Andy
Current mood: thankful
Category: Life

Some of you know at least most of the information that this blog will deliver. Others of you may find it shocking. At the very least, this should explain why I've not returned messages and comments in the last several days.

We found out on Wednesday, July 23, that Andy, the great love of my life, had a two-cubic-inch mass in his brain. He'd been having headaches daily for a few months, and in quest for comfort, he began eating Advil Liqui-gels like they were jellybeans. For much of that time he thought he was battling sinus headaches; he was not.

Then he began to occasionally stumble. At first he said it was just as if his knee would go out for a mili-second, but he said it didn't feel like a problem with his knee; instead, it felt like a communication breakdown between his brain and his leg. We went on vacation in June, and at Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson, he had the first of a few really strange and obviously neurological episodes. His legs just sort of stopped working for about 15 seconds. It was so scary to witness, and I knew then that something was really wrong.

He met with a new doctor, and she sent him Tuesday for an MRI to check out his head. On Wednesday, she called to say that she did not like what she saw and that she'd like him to come to the Medical College of Georgia to be admitted for further tests. She scheduled more scans, but those were scrapped and replaced with a biopsy to determine what the mass was actually made of.

What the neurosurgery team found was that the tissue was indeed cancer, which was, at the time, our biggest fear. Their report led us into even more frightening territory, though. Neither of us had ever known that cancer cells tend to mimic, in some fashion, the cells of the organ from which they originate. The cells of the tumor were not consistent with those normally found in brain cancer cells, so the doctors had to keep looking.

After scanning the rest of his body, they found that there are masses in his liver, lungs and lymph nodes. It's awful news, and we were immediately more terrified, a state we weren't even sure was possible. We were eventually given the actual diagnosis: non-small-cell lung cancer. Even though it's moved into several locations throughout his body, it's all considered lung cancer because that's where it originated. Because it has migrated, it is, by definition, stage four cancer.

We also found out that there were two brain tumors, not one: the large one on the right frontal lobe, and a marble-sized mass on the occipital lobe. The right frontal lobe is a personality center, and the occipital lobe controls, among other things, vision.

On Wednesday, July 30, the surgeons made an incision from just in front of Andy's right ear over the top of the head to the other ear. They then peeled back the skin and muscle from the top of his head and forehead, dismantled and removed the front plates of his skull, and extracted the entire frontal-lobe tumor. Now he has what looks like a zipper holding his face on; it's actually staples. The other brain tumor will have to be treated with radiation therapy. Chemotherapy will assist the radiation therapy in its mission to eradicate the rest of the cancer.

We're expecting that we'll have a hard row to till over the coming months. Chemotherapy can make a person really sick, and we've heard of folks being burned by the radiation. This has also already taken a serious emotional toll on us and the people who love us. We're trying to remain strong and focused, but there are times when a brave face is impossible to hold.

He came home today, and we're really thankful for this opportunity to regain a sense normalcy in our lives. Things aren't exactly the same, though. Andy no longer smokes, which is going to be another struggle, and before this I had never had to try to scrub dried blood from behind his ears. I never would have imagined that performing such a task might bring me some relief, but I'm so very thankful for the chance to spend this time loving my favorite human in whatever way I can.

I'm really sorry that some of you are finding this out through a blog. I suppose I've written this, in part, to let the folks who care about us know what's going on. I'd also appreciate it if you would send up a prayer, visualize us healthy and happy, or just send a little love through the cosmos in our direction. I'd also like to thank the ones of you to whom this is not news, as we know that you have been praying already. I also thank you for hearing me and listening, offering your shoulders and support, and reminding us how very loved we are. Maybe I want to remind you that none of us is guaranteed tomorrow.

Love each other while you can.

8:23 PM - 21 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

1st Annual Augusta Photography Festival

I realize that to many of you this is old news already, but I told some folks that I would post this, so here goes. The first annual Augusta Photography Festival was held June 19-22. They had workshops, tutorials, tours, photo walks and stuff like that. I actually didn't attend any of those. But the festival held a photography competition, and I did enter that. Anyone who wanted to participate could enter up to 6 photos for the low, low price of ten dollars. How could I not, right? Well, 98 other people had similar ideas and entered almost 600 photos.

Below you will see the ones I decided to enter. The first four didn't even make the finals. The last two did, though, and i was super-pleased about it.



I found this acorn suspended from a single strand of a spider's web in my backyard. I ran and got the camera. There was no real need to run, as it was a pretty strong strand; I just get really excited sometimes.



I rescued this dragonfly from my screened-in back porch, a.k.a. The Place All Bugs Go To Die. It was so obliged that it decided to hang around for a photoshoot before eventually kicking the bucket anyway. It then became the first in my collection of dragonfly carcasses, which I keep sort of randomly in a fancy candy dish in the library. Right next to my army of cicada exoskeletons.



Speaking of cicadas, here's one bursting from its nymph-stage exoskeleton to begin the reproductive portion of its unusually-long-for-an-insect-life. Lucky guy (or gal, I suppose)! After spending between 1 and 17 years in a tree branch and in the soil, he has crawled from the dirt to claim a partner (or 100) in a huge and possibly disgusting insect orgy. Then, after years of waiting around for the good stuff to happen, he'll die in a matter of days. If he is, on the other hand, a she, well... she'll lay a hundred eggs or so in a tree branch before settling in for her own permanent dirt nap. How romantical.



In December of 2006, Andy and I went to Whistler, British Columbia to ski. It was pretty amazing. Here we have some skiers on a black diamond slope covered in moguls (the humps that these two are skiing over and around), as seen from our ski lift. We were not yet ready for the black diamonds, but we did take on some awfully fun blues. The mogul-y black diamonds had best be aware that I've got my eye on them for this winter, though.



I call this one Bush Puppet for what I'm pretty sure are obvious reasons. It made the finals, and I was really surprised. There was nothing else in the competition that was even remotely photojournalistic, so that's probably why it was advanced. Just my guess.



And somehow this one won Best of Show. I'm not sure how they decided it was the best of all of the photos in the competition. Taste is subjective. I don't mean to imply that I wasn't in love with this photo from the minute I took it. I'm just saying that there were entries by other people that could easily have taken the prize on a different day, I think. I'm glad they didn't though.



If you'd like to know who else won awards or what the judges had to say, check out this Metro Spirit article: http://metrospirit.com/index.php?cat=1993101070593169&ShowArticle_ID=11022406083046118

And you can see all of the photos that were entered at the Augusta Photography Festival website: http://www.augustaphotofestival.org/

I hope you're having a really good day. :o)

Currently listening : Boys for Pele By Tori Amos Release date: 1996-01-23

11:37 PM - 12 Comments - 13 Kudos - Add Comment

What Really Happened To My Lip
Current mood: grateful
Category: Sports

Andy, Jeremiah, Seth, Dan, Michael Dye, and I went skiing over the weekend. I have to say that Andy and I are getting to be good skiers. Well, most of the time. Somehow, on the last day, I got a little tripped up while I was going pretty darned fast. On my way to the ground, I hit myself in the mouth with the handle of my ski pole. My tooth went through my lip. It was immediately swollen, and I could taste blood. I wasn't sure how bad I was hurt, and it scared me something awful. I took my glove off and checked, and yep, there was blood alright. Andy, who had seen me go down skied up to me with the ski I'd lost, and so did a girl who picked up my poles and brought them to me. So I checked, and my teeth weren't wiggly and loose, and I was relieved about that, but was still a bit frightened. I could feel that there was something not quite right. Anyway, Andy and I skied at top speed down to the bottom of the mountain and went to the medic. All is going to be fine. The swelling has gone down most of the way already. If you don't want to see, don't scroll down to the pictures, ok. Great.























I told you not to look if you couldn't handle it.

8:59 PM - 14 Comments - 11 Kudos - Add Comment

Beware!
Current mood: optimistic

If you happen to see these guys, just steer clear. Get a good look, but don't look too long. These cats have the ability to induce "love at first sight" fixations even through a photo. They are the sweet-talkinest smooth operators on the scene, and both women and men find themselves hopelessly drawn into the web that these cads so skillfully weave. I have seen them in action, and it is not pretty. Your hearts will end up broken. Your lives will wind up shattered. Their hopelessly sexy looks get them just about everything they want, and they want just about everything. So, when your obsession over these swarthy lotharios drives you to the breaking point, try not to have your meltdown on front stoop. After all, I warned you.

1:05 AM - 5 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

I cut at least ten minutes off of my getting ready time! Ask me how!
Category: Life

Here's how:




Sometimes I just can't help myself.

10:42 PM - 11 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

I'm just a little less wise than I was yesterday morning, perhaps.
Current mood: uncomfortable

I got all four of my wisdom teeth removed yesterday. WooHoo! Andy says the closest I get to the anesthesia-induced crazy talk was when I got into the car saying over and over, "I'm confused. I'm so confused." That is somethig to be thankful for. My biggest worry was that I'd say awful and insane things like telling the surgeon how much I wanted to have sex with him or something (I didn't want to have sex with him, by the way). The anesthesia aparently made me ill, though, and Andy had to hold me up in the front yard while I threw up a bunch of spit and blood. Mmmmmm. Later on the oxycodone made me throw up again. By the end of the night when I was ready to go to sleep I was so messed up on pain pills that I was afraid that if I fell asleep I'd stop breathing. I know that's ridiculous, seeing as how I'd only taken the prescribed dosage. I still couldn't shake the idea that the combination of the anesthesia and pills would do me in. I made Andy promise that he'd check periodically to make sure that I wasn't dead. And if I were? I dunno.

Anyway, so I sit here looking like a resurceful chipmunk who's readying himself for the winter. My cheeks are outgrowing my face the same way my ass has surpassed the capacity of most of my jeans. So, I probably won't make it to the Blue Colar/Blue Heart - Rag Love show. Sorry guys. I would love to go, but the Firehouse is no place for a chipmunk.

9:54 AM - 13 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

Be warned. This is not warm and fuzzy.
Current mood: Put Upon

The following is a repost of a blog I wrote in November of 2004 after having voted against a president I do not claim, and to not outlaw basic human rights for a certain segment of the population to which I happen to belong. The emotion behind it is fresh in my mind again, so I figured I would share it here and make an amendment of my own.

--"Ok, so it's not that I even want to get married anyway...

But geez! Why do so many people in this country want to deny me the option to a legal connection to the person I love? Id ask for someone to explain to me how this would harm the marriages that we currently recognize as honorable and wholesome enough to be legally binding, but Id really just get pissed off at some of the answers Ill receive. I cant really say that Im disappointed, because that would imply that I actually expected that Id suddenly be able to check the Married box on standardized forms in doctors offices and on my insurance paperwork. So far, my simple act of defiance is to check Single and then list Andy as my spouse in the Spouses Name field.

77% percent of the voters in Georgia, my home state, voted to have a constitutional amendment defining marriage as a union to be entered into solely by a man and a woman. I can only hope (and my faiths not that large, Im afraid) that this is a setup for some other definition of the legal binding of same-gender couples. Id so totally settle for that. But how the hell can I ever expect that to happen, when so many states included on their ballots some form of legislation to stop queers from experiencing basic human rights?

Heres where were gonna take an R-Rated turn, so if you happen to be reading this to your kids at bedtime, or you take offense to the words Butt and Fuck being put together as one word, stop reading so you dont have to post comments on my blog about decency. Its not like its an amendment to keep us from staging buttfucking orgies in front of elementary schools at 3pm. Its not an initiative to stop lesbians from breaking out their dental dams and munching the proverbial carpet during the alter call rendition of Just As I Am. The initiatives entire purpose is to deny me the same basic human rights that are so lavishly bestowed upon serial-divorcees who are 5 months behind on child-support payments for the children from their 3 former marriages.

I cant speak for every queer in the country. Hell, most of the time I cant even speak for the queer who is my spouse. But what I want is to be able to prevent my family from deciding that I should have a Baptist funeral with an open casket, where the preacher who has never met me never even mentions the strongest relationship bond Ive had on this earth to date. I dont want for any gay, lesbian, transgendered individual (or hell, anyone for that matter) to have to fight the family members of their lover-boyfriend-girlfriend-life partner-significant other-or-what-the-fuck-else-we-are-forced-to-call-the-people-with-whom-we-share-our-lives, in order to gain access to the hospital room in which they are dying. I want to have the right to honor the time, energy, love, change, reality, friendship, hardship, and understanding that could only have been experienced with the one man I love more than any other person on this planet.

Until then, I guess its buttfuckin in the streets, yall." --November 03, 2004


--So, recently the amendment against which I voted was overturned. It's absolutely nothing to be excited about. The constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage was only reversed on a technicality that will be corrected as soon as possible. I mean, it has to be, right? We can't have homos sullying up the God-given, wholesome institution of marriage. Each Georgia voter cast one vote covering the issues of banning gay marriage, banning civil unions, and granting the power of Georgia courts to rule on disputes arising from same-sex relationships, should said relationships actually become legally binding. The reason for the measure to be toppled was that it violated the Georgia Constitution's single-subject rules for ballot questions. So they'll write a few new single-issue laws, and Georgians will rush out to the polls to make sure that their state's wedding chapels aren't overrun with queers exchanging heart-felt vows that would make their own seem like trite cliches. So it's being taken to a higher court.

According to a May 17, 2006 article distributed by the Alternative Press, "(Georgia Governor, Sonny) Perdue said he would call a special session of the Legislature to propose another constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage if the high court did not rule by August 7. The deadline for the measure to be printed on ballots for the November general election would be August 14, he said. A special session could cost taxpayers between $30,000 and $40,000 a day and could last at least a week."

30 to 40 thousand dollars would feed a lot of people. 30 to 40 thousand dollars would house a few people. 30 to 40 thousand dollars could be well spent in our public school system.

I'm a bit fed up with being a second-class citizen. If you're one of the people who is smart enough to understand that inequality is wrong, please vote this November. Not that it will work, but you'll know you did the right thing.

11:31 PM - 13 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment

Everyone else was doing it, so...
Current mood: drained

Blogging Tag Game

6 Things that I do that are weird or habitual, and/or facts about myself.
Once you have been tagged, you are to write a blog including 6 things you do that are weird or habitual, and/or an interesting fact about yourself.
In the end you need to choose 6 more lucky people to be tagged and list their names. Then the obvious, which isn't obvious for some of us: leave a comment that tells those individuals they have been tagged in their comments section and tell them to read your blog.

So, here are six weird things about me that you may, or may not, know:

1. I drink organic fat-free milk, in an attempt to avoid bovine growth hormones and crazy antibiotics (plus it tastes sooooo good). Then I go eat a burger at Wendy's (because it tastes soooo good).

2. I like to wear skirts and dresses, but I don't think it makes me a cross-dresser. It's not as if I'm trying to look like a woman. After all, I'm not wearing women's clothes. If I bought them, then they're obviously men's clothes, right?

3. For years, I wanted so badly to be punk-rock and tough-as-nails. I never was, and have finally embraced my inner peace-loving hippie.

4. I have serious motivational issues. I'm not exactly lazy. I am willing to do hard work; I just can't seem to get the work started.

5. As a child, I had a crush on Luke Skywalker. I had Star Wars sheets and would cover up Princess Leia's face while I kissed Luke. Other childhood crushes included: Bo and Luke Duke, both Albert and Almonzo from Little House on the Prairie, Johnny Depp (who's been on the list since 21 Jump Street and still tops the list), and Corey Haim. Sick, I know.

6. I have irrational fears. Nightlight til I was 13. I only gave it up because they made me.



Ok, so I guess I have to pick 6 people to force this exercise on. So, here ya go:

Erin (my sister)
Neal (my brother)
Consi
Cindy
Chi
Sherry

Currently reading : Haunted : A Novel By Chuck Palahniuk Release date: 11 April, 2006

6:51 PM - 6 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Hey, I copied Jenn and made up a quiz. Go take it.
Category: Quiz/Survey

Take My Quiz - on - QuizYourFriends.com!

Currently listening : Standing in the Way of Control By Gossip Release date: 24 January, 2006

10:20 AM - 10 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

R.I.P.

For those of you who knew Cletus and Lurlene, I have some sad, sad news. Upon arriving at home this evening, I discovered them both dead on my bedroom floor. The two of them were borne of and owed their existence to a set of prosthetic teeth made by Dr. Bukks. My sweet, loveable coon hound, Corndog, decided that she must become one with the characters living in my head, and thusly, ate my ugly plastic teeth. My 50 dollar ugly plastic teeth. Also an entire bar of jasmine soap, a Homie hoopty model car, a pair of really pretty hair sticks that were a gift to me and which I was about to regift to Julia bit the dust. Memorial services will be held as soon as we are able to contact the next of kin, which it seems would be the same person for both Lurlene and Cletus, even though they were once engaged to each other. In lieu of flowers, I ask that donations be made to the Families of Septic Servicemen Injured in the Line of Doody in honor of Cletus. Lurlene would have preferred the flowers however, but she would hate to think that you wasted your money on cut flowers, when the plastic kind last forever, even if they do get a little sun-bleached. Oh, the sadness.

Currently listening : Mozart: Requiem / McNair, Watkinson, Araiza, Lloyd; Marriner By Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Release date: 05 April, 1991

8:45 PM - 8 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment