"A Cunning Linguist, Vol. II"
Current mood: numb
Category: Writing and Poetry

I've posted some of my lyrics from Whore for a Heart (the band I scream/sing in) on this blog before, as well as some poetry/writing, because, well, it's better than posting about what I had for lunch (taters and cream, and a home burger with cheese from Lick's) or how annoying public transit is (very, actually). As always, these lyrics are merely alcohol-induced ramblings during times of torment, depression, hatred and loneliness, and, as such, are subject to change without notice.

"PLAGUEBEARER"

The only heart she's [ever] broken is her own

Never forgive those lies

whispered in callous arms

Northern hostility her only gift to give, drained of empathy...

She feels nothing

Desire decays to sickness

her touch causes only plague

Head stuffed with cotton, skin kissed with razor scrapes, dulled by her flesh...

She feels nothing, only the lack

She can't be his anything

This hate never healed

"WOUNDS WORN AS BADGES..."

Hate the day, choking

on the words she can't say

Find a way, to kill

The plague inside, her head

Those words are weapons

scraping across her mind

If she can't be her

everything she'll be [Dead to Her]

(Never) Wounds worn as badges

(To want) Become weights

(Only) Dragging her down

(To need) Such beauty rapes

She consumed salvation

Trembling to meet her gaze

No amount of pills

will ever salve [such rage]

(Never) Wounds worn as badges

(To want) Become weights

(Only) Dragging her down

(To need) Such beauty rapes

Scream at the sun...

"BROKEN NOT BREAKING"

There's a lack [of] poetry in her prose

The absence burns her throat, chokes the words

Some words are better left unsaid and unheard

Her heart will always be broken not breaking

Skin rubbed raw, drenched in hate, she betrayed

Stain horror with beauty, lacking solace

Lie to me...

Currently reading : Lullaby: A Novel By Chuck Palahniuk Release date: 17 September, 2002

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"Two by two, hands of blue..."
Current mood: lonely
Category: Quiz/Survey

Two Names You Go By:
1.) The Gramlich.
2.) Jerk.

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1.) My wounds, worn as badges, turned to weights...
2.) a Coalesce T-shirt.

Two Things You Want Badly At The Moment:
1.) Her.
2.) To be wanted.

Two pets you have:
1.) Cassandra (my puppy!!!).
2.) Is a cell-phone a pet??? How about an Ipod?

Two people who will fill this out:
1.) Me.
2.) You.

Two things you did last night:
1.) Watched the special features for Aliens on the Aliens Quadrilogy set.
2.) Fell asleep watching Aliens.

Two Things You Will Do Tonight:
1.) Sleep.
2.) I don't know...

Two Favourite Holidays:
1.) Halloween.
2.) Devil's night.

Two Things You Can't Live Without
1.) Air.
2.) Food and water.

Two Favourite Numbers
1.) 1 (it's the loneliest number).
2.) 42.

Two Current Favourite Songs
1.) "General Anesthetic" by All Else Failed.
2.) "Buy Me a Drink" by Cable.

Two Favourite Sports
1.) MMA (Pride and UFC).
2.) Football.

Two Good Drinks:
1.) Gin and Tonic.
2.) Rye and Ginger.

Two TV Shows:
1.) The Wire.
2.) Battlestar Galactica.

Two Favourite Foods:
1.) Steak.
2 ) Chicken burritos.

Two Favourite Passions in Life:
1.) Whore for a Heart.
2.) Self-abuse.

Currently playing : Grand Theft Auto Vice City Stories Release date: 30 October, 2006

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"You're holding back again, you said, you wouldn't..."
Current mood: numb
Category: Quiz/Survey

THIRTEEN FAVORITES

01. Television show: The Wire, Battlestar Galactica.

02. Flower: The dried, dead kind...

03. Color: Purple, because black's not a colour, right?

04. Sport: Football, MMA.

05. Store at the mall: Fuck the mall. Except EB Games. It can stay.

06. Music: Metal/hardcore/aggressive.

07. Food: Utopia Cafe.

08. Season: (now is the) Winter (of our discontent).

09. Animal: Great White Shark. I know it's not an animal, per se, but there's no favourite shark question here.

10. City: NYC.

11. Movie: Aliens.

12. Friend: I don't believe in friendship anymore. There are only people who use and people who get used.

Currently listening : Good Enough for the Girls We Roll With By All Else Failed Release date: 08 August, 2006

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"Three Days..."
Current mood: cold
Category: Quiz/Survey

Three of Your Everyday Essentials:
1. Tylenol 3
2. 7-UP
3. Acidophilus

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. My heart, stapled to my sleeve...
2. Darth Vader boxers
3. Second Nature Recordings T-shirt

Three of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists:
1. Jane's Addiction (there were no reunions...)
2. Buzzov*en (Kirk, phone home, we're worried...)
3. Hole (Courtney and Gramlich will be together, one day...)

Three of Your Favorite Songs - (at the moment):
1. "Rock Lobster," Botch
2. "L.A. Medley," Jane's Addiction
3. "Mary Had A Little Drug Problem," Scratch Acid

Three Things You Want in a Relationship:
1. To be wanted...
2. To be vulnerable...
3. To be needed...

Three Physical Things About the Opposite Sex That Appeal to You:
1. the female form
2. tattoos
3. piercings

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1. Depression
2. self-abuse
3. alcoholism

Three Things You Want to do Really Badly Right Now:
1. Suicide
2. Homicide
3. Genocide

Three Places You Want to go on Vacation:
1. Australia
2. LV-426
3. Fiorina "Fury" 161

Three Things You Want to do Before You Die:
1. Record with Whore for a Heart
2. Play live again with Whore for a Heart
3. Be in love (and have said love reciprocated) again...

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically a Chick/Guy:
1. Well, there's the whole "male genitalia" thing, that makes me a guy.
2. I love, love violent sports.
3. I cry a lot for no reason

Currently watching : Ultimate Fighting Championship, Vol. 60: Gracie vs. Hughes Release date: 24 October, 2006

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Your final answer?
Current mood: lonely
Category: Quiz/Survey

1. Honestly, what color is your underwear?
-Black, like my heart!

2.) Honestly, whats on your mind?
-"I don't want to be alone anymore..."

3. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
-Listening to Cash, answering this survey, defragging my iPod...

5. Honestly, do you think you are smart?
-I think I'm smart enough to realise how screwed I am but not smart enough to change it.

6. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
-I woke up...

7. Honestly, do you watch Disney channel?
-Never, the Discovery Channel, however, is an entirely different matter.

"Stop! Survery Time!!!"
Current mood: anxious
Category: Quiz/Survey

1. You have 10 bucks and need to buy snacks at a gas station, what do you get?
-Sour Cream and Bacon Ruffles and some sort of cola beverage, preferably Seven-Up.

2. If you had to be reincarnated as some sort of sea dwelling creature, what would you be?
-Since I have its jaw tattooed very largely on my back, I would have to say a Great White Shark. The pinnacle of evolution, the apex predator and a damn sexy engire of destruction.

"These words failed her..."
Current mood: numb
Category: Writing and Poetry

I'm been meaning to post some of my writing for a while now, just had to get around to copying it from drunken, bloody notes scribbled in a well-worn book that was even lost once or twice. Anyone who reads the Whore for a Heart lyrics, well, it's all pretty much pasted together from this stuff; this would be the raw, non-processed shit, I guess. The overly flowery, pretentious and long-winded stuff. I'm just going to post a couple things, well, just because... If people hate it, relate to it or get a reaction, at least that's something; if not, well, that's fine also.

Remember: these words are merely ramblings during periods of alcoholism, drug-abuse, self-abuse, desperation, self-hatred, despair and loneliness and, as such, are subject to change without notice.

-gramlich

xxx

No goodbye or last caress; the truth of it so much more horrible than the lie: that she could want her whoring heart, even for a moment. The oldest tale, over and over; no new way to say she dies at the end. But her hurt just seemed to lack the desire -- just wasn't in it. Half-hearted. Still, she broke the skin, marking herself in place of a touch that never was...

xxx

It never ceases to amaze, how quickly we realise that square someone isn't fitting into that not so round hole. Yet we pray to the gods of desperation and sleepless nights that we can rub the edges away. And we can. But we don't soften, we sharpen, and they, they slit throats...

xxx

And the razor can't cut anymore, dulled on the white of her flesh. Alleviate the suffering with abuse. "Old habits and the hard goodbye," or so they say. And she's never felt so unwanted, never so alone. Can't find anyone worth her words, and so they fail, trying to feel anything other than this. With a hate-blunted edge and perseverance, she still can't cut the cord, still can't say goodbye...

xxx

Dead to her, the beauty that rapes her soul. Her everything or her nothing, in the middle is where she drowned...

xxx

Lips stained black with regret; she hates the way the morning after feels. All the things she bled slipping from her grasp. "This can only end badly," she said. And it did...

xxx

Her pale skin so breathtaking. The tragedy of shattered porcelain. Parting like the sea. When inspiration hits, with both hands grab hold. Staining the walls with regret, she'd take it all back and do it all wrong again. She can never be anything but broken...

xxx

There's an absence of poetry in her prose, the "lack of..." burns her throat. Trying to soothe the red, ruptured capillaries a witness to her lack of restraint. And even after carving caring into rotten flesh, she still can't bear the sight, the disappointment of love left to rot. Putrid in its decomposition, corrupting and staining; "her desire a sickness, her caress a plague." In memories of her kiss lay the seeds of damnation. And never again could she spread her legs for the desire to forget. This whore offering her heart to any thief desperate enough to desire it. Still unable to meet her glance, shuddering at the possibilities and violations. This languid corruption so long in its coming, better left unsaid, better left unwritten...

xxx

And they will never bask in that warmth again. The rains came pouring down, washed away her glimmer of hope. Yet they fade a little more each day, compassion exchanged for want; their eyes steeled against the sight of her decay, growing older, bereft of beauty. "I am so exquisitely empty," she laughed. Truer words, mixed with kisses for cuts and touch-bruised skin...

xxx

A month of Tuesdays slit her wrists. Still, she can't find a way to say all the thoughts inside her head. With rubbed-raw skin and razor scrapes, these days seem to last forever, even though they're gone in moments. And while the angels weep and the bovine graze, her eyes sting from tears that won't come and words better left unsaid...

xxx

Three words and a day, carving caring into skin to pass the time, make this futility worth more than just copper. Even while the bloated beauty decays, rampant with abuse and degradation, the pills can't wash away all the hopes that turned to lead, or kill the plague of locusts inside her head...

Currently playing : EA SPORTS Fight Night Round 3 Release date: 19 June, 2006

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"You're not killing time, time is killing you..."
Current mood: anxious
Category: Quiz/Survey

1)Where do you like to sit at the movie theater?

-Front row centre, unless I'm with someone, because they usually don't want to sit that close, maybe three to five rows back then.

2) Where's the best pizza in town (name the city too)?

-Cora is good (Toronto), there's better, but I cant remember, maybe Pizza GiGis.

3) What was the first CD you ever bought?

-Well, Im a little older, so the first piece of music would be something like Guns n' Roses Appetite For Destruction on tape. CD I believe is Bleach by Nirvana, before Nevermind came out, by the way. Yes, I am that cool.

4) What kind of alcohol do you tend to drink the most?

-Before I would have said vodka or something, but I'm tryin to be country and make the switch to sour mash Whiskey. Being country is really, really hard...

5) If you won $1,000 on the radio, how would you spend it?

-Um, it's 2006, a thousand bucks ain't that much anymore. Probably on finishing my sleeve, or videogames, or put it in the bank and get more mutual funds, or the house. Although I've been meaning to go to Save More Army Surplus and get some new pants, shirts and a belt.

6) Okay globe trekkers, what's been your absolute craziest travel experience ever concerning transportation?

-Craziest? Luckily, nothing that crazy has ever happened to me on tour or anything, regarding vehicles. There's been lots of driving and sleeping in sub-zero weather in the seats of a minivan sitting up in a Mac Donalds parking lot, but nothing really crazy.

7) Name a country that you haven't yet visited, but REALLY want to go to?

-Australia. Ive always wanted to visit a penal colony...

8) If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?
-With her, in her arms...

9) What are your comfort foods?

-KD!!!

10) What's the most expensive item you've ever bought?

-I got a pretty high-end gaming computer, or at least it was when I bought it, probably a paper weight now.

11) Name the top three favorite video games you have played.

-Anything Grand Theft Auto, from III onwards, obviously.

12) What's the longest you've gone without a shower/bath?

-Once, on a month-long tour, I was going to be a crust punk and go the month without washing; I think I lasted three days.

13) What are you most excited about this week?

-Drinking this bottle of whiskey. Nah, rehearsal? We might be auditioning a new drummer, so that may solve one problem, mostly.

14) What was/is your favorite subject in high school?

-Anything English- or History-related. Fuck Drama, by the way.

15) Salvador Dali once claimed he could remember being in his mother's womb. What is your very earliest memory?

-I remember buying this bottle of whiskey. My long-term memory is for shit. Matt will always be like, "remember when this happened at a show, or this on tour?" And Ill always be like, "no."

16) List your favorite sources for national/world news (specific TV channels, newspapers, websites).

-Is it horrible to say The Daily Show or The Colbert Report? Newspaper, CNN, those little displays on the platforms of the TTC.

17) What color looks absolutely horrible on you?
-Most colours, so I stick with black, which is not a colour, actually.

18) Do you speak another language?

-Does jive count? No? Then no.

19) Name your phobias and fears, if any.

-Never finding that person to love and who'll love me, and being alone until I die. Or worse yet, having found her and lost her/not been with her already...

20) The book you are reading right now -- what is it about?

-Mike D. Williams's Cancer as a Social Activity. What is it about? Well, he's the end-time prophet preaching the end-time message.

21) Something about your apartment/house that just annoys you.

-Thin walls and loud, bass-heavy R&B/funk from the attached house. Nothing against R&B/Funk, but when all you can hear is the sub-woofer, well, that shit gets hold real quick.

22) It's all made of the same thing, but what's your favorite kind of pasta?

-See #9.

23) What's the longest you've slept in one sitting?

-I don't know. One day I hope to sleep forever...

24) The most northern part of the world you've been was where?

-I have no idea, I live in Canada though; its called the "Great White North," that's got to count for something, doesn't it?

25.) Where was your last vacation?

-What's a vacation? Yeah, it never gets old.

26) What is your cumulative GPA in college?

-No idea, I have a PhD in cold rocking it, yo.

27) Are you more like your mother or your father?

-I hear I'm a lot like my dad, but since he died when I was three, I'll never know. Thanks for bringing that up, jerk.

28) The clearest water you've ever seen in the whole world was where?

-Bought at a store.

29) Which of your MySpace friends is most likely to have been in prison and for what crime?

-You're not fooling me; Ive seen Goodfellas: "always keep your mouth shut, never rat on your friends."

30) When/where was the first time you saw flowing lava?

-On the Discovery channel.

31) Who is the last person you high-fived?

-Risa (Reesa?) @ King of Fools, I think. We started on colour on my right sleeve. Yeah!!!

32) If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?

-Probably, because of poor eyesight and asthma I'd probably have a cushy desk job or something. Yeah, bureaucracy.

33) Do you sleep with the TV on?

-I fall asleep to it from time to time, why, what's it to you?

34) Have you ever drank milk straight out of the carton?

-Nope, we have bags up here in Canada. Pop out of the bottle though? Hell yeah!!!

35) Have you ever won a spelling bee?

-Nope, I won a typing award and a math award in high-school though.

36) Have you ever been stung by a bee?

-Yeah, but it was my own fault; I should have stayed away from its honey, foolish poo bear.

37) How fast can you type?

-Fast, yo. I won an award, don't you read these things?

38) Are you afraid of the dark?

-Nope, the things I can't see in the dark, however, are another matter entirely.

39) Eye color?

-Blue.

40) Ever made out at the drive-in?

-Never been to a drive-in. At the Drive-in, however, were an awesome band.

41) When is the last time you chose a bath over a shower?

-Never happen.

42) Do you knock on wood?

-Of course, knock on wood.

43) Do you floss daily?

-Um, no?

44) Can you hula hoop?

-Hell yeah!

45) Are you good at keeping secrets?

-It depends on the secret and how drunk I am.

46) What do you want for Christmas?

-Her...

47) Do you talk in your sleep?

-I don't think so. I used to sleep walk as a kid, punched out the glass in a door once and everything.

48) Do you wish on your fallen lashes?

-I wish on fallen anything; I'm that desperate. "In desperation we reach, in desperation we stumble..."

49) Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?

-Yeah; I used to have a problem with fighting, and then a problem with showing up.

50) Can you handle the truth?

-I would rather have a truth that hurts than a lie that helps. Just the way I am.

51) Any cool scars?

-I don't know how cool they are, but, yeah, far too many that I'm not very proud of.

Currently watching : Pride Fighting Championships: Bad Blood - Ringside Collector's Edition Release date: 25 April, 2006

7:26 PM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

"Shoot the hostage..."
Current mood: crushed
Category: Quiz/Survey

1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT RING?
No, that would imply having someone love or care enough about me (preferably female) and have a relationship last longer than the morning after. A girl once asked me to marry her though, she was kind of crazy. She taught me how to use a razor, abuse pills and hate myself. I kind of miss her. Kind of...