I'm in a new york (dramatic pause) state of mind.....
Current mood: determined

So three years ago I was sitting at a computer, like you do, and all of the sudden a certain thought momentarily interrupted my life. That certain thought was, 'I should go to London'. Usually I have weird thoughts anyway, at random times, which is why I quietly laugh a lot. It makes me look crazy but at least I'm entertained and that's all that matters. This little thought persisted though.

Fast forward three years. I'm sitting in my cubicle, spending 6 hours a day on the internet and doing a good 15 minutes of actual work a day, when I looked around and realized that if I stayed in that cubicle any longer, I would be forced to run full speed, head first into the nearest available window (they didn't open...next best thing) So I thought to myself, 'I shouldn't run into a window I should just go to London!. Why? because I can...and I'm weird'. I started calling people 'wankers' just to prepare myself for the shock of culture I was soon to face.

Feb 1st. I board the Virgin Atlantic flight to heathrow. I will add, just because it's my blog and I can add whatever I want, that the stewardesses on Virgin Atlantic are absolutely gorgeous...and they have accents! sweet jesus.... It isn't like southwest airlines. Apparently in Britain, they don't have to hire you if you're ugly. What a lovely flight. I watched 5 movies, drank some wine, read a book and was completely bored with anticipation. We land! Praise whoever you praise. I say cheerio to the lovely blonde stewardess and make my way to olde london towne. I wander up to the customs line which will make any dmv feel like a beautiful day...in a park...with trees....and other nature things.....This line is at least 350+ people deep. All smiling and speaking in strange languages...like english with a dutch accent. As an american, there is a certain confidence you have. A certain way of forgetting that most of the known world hates you with a passionate loathing type of disdain. I confidently extend my passport, with a smile and a friendly wink ( I don't really wink...I'm sprinkling fairy dust...shutup...it's my story). The little indian man takes my passport, scans my passport, hands it back............AND THEN PROCEEDS TO MAKE MY LIFE MISERABLE.

I was interrogated by this little man for 2 hours. 10 minutes into this spectacle, I look around and notice that I am the only one stopped. Lucky me. Now I checked my guitar, like a good musician would, so I didn't go through customs with a guitar in my hand. That is just a sign on your forehead that says, 'look at me...im lazy and i will live on your dole! ha ha! feckin limey bastards!'. After 2 hours of interrogation and subsequent harassing, they inform me that I am being held until they can sort out my story. mmm k. They proceed to venture me into the bowels of heathrow airport.

I am now sitting in a locked and windowless room in the middle of heathrow. I am in said room with an iraqui, 3 indians, a crying girl from thailand and some korean guy who had been sleeping for 3 days straight. Most of them had been in this room for 3 days. The loud one who ran around saying 'innit!' all the time asked me if I was south african. I told him that I was american and they all looked at me like I had 3 heads and leprosy. They were completely shocked that an american would get held at customs. An Iraqui? of course! even the iraqui nodded and smiled a little. I find out that in england, if you are about to get deported, you can argue your case....but they can hold you for up to a week before you see anyone. That sounds fun....

7 hours later I'm informed that I am being deported. After 48 hours of being awake and 16 hours without food, this is actually fantastic news. I go into another little room that is connected to the other little room to get fingerprinted and have a lovely mugshot taken. I'm sure I looked fabulous. I smiled of course. That's what you do when you lose a piece of your soul. Anyway, another 3 hours pass before my flight back to JFK. I finally get the knock on the window and say goodbye to my new ex-patriate friends and leave for my plane.

I get escorted by security through narrow little hallways and hidden doors. This is what happens when you get deported. It was actually kind of nice. A little VIP treatment. I didn't have to wait in any lines and I got seated on the plane first. Me and the security guard had a little chat before I boarded and he thought it was absolutely bizarre that I got sent back. I agreed. We laughed. Good times. Deportation! We talk about the many crazy weirdos that he has to run into in the airport security business. We talk about the economy. We shake hands. No reason not to be friendly. A little deportation never hurt anyone. I'm sitting on the virgin atlantic plane again and I get some sympathy and a little alcohol from another stunning stewardess. She agrees and says it's the strangest thing she's ever heard and that I must be 'completely knackered'. I smile. Mumble, 'I love you' ,and proceed to enter the sweet release of sleep.

The reason for deportation: I had a guitar and they didn't believe that I wasn't going to play gigs and I didn't have a job to return to.

I am now in Weehawken New Jeresey. A lovely 3 blocks of urban jungle situated nicely between hoboken and union city. I walk out into the middle of the road I now live on and can see the manhattan skyline. It truly is a beautiful thing. I've gotten over the shock of having your momentum and inertia flipped and spinned and crushed. I've gotten past the wondering of how I ended up here, of all places. My time, right now, was not meant to be lived in London. You make the best of these unexpected things and turn something seemingly horrible into something good. I fell off the face of the earth and landed on a little island.

Today is my birthday. 26 years ago I entered the world kicking and screaming.

I'll drink to that.

Cheers mate.

tim.

10:27 PM - 14 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

Save the cheerleader, save the world
Current mood: bored

As I listen to talk radio on my way home from an adventurous day of cubicle sitting, I hear this radio spot for the show 'heroes'. Now I haven't seen this show and I've heard it's highly addicting in a 'I just found out that I'm a superhero' sort of way...which to me would get old after oh...2 episodes. How many natural disasters can be accidentally averted thanks to someone who was running away from a hurricane, tripped, somehow started to fly, rode on the back of said hurricane like a man who doesn't look like Jesus (but who has a lot of class) and steered the menacing breeze away from a lone trailer park by sheer will of mind? I guess there is no end to how one can save the planet. Intentionally is one thing, but an accidental rescue of the entire human race can  carry you for at least 4-5 seasons on national television with an echo of awes and sighs and a choir consisting of all humanity collectively singing, 'I didn't see that coming!!'.

The premise is great. Save a puppy....save the elderly...oops…I just saved the world....but I have a problem. If you have a show and your dramatic arc and episode climax is "save the cheerleader, save the world", then there is a problem. Why the cheerleader? Why not the angry little emo kid who sits in the hallway, stares at people and writes angry songs on his black guitar? Why not save the band-geek or the mathlete? Why is the fate of all civilization hanging on the balance because a cheerleader is in danger? I'd like to meet this cheerleader. She must be amazingly cheerful. So cheerful, in fact, that an entire television show will be based around her safety! 30 minutes of someone trying to save a cheerleader. 30 minutes that one can never get back. And do cheerleaders really need saving?  If there is going to be a meteor attack or some terrorist organization is planning on abducting a high schooler in order to negotiate for more biological weapons and some prisoner releases, let's instead focus on saving the group of 6 giggling nerds talking about dungeons and dragons and how many magic points they got from their last warlock kill and how star trek was better in the next generation and how the playstation 3 could possibly be THE holy grail that has been searched for and adulated in myth and legend.

If anyone is going to advance mankind and better humanity and be a terrorist bargaining tool, it will be a nerd. No offense to any cheerleaders, you are beautiful creations, you just don't hear about a nobel peace prize winning rocket scientist Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. No no. They do, however, make the sporting world a little better, one pom-pom shake at a time. Bill Gates is a geek, yet he's giving, what? 500 billion dollars to charity. Many other nerdy people have made the world a better and scientifically more comfortable place to live. I just can't research at work.

As a former fat kid, goth hallway performer, and basic highschool outcast, I say no, don't save the cheerleaders! Not in 'highschool world' at least. I am not going to do the whole dissertation on life after highschool and what I've learned now that I'm 25. There are realities, and I knew them while in highschool. Johnny Mayer wrote a song about about it anyway, and that is all anyone could possibly need.

So forget the cheerleaders, eating disorders are better than ridicule and getting the crap kicked out of you for no reason anyway. Forget the football players and the homecoming queens, forget the beautiful people of the world who live in the OC and the Laguna Beach and can't form a coherent thought on their own. Forget the rich kids named Hunter and Ascot who whine because daddy bought them a BMW and not a Mercedes for their 17^th birthday. Sniffle.

Instead, remember the socially inept and inadequate, the screechy voiced, the acne ridden, the steely smiled, the awkward, the creatively strange and dramatic, the eccentric, the shamed, and even the smelly kid.

Save these, and then you will have saved the world Hollywood.

4:24 PM - 10 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment

NBC - Voted off the island
Current mood: amused

So unfortunately, as is with every reality show on television, someone has to get voted off. Sadly, that person is I. Depressing? not really. I didn't have to eat fish eyes or jump off of a moving car into a tank filled with electric eels being chased by bipolar sharks with mounted lazer beams and an inexplicable crankiness. All I had to do was sing. I didn't win a million dollars and I didn't even get any face time on national television, but I did get berated by David Foster, and apparently some people would pay for that kind of exposure. He did produce Celine Dion, as if that makes someone less of an asshole? I'd say that actually increases the chances of people not liking you.  'what do you do?' , 'im a producer' , 'wicked!!! who'd you produce?' , 'celine dion' ......::awkward silence::

Travis Barker was also a celebrity judge and appropriately awesome. Before performances he would just sort of space out a bit and giggle. They apparently had to do numerous takes of Travis watching people walk into the room because he'd lose focus and look at the ceiling and giggle some more. lol but he did like my music, so that makes travis barker an excellent judge and someone with fantastic taste in music. He was a little more laid back as opposed to Foster who looked completely disheveled and was probably nursing a terrible hangover from partying with Michael Bolton the night before. He cleaned up well though for 'duetting with the stars' or whatever it is now. The one where a celebrity sings with an actual singer....and they sing duets.....riveting!!! I'd pay to see keifer sutherland sing with kevin federline...or hell, any B-list actor sing with K-feddy......PO PO ZOW!!!!

During the auditions we all sat around in a little black-walled room filled with water bottles,corn nuts, and pissy musicians. I started talking to some bands while people went in for the interview and subsequent reaming by david foster in the auditions. One band came back and said that billy gibbons was one of the celebrity judges and that he was pretty mean. The other band and I just nodded and smiled and said things like 'wow' or 'no way',  but then we looked at each other and said 'who the hell is billy gibbons?'. I mentioned that I thought it might be the Tae-Bo guy, since they didn't have a large budget, but unfortunately it was the guy from ZZ Top, who is apparently rather mean.....and old.

At least now I can say that I was on a reality show and am now among such greats as Puck from the real world and that naked guy with a spear who won the million dollars and then didn't file his taxes, as if the government wouldn't know that he had a million dollars....he's in jail now, which is sort of like survivor but with shanks.

Anyway, thank you to everyone who voted! I appreciate the support and love. It was definitely an experience and as one friend put it, 'even if you don't win, at least you now know that you look good on camera'. Which is all that matters anyway.

love,
tim.

12:13 PM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

I love fox news!!!
Current mood: embarrassed

So according to fox news today, in order to commemorate the 9/11 tragedy, congress was to sing a stirring rendition of 'America, the Beautiful'. The clip was dramatically rolled as all members of congress, both democrat and republican and various other parties that I don't know about, started their beautiful and heartfelt rendition of the star spangled banner. Oops. Now a minor blunder from the fox news team is to be expected. If there weren't a minor set-back, I think people would worry. This isn't what made me laugh.

Although the members of congress are obviously not known for their vocal abilities, they are also not known for their memorization skills. Whoever had the lead mic, should brush up on his lyrics....mr.speaker....the star-spangled banner does not start off like this:

'o say can you see, by the STARS early light' - - - ?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!!!!

no no mr speaker....NO NO NO.....that is so very wrong. Now I am a young american, all of 25 years old and I have only voted a few times and have very few patriotic duties. However, I have seen enough sporting events and have watched enough television in my short life to know the FREAKING national anthem lyrics....and when someone says 'hey congress, we're gonna' sing...dems and repubs are going to grab hands and maybe a little ass and we're going to 'we are the world' up in this hall of justice' , you'd think the main mic holder would think to himself, 'christ, i should prepare'. But NO....on a day of rememberence, for a piece syndicated to the ENTIRE human population who are able to watch tv, you EFFED up the lyrics to our countries theme song!

So maybe I'm naive, but honestly....a 5 year old can memorize the star-spangled banner and I'm sure a few were watching the news with their parents and thought. 'what the.....?!'....If anyone should know the national anthem, shouldn't it be the people that run the country? god...the french are going to LOVE this

3:10 PM - 6 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

and my soul died a little...
Current mood: sad

I saw a music video recently...not just any music video..no no....a country music video....it happened by accident of course as I don't seek out such things....I was watching tv...like you do.....and I stopped on CDusa...have you seen this crap show? If not, it sucks, so you don't really need to....but after seeing this, I am completely afraid for the human race...well...no...not all of the human race, just most of the south...and some of the midwest......and here are the lyrics for the chorus of the song "honky tonk badonkadonk" - be sure to have alcohol and an econo-size bottle of vicodin nearby...because your head will hurt a little after you read this....now it's always a bit humorous in an awkward sort of way watching an old guy dance around in a cowboy hat on television....until you hear him sing the following:

That honkey tonk badonkadonk
Keepin' perfect rhythm
Make ya wanna swing along
Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong
And whoo-wee
Shut my mouth, slap your grandma
There outta be a law
Get the Sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy, how's she even get them britches on
That honky tonk badonkadonk

:courtesy of cowboylyrics.com

sweet jesus.while hearing this I prayed for the sweet release of death....but i couldn't turn it off...like a train accident...you have to watch....I eventually woke up from passing out due to the stress that befell my poor cerebral cortex long enough to hear that this song was #1 and also the most downloaded song on i-tunes for a minute....it's my theory that this song was composed by satan himself/herself (respectively), and transported to nashville by the most evil of minions on a 3 headed, 6 legged, winged, fire breathing demon horse..It's the first phase of armageddon......its just a theory....i could be wrong...but its not likely.....

I found the video on youtube....if you watch this, you will certainly laugh, but only because if you weren't laughing, you would cry...here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0TbkS1VYcE

After seeing this, I heard that Steve 'crikey' Irwin died....by a sting ray! while filming a documentary on how docile sting rays are!! that's ironic....as opposed to the alanis morisette song that should be called 'things that sort of suck'....anyway....Australia is going to release the footage....that's disturbing......so....my saddened heart says rest in peace....steve 'crikey' irwin...you crazy little aussie....safe journey's mr.crikey, on your crocodile, to that big humid swamp in the sky....

oh...and I also hit myself in the face with my own guitar....not sure how I did that but it hurt like...something that hurts a lot...i thought it looked like i got into a fisticuff with a lively fellow....not sure why i just typed that...im odd...but i told a friend of mine that i got into a fight...and he just looked at me and laughed....then i told him that i hit myself in the face with a guitar...he said 'who does that?' i said, 'i do'

9:23 AM - 10 Comments - 11 Kudos - Add Comment

NBC - Star Tomorrow!!!!!
Current mood: amused

So NBC contacted me and asked me to audition for this new little show. It's a reality type americon idol thing but their main emphasis is original music and original bands/singers/songwriters!! So I went to burbank and did the whole audition thing which is going to be aired on MONDAY, JULY 31st @ 8pm (pacific time) on NBC!!.

The auditions will be aired and then all of the voting and initial perfomances will be online. So check out www.startomorrow.com
to find out more info! They put me on the little internet teaser clip 3 times. I'll post more info when i know more!!!!

11:02 AM - 9 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment

Tomorrow is my birthday....(3/24)

and I will be 25....so if anyone was sitting around and wondering about when I may have been born.....now you can sleep peacefully and not worry....your question is finally answered......oh sweet relief.....im tired...and still on east coast time....

Currently listening : Happy Birthday From Sesame Street (Jewel Case) By Sesame Street Release date: 24 August, 2004

10:20 PM - 4 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

Vote for me:)

my god, im so political;) anyway - people can vote once everyday until I think march 23rd or 24th...so vote vote vote! I'll give you some candy (im crooked) or something....much love! and thank you

www.myspace.com/callingallbands

1:44 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

I'm a dirty liar....
Current mood: bouncy

So I said something along the lines of having a new cd by the first week of january....so....that wasn't completely true...although I did say that I'd have it as long as I didn't screw up the artwork...and suprising as it may be, I screwed up the artwork...something about pantone colors and cmyk stuff...I wasn't really paying attention....but now I think it's been fixed...so I have to wait for a proof and then I have to approve said proof....and then viola! new CD!! it's that easy....or something.....

so yes....that's fun....and really I haven't been doing anything else...people on my email list sometimes say to me, 'I haven't gotten an email in like 2 years...' and that's really because I haven't really done anything for 2 years....not by choice mind you....granted I am a bit on the lazy side but I'm not completely lethargic....sometimes you may have to hit me with something or poke me with a sharp stick in order to ellicit a reaction or to make sure i'm still alive, but! I am immobile still (no car/license/money) and being immobile and in san diego is a truly painful experience.....if this were still the mid-90's, I would be a 'scrub'....and I'd get no love....from......dont act like you dont know it.....

Sooooo...here I am..it's 2006....and not really much different than 2005....although I'm just 2 months away from 25...which would be incredible if I had a car and had car insurance that would go down....then i'd be happy...now im just old....with gray hairs ever so boldly emancipating the sides of my head.....much like....anyway....

so yes...happy 2006 and hopefully the first week of Jan. has been exceptional for you....maybe by the 2nd week...or perhaps the 3rd...or maybe even Feb....hell, I won't even promise anything because that's just cruel....so....again, as i've been saying for a year and a half, ' I will have a new cd soon'....but this time I mean it....

love.... 

Currently listening : CrazySexyCool By Tlc Release date: 15 November, 1994

2:41 AM - 8 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

NEW EP - 'Like Stars' - Due First week of JAN!
Current mood: excited

So after a year and a half of me rambling about a new cd 'coming out soon', I can finally honestly say that the new EP is coming out soon! Today I sent all of the stuff that discmakers needs to press the thing and it should be here, once they get it, and granted I didnt screw anything up, in 10-15 days!!! Look for a new 'official' Timcorley.net website to be put up soon also....and lots of other exciting, in a Tim Corley kind of way, things.....yes this is my happy face...

It's almost another year....I'm almost 25 and I have a few more grey hairs that have infiltrated the side of my head. 2005 was interesting....full of setbacks and minor run-ins with 'the man'.....whom I fought and whom in turn took my mobility....I think I lost that one....I could reminisce about the luck of the irish that I so thankfully posess, but my ancestors survived the great potatoe famine and here I am so it must not be all that bad....I can say, without a doubt, that I am a different person than I was in Dec. of 2004....My friend says I have an albatross around my neck...I'm not sure what that means but I'm assuming that it's bad...as albatrosses are ugly birds...but with any 'unfortunate event' or run of 'bad luck', the good that you once inadvertantly disregarded or maybe failed to see in the mundane of everyday life, is brought to the surface again and cannot be ignored. Everything shifts and your left with something hallow and full of hope. A new canvas of sorts....could become anything...maybe even something beautiful...

It'd be easy to run with the bad...make it your life and all you are...dwell on it and remember it always...but that never did anyone any good....it's the end of a year...perhaps it was good, perhaps it wasn't....but a new one will be here when you wake up.....and waking up has always been a brilliant thing...

Life is Beautiful....and that is all....

xx

11:08 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment