TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT - a new game show from Tommy James
For starters, it's sorta like "Deal or No Deal" with some slight differences. Those differences include, but are not limited too:
1) After offering a large sum of cash to the player, our host will say to the contestant, "Take it or leave it".
2) Instead of 26 cases numbered 1 through 26, there will be 26 cases LETTERED A through Z.
2B) The $1,000,000 will NEVER be in case Y --- If Y can't decide whether it's a vowel or not, we're not letting Y have all the glory.
3) There will be no "Banker" hidden in an upstairs office with tinted glass. However, there will be a "Money Manager" behind a curtain much like the Wizard of Oz.
4) Calls from the "Money Manager" to the host will be broadcast to both the studio and home viewing audience - Additionally, these calls will be filled with expletives that are "beeped out".
5) The girls with the cases will not be super-hot model types, but rather ordinary midwestern soccer-mom types. This will ensure that male players pick cases based on actual hunches and not because they would like to "do" a particular girl.
6) If players consciously or subconsciously request cases F, U, C, and K in that order (or any other curse word for that matter) they will be arrested and fined $250,000 by the FCC.
7) Although Howie Mandel will not be hosting "TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT", players may not shake the hand of or high-five our to-be-named-later host either. Doing so will result in the highest dollar amount being immediately removed from play. Doing so a second time will result in a brutal beating from retired wrestler Jimmy "Super-Fly" Snuka.
8) The lowest value on the board will not be 1 cent, but rather 3 cents.
9) If a player chooses to "Leave It" (similar to "No Deal") and play on, risking it all when there's only one large money sum left on the board, a fat black woman (Mo'Nique type) will come out on stage and try to slap some sense into the player.
10) Anytime a player screws up and loses a fortune by being too greedy, cameras will follow that player and his/her family backstage and watch as the player's family berates him/her. Divorce lawyers will be on hand.
Currently
watching
:
Deal or No Deal Release date: 2007-10-09
Things you can’t do in life 49
Current mood: horny
Category: Life
If, while ogling a super-hot 22 year-old at the coffee shop, a fat, pimpled, seahag of a woman moves in and blocks your view, you cannot under any circumstance yell at the seahag to move.
The only things you can do are: (A) change the position of your perch or (B) pray Alice the Goon gets her coffee and leaves so you may continue with your pervy gawking.
This has been Things You Can't Do in Life - Lesson 49
When you’re at a restaurant and the meal is no good, you send it back.
I’ve sent meals back for being too cold, too spicy, to bland, too mushy, too dry... You name it.
Though I’ve never stopped the sex midway through the deed.
Sure, it’s sometimes been more fun and exciting than others - But never has it underwhelmed me so much that I simply pulled out and said, "Be gone with your bad self" or "This is so bad, I’d rather you put your pants back on so we can talk some more."
Thus, I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as "Bad Sex" - It’s just a myth.
If sex were truly bad, people would stop. At no time has anyone ever stopped having sex because it wasn’t up to expectations.
You keep on groovin’ in the hopes that it improves, sure... But you never stop or worse yet, send your screw-buddy packing.
There is good sex and there is great sex, but at the end of the day, it’s never really "bad".
Unless, of course, it’s with a woman who turns out to be a dude.
OK, so I used the title of the blog to get you here. Actually I have no problem with the idea of a woman President. But a Mormon? Forget it.
Anyway, all this talk of Hilary got me thinking of an old "Top-10" style list I wrote for a radio prep sheet a few years ago.
Here goes:
TOP REASONS WHY ELECTING A FEMALE PRESIDENT ISN'T A GOOD IDEA
--Might erroneously think that in wartime she could "use guilt as a weapon."
--A female President would only wanna talk to world leaders from countries "with money".
--Would want to immediately attack South Africa in effort to gain control of their diamond mines.
--With women, flowers fix everything. It's scary to think a bunch of daffodils could get Bin Laden off the hook.
--Presidents have to be 35 years old and at that age most women have crossed "the great hottie divide."
--Women love to gossip. We don't need a "Chatty Kathy" in charge of our military secrets.
--Every bar conversation would ultimately lead to 5 drunk dudes saying whether they'd "do the President."
--If a murderer told a woman President her ass looked great, he actually might get pardoned.
--While negotiating international treaties, a woman President might cry until she gets her way.
--Before electing a President, substantial background checks are required. What if it turns out our lady President used to be a whore?
--Women talk too much and the fact is State of the Union Addresses are already long enough.
--Foreign policy meetings would be fiascos with a female President continually asking world leaders, "Why don't we talk anymore?"
--It's frightening to think Congress might pass her legislation if she simply nags them to death.
--Men won't let women use the remote and all of a sudden they're gonna let 'em have access to "the button?"
--For years dry cleaners and hairdressers have been charging women more than men. If they can't see through that scam, how can we trust a woman to oversee mounting deficits?
--When women are depressed they tend to go shopping? Can our budget handle a woman who wants to redecorate the White House every time Congress vetoes her bills?
--She'd do nothing to help correct global warming because "her feet are too cold."
--Women can fake an orgasm, but can a female President feign interest in the issues America really cares about?
-- Congress and the Senate would have to walk on eggshells every time she's "surfing the crimson tide."
Currently
listening
:
Hysteria
By
Def Leppard
Release date: 25 October, 1990
In the spirit of the holidays, a sure sign we’re doomed as a people
Current mood: pessimistic
Category: Life
So I made the mistake of going to Ralph's supermarket this afternoon - Needed some milk and a few other things for Christmas dinner.
Apparently EVERYONE ELSE in Los Angeles also needed something for Christmas dinner as it was mobbed like Mardi Gras in there - Only the one person flashing titties was a fat guy in a wife beater; And technically, I don't think that counts.
So I'm maneuvering my cart through the aisles and it feels like rush hour on the 405 Freeway. No one's moving and everyone has to stop and look at the most inane things - in this case a broken jar of jelly in aisle 8.
I remember that my wife asked for turkey for sandwiches and I make my way over to the deli counter in a tad over 15 minutes - not bad when you consider I was coming all the way from produce.
While there I smile at a woman (50-ish) and she mentions that people are crazed today. I agree and she adds, "It didn't used to be this way. Living in America has changed for the worse. What happened to the spirit of the holidays?"
I nod and smile and we continue to wait for someone call numbers 72 and 73 respectively.
About 10 feet to our left, I see a man (dead ringer for Pauly Walnuts) and a his white trash wife (dead ringer for white trash) berating a young kid of no more than 18 for taking too long to make their sandwiches.
Ranting and raving, hurling obscenities, and generally being assholes, they made this poor boy nearly come to tears. Now I'd like to point out that, while I don't know for sure that this young lad (I've always wanted to write "young lad") at the counter was "special", but if I had to bet, I'd say he was slightly challenged.
That being said, I stepped over to my left and tried to diffuse the situation. In my most charming tone, I said, "Hey everybody in the spirit of Christmas let's let this one slide. He's working as hard as he can (he truly was) and we're all a bit frazzled today. Merry Christmas."
The man steps over to me and says, "You know you're right... GO FUCK YOURSELF! MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS ASSHOLE."
Now for those of you who don't know me. I'm not that tough. I'm actually quite the wuss, but this prick made the pussy in me evaporate immediately.
I yelled back, "FUCK ME? FUCK YOU JERKOFF. NICE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT. PICK AN AISLE, I'LL KICK YOUR ASS UP AND DOWN WHICHEVER ONE YOU WANT!"
Two things made me react this way. One, I don't go for berating the mentally challenged. And two, The guy was 55-60. Something tells me I could take him.
After pondering whether to continue on, I decided to be the bigger person and step away. But if nothing else, he stopped yelling at the young kid making his sandwich.
Moments later, I turn to my right and the woman standing beside me from the get-go says, "I told you, Living in America has changed for the worse. What happened to the spirit of the holidays?"
observation while watching Mayweather vs. Hatton fight
Current mood: amused
Category: Sports
I watched the rebroadcast of the Mayweather versus Hatton Welterweight Championship boxing match on last night on HBO - Great fight BTW.
Mayweather cleaned Hatton's clock with a left in the 10th - Brutal shot.
Early on during the match, a fight broke out in the stands and shockingly nearly EVERYONE turned to watch THAT fight.
Why?
Sure, I can see turning to see a fight in the stands while at a baseball or even football game.
But not when you're already at a fight. And not just any fight. Mayweather/Hatton was THE fight.
These schmucks paid literally thousands of dollars to sit ringside for the biggest fight of 2007 only to turn and watch two drunken idiots scuffle for 15 seconds before security broke it up.
You wanna see two drunks throw a some punches, visit my family for Christmas Eve dinner.
It's happened before (I swear) and it'll happen again.
Currently
listening
:
It’s Christmas Time
By
Elvis Presley
Release date: 07 March, 2000
Cleveland from "Family Guy" moonlighting at DirecTV
Current mood: amused
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
My DirecTV has been on the fritz lately. (BTW, I love saying "on the fritz" - it's so 70's)
Anyway, I've been calling and calling, but no one seemed to know what the problem was.
Finally, some resolve last week.
I called up, was prompted through their automatic attendant and finally transferred to a man who asked me to explain my dilemma. I was so pissed off that at first, I didn't necessarily hear him as I was really just waiting for my turn to rant.
After pointing out that the audio and video didn't seem to be in sync and that the DVR function (like TiVo, but not as good) continually erased my playlist, the man on the other end said in the most dead-on accurate Cleveland Brown voice, cadence and intonation, "Looks like you have a defective box."
I almost laughed at the guy, but when he continued to talk, he wasn't putting me on. He really spoke in the form of a dead-on impression of Cleveland Brown. Dry, monotonous and hilarious
He really hit the word "box" hard too, which made it all the more funny.
Go ahead and read that same sentence aloud in YOUR best Cleveland voice: "Looks like you have a defective box."
It's so much fun. It's truly the best sentence that character could EVER say. If it actually happened on an episode, repeating it would become a sensation.
The double entendre is incredible. Which explains why I've been saying it to my wife 24/7 for the last ten days.
Musicians in the 60’s, 70’s & 80’s actually did something
Category: Music
Meanwhile today's stars (other than Bono, of course) sit back and watch atrocities without doing much. Where's the protest music of the 70's & 80's?
Where are today's Edwin Stars' (War) or Buffalo Springfield's (Stop, Hey What's that Sound) or Crosby, Stills and Nash (Ohio) or Marvin Gaye (What's Goin' On) or The Rolling Stones (Heartbreaker) or even Nena (99 Lufballons - which yes was a protest song, look it up)
Why isn't Bruce Springsteen making statements and rallying the youth anymore like he did with Born in the USA? OK Flavor Flav, you're famous again. Give us another "911 is a Joke" or "Fight the Power" - America's youth needs a god kick in the ass.
And please come back soon Rage Against the Machine ("Killing in the Name" among many others) and Filter (Hey Man Nice Shot)
Look, I know protest songs are still recorded, but the big music companies don't exactly "promote" them - unless they are forced to (See Green Day)
How many people knew Pearl Jam had two protest songs on their latest CD? Or that Springsteen actually released "We Shall Overcome:The Seeger Sessions" a collection of 13 covers of protest songs made popular by Pete Seeger?
We need more Green Days out there. "American Idiot" was a fantastic CD (a Grammy winner) but I have to believe there's other music addressing politics and policies, but for one reason or another, it's not being heard. Corporate greed?????? Yeah, most likely.
And my biggest gripe is that the artists don't get together and collectively protest things like they did 20 years ago. "Sun City" anyone?
Or how about this old classic, that you're about to hear a of come next week.
You mean to tell me Usher, Justin Timberlake, Alicia Keys, Maroon 5, Fergie, Bon Jovi, Ludacris, Mariah Carey, Rihanna, Finger Eleven, Dautry, Pink, Nickelback, Wycleff, and Beyonce can't join together for a little tune to support something, ANYTHING?
And people wonder why nobody buy's music anymore. If music companies don't care about us, why should we care about them?
OK, maybe this was all a big scam to get you to watch the Sun City video. But admit it, you love it now more than ever.
horny
excited
amused
ecstatic
pessimistic
pensive
restless
