Autumn

After all the cemetery walks and self-analytic talks, the sulking and the wishing for a less cold and uphill coarse.  I'm satisfied and self-aware without desire to explain my complacence.  I see no reason to defend the things I've acquired during infructescense.  I've shaken down trees leaving them bare, watered new plants to no avail.  Seasons change and time has passed, pain and loss was all but lacked.  There are things that change and things that don't, things that will and things that won't. Truth can hurt and truth can heal, truth is in knowing which truths to feel.  Forcing new seasons never changed much at all but fall came without asking and without my control.  Finally the cost has been paid in full I've found justice in Autumn for all I've been through.    

11:49 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Day 10,372

I know a lot of people that love to say, "One day at a time" as an offering of hope or advice and I know a lot of people who count days since a day some time ago or until a day sometime in the future.  I'm more the kind of guy who likes to take things as a whole and not splitting everything up into easily counted sections.     
   

This is day ten thousand three hundred and seventy two.  When I see my life written out like that it really doesn't seem very long at all but when I think about all that's led up to now I don't get that same effect.  It's amazing how much can be fit into such a short time.  Much like when you have those dreams that seem like a full-length movie but somehow fit in between a 9 min snooze button interval.  I'll take the full-length movie over the nine-minute trailer any day. 

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October 2007

October 2007

With pockets and fistfuls of emotion I stand on top of mountains made up of years of trying times.  Just in this past month alone I've been a first hand witness to love, hate, birth and death.  A summary of the collection of hours and minutes referred to as and for lack of a better term, my life.  I am completely coherent as to which portions of this ever spinning pie chart I prefer over the other but what scares me is the lack of control I have of its rotation.  I haven't always but I now do my best to give my all in balancing this ball beneath my feet at least in respect to my own life.  But I can't help but feel uneasy about the fact that at anytime the ball could pop or be kicked out from underneath me by all, so much and any of which I have no control over.
AND yes this means you…and you…..and you…..and you…..and…..you…and….

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I've picked enough scabs

I've picked enough scabs and tasted enough of my own blood to realize that all this scratching at the surface always only leaves me with a more prominent scar. 

Whether I think I can force myself to forget certain things and move on is irrelevant to the fact that my mind will go wherever it decides and in doing so I will acquire all the emotional souvenirs that comes with all its time travel.  I can sit and repeat to myself the typical slogans of, "Just let go" or "Let it be" but the fact that I have to sit and remind myself of such slogans shows I haven't done much of either.  I realize now more than ever that I will always carry with me all that I'm made up of.  Whether good or bad, wanted or unwanted and knowing there isn't much room for negotiation on my capacity for one or the other.  

Believe me,  knowing this doesn't take away the instinctual wanting to revert back to childish reactions of stomping my feet and whining, "This isn't fair."  Which I'll admit, does seem a much easier slogan to repeat and believe in.  But all in all I think a time does come and may have just arrived in which you stand up and realize there's just something much bigger happening, bigger than feelings, bigger than emotions and bigger than me and it is time to just take some things for what they are, not because it's right, not because it's fair and certainly not because I feel redeemed but because the time has come where all that matters is no longer just me and with that comes the obligation to move my focus to what can be and away from what has already been done.   

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?

4:40 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

very rough draft work in progress

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Stay on the gray road, anything else is either black or white.

There's a thin gray road that cuts through the cemetery lined with stones that are marked with names and clever sayings that most times relate life to death.  A lot of the time I'll read them and wish I had thought them up.  Sometimes I wonder what my clever stone might read.  I suppose I could write something, at least then it would be one less wish I missed out on.  On the other hand I'm not sure I'd want anything written on it at all.  This thin gray road does a pretty good job relating life to death. 

4:00 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

2007 Boston Marathon

As you might already know, I'll be running the 2007 Boston Marathon to help support the Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children.  All the money I raise will go directly to their program and will make a difference.  If you would like to make a donation go to http://www.firstgiving.com/DaveBreslin  Donating through this website is simple, fast and totally secure. It is also the most efficient way to support my goal.  Every dollar counts and will be greatly appreciated. 

To learn more about the charity go to www.Mspcc.org

Many thanks for your support -- and feel free to forward this to anyone who you think might want to donate too!

-Dave Breslin

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The living want not to die and the dead want not to live

98.6 degrees, thin, a little sun burnt, in a padded chair with a flooded memory

I run through the list of thoughts I work to ignore everyday.

It might not be a preferred way of life but it's what has kept me from being

ice cold, swollen, pale white, motionless, underground and thoughtless.

Or vice versa.

5:53 PM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Unedited, Unfinished - work in progress

So much is absolutely backwards and we may have ruined any chances of ever getting to where we are supposed to be.

We live in a world where we are raised to believe we all fit somewhere and we are all different and special yet we are taught this in schools by the class load, just like everyone else. Individuality has gone bad.

Our jails are full and the biggest crooks are filling them. Our priests rape and threaten us with eternal hell. The largest lesson I ever learned in school a teacher awaits trial for. The government is full of ego and lies. Trust has definitely gone bad.

The people we meet are nearly the remnants of what they were meant to be. Reconstruction of the legs, stomach, tits, ass, lips, eyes, ears, hair, yet inside resides the same sad unhappy mind who doesnt like themselves. And why? Television is our baby-sitter, telling us whats important and cool and that everything is determined by what is seen and not what is done. Our self-respect has gone bad.

Its gone because we only give a shit about things after the fact or only until the news stops reporting it, like war, or aids, or hurricane victims. Its gone because our so called rational forgiving Christian society prayed for our soldiers as we carried out operation an eye for an eye. Its gone bad because I know you know we all know nothings going to change. Its all gone bad and ready to be thrown out because you agree with all of this and its always getting worse. Its really bad because this will anger people because it isnt politically correct which makes things even worse because politically correct is merely euphemisms and horseshit and we base society on politics which go figure, is full of euphemisms and horseshit.

When I leave a banana sitting on the counter too long at some point Ill throw it away and say, It has gone bad. I think by now its safe to say a lot has gone bad.

6:22 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Everything becomes the past

In retrospect it all seems to make sense.

Yet it's all so confusing in the moment.

I've found that since I've figured out this.

Much worry is so very worthless.

1:22 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Which came first

What is it really when someone hates you for what they did to you.  Bad luck?  On who's part?  I've had trouble understanding the way people allow selfishness to completely deny them compassion.  I've been selfish at certain points in life but never enough to not feel bad about it.  Is that the difference in people?  Like when you hear that saying about how there are two types of people in this world and someone goes on to list those two traits usually something like, "The quick and the dead" or "The haves and the have nots."  Maybe thats just it, maybe we're made up of just two types of people, the selfish and the compassionate to no control or decision of our own.  I'm not sure who said it but I once read a quote that said, "Without pain there would be no compassion."  Maybe that's what divides us; Those who've been pained and those who cause pain.  That would help explain a lot but it may wrap you up in a kind of chicken and egg type riddle.

3:00 PM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Taking Greece apart again

Your lack of freedom was beginning to lift the anger out of me
But to see your face again has shoved it right back where it used to be.
Shame on you for mistaking my silence for complacency
I won't satisfy until your shoved right back where you used to be.

The cage must've spun your mind in circles confusing your reality
Try not to choke when you get the dose I leave you swimming in aimlessly
Drink or drown it's up to you there will be no vineyard, ship or olive tree
Either way the only way is down, you should've sat in your cage quietly.

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Point Of View

Of all the broken thoughts that other people use to build their idea of who you are
Theres never one that is completely true.
What matters are that your thoughts are complete.

6:38 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Rough draft cover for upcoming book

possibly the cover to my upcoming book:

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