I guess I’m still alive?

Yeah, I suppose that's a correct assumption.

God, I'm growing. 

I see now how very important it is to do what I'm doing; to completely leave my comfort zone and go for what I feel completes me.  I'm scared a lot of the time, but I have to be.  I need to be.  So do you, mind you.  Are you scared?  If not, you should do something that frightens you.  Maybe not tickle a rattlesnake, but hopefully you get the idea.

I'm writing this from a completely empty apartment.  I take that back.  There's an air mattress, my laptop computer, and the clothes I'm wearing.  And a pair of sandals by the door.  It's empty because the owner had the place repossessed by the bank and all the tenants left.  Don't ask me how I ended up here, and no, I'm not supposed to be here.  I leave early every morning just in case people come during the day to inspect the place.  But hey, it's far better than living out of my car, which I was doing previous to this. 

And why was that? 

Because the owner of the last house I was staying in was high on drugs one night (you know, to blank out in his own mind the fact that he's involved with organized crime) and challenged me to an arm wrestling match and I ended up breaking his arm and his ego, for which he basically kicked me out.

All true.

So I lived out of my car for a while until I found this place, and then started up a new power and water account for it so I can charge my gadgets at night and shower in the morning. 

Next week, I go home to Florida for 11 days.  I need it, bad.  I'm full of energy and creativity right now, I really am, but I need the comfort of home for a bit.  To recharge is to fuel me for another six months.

When I return to L.A., I'll be moving in with a wheelchair-bound 75 year old woman that is writing a book about all the famous actors she knew before they were famous.  She claims to have dated James Dean. 

She calls him, "Jimmy."

I'm still in acting school.  I'm in the advanced class now.  Am I a good actor?  I don't know.  I just wrote a short film and we're going to film it when I get back from Florida, and then I'll put it up on youtube and you can love it or hate it or not care about it all on your own. 

Among other things, yes, I am working on the second draft of my first book.  I'm also working on the first draft of my second book, and I'm on the 4th draft of my TV pilot, and there's a draft in here because it's the first place in LA I've lived in that has air conditioning, which I find funny considering I don't actually "live" here.

I also talked to a girl on the phone last night.  She's from Morocco.  I might get a drink with her, which would make it my first real date in over a year.  We'll see.  I don't want to be hasty or anything, you know? 

1:15 AM - 11 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

lol

I think the worst thing about working in the environment I'm in is that all anyone does is gossip.  And of course, I get caught up in it.  And I forget who is friends with whom, and what I'm supposed to joke around about and what is supposed to be kept secret, and then everyone gets all worked up because I talked about things that I wasn't supposed to, and now everyone is all bent out of shape, but more importantly, I feel disgusted that the biggest thing that supposedly is going on with my life right now is all that nonsense that I sure as hell don't care about, but no one else should fucking care about either.

I'm just going to stop talking about anyone except for myself.  That's what I'm best at anyway.

I went to Portland last weekend, and God, I miss my friends.  I was overwhelmed my first two days back, and had to re-adjust.  Once I settled in, though, I was able to get comfortable and be myself all over again...something I've rarely been able to do since I moved to Los Angeles 8 months ago. 

8 months...Jesus, has it been that long?  No.  It's actually been 10.  Holy shit.  Almost a year.  That blows my mind.  It's getting easier in many ways.  I'm finding my rhythm all over again, and building my confidence up and up and up and up.

But.

Women here suck.  They are all actors, whether or not they're in the industry.  I can't tell if they're interested in me or not, because they all pretend to be.  Intense magnetism and chemistry, and then BAM...I never hear from them again.  It doesn't really matter in the long run, since I am too busy with my own things, but it would be nice to have a plump ass to rest my head on once in a while.  Maybe I'll get an overweight pet raccoon.

I got some headshots taken last week.  I'm going to start sending them to agents next week.  You have to staple your resume to the back of the headshot, and so I've been writing my resume, and there's not much on it.  I've done a lot in radio, but I'm not looking for radio jobs, so it's all but pointless to do more than mention that that's where I spent my last 9 years.  No film experience.  Television?  Well, there was the Tim Savage Experience.  That'll have to do for now.

All in all, things are good.  I'm learning a lot about a lot, and toughening up in the process.  Tough is good.  So is soft.  I think the ultimate goal is to be like a blow pop.  Tough on the outside, but tender and chewy in the middle.  (I thought about using milk duds instead of blow pops, but I hate milk duds and throw them at things more than I eat them, and I don't want to be compared to something like that.)

1:04 AM - 7 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Excerpt from my book!!

Here it is, debuting on Myspace...an excerpt from first book!  Keep in mind, it is still only a rough draft, and I have a lot of work left to do.  All that aside, please enjoy.  I haven’t shared any of this with anyone!

<3  Tim

"The main reason we didn’t care for Jerry was because of his ice cold (and sometimes downright nasty) demeanor.  He was like a goddamn communist dictator that struck fear into the hearts of everyone that worked for him.  Things like seeing a veteran newsman walk into Jerry’s office and ask for a raise (word was he hadn’t had one in over five years) and walk out without his job were a common occurrence. 

As I grew to know Jerry, I grew to feel sorry for him.  He was a tortured soul.  Jerry was a gay man that did his best to hide who he really was for fear of persecution.  Every day on his radio show he pretended to be something he wasn’t, and after doing that for decades I’m sure it had worn him down to his very core many times over.  But he was a complete asshole, so we made fun of him.  Behind his back, of course.   

Jerry’s office was set up so that his computer monitor and chair were angled about 45 degrees to the side of where you would be sitting and facing.  Meetings with Jerry made people nervous as hell because of how he handled them.  The meetings almost always followed the same ridiculous pattern.

1. You arrive at the door to Jerry’s office at the designated meeting time.
2. Jerry stares at his computer screen and types. 
3. You announce your arrival at the door.
4. Jerry ignores you and keeps typing away.
5. You wait for a few seconds and then proceed to just walk in and sit down, feeling quite uncomfortable.
6. You ask what the meeting is about.
7. Jerry ignores you for at least a minute while typing on his computer.
8. You start to feel even more uncomfortable as you sit in silence staring at a man who invited you to his office, but hasn’t even acknowledged your existence, EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE SITTING THREE FEET AWAY AND HAVE BEEN FOR TWO MINUTES.
9. Finally, when Jerry decides that you are fucking uncomfortable enough to give him the upper hand, he says whatever is on his mind, still never even looking in your direction.  
10. You ingest whatever it was he said (in my case it was usually like, "Hey buddy, I need you to help copy CDs into the computer this weekend").
11. You sit in silence for another minute or two before you realize that since Jerry  barely acknowledged your presence in the first place, he won’t be bothered to dismiss you either.
12. You leave and thank Christ you didn’t get fired.

This was how it went with pretty much everyone that worked under Jerry.  Every once in a great while he would actually look you in the eyes and address you as a human being, but this was only in dire circumstances like the meeting I had with him six months after I had started working at SB.

11:07 PM - 11 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

The BEST videos of the internet.

We'll start off with a few words of inspiration from my good friend Ghr...something or other.



If you want more of what he has to offer, make sure you get the FULL ACCESS CD!



Next up, let's take a look at the new drug of choice for the kids.



The absolute best part of that video is the end where the reporter actually says the phrase "butt hash" with a straight face.  Any time I'm in a bad mood I watch that clip.  If I'm not instantly cheered up, I watch it again.  It never fails.

Butt hash may be the only explanation for this next video.  It's a good 7 minutes long, but if you want the really good stuff, skip to the 3 minute mark and watch from there.  The first time I saw this, I laughed so hard my spleen started leaking.



LOL.

Ok.  Dubbing usually sucks.  This does not.  It's all in the clapping.  Enjoy.



This one is just plain awesome.  If you haven't heard of Ronald Jenkees yet, here's your introduction.  Make sure you check out some of his other stuff.

1:22 PM - 7 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Oh man, I’m excited

Hi.

You have no idea how excited I am, so I'll just tell you.

I'm really excited.  DAMN excited. 

Just as my threshold for torture has been reached, I have broken through.  See, yesterday was a really rough day for me.  My car was impounded and it cost me $550 to get back, and it still isn't legal to drive in the state of California.  Seeing as how I live on a fucking floor behind a garage, I didn't really have $550 to spare in the first place, so I now have to sell my car so I can afford my high maintenance lifestyle of eating food and sleeping indoors.

But all of that shit matters not, because I have completed my first book.  Moments ago, I wrapped up the epilogue.  All said, it clocks in at over 200 pages.  Of course, this is just the first draft and it will require some editing changes, but I'm so excited right now that I don't want to sleep.

The book is all about the 9 years I spent in radio and the crazy going-ons and a bit about how I went from being a naive homeschooled child to whatever the fuck I am today.  It's funny (at least, I hope it is), but I have no idea how I would market it or who would even buy it.  But I'll deal with that pigeon when it shits on me.

Next up for me is a short film that I need to finish writing, but then I'll go into editing mode on the book.

It's funny how all that other bothersome shit melts away when I think about how I just finished writing an actual full-length book.  :)

This is great.

Tim.

P.S.  Keep your eyes open for an excerpt or two in the near future!

3:21 AM - 13 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment

Thoughts

You know those nights where you sit alone, wondering if you've made the correct decisions?  And you find yourself surprised, no matter what your age, at how fast the time has flown by?  And you think about the things you regret, and the things you don't?  And you wonder about yourself.  Not the person that everyone else sees, but the person underneath; and you wonder whether or not you're made up of the things that are pure and true and good.

And I sit here and think about where my life has taken me and will take me, and I sip my margarita and think to myself that maybe I'm not thinking enough about my decisions, but before the ice has a chance to slide back to the bottom of the glass I've already contradicted myself and am wondering if I'm thinking things over too much.  And then I pull myself out of my reality and look at my life in the grand scheme of things.  I look at it from a perspective in a mirrored outer space my mind has created; a perspective that has such a view of the everything of existence that not only are my problems meaningless, but the entirety of earth is but a speck somewhere on the horizon. 

If I am nothing, then I must also be everything.  The world is mine to create around me, as it is yours.  I wonder if that should make things easier to comprehend, but it doesn't. 

And then I realize that my philosophizing is on par with something a bunch of frat boys drinking PBR would spend a Tuesday night debating.

11:13 PM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

OMG NEW BLOG

First new blog in months.  Insane.  I apologize, but I have good reason for not writing any blogs lately, and that reason is because I'm too busy writing other things.  As of right now, I am finishing up my first book!  I'm on schedule to finish up the rough draft by the end of this year, and right now I'm sitting at about 170 pages.  The book itself is pretty much the story of my 9 years in radio, and when I'm finished with the rough draft, I'll post an excerpt or two!

After I finish my book, I'm going to start putting together my first short film.  I have most of it planned out in my head, but I haven't had much of a chance to physically put it together due to the focus on getting my book done.  I've also started writing a feature film, and add to that whenever I get tired of working on the other things.

Acting class is going great, and I'm learning a ton.  I'm also learning a lot working at the Apple store.  I still live on a couch, but I'll be moving around real soon to change things up.  Aside from that, things are good, and I'm currently enjoying some Danish cheese and a nice bottle of wine. 

Cheers!

Tim

P.S.  I would never say "cheers" if I wasn't partially buzzed on wine.  What a fucking stupid thing for me to say.

9:42 PM - 9 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

I feel normal, and I don’t like it

This blog is going to sound like whining. You should know that ahead of time, but I have to be honest about how I'm feeling.

I work at a normal job right now to pay the bills. People don't know me there. In other words, it's not like when I had radio and TV shows and people asked for autographs and begged me to be VIP at their clubs and hot chicks wanted to fuck me for no reason other than because they thought I was important. Yeah, I don't have any of that now. Much of that is now unreachable, and what little is left must now be worked for.

And as much as I know how superficial all that shit is, and how meaningless and hedonistic it all is, there are times when it stings me in the back of my mind. And I swear to you, I am not making this up: my mouth waters when I think about it extensively. Any addict will back me up. It's the same as when you think of your favorite food; your mouth waters and you literally salivate at the thought of your vice, be it drugs, power, celebrity, etc.

I think about some of those pleasures of the flesh and my mouth waters, and a switch turns on that makes me want to get back there again. Sometimes I want it so bad that I feel like I might do anything to get there (and beyond) again. But there is also a part of me that realizes the folly of it all, the pointless pursuit of vice that will only ultimately lead down paths that are illusory.

Here's where it is complicated for me in my current phase of life. Doing the mundane wears me down (as it probably does most people), and I feel like it is pounding me into a shape of similarity. I feel like I have lost my luster. Even though I'm (sometimes) making 4 people in the break room at work laugh, it's obviously not the same as making 40,000 people laugh. And there's no glory or celebrity involved with what I do now; only a steady paycheck and an endless stream of consumers wanting stuff that I have had no involvement in creating. I'm selling the genius of someone else now, not the genius (or whatever you want to call it) of what I came up with.

I know I have a lot of learning to do (as I always will), but man, if there's one thing that would put a grin on my face right now it would be a dip back into that old world. They say it's hard in the beginning, and it is. But I would like to offer that it's even harder to go through it, get up real high, and then start all the way back at the beginning again.

And with that, I'm done whining for that night. ;)

11:14 PM - 9 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment

I’m really sick and I’m watching a documentary on King Cobras

That's about it, really. I'm sicker than I've been in a long time. Lots of coughing, lack of ability to breathe, and barely enough energy to stand up; that's been my last 48 hours.

I'm actually a bit concerned, since I have to go back to work tomorrow and I'm trying to make a good impression early on and the last thing I want to do is call in sick during my second week. Right now I plan on going, but I'm so weak and out of it right now that...well, I don't want to think about it.

I can't breathe if I lay down, so I actually fell asleep last night sitting in the computer chair with my forehead on the gel keyboard wrist pad on the computer desk. I'm sure it would have been a fucking hilarious sight if it weren't PURE LIVING HELL. But, trooper that I am, I still made it out to do some stand-up comedy last night. I was proud of myself just for making it out of the apartment. Tonight, however, was a different story. Tonight I barely made it to the toilet for my fourth round of diarrhea. At this point, I'm almost thinking about taping some plastic grocery bags to my legs and just dealing with the mess in the morning. If only the trash bags weren't 15 feet away. :(

These King Cobras, though! They're fucking great! 14 feet long if they're an inch. The National Geographic channel (which call themselves "NatGeo" now which I think is silly. They should go with NGC, or -THE- NGC) is telling me all about them.

Here are some things they can do:

- Bite
- Slither
- Chomp
- Swim
- Scare Indian villagers
- Get sucked on by rainforest leeches
- Mate angrily
- Be cool

Here are some things they can't do:

- Backflips
- Change the oil on German cars
- Grow a full beard
- Take care of the elderly
- Patrol the Mexican/U.S. border responsibly
- Eat pancakes

My point is, although King Cobras are cool, they aren't perfect.

Ok. Time to go to bed. And by bed, I mean lean forward until my head is resting on the gel wrist pad.

11:54 PM - 8 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Hi

It's raining here in L.A. for the first time since I've been here (3 months now). It's raining HARD. Not Portland -oh god, I'm so unmotivated I think I'll just limp out of the sky- rain. No, this is South Florida -I'm gonna fuck your sister and shatter all the teeth in your mouth- rain. And there are even small blasts of lightning and thunder! It's great. You might think I would have kept that in mind as I drove out to my usual Friday night open mic stand-up comedy place that is outdoors on a patio, but no. So I drove out to the valley only to awkwardly realize that it was rained out tonight.

So I came home and I'm writing a blog instead.

I went back to Portland last weekend. Partially to start up a business with some friends, and partially to see my friends; most of which I got to see. It was bittersweet, of course. Part of me wanted to stay. There are dozens of people there that I could stay with and have fun with and get drunk with and maybe get blown by, and it was a little hard to get back on the plane knowing I'm still mostly alone in L.A. and still living on an inflatable mattress on a floor. But the sadness only lasted my final night there, and as I woke up the next morning back in L.A., I was filled once again with enthusiasm. And what, you may ask, am I so enthused about?

For starters, my stand-up is actually coming together. I've had three consecutive nights where I felt comfortable and in the zone, and I was actually funny on the most recent night! And damn, it felt good. After about 20 nasty nights of blank stares and unfunny jokes, it was REAL nice to feel "on" and get some laughs. I'm definitely starting to get the hang of things. Not tripping and crashing face-first onto the stage has also helped.

Also, I finally started acting classes at the school I was on the waiting list for. My first class was last week, and as I sat there waiting for things to get rolling, some guy came and sat next to me. I turned to say hi, and I almost said "You've got to be fucking kidding me" out loud. For there, sitting next to me, was a real live Backstreet Boy. The only thing that would have shocked me more at that moment would have been if he had ripped his shorts off and started fucking himself in the ass. I tried to listen to what the teacher was saying, but I honestly spent the first 20 minutes trying not to think about the fact that there was a Backstreet Boy sitting next to me; sitting so close that I could give him a noogie or poke him in the nuts with my index finger while saying, "You like that, don't you, you pervert?"

But he's actually a decent guy, so that would be a mistake on my part. Plus, I'll have to do scene work with him at some point, so I'll lay off the sack-jabbing for now.

On a self-improvement note, I just finished reading a book by Russell Simmons called "Do You: 12 Steps to Attaining Happiness and Success" (or something like that). Yes, the confusion and whatthefuckery running through your mind is exactly the same that I had when I saw the book at the bookstore. I knew Russell was successful in the hip-hop world, but I had to open the book to see what the hell this dude could say that could help me obtain any sort of fundamental happiness or further my understanding of life.

So I cracked open the book and read a sentence, and it was interesting. I read a paragraph, and it intrigued me further. Before I knew it, I had read a full chapter and knew I had to purchase the book and read the whole thing. And I swear I am not fucking with you; this book is one of the best books I have ever read. There are some things in there about religion and metaphysics that I don't necessarily believe in, but word for word, Simmons' book has made more sense to me regarding career success and personal happiness than anything I have read in a long time. Do yourself a favor and at least read an excerpt. You'll shit yourself. In a good way.

<3

Tim

P.S. I got a job at the Apple store to pay the bills. This is the first "real" job I've had in 10 years, lol. I'm excited about it, that's for sure. I just hope I don't get fired the first day for telling stupid people to go fuck themselves. I got paid to do that in radio. Now I have to get used to not being able to do that. Maybe I'll just find a way to do it in such a fashion that they won't realize I'm insulting them. That way I'll get to denigrate them, and they won't have a fucking clue.

I put far too much thought into that.

11:25 PM - 6 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment