Paris Hilton Tried to Kill Me
Current mood: aggravated

Okay, it was wasn't intentional. Unless you count having an extreme lack of awareness an intention to kill. And I do. Where are the cops when you need them?

I was preparing to cross the street at La Brea and Sunset this morning, visions of a non-fat, decaf, sugar-free caramel latte (I'm diabetic) dancing in my head, when a rather large silver SUV came screeching out of the gas station on the corner, very nearly flattening me as it shot past me and into traffic.

As the car whizzed by, time slowed and I could very clearly see that the asshole driving it was none other than Paris Hilton, a human being that I had already felt is a complete waste of space, time and matter and who has now officially made my Shit List.

And for a moment, I found myself wishing she'd hit me and killed me, if for no other reason than maybe they'd have to keep her in prison this time around. If I'd known it was her in the first place, I would have willingly flung myself into the car's trajectory if it meant getting that yellow-haired menace off the streets. My dying would have been seen as a righteous sacrifice for the common good of all.

But alas, Lady Luck was on my side and Paris missed me, as Agent Maxwell Smart used to say, "by that much." The best part is, she either didn't notice me or is a waaaaaaaay better actor than we give her credit for.

The ultimate irony of it all is that I looked up and noed that all of this happened in the shadow of the billboard for her latest monumental flop, The Hottie and The Nottie.

Ain't life grand?

10:59 AM - 5 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Holy Sh*t, It’s Stan Fu**in’ Lee!

I've been an avid comic book reader for thirty-three of my thirty-seven years of existence on this earth. That's why I am so happy to announce that I got to interview Stan "The Man" Lee this week for a new "top secret" podcast that I am working on.

I am still buzzing from getting to shake my hero's hand. At how polite and energetic he was. At his enthusiasm for all things comic booky and geeky and true. I am abuzz, and I don't know how anything else in life can top this.

I'm in Vegas for work and have limited time to work on blogs, but will add to this when I get back.

8:53 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Walk Unafraid
Current mood: awake

Walk Unafraid by R.E.M.

As the sun comes up, as the moon goes down
These heavy notions creep around
It makes me think, long ago
I was brought into this life a little lamb
A little lamb
Courageous, stumbling
Fearless was my middle name.
But somewhere there I lost my way
Everyone walks the same
Expecting me to step
The narrow path they've laid
They claim to
Walk unafraid
I'll be clumsy instead
Hold my love or leave me high.

Say, "Keep within the boundaries if you want to play."
Say, "Contradiction only makes it harder."
How can I be
What I want to be?
When all I want to do is strip away
These stilled constraints
And crush this charade
Shred this sad masquerade
I don't need no persuading
I'll trip, fall, pick myself up and
Walk unafraid
I'll be clumsy instead
Hold my love or leave me high.

If I have a bag of rocks to carry as I go
I just want to hold my head up high
I don't care what I have to step over
I'm prepared to look you in the eye
Look me in the eye
And if you see familiarity
Then celebrate the contradiction
Help me when I fall to
Walk unafraid
I'll be clumsy instead
Hold my love or leave me high.
Walk unafraid
I'll be clumsy instead
Hold my love or leave me high.

Currently listening : Up By R.E.M. Release date: 27 October, 1998

11:03 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

The Night I Met Burt Reynolds

When I was a kid, I was a huuuuuge Burt Reynolds fan. I must have watched Smokey and the Bandit a thousand times before I hit middle school.

So it was to my great delight that I met the living legend back when I worked at a bookstore. I spotted him about to check out and ran up to the girl behind the counter.

"Take your break," I told her.

"But ... you're not the manager --"

Before she could finish, I pushed her out of the way and smiled as Reynolds placed an enormous pile of art books on the counter.

"How are you today, Mr. Reynolds?"

"I'm doing great, kid. How are you?"

I rang up about half of the pile before saying, "I'm a big fan of your work from way back."

I didn't think he really believed me, so I rattled off a list of my favorites.

"Some of my faves are Sharkey's Machine, Stick and Navajo Joe."

At the mention of Navajo Joe he perked up.

"You've seen that one, have you?"

"I have. It rocks."

That hooked him. We talked about everything, including his upcoming (at the time) remake of The Longest Yard. He was incredibly polite and genuinely interested in what I had to say.

As he was leaving, he asked me what my plans for the future were.

"I want to direct," I said, "And it would be my honor to have you in one of my movies some day."

He paused, then looked me in the eye.

"I look forward to it, Vito."

He reached over the counter to shake my hand. His grip was strong and sure.

And with that, he lifted his bagfuls of books and strutted out into the fading sunset just like a cowboy right out of one of his movies.

9:10 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

San Quentin Tarantino, Vol. 2
Current mood: amused

I finally got to meet Quentin Tarantino a few months back at the Grindhouse Film Festival he threw at the New Beverly Theater in Los Angeles. It went pretty damned well despite our previous encounter at the Kimmel Show (see my earlier San Quentin Tarantino blog for more info).

I was waiting in line for my buddy Lance when, from out of nowhere, Tarantino appeared and put his hand out to part the crowd. But then he spotted me and, as if he knew me, exclaimed, "Oh, hey, man! How you doing?"

He patted me on the shoulder as I answered, "I've been good," then disappeared into the lobby.

Moments later, John Gulager, the son of actor Clu Gulager and the director of the Project Greenlight film Feast, appeared from nowhere and also made his way through the crowd where I was standing. He, too, looked over at me and said, "Oh, hey, man! How have you been?"

Again, I answered, "I'm good."

Right now I'm thinking, "Is this a hidden camera show? And where is said hidden camera?"

At that moment, Eli Roth (Hostel and Hostel II) appeared and -- you guessed it -- squeezed my shoulder and nodded as if he knew me.

Do I have a good twin out there somewhere? Is he muscling in on my burgeoning film career? Had they mistaken me for someone they all knew, but not well? And who is this mysterious stranger with my face?

Lance eventually showed up and we made our way into the theater. Tarantino was sitting off to the right side. I approached him and said, "Hey, we met briefly through Norbert at the Kimmel Show last year." We shook hands and talked about movies for a good five minutes or so before he took the stage to introduce the films he'd chosen for the "Italian Gangster" night of the Festival.

The movies rocked and all was well with the world.

Currently listening : Dusk By The The Release date: 02 July, 2002

8:58 PM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

My Film is Now Online!
Current mood: calm
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

My multiple award-winning short film, Under My Skin, can now be seen on iFilm and AOL video!

Check it out on iFilm here.

To check it out on AOL Video, click here.

Or, just go to my MySpace homepage!

Enjoy ...

Mahalo,

-=V=-

Currently watching : 300 (Widescreen Two-Disc Special Edition) Release date: 31 July, 2007

1:58 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Check Out the Commercial I Shot ...
Current mood: artistic

... for the XFANZ Erotica Film Festival and let me know what you think. It's on my home page! (WARNING: Although the woman's breasts are covered by pasties, this is NSFW!)

And holy cow, has it been a freaking YEAR since I posted last? Yowzers! I'll do my best to get more stuff up on here ...

Currently listening : Light Grenades By Incubus Release date: 28 November, 2006

8:37 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Under My Skin
Current mood: accomplished

I finally finished production of my first professional film this week and I couldn't be more happy with it. In fact, I feel better than I have in quite a long time.

This film has been a labor of love and is the literal culmination of a circle that began back in 1995 when I first read the script by Tom Sklar-Blake. Through a series of twists and turns, and with the generous help of people like producers Steve Gelder & Joe Braza of Beef Tips on Rice Productions, executive producers Gregory Berry and Douglas Berry of 747 Productions, and composer Michael Collins, it has finally all come together.

"Under My Skin" tells the story of Heather (April Wade) and James (Erik Passoja), two actors locked inside a claustrophobic backstage area as part of eccentric director Jay Elliot Hall's audition process. Each of them has been given an objective to work out in a scene that they will improvise and then later present to the director. Heather's objective is to deal with whatever James dishes out, and James' is to scare Heather. The trouble is, James doesn't seem to have a firm grasp of his character's motives.

At first, Heather is stand-offish and rude, and even moreso when she comes to the realization that her big break may be falling apart before her very eyes. James manages to keep her in the room, however, and begins to break down her defenses and gets her to open up in ways that she never has. Heather doesn't realize until it is far too late that James has begun to truly get under her skin.

Heather's emotions escalate. Too terrified to miss out on such an important audition, she makes the mistake of staying in the room even though James offers her the chance to leave. As tensions mount, Heather cannot tell whether James' apparent insanity is merely a part of the audition, or whether she's trapped backstage with a seriously unbalanced individual. Things come to a head in ways that neither of them could have imagined...

"Under My Skin" is making its debut next month at the Route 66 Film Festival in Illinois, and then begins its rounds to other film festivals around the world. Keep your eyes out for it!

Also, please check out these websites associated with the production:

Steve Gelder/Beef Tips on Rice Productions:  www.stevegelder.com

Joe Braza: http://www.myspace.com/joebraza  

Actress April Wade:  http://www.aprilwade.com/

Actor Erik Passoja: http://www.passoja.com/

Director of Photography Alex Lehmann:  www.seezalot.com

Composer Michael Collins: http://www.myspace.com/blackwelderband

Currently listening : Brick : Original Motion Picture Soundtrack By Original Soundtrack Release date: 21 March, 2006

11:31 AM - 7 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

Attack of the Blog Thing

I was really, really bored today, so I decided to see how accurate these hundreds of blog tests are. Here are the results.

Your Dosha is Vata

http://images.blogthings.com/whatsyourdoshaquiz/vata.jpg" height="100" width="100"> Creative and restless, you take in all of life's pleasures (maybe a little too much!). You're quick witted and very talkative, but you also tend to have a spotty memory. You tend to get very into ideas, people, and lifestyles... but only for a short time. It's difficult to hold your attention, and you sometimes feel   with what life has to offer. With friends: You are very uncomfortable in new situations or with new people In love: You fall in and out of love very easily To achieve more balance: Live in a warm climate and spend some quiet time in nature

Your Pimp Name Is...

http://images.blogthings.com/pimpnamegenerator/boy.jpg" height="100" width="100"> Ribbed Tease

You Are The Moon

http://images.blogthings.com/whattarotcardareyouquiz/moon.jpg" height="100" width="100"> You represent the unconscious side of life, what happens in dreams. You are capable of great genius - but also of great madness. Emotions tend to be primal for you, both your fears and your fantasies. Your intuition is always right, listening to it is the difficult part. Your fortune: You are about to embark on a very important journey - and a very difficult one. Some of your deepest dreams will be realized, as well as some of your deepest nightmares. Follow your creativity and visions; stay away from your weaknesses. You are taking a voyage to the center of yourself, and you may be pleasantly surprised by what you discover.

Your Japanese Name Is...

http://images.blogthings.com/japanesenamegenerator/boy.jpg" height="100" width="100"> Shinichi Oimikado

You Are 54% Evil

http://images.blogthings.com/howevilareyouquiz/evil-3.jpg" height="100" width="100"> You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side. Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

Your Chances of Being a Multimillionaire: 92%

http://images.blogthings.com/willyoubeamultimillionairequiz/mm-5.jpg" height="100" width="100"> It's almost certain you'll be a multimillionaire. Just keep doing what you're doing. You are good with money, a creative thinker, and an ethical person. You might be the next Donald Trump!

You Are 64% Gentleman

http://images.blogthings.com/areyouagentlemanquiz/gentleman-4.jpg" height="100" width="100"> You are definitely a gentleman. You're very considerate and you have excellent manners. Occasionally, you slip and do something foolish... but usually no one notices!

Your Porn Star Name Is...

http://images.blogthings.com/pornstarnamegenerator/boy.jpg" height="100" width="100"> Meat Grinder

You Should Be a Film Writer

http://images.blogthings.com/whattypeofwritershouldyoubequiz/film.jpg" height="100" width="100"> You don't just create compelling stories, you see them as clearly as a movie in your mind. You have a knack for details and dialogue. You can really make a character come to life. Chances are, you enjoy creating all types of stories. The joy is in the storytelling. And nothing would please you more than millions of people seeing your story on the big screen!

Currently reading : I Liked It, Didn't Love It: Screenplay Development from the Inside Out By Rona Edwards Release date: 15 May, 2005

6:36 PM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Fall Down Seven, Stand Up Eight
Current mood: determined

Like many of the hopefuls who move to los Angeles every day, I've risked everything to come here and follow my dreams. Many people told me that I was a fool -- including my own Dad -- but here I am, slugging away. It hasn't been easy, but nothing that's worth it ever is.

I used to work in banking. For those of you who only have experience with being a customer in a bank, let me tell you that the time you spend waiting in line for an open teller is nothing compared to having to working with that teller. Banking is the most boring profession in the world, and creative people who find themselves in teller positions won't admit it to your face, but they cannot wait for the day an armed robber bursts through the doors and pistol whips the manager into submission. That would at least break up the monotony of the day.

Okay, so you get that banking is boring. Well, one day I had a vision as I returned to my desk with my coffee. In it, I saw myself in fifteen years' time: I was miserable, fat, balding and terribly unhappy. The worst part was, in the vision I still had the same coffee cup I now held in my hand.

That day, I put in my two weeks' notice and packed everything up for the move. A friend of mine gave me his old beater car and we loaded it up and came to California, driving almost non-stop for three days straight.

I left behind my Mom and Dad, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews. I left behind a woman that I thought at the time was my soulmate because she didn't share the same vision of the future for me that I did. I left behind all of my friends and, most alarmingly, my comfort zone.

It has not been easy. For a year I slept on a friend's floor. At night, I would wake up because I could feel cockroaches skittering across my face. I was so poor for that year that I literally ate one pack of ramen noodles a day for three solid months. I couldn't afford to buy anything else.

In the ensuing four years I have endured poverty, ridicule, and rejection. I have watched people with moderate talent rise to fame and fortune while supremely talented people work as waiters and busboys, their chances never having come. Many of the people I met while working as a bouncer at the Improv have gotten television contracts or are now famous.

To make matters worse, I have had several series ideas and movies stolen from me by people who didn't really need the money but who took obvious delight in watching others suffer. The last incident occurred so recently that I am still stinging from the shock and resentment that I feel.

Throughout it all, I have laughed, and cried, and sometimes I have (I am ashamed to admit) even pleaded to the Heavens for God to have mercy and kill me. I have given thought to ending it all. I have pushed away many who love me when I needed that love the most, and I am still here. For this I am grateful and determined and resigned. All three of these qualities share an equal space in my heart. There isn't room for anything else.

The Japanese have a saying: "Fall down seven, stand up eight." Is this an example of amazing, perrennial wisdom or merely the delirious ramblings of a scholar who lived long ago in far simpler times? I don't know and I don't care. Right now I may be down, but if you look closely, I am using all of the strength I have in my arms to push myself back up.

Sun Tzu said that Fortune favors the prepared mind. I will add that Fortune seems to have a very dark sense of humor and a taste for torturing those who would taste her lips. I, for one, am either a masochist or the most strong-willed son-of-a-bitch you'll ever meet, for I plan on standing back up, brushing myself off, and pursuing her as if nothing's happened.

Because even from down here, I can still smell her sweet perfume; I can hear the rhythmic beating of her fragile heart; I can imagine the taste of her plump, inviting lips. I want nothing more than to be with her and know the touch of her hand. I bet she's a hell of a kisser.

Currently reading : The Power of Focus : How to Hit Your Business, Personal and Financial Targets with Absolute Certainty By Jack Canfield Release date: 01 March, 2000

3:36 PM - 15 Comments - 20 Kudos - Add Comment