that cause men to stray. A cheater is a cheater and men often cheat with women who aren't half as attractive as the woman they already have.

Women are the ones who care what shoes they are wearing. Women care what color lipstick they have and whether it matches their eyeliner. Women care whether their dress fits right, if it's the correct style for the season, and whether it matches their purse(s). Women and ONLY women think men prefer the absolute perfect female body.

Honestly now, how many men do you know who walk around saying they'll only date a woman if she has a perfect body?? You women claim it in blogs and articles all the time, but where's the proof? How many men are single and only so because they can't find a model or aerobics instructor to date? I'd say very few.

There is a HUGE, HUGE difference between looking, admiring, even thinking "wow she's hot" and making a value judgment that says "I won't date someone unless she looks like Jessica Alba." But women spread the myth and the lie that men are so visually fixated and create such insecurity in you all that we, and not you, are responsible for anorexia, bulimia, and all other forms of body dysmporphic syndrome.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. You all need only look to yourselves for much of the blame here, at least for taking the common male mind and turning it into an evil grinning demon that causes you all to destroy yourselves to look good for us. I know men who have dated women of all shapes and sizes and been happy. It's always the woman, even the ridiculously thin size 0-2's, who are unhappy with how THEY look, and not because of anything their man has said.

Life to a woman is a gigantic competition with every other woman in her life. Little girls compete with Mommy for Daddy's affection and it never stops. They compete as sisters or cousins, they compete as friends in grade school for the first kiss from the popular boys in class, they compete as to who gets to wear makeup first, who gets to have their ears pierced first, who has her period first, and YES who has sex first. I see women even compete with each other over who gets married first, who has kids first, who has the most kids, the best looking kids, the tallest kids. IT NEVER ENDS!!!

Men compete in two areas, money/power and sports. That's it folks, that is it. A man will indeed try to squash other men beneath him on the corporate ladder, although rarely will he do it to a friend, and a man will expend his last breath trying to beat anyone and everyone in any sport he plays because losing just isn't an option. When he leaves work or the sports courts, it's over. And guess what women, we don't compete as to who has the hotter wife.

Oh sure, men admire other men's wives, especially the man who marries the super hot model, but not in a jealous, catty way. It's pure pat on the back mentality, unless of course his wife is a slut and wants to have an affair with his best friend! BUT that's still not competing, it's taking advantage of loose morals and risking being shot in the head, but it's not done to say "hah, I win, I'm the better man because I fucked your wife."

Most men aren't going to care if you gain or lose 10 pounds, they aren't going to worry if you jiggle a little in your dress, they sure aren't going to freak out if their friend has a more physically appealing partner, not if you make them happy. If you and your man are a match, then you're a match, period. Either he's faithful or not, period.

A man isn't going to cheat because he wants a more attractive woman or wants a porn star or wants a stripper, a man cheats because he can (and usually because he's dumb enough to think he can get away with it whenever he wants to).

And that is why I believe women are more responsible then men are for the body image problems you have. You all are so competitive and freaked out about yourselves that you absolutely have to one up each other, but you're also so insecure about what you're doing that you seek scapegoats. ENTER MEN. It's our fault somehow because we love to look at you all. I just don't buy it, we've always liked looking at you all, we always will like looking at you all, but we don't demand a whole lot and certainly not perfection fom our mates. That comes from YOU!

How many times have you tried to tell a man you're dating "it doesn't matter to me what you look like, I like you for who you are" and he doesn't believe you? You know why he doesn't believe you?

Because you don't believe it about yourself.

We can tell you that 10 million times, but if just once we slip up and make a fat comment or look longingly at a magazine cover, you stop believing we find you attractive. Why then should we believe you that your competition with all these other women ends with them and doesn't extend to the man in your life?

I can't be sure of this, but I really believe that if women could learn to compete with and interact with each other like men do, the world would be a far healthier place (from a body image perspective ONLY).

7:38 AM - 249 Comments - 162 Kudos - Add Comment

Do You Believe in Ghosts???
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural