Seeping In [brand new poem ]
Current mood: distractable
Category: Writing and Poetry

Seeping In

Currently listening : Worlds Collide By Apocalyptica Release date: 2007-10-01

3:44 AM - 9 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment

Inject Me
Current mood: blissful
Category: Writing and Poetry

Inject Me

A victim, hapless, worthless

Make me new, mold me to fit

The perfect behind your eyes

Circling the brainstem

Give me my new DNA

Inject me with who you need me to be

I have lost the feeling

I have gained apathy

You don't see me

You see that which you despise

Hand over my new chromosomes

Inject me with who you thought I was to have been

Colors swirling and tossing about

Filtering in through the puncture wound

Will the evidence remain that I used to live

Will the needle make its mark

Hand me a new identity

Inject me with the poisons you crave

(c) Amanda Stephens 2008

4:40 AM - 12 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment

The Scar We Leave (a Wordplay Picture creation)
Current mood: breezy
Category: Writing and Poetry

The Scar We Leave

Burning sky and chilled steel
Contrasting figures making my mind reel
So much destruction so much pain
Topping it off with acidic rain
Our Earth, it shudders and inwardly moans
But we gladly pay the price for the toys that we own
Captilalistic behaviour and errant thoughts
Will you see just what that new toy cost?
Travesty tragedy and mayhem we cause
Never once stopping to look at what we just lost
Our depravity runs rampant with no supervision
But who really cares when we are on our mission
To destroy, to cause harm, deplete all that we are
This rolling machine leaves a smaller scar.
(c) 2008 Amanda Stephens

11:07 PM - 10 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

My Secret Life (my Duality Submission for Karnival of Sin and Wordplay )
Category: Writing and Poetry

My Secret Life

I feel as though I live two lives. Each as completely different from the other as possible. The catch here is that one is lived in secret. It is lived in my dreams. My subconscious takes on this role as if it is made for it. I am not the person you see before you. I am confident, caring, and personable. Surprises you does it? I am desired. I do not want for anything. This secret me is the one that would have been chosen.

I would have turned out differently. I may have been powerful, rich, sought after. Instead, I reverted to what truly is. The woman that see people for who they truly are. All the evils that accompany that as well. I am strong deep down. I do care but I have to hide that, for others may steal what remnants remain of my soul. Trust is no longer an option. A smile no longer holds its sway on me. I smirk back but mask my resentment. When you let the smiles in the pain quickly follows. That is not something I can allow.

That secret me would turns heads with just a smile though, an enticement of mystery. I long to let that secret me out. Let her frolic in my world for a bit. See the destruction she could cause with just a sly wicked grin. Oh, what fun she would have. The havoc intoxicating. But still she remains locked in a cell of daydreams. My painted world her view.

I struggle with the duplicity. I want for once to know all the facts up front and have a strategy, a plan of attack. I seem to be bound by rules pressed upon me by tyrants. Dictators who have never experienced trouble with love, mercy or hope. Those that think my life is a science experiment.

As the experiment continues, I am drawn deeper inside my secret me. Acting out my desired resolutions. Experiencing what my life should have been. I know this is all a lie but I linger.

Dreams and reality, the lines blur. Mass chaos ensues. My real life left unguarded by my jaded past is engulfed by a new evil. One set on pure devastation. How will I survive?

© 2006 Amanda Stephens

6:42 AM - 8 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Sometimes...
Current mood: apathetic
Category: Blogging

Sometimes it just seems that I am hollow. But then are the times I just crave humanity. Tonight is a night like that. I have been talking with my brother, providing him a listening ear. Helping him to cope with things in his life. I am trying to do the same for my close friend Megan. And I listen to my co workers and my mom and dad.  I always support those I love. They do the same for me most times.

I have never been one to completely bottle things up inside. I eventually talk through my problems. I share. lol. But it seems lately that I have to keep it in. That I can't possibly put what bothers me out there because I don't want to burden others.  Everyone around me is going through so much I just don't know.

I want to hate some people but can't express my hate because of the repercussions it will ultimately have. I know I shouldn't HATE any one but you know get over it because it happens. There are just some things that can't be forgiven. I want to be held by someone that loves me and have them tell me that all will be well. Sometimes you just need a hug. And the one I speak of makes you believe it. I don't normally go "woe is me." I really can't stand it to be honest and those that always pull that crap get on my very last nerve.  I feel abandonded by some of my friends, I feel ignored by some of my web friends and colleagues, I feel let down by decisions at work.

I want to cry so bad but I know all that does is leave me with a head and tooth ache. I am tired of being the source of the jokes. I am tired of being the smart friend that never gets the guy. I have standards and ethics that I will not let go.  I have had attention from one guy and it is only sexual innuendo. Doesn't look promising. I want more than that. I want someone to talk to, share things with, laugh with and enjoy. I am tired of people constantly telling me they " love me " when it is merely becoming a term to just be bandied about. There sometimes lacks the purity of it. I do take it honestly from some but not others.

I am tired of the two faced people I encounter. Those that purely use people to achieve only what benefits them leaving the carnage behind them for others like me to clean up and repair. One thing will remain a constant for me, I will remain the loyal friend that never forsakes those that are true and good to me but I will have to learn to not carry their burden. I am not their pack mule.  I only want friendships that are beneficial to all parties. that won't take me for granted, and ignore me when they don't need me. I don't comment on myspace alot because I honestly don't have the time. I love all the comments and messages I get from those that took the time to send them and one day I promise I will reciprocate the gesture. But life does continue in odd ways. I work in a call center and don't care to call people in my off time. You should ask my mom I only really just text her... I don't like talking on phones. I would rather email or Skype or text. I am not ignoring people I just have to distance myself from people sometimes.

I love hosting Wordplay Radio. I will honestly say that the comments I say there and on the blogs are my honest opinion and if I have other wise to say I will only say it to the source and will not blast my dislike for the world. It is not my place to discourage art. Constructive critism is one thing and I will offer and accept that but if I find something offensive I will not call you out on it when it is my issue and not the publics. I take pride in the things I do. I love being apart of the orgs I am affiliated with. I love my writing I love my crafts. I will say w/ all apparent pride that I crosstitch, crochet, tie dye, make montages, blog, quilt and paint. I am not ashamed of any of it. I have achieved much.

If you haven't noticed yet but this is really just a blog to help me air my mind out. I do like interaction with people. I love my readers and just wished more of you would comment not just read. For those of you that are truly my friends I thank you from the bottom of my heart. For those of you that are just collecting numbers I hope that one day you have your moment. For those that think I am only a piece of ass that is your loss. For those that love me from afar speak up or lose your chance. (don't accost me in my parking lot or break into my house that will get you killed. NO STALKERS PLEASE) 

Thanks for taking the time to "listen" Good night journey well

8:57 PM - 6 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment