Broke Ass....Literally
Current mood: cranky

I know, I know - it's been fricken AGES since I've posted a blog. But I'm doing it now, ok mijo?

So here's the scoop:

1) I've been disabled for like the last month. What did I do? you ask. Well, I hurt my ass on this chair, this stupid stupid chair-

I sat in for about 40 minutes while I was working on The Guy from Ipanemas computer. And ever since then, I've had this deep, deep pain in my ass. I couldn't go get it looked at, because I had a BIG conference to plan and work and knowing my luck, they would tell me I broke my ass and I would be hospitalized. Well, when I DID go in, they xrayed me and said it wasn't a bone problem, so it's a muscle deal and I'll need an MRI. But on the lighter side, I've had a steady flow of vicodin and muscle relaxers. And NO, this does NOT mean I will do anal now.

2) Work has been SUPER busy, plus I've been working on articles for a magazine, trying to get my own zine going, doing re-writes on my shitty novel, and trying to work on an outline for my movie idea. Look at me - I sound like a fucking Silverlake hipster. At least I don't wear a white belt.

3) My trickin' days be over, since I got me a boyfriend now. Actually, he's like a new/old boyfriend. I've dated him on and off since 2001, and now we're FINALLY getting serious. Serious enough to let him fuck me in the ass? No, but serious enough. He likes Morrissey, which is a bonus. And I've known him long enough to know his shit. He's a little more gothy than what I'm used to. And I really wish he would grow a goatee, but he wont because he says "Graduate students dont wear goatees". Whatever faggot, facial hair is acceptable ANYWHERE, as long as you're not sporting the Charlie Manson beard.

I'm working on some recipes, so there will be more food blogs coming soon, I promise :-)

Currently listening : Pulsars By The Pulsars Release date: 25 March, 1997

7:52 PM - 1 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Blah Blah Blah Blah BLAH! (Enough already!)
Current mood: cranky

So I'm kind of done moving. I have enough shit for a 5 bedroom house (and when I say shit, I mean records, books, ashtrays, knick knacks, magazines, etc...), but yet, I don't have a bed (my mom gave it to my brother in San Diego), I don't have a bookcase for above mentioned books, my desk broke (so I'm sitting on the ground with my computer on a Danish Modern end table, like a starving liberal student. At least I don't have a Mac...), and I still have 75% of my shit stored in my mom's garage. My back hurts because I'm sleeping on a Wal-Mart air mattress and BOTH of my fucking record players are down. How will I listen to my Morrissey 12"s?

Ah, but wouldn't I love 12"s of Morrissey...

So I moved in with fellow MySpacer "The Guy from Ipanema". Actually, he's more than a "MySpacer", since I've know his ass for 8 years now. But he needed a roommate, so I said sure. It's been ok - his life hasn't been turned THAT upside down since shacking up with a "MySpace Celebrity" (sic).

I started my new job yesterday, and I never thought in a million years I would be working in Social Services. But I work in the more glamorous part, not the "my baby daddy don't pay me shit" department.

 My roommate and I will be starting a zine soon. That's right fucker, I said "zine". It will be somewhat cool, because yours truly is an award winning zinester (no shit!).

My Halloween costume idea has been shot to shit, because I work in a "classy office" now. I was going to go as Dog the Bounty Hunters wife Beth, but I can't go to work with short shorts and my huge tits hanging out.

Or can I? :-)

7:21 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

My Absence
Current mood: cranky

Just wanted to apologize for not being around - I've been moving this past week, but I don't have the computer moved yet. And I'm starting a new job tomorrow, so I'll be busy with that. But like John Travolta, I'll be making a comeback :-)

6:21 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Get your mind out of the gutter....
Current mood: cranky

What does this look like to you?

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It's this -

You know I love corns dogs........

Currently listening : The Rich Man's Eight Track Tape By Big Black Release date: 27 November, 1992

9:30 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

The Girls on Film
Current mood: cranky

Sorry I haven't been "blogging" lately (blog, schmlog) - things have been headachey around here lately.

Here's the scoop yo -

1. I got a new job. I'm getting promoted to an OAIII, which is higher up than my current position as RC, if you can believe it. Now I will be working for a childrens advocacy group, so now I REALLY can't listen to my Michael Jackson CD's. But now I will have my own desk, so I will put my Morrissey and Julian McMahon pictures up and pretend they're my real boyfriends. Like what my bitch Morrissey says, "I was looking for a job and then I found a job, and heaven knows I'm miserable now". The new job is pretty cool, but it seems like everything has gone in the shitter since then....

2. I had a party. Now before you get all pissy cause you weren't invited, just look at it this way - would you have wanted to drive out to the Inland Empire, since that's where I held it? No, you wouldn't, unless you were coming out to pick up an eight ball ANYWAYS. I had a Tiki party, and it went pretty good. Fucking Pat McGroin, aka Uncle Tickles didn't show up, so you know the party wasn't THAT good ;-) I still have booze left, because I'm not a rum drinker. But you know I had me a good ol' time with the gin, which leads me to...

3. For the first time in my life, I let alcohol mess with my common sense. I was over at this guys house last night (I've been seeing him semi-regularly since December) and we attacked the left over gin. Let's just say I let him do something I've never let anyone do before. I'm not embarrassed and I don't feel dirty, but let's just say that Morrissey will be disapointed now. (And if you actually read my blogs, you'll get what I meant with that last sentence).

4. Speaking of being dirty, when I got my camera phone, I took a picture of my boobs. Not topless, but it's mostly a cleve shot with my bra on. I uploaded it to Flickr so I can get the html so I could send it to someone, and I forgot that your pictures are public on there. So when I went back to Flickr today to get some pics, I noticed that it said "52 views" on the boob pic. If I wanted 52 douchebags to check out the "girls", I would have posted the pic on MySpace.

5. Speaking of douchebags, the mechanic totally fucked up the car. So I'm off to buy a new car tomorrow morning. I hate buying a car, because the salesmen are usually douchebags, and the deal I'm getting sounds pretty decent, but I'm just waiting for them to do the "well..." thing. If they do, I'm fucking leaving. Like I can't get another piece of shit Jap car somewhere else?

PS - If you ask nicely, I might let you see the picture of "the girls" :-) Hey, everyone on Flickr has, so why not?

10:58 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Matchbooks Part 2
Current mood: cranky

Ok, a while ago, I tried to post some of my matchbook collection so Ktown Matt could check them out and start hatin' on me, but they wouldn't show up for shit. So I'm re-doing it. I know this is probably the  faggiest blog I've done, but at least my momma ain't ugly.

Currently listening : Flesh + Blood By Roxy Music Release date: 14 March, 2000

12:56 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Gobbles is Sexy
Current mood: cranky

It seems that ever since I put the picture of Gobbles as my default picture, I've been getting more friend requests than usual. Most of them are from other cats or people that put their cat on their profile (like me).

That's because Gobbles is a sexy bitch and all the pussies want his junk. But sorry lady cats, Gobbles doesn't have his junk anymore because he was spraying and tearing up my shit.

Currently listening : The Mix By Kraftwerk Release date: 25 June, 1991

12:29 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Mmm mmm Fresno!
Current mood: cranky

Yes, I know I said I was going to write a blog about The Big No. But I've been working hard, fuckers. SOMEONE has to bring home the bacon.

So here some pics of my Fresno adventure:

8:53 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Not so Ghetto breakfast.....
Current mood: cranky

I've never been a big breakfast person. When I was in school, I would usually go without, because I wasn't hungry. When I was out of school, I wouldn't eat breakfast because I would get up at eleven, so it was Top Ramen time.

Once I moved to LA, I appreciated breakfast more, because I liked going out early in the morning for a walk and them some grub. Or after a night of partying, nothing was better than a carb bomb in your stomach. And then a nap. Then you go out again the next night, having Midori sours with a whiny Silverlake guy. And then the next morning you go out for breakfast alone (because you NEVER take a guy from Silverlake home with you, because they’ll talk shit about what’s in your fridge and steal your records and take them to ‘Meba for drug money). See? Breakfast is a mean, vicious circle, so you might as well do it right.

Key:

O - Lots of old folks, S - Smoking patio, $ - A little pricey, L - Limited Hours

Nicks – (Pico and La Cienega) S, L – If you want some old school shit, check out Nick’s. The breakfasts are aight, but you’re basically paying for the charm. The waitresses are nice, and the breakfast steak is decent. They also have the green Tabasco (which I enjoy on scrambled eggs). They also have El Tapatio, but I’m sorry – there’s only certain things you use El Tap for and huevos are NOT one of them. The best time to go is a Saturday, because it’s located in a hardcore Jew area, so they’re all still sitting in the apartment doing nothing until sundown. But their religious devotion means breakfast bargains for you!

The Griddle Café – (Sunset and Fairfax), $, L – Yes, I know this isn’t super cheap (or ghetto), but it’s a great place to go when you want a change from the typical eggs and crap. Homemade jam sits on the counter, and they have great concoctions – omelet’s that have chili (straight from Chili My Soul), chocolate and banana pancakes, and a whole bunch of weird breakfast dishes. Be careful for the management thought – one time I ordered Huevos Rancheros and I asked for no sour cream. When it came, it had sour cream, so I let the waiter/manager/wannabe actor know (I wasn’t rude about it, since it was an easy mistake). He took it back and started yelling at the cook and throwing a fit. I felt bad – if I had known the cook was going to be beat like Kunte Kinte for messing up my plate, I wouldn’t have said anything.

The Googie Café – (West LA) S, O – If you got some “fish and eggs” action the night before, then you need to go here and get some more “fish and eggs” action. But this fish and eggs are eggs of your choice and a whole Idaho farmed trout. You have to pick out the bones, but other than, it’s the bomb yo…

 

Homstyle Cafe - (Ontario) O, L - This cozy place is hidden inside of the Guasti vineyard, but it is SO worth it. The portions are HUGE, and it's dirt cheap (go to my photos and there's a pic of my lil' bro with ONE of their pancakes). For $8.99, you get a huge steak, ton o' eggs, potatoes, and biscuits and gravy or toast. Coffee is a quarter. Make sure you bring cash though, because your almost maxed out Visa is NOT accepted.

 

Earls - (Tustin Ave., Orange) S, O - Any place that's open 25hs a day is a-ok with The Ghetto Gourmet. It's been a while since I've been there, but we would get the #86 - two eggs, two sausages, two bacons, and two pancakes for $2.99. I remember it being $1.98, but they raised the prices when they redecorated. But $2.99 is still a fucking deal, asshole.

 

Places I am NOT impressed with for breakfast:

 

The 101- (Franklin and Argyle), $ - Ok, you KNOW how much I wet my panties over this place, but I don't think the breakfast there is all that. Mark swears the breakfast burrito is good, but I don't dig black beans, and it seems that most of their breakfast items have black beans. And I know what you're thinking - "Even their pancakes have black beans?" Fuck you - no wonder you're single.

 

Dinahs - (Sepulveda and Centenella) O - I'm sorry, but the breakfast is fucking gross. How can you fuck up breakfast? The cooks at Dinah's sure can. I like their dinners, so it's not all bad. But believe me - SKIP THE BREAKFAST. I remember one morning Dinah's caught on fire - I was watching the whole thing from the parking garage at work (I worked at the Howard Hughes Center at the time). Why did it burn down? Because they were attempting to make breakfast and caused a grease fire. The eggs are runny, the hash browns burnt, the sausage is alive, etc...

There's always non-breakfast type items you can enjoy for breakfast, but that's another blog for another time :-)

6:57 PM - 6 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

The Ghetto Gourmet's Top 20 Album Covers
Current mood: cranky

VH1 is so fucking stupid.

I was on their web page trying to check out the Top 100 Kid Stars (I love me some Will Wheaton) and I saw that they had the Top 50 Album Covers.

So I checked it out and, like the rest of VH1, it sucked ass.

I agree with a few of the picks, but the biggest problem with it was that they had some really great albums, but the covers really weren't all that. Yes, I know Purple Rain is a FANTASTIC album, but the cover is eh...

A Ghetto Gourmet rule: A great album doesn't not a cover make. (Check out the Yoda speak!)

So here are The Ghetto Gourmet's Top 20 Album Covers. These are ones that I like and that I think are the bomb. I'm not claiming these to be the Best of All time, because no one can call that. But I'm judging these on COVER only. Sure, the actual album may suck, but we're not judging that, so shut the fuck up already.

(Not in any particular order)

Tonight's The Night - Neil Young

Soft Cell - Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret

Misfits - Walk Among Us

Lou Reed - Transformer

Tom Waits - Small Change

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Let Love In

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Henry's Dream

Devo - New Traditionalists

Morrissey - Bona Drag (or what I like to call it, Boner Drag)

Sparks - Propaganda

Alice Cooper - Goes to Hell

Cheap Trick - Cheap Trick

Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here

Kraftwerk - Trans Europe Express

The Motels - The Motels

New York Dolls - New York Dolls

Big Black - Songs About Fucking

The Mothers of Invention - Freak Out!

Gary Wilson - You Think You Really Know Me

X - Los Angeles

4:00 PM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

The Ghetto Gourmet Tour
Current mood: cranky

Yes sir, the air is getting hot, I'm losing my fat (15lbs lost so far,G), and I'm getting sick of extraditing criminals, so you know what means?

Cause it's vacation time brother!

I will be hitting these Ghetto Hotspots:

Trip 1: Fresno
Trip 2: Some shit town in North Dakota
Trip 2: Reno

Tomarrow I leave for the first trip, which is Fresno. I like Fresno, because it has plenty of ghetto eats, white trash, and John Deere tractors.

I will be back Monday night, and then I have to go to LA on Tuesday to take a test, so I'll probably have a phat trip report Tuesday night.

See yall!

Currently listening : Psychic Hearts By Thurston Moore Release date: 09 May, 1995

1:52 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

The Hotel Cecil Diaries
Current mood: cranky

I was literally THIS close to homelessness.

My lease was up on my apartment in Hollywood, and my Downtown apartment wasn't ready yet. So I had to stay somewhere. Someone suggested the Hotel Cecil, since it was a few blocks away from my soon-to-be-apartment.

Remind me to fucking KILL that someone the next time I see them.

The Hotel Cecil is Ghetto with a capitol G, and not Ghetto in a good way (like yours truly). Ktown Matt is obsessed with the place. I want to hit him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and tell him "NO! No Hotel Cecil!". It reminds me of that scene in National Lampoon's Vacation, when they get lost in the ghetto of St. Louis.

I was checking an old blog and found some entries that I had wrote when I was staying there. So here they are....The Hotel Cecil Diaries.

Blog ..1: I was laying down taking a nap yesterday when I heard this in the hall way outside of my room:

White Trash Woman Yelling at her Boyfriend: " Go ahead and call the cops. I wish you'd call the cops. But you wont call the cops cause you have all the crack!"


Blog..2: I was waiting downstairs right inside of the doors for Al the Artist to pick me up for dinner. This broke ass fool with gold teeth (or "golteef") and a pimp hat sees me, and then steps inside to talk to me.

Golteef: " Happy Valentines Day."
Me: " Leave me the fuck alone."

Isn't love grand?


Blog ..3: I heard this while waiting for the elevator:

Black Guy ..1: " Man, this fool out there hit me up for my last cigarette."
Black Guy ..2: " I would have said " Nigga, get yo' own muthfuckin cigarettes."
Black Guy..1: " I would have said that before, but last time I did that, some muthafucker stabbed me in the back for my last fucking Kool. Shit man, I don't play THAT shit no more."

He then proceeded to show his scar. I wouldn't have taking a stabbing for a Kool. Maybe for some faggy Djarums....


Blog ..4: I'm pissed off (pun intended) about the toilet here at the Hotel C.
After you do you business, you have to flush the toilet like three times to make sure it all goes down. It flushes pretty fast, so it's not like you have to wait for it to stop running and then flush again, but still....
Seriously, when I drop the kids off at the pool, I wanna make sure they're there swimming, not playing video games at the snack bar, if you know what I mean. But believe me folks, I'm probably the only one here in the Hotel C that has natural crack in the bathroom.

2:23 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Ex-Boyfriend Profile .1
Current mood: cranky

Johnny Centavo - September 2000 to September 2001


I met Johnny Centavo (OBVIOUSLY not his real name, dilweed) online and we talked for a good deal of time before he decided to hook up. I told him to meet me at Satellite (my favorite club - R.I.P) and he said no, he wanted to stay home and READ and jerk off. So off to the club I went with The Gang.

But like a fucker, he showed up and we sat together. He wouldn't dance with me (he probably wanted to sit there and watch my boobies bounce up and down while I danced) and when we sat together, I played with his hair and he grabbed my foot, saying he had a foot fetish. I admit it, I was instantly smitten.

He didn't want to go to Canter's with us afterwards (fucking anti-Semite), so we said our goodbyes in front of the club. When he turned to walk away, I slapped his ass for good measure.

So he comes out to see me the next week, and we dined (I use that word loosely) at Gus Jr.'s. He ordered chicken strips, which is the only food he EVER eats. Seriously, we can be in a 5 star restaraunt and he'll fucking order chicken strips. Dude, my 11 year old brother eats more than fucking chicken strips. Anyways, then he started RAGGING on the CD's I had in my bag. We pretty much fell in love that day.

As a boyfriend, he was pretty good. We shared A LOT of the same interests and picked up some new ones from each other. He hated my brothers and my cats (even though the asshole GAVE me one of the cats) and didn't mind eating "cat", if you know what I mean. The Gang all liked him a lot ( John even thought he looked like Peter Frampton) and he would make me laugh so much.

So what went wrong?

Well, he's one of those people that take their shitty mood and problems out on everyone else. Look, I'm sorry you've been in Junior College for four years. How is that MY fault?

And I got bored.

We continued to talk and hang out for a while after that. Then he decided he was too cool to hang out with me, because he started going to Par Avion. Par Avion doesn't make you cool. Par Avion was like Club Metro if Club Metro was held in a fucking broom closet.

I stopped talking to him because I was sick of his shitty fucking attitude towards me. I never did anything bad to him. If anything, I was TOO nice - I got him his first birthday cake, took him to Vegas for his 21st birthday, took him to the snow for the first time in his life, took his ass to the Cabazon Dinosaurs, published his articles in my magazine, got him hooked on Devo, and ONLY GAVE HIM THE BEST HEAD HE'S EVER HAD!

Would I go out with him again? He hates the way I keep house and I hate how he gets snotty with me. But all and all, I'd fuck him.

1:50 AM - 4 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

Mom's locked up again, Mijo
Current mood: cranky

The Art Laboe Drinking Game


1)Everyone picks a name of a prison in California (favorites – Chino, CRC (Norco), Tehachapi, Corcoran, Calipatria, Ironwood, Pelican Bay, Pleasant Valley, Coalinga, San Quentin, etc…).

2)When dedication is for someone in your prison, take a shot
*Take two shots if person has “ Lil’ ” in their name.

3)Everyone takes the name of a city (favorites – Riverside, Los Angeles, Bakersfield, Tucson, San Jose, Fresno, Reno, Monterey Park, El Monte (or any classic East LA city), etc…).

4)When dedication is for you city, take a shot.
*If dedication is FROM your city TO your prison, take THREE shots.

5)If someone is crying, take a shot.

6)If the WHOLE family gets on the phone, either together or one right after another, take a shot.

7)Blow a kiss when either Art or callers blow a kiss.

Songs to drink to –

Angel Baby (English version AND Spanglish version)
Always and Forever
I’m Your Puppet
At Last
Lost In Love
Rock and Roll Gangster
On A Sunday Afternoon
You’ll Lose a Good Thing
Dedicated to the One I Love
La la la Means I Love You
I Do Love You
Daddy I’m in Love with a Gangster
Computer Love
Between the Sheets
18 with a Bullet
Break Up to Make Up
Smile Now, Cry Later
So Lonely
Memories of El Monte


If you really want to have a good laugh, tune into the Art Laboe Sunday Special at 6pm on 92.3. It’s nothing but a support group for gangbangers and old cholos and cholitas. They make dedications to their loved ones, their deported ones, their locked up ones, their enemies, and their familia. Hey, I guess when you’re living the “Vida Loca”, you need to get your emotions out, while listening to moldy oldies, by the original moldy oldie himself, Art Laboe. Granted, he did pioneer the Los Angeles radio scene, and I truly believe that he gives a shit about the people that call in, but C’MON! The shit’s so repetitive, you just need to tape one show and listen to it over and over and you’ll have the same shit he plays EVERY SUNDAY NIGHT. But I guess much like the Goth world, unfamiliarity breeds contempt, so I guess that’s why he never changes the show. But wait a minute, what if it’s not really Art Laboe? Maybe he died twenty years ago and they just keep playing a month’s worth of old shows? Hey, it could be true. July 17th, 1981 was declared Art Laboe day and he received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. He looked about eighty-five then, so how in the world can he be alive and kicking enough to do a radio show every Sunday night? It’s probably his head floating in a jar of formaldehyde and some robot legs, just like Mr. Burns on the Simpsons. I know it sounds like a stretch, but a girl can dream, can’t she?

12:34 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

When Ghetto Foods attack.......
Current mood: cranky

With spring finally here and summer just around the corner, Ghetto Food Attacks are on the rise!

I have been the victim of Ghetto Food attacks not one, but THREE times….and lived to tell about it. But you and your loved ones may not be so lucky.

The first time I was attacked by a Ghetto Food product was back in 1991. I was in sixth grade at the time, and it was St. Patrick’s day. What should have been a joyous occasion turned out to be sad and disturbing day…
I was hungry and decided to have a Cup O’ Noodles. It would satisfy me, but not ruin my appetite for the corned beef and cabbage to come. I filled with it with water and put it in the microwave. When it was done, I put a fork in it and set it on the table to cool off. I then sat down in a chair next to it and then the unexplainable happened….

It tipped over and fell into my lap.

After sitting in an ice cold bath, I was rushed to the hospital, where I was diagnosed with severe second-degree burns to my left thigh. I still have the scar to this day, and it serves as a reminder of what an angry Cup O’ Noodles can do to you.

The second time – Jack in the Box drive-thru on a Sunday night. I ordered the usual Ghetto Gourmet fare – two tacos for $.99 cents and an order of onion rings. After getting our order, we started to drive home. Instead of letting the onion rings cool down, I reached into the bag, grabbed one, and brought it to my mouth.

I took a bite and the burning hot onion whipped down and burned my chin.

The rest of the onion rings in the bag just looked up at me, pleased that their one sacrificial warrior did his job by injuring me. And to make matters worse, while I was crouched over in pain with a napkin on my chin, Mark asked…
“Dude, can I have one?”
“Fuck you, can’t you see I’m in pain?”
“Ok, I can wait…”

I had a red mark on my chin for a week. Lesson learned? NEVER fuck with a Ghetto Food product while they’re angry.

Two months ago, I was shopping and I was craving a $.99 Jenos supreme pizza. I went to the frozen food aisle and I saw that a row of Jenos pizzas were leaning against the glass door, in attempt to escape their ice cold prison. Being foolish, my need for a Jenos supreme pizza took over my common sense and I opened the door.

The Jenos pizzas came falling out onto the floor and one of them fell on my foot corner side down. As I picked them all back up, I looked at my foot. I didn’t see anything wrong, so I went ahead and put them back. I continued my shopping and drove home.

Once home, I noticed that there was blood all over my foot. After cleaning it off, I saw a little cut where my big toe and foot come together. That Jenos pizza certainly let me know whom I was fucking with, and now I have a scar to remind me not to take any chances when it comes to angry Jenos pizza.

The moral of this story – always take caution and concern when dealing with Ghetto food products. Remember – you can take the food out of the Ghetto, but you can’t take the Ghetto out of the food.

1:57 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment