rough

my heart aches from waking up and i can feel the warmth where others have been, knowing i cannot create these things.  that's for the straight forward.  i am off.  every night i think of every morning and in this morning i'm haunted by my dreams.  lost in a sub reality.  the world's moving two different ways and caught me in the grind. 

1:50 PM - 7 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

ringtone

*this is a song for my band, erie stabbers.  i apologize for all the rhyming! 

innocence and beauty is all in your head
living in ignorance with the bullshit we're fed
locking all your windows tuck the children into bed
you'll hear the ringing of the cellphones in the pockets of the dead

throw up the bombs randomly to the skies
burn all your bridges, cut all your ties
devotion and pride are excuses and lies
you sit smoking cigarettes while the cold baby cries

try to have values but you have low self esteem
a slave all your life to the corporate regime
white picket fence, the american dream
are an illusion, farther away than they seem

maybe tell your children to go play outside
or let them do something to challenge their mind
once you start thinking one day you'll find
your life is a joke, you're wasting your time

11:24 AM - 20 Comments - 38 Kudos - Add Comment

empty hangers

i know that god is purple
somewhere in a fabric store
ready to be made
worn as a decoration a couple days a year
then thrown back in the closet
with your secrets
your hatred
and your soul getting eaten alway by moths and time
it's a stale and lonely existence
trying to please and stay on top
i take comfort in being true to myself
wearing my values like naked skin
covering up for no one

1:08 PM - 19 Comments - 44 Kudos - Add Comment

countdown to nothing

along the walls
stacked high to the ceiling
shopping
consuming
eating
loving
massive amounts of pop, food stamps, cell phones, and designer nails
i pretend not to be a buyer of the dream
but when i'm not in attack, the modifications are being made
i need my time outs from living
breathing
processing
anger
and jealosy
this pattern of ruining everything in one foul sweep is not working out for me
on couches sunday night
thinking about christmas
boiling noodles
using crock pot
crushing oxy contin
reading henry miller
bi-polar
bi-sexual
agnostic
unknowing
eventful
kitten or puppy
baby on birth control
give me the ring
give me some space

Currently listening : Change Today? By T.S.O.L. Release date: 23 March, 1999

7:28 PM - 10 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment

short poem for a short temper

horns blow with babies watching
fog eats my fuck alive
i'm waiting to slip into my private spot
and try not to think about eternity

9:40 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

rebound

back me up
you believe in failing
there for me
down in the dirt
i drink my beer like drowning
and find clarity in black outs
anxious along with things i know
give me something to forget
or wish that i could
lying to myself over and over again
until like government idiots believe
pick me up in the corner
so you can feel me slide down again
laugh as my body deteriorates
and lose precious youth each day
i need more than beer
more than their friday night excitement
my addictions don't have a day job
they got me on call

8:36 PM - 7 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment

pass-ill

stuck in a fight
taking pills to make myself human again
i am an outrage
a monster
an embarassment
meticulous to a point
till i get lazy
a half ass waste of shit
tell my shiny nails not to break
don't worry about the rest

8:48 AM - 7 Comments - 15 Kudos - Add Comment

in bed with t.s.

pull my hair mean boy
kiss-me-bite-my-lips
you think that you're in charge here
while you're squeezing my tits and holding my neck
but i grab you tighter
and get you wet like i am
this is what i need you for
to make sure you're with me
i want to brand you
stamp you
own you
rape you
ride your face and make you swallow
tell me my name and never forget it
lost in me
my body
you're trying to hold on
easy to get me off
play me with your fingers and motion
i want you the fastest
deeper and deepest
curling on bed
with nails into your skin
i lose my voice
while you give me everything
i want it all
you are my favorite thing

8:42 AM - 16 Comments - 27 Kudos - Add Comment

wrong address

this home i'm not responsible for
with dishes and the bedroom
others have used
you fucked me without the sheets on
and her blood was right next to us
i try to ignore these things
and act like i've been domesticated
but you've had so much experience
and i'm just a little girl
your love isn't really mine
it's the leftovers no one wanted

8:19 PM - 32 Comments - 56 Kudos - Add Comment

lean

shivering in the dry air of your car
at 6 oclock sunday morning
with alcohol on my breath
depletion in my body
and i don't want to get out as brightness does
just stay here deluding myself
not thinking while you're in the house
so if i can't express my words right
then that's just the way i feel
dirty
unwaken
a frozen mess
stuck on pause
and ready to shut

9:04 PM - 9 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment

stuck in alumni

i need a little correction
for a lot of problems
i'm falling behind of all the people
who used to be like me
they're still laughing
remembering their predictions
i'm still sixteen
punk ass piece of trash

9:02 PM - 9 Comments - 13 Kudos - Add Comment

real men don't

you broke my soul my nose
and here i am waiting
i think i thrive on the pain
because it's all that you gave me
those arms you use to hurt me
i want on my body
you're so strong against me
my bloody lip tastes like candy

make me listen make me obey
move me over and knock me down
tell me what i did wrong all day
you like pushin little girls around
beat me till i'm black and blue
if it makes you feel like you can
do what you have to do
if it makes you feel like a man

you have no balls
you hit me like a pussy
can't stand up for yourself
don't take your issues out on me

10:32 AM - 18 Comments - 29 Kudos - Add Comment

again and again

the world gets out of control everynight, everyday for the duration of my binges.  all i learn from my mistakes is that i cannot change.  covered in vomit and the blood of four different people, i feel the effects of unknown drugs that i snorted anyway.  it doesn't matter where i pass out drunk, when i come out of the blackout.  i'll be somewhere else with people furious at me and i won't know what for.  living for alcohol is living for a life that does not exist but i suck it all down in shots and swigs.  bring me what i'm looking for.  turn this nothing into anything.  if i'm powerless to fix my ways i'll rely on my methods of melting the pain.  i'm raped, fought, and robbed, then back the next day, waiting on nothing in elaborate ways. 

12:20 PM - 12 Comments - 20 Kudos - Add Comment

fuck yourself and don't cum

and she won't go away from us
too bad i really wanted to stay with you
but your friends lied to our faces
can't trust no one anymore
now here we are stuck without a word to say
and never gonna leave this place
could you stick to what you promised?
act the way you really feel?
forget about pretending?
and tell each of them to go fuck off!!!!

10:32 AM - 11 Comments - 24 Kudos - Add Comment

apt. 9

throw your food across the room
because the bacon wasn't crisp enough
but you pick it up an hour later and eat it anyways
since you had no other choice
besides stale cereal and powdered milk
so i lost 30 pounds and pregnancy
because you had to drink
and cried in pain on our bedroom floor (bed)
because you used all my prescriptions
you did everything you wanted to me
and gave only fear in return
and beat my face into concussion/ the ground
because i wanted to see my family again
and i still loved you
and your sickness
until i had none left for myself
then you told me to leave on valentine's day
and i finally never came back

11:57 AM - 14 Comments - 27 Kudos - Add Comment