Plea to the Poker Gods...
Category: Games

My dearest All Omnipotent Poker Gods,

I am writing you this letter today to express my appreciation for the lesson in humility you have cast upon my injured psyche.  A wonderful friend has been your messenger and although I am still in the cellar of the poker world, I am grateful to you for sending this beautiful angel to my side at such a critical time in my "poker career".  I promise to heed your warnings being channeled by this wondrous vessel whispering calmness and caution.  Years before I would have scoffed at such a notion of not raising aggressively with middle pocket pairs at the start of a hand.  This being said, I have not lost my aggressive style so appreciated by many limp callers.  I am learning to tailor my style and accept the wisdom of those less aggressive in hopes of even becoming a better rounder than I already am.  I revere this wonderful game of variations both human and statistical.  I respect the multitude of chances to win or lose even by those most versed in your ways.  I shall acquiesce to those players willing to tell me that they have the better hand by displaying glowering towers of painted clay chips looming over my pocket Kings.  My only plea to you is to give me the courage to stare down defeat and to accept victory with a grain of salt.  It is only a game, right?

Yours in humble cooperation,

Tom Wallace (aka Tomzilla)

Currently listening : 16 Biggest Hits By Johnny Cash Release date: 1999-02-02

7:36 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Thursday night debauchery with TEAM BAND
Category: Music

Thursday started ignominiously as I slumbered toward my commuter hunched over and fingering Penny my phone just hoping she would deliver me from a dreaded fate of "excuse me, pardon me, thank you" while clamboring for a cold seat alone to get lost in thoughts of  far away desire.  Hot trails of my breath soon formed spreading over the cool glass into the form of an ice rink freshly shaved by a Zamboni.  I quickly dozed off as the aluminum can with cut out windows shared by fellow cattle cradled us steadily lumbering towards Chicago.  My day at work was pedestrian and would not get over quickly enough.  Time slowed to school crossing zone speed and everyone I spoke to seemed to not give a damn about work or anything construed by the business world as productive activity.  How does shuffling paper make any money anyways?

The day finally halted as evening shadows crept towards concrete cliffs and Chicago seemed to breathe a collective sigh.  5 o'clock.  Fuck! I did not pack my rock attire of black chuck's, strategically worn out jeans and my worst faux pas?  No FUGAZI t-shirt.  I'm always one to toot my own horn but really this simple shirt has gotten me recognized from Chicago to Florida.  Reactions of "Fuck yeah, Fugazi!!" to "What is a Fugazi?" to the simple and my most favorite reaction. "Fugazi" followed or accompanied by a slow head nod.  What can I say?  Misplaced adoration towards me is always appreciated even if they do not know the whole story.  Once again I am revelling in great music and fun wearing my monkey outfit of rolled collars and color coordinated socks. 

Somehow with a toothy grin I convinced the young barmaid that I was somehow "with" the band.  How many times did she hear that one right?  It always helps to tip well at the get go to make sure the free malt liquor finds its way to outstretched arms revealing alligator jaw fingers.  I do know Greg the lead singer as an acquaintance and have spent time with him and his lady revelling in down to earth shenanigans.  The guy is "so money" and he doesn't even know it.  I have never been close to shapshifting personas before not feuled by extreme toxicity yet Greg literally transforms when he gets on stage to wag his fingers scolding us for the delight we suck out of one of  Team Band's live performances.  I know that my propensity for live music weighs heavily askewing the reality of my perception but trust me once, go see Team Band if not for the sheer fun you will have listening to these guys leap around like magical men of mischief and merryment.

Currently listening : Aenima By Tool Release date: 1996-10-01

6:41 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

sweet summer nights

as some of you know I am just exisitng which to me is dying slowly.  I'm not sure if any of you feel this way about their lives, but I have had the pleasure of enjoying new friends online or other.  I want to thank those new friends for uplifting an ole' dog like me. 

That being said I had a great night on friday while sneaking in to see one of the greatest bands of all time in my opinion...

After a hot steamy day slogging around the concrete and exhaustive fumes of Chicago wafting through my fiber while working for peanuts I decided I was going to lift my soul by sneaking in(outside actually) to see Radiohead.  As I slowly ambled down to Grant Park I noticed a sight not seen since the white man made native people walk miles often dying on the way.  There were people of all shapes, smells and tastes shuffling around the city trying to breathe life back into limp bodies.  And I was the only one heading that way wearing khaki pants and a polo shirt..How disgusting I looked, haha...

I made my way past screaming buses and feet stepping in all directions to the edge of my sanity and began my mission.  Please don't be angry that altough I love love Radiohead and live music in general that I didn't pay the 75 bucks to see them perform..I just didn't have it and remember from past events outside like Lollapalooza that the general consensus there is ,"Who cares"!  Security if that is what you call secure absolutely did not even bat a flashlight as I ducked past an opening to shadows of shapeless masses...After being ninja-like, haahaha, not really, I jostled through sweat and dirt covered by beaten paths of dirty grass.  It smelled like herded cattle out there and I was grinning madly!  I heard rumblings from other bands but ignored all as I weaved towards my sweet destiny.  I parked my rear near some people as they stared at the "square" wearing a business casual monkey suit.  Not minding them because I would have mumbled "nice dockers dude" about 20 years ago, I settle in eager for sonic heaven...and it came at about 8:19 and 37 seconds p.m.

Thom Yorke steps out and we all go apeshit.  When I say about a hundred thousand give or take a hundred thousand poeple all cheered like mad banshees I do only slightly exaggerate for effect.  Blasting into "Bodysnatchers" I rock up and down with head bobbing making all of the glow sticks of neon green rattle around my pupils dialated with lyrical lust to hear Thom start to sing his lungs off over a wild crowd and I'm loving every minute of it...That song is a great start to an even better night of live music that's still burned into my inner ear drum not escaping not me wanting the notes to escape...

Currently listening : In Rainbows By Radiohead Release date: 2008-01-01

8:34 PM - 4 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

summer daze
Current mood: exanimate
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

scantily clad shapes and forms roll through the peripheral of a callous eye.

free flowing within, yet withstrained to depths below the green river, he slowly lumbers through and sighs exhaling sweet damp air without a cry,

"I'm not sure it has a heart but we should kill it anyway" they shout high from the pedestal looking downward never at an expansive sky,

With every beat the heart cannot lie.

Dark rumbling clouds plowed through unfetterd spirits tainted by his toxic touch.

Too many shattered souls have been rudely buried in shallow graves still fresh with moist soil.

Currently listening : Sailing the Seas of Cheese By Primus Release date: 1991-05-14

8:52 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

reach out and touch faith.
Current mood: quixotic
Category: Religion and Philosophy

I've spent my years growing up in mainly three different regions of this great country and I have noticed different levels of enthusiam towards organized religion.  The south being the most fervent, the west(southwest) being the most Catholic and the midwest just kind of being, ha ha.  I know that this topic is incindiery and I know no more than anyone about blind faith who might be reading this post.  Although our family was never overtly religious as I suspect my mother and father just needed a break from parenthood on any given Sunday, I have had the opportunity to witness different faiths and congregations.  I have had christian friends, mormon friends, eastern faith and jewish(hebraic?) and even arabic friends and one thing puzzles me is how these friends came to their respective belief systems.  All were really family influenced yet that is not why I am puzzled.  No one has had more of an impact on me more than my family I am sure yet when it comes to the "unseen" I have always respectfully deferred to science.  I can say with a clear conscience that I do not believe that one true god or better yet any god exists watching over us.  I cannot say there are mysteries easily explainable by science and I do not want people to rush out to try to kill me for my non-beliefs but I do wish to be respected for my point of view.  I mean really folks, when is the last time any of us had any real faith in anything in our existence?  My vote for the last 8 years has not really counted but I digress.  My point for writing this blog is twofold.  One is to cheer myself up as just writing anything seems to and two is to let you all know that religious or not I value and respect all of our places on this planet.  I do not have any answers for the unexplained other than we as man and woman have not figured "it" out yet.  My goal is to spread a message of empowerment to each of you as a human being.  If we work together we can accomplish great things.  I have witnessed that as true through volunteer work and I just want to let all of you know a difference can be made for the better for our existence while here on Earth.  Volunteer when you can! It made me feel instantly better for myself and for those who benefitted from the time many of us spent participating.  I'm not usually one to write about feel good opportunities but I needed to today.

Currently listening : Strange House By Horrors Release date: 2007-05-15

11:13 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

beautiful bleakness
Current mood: electric
Category: Writing and Poetry

I am reading "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy right now and I have to tell you that his writing style throughout this post apocalyptic masterpiece paints a picture of beautiful bleakness.  He won a Pulitzer Prize and I plan to carefully read this work to understand how less is more depending on the strength and use of a great vocabulary.

My girlfriend and I have been playing Rock Band since Christmas and it is apparent that she is a talented singer(at least in the gaming world) and that I am a very novice drummer and guitar player.  I feel guilty that I am holding our band "fatsqwerl" back because of my limited instrumental skills right now.  In true rock legend fashion Bridget or Butter as she is known to her fans pursued a solo career and is now in the top 70's worldwide as a solo artist.  If I am to be remembered more than as a footnote then I better keep practicing.  Anyone looking for hours of entertainment that does not involve demons shooting fireballs at your character, then please get this game.  It is amazing that if you are a drummer or looking to learn the drums how much this game can help you.  I have also learned that I definitely have a certain range and that some songs included in the game are way out of my league, at least on the expert settings.  Nothing is better than getting all of our pasty winter asses out of the house but if snowdrifts and slush combined with subzero temperatures is not "your thing" then get this addictive game and play it for hours. 

I am also going to start writing soon again.  I am not sure if it will be poetry, short stories, or even a novel.  I have been gathering bits and pieces of my writing together in hopes of finding a direction and I am still exploring options.  I hope to be able to hit my friends for advice along the way soon.

7:54 AM - 4 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

kindness of the human tragedy
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Blogging

After a long period of literary inactivitiy I have decided to purge my frantic brain of passing thoughts by getting my fingers typing once again.  I have made it through another delightfully excruciating holiday season relatively unscathed by all of the cheer in the world crashing down around me in a wave of cards, tinsel, sparkling lights and distant parking spaces only to realize that my hope for a better world is yet reaffirmed by an act of random kindness.

Yesterday on my way to the train that carriages carloads of bundled masses to respective stops from the Loop, I struggled to keep sound footing while walking around patches of dark stealthy ice.  Chicago sidewalk ice is the perfect accomplice to the snarling cracks and frantic fissures laying in wait for the unsuspecting foot to cross its path posing a double threat to my stiff ankles.  While waiting for the blinking red hand to change scenes at a busy intersection I noticed that a woman had lost her battle with the elements and landed on her padded rear that was undoubtedly layered with fabrics both man-made and natural.  Without seeing the light change I waddled over to her to offer her help up from the icy patch of cement she was planted on and before I could reach her a lady stopped to grab a protruding hand and up and away they both went laughing at only the expense of faintly wounded pride.  They both even thanked me as they sensed my purposeful steps nearing the collision of rear end to cold cement and we all shared in the humility of the momentary loss of gravity that occured just seconds earlier.  I walked away with a warm sensation spreading throughout my veins and realized that even when the darkness of a bitter winter day saps positive energy from my body that a small random act of kindness easily restores my hope for a kinder humanity.

Currently listening : In Rainbows By Radiohead Release date: 01 January, 2008

12:20 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

boredom, ancho chiles, and filipino food
Current mood: complacent
Category: Life

Well folks, the lazy days of summer have fallen upon us now and if I survive my ulcers from the Cub's bullpen, it will be a miracle...Work has been really hectic and severly cramping my summer attitude..Although I love when the boys order some tasty Filipino food..Various fried rolls and noodle dishes send my taste buds dancing disco for joy!  Everything's fresh and delightfully sitting on warm rice soon to be consumed by a pack of hungry wolves..Afterwards the warm sun bakes my freckles as I bask in her furious rays,  I loathe the persistent "chirping" of my electronic leash..I yearn for past days of little responsibility and napping on a soft lush field of fragrant green grass...I tend to ignore calls, texts, emails and any other forms of communication attempting to interrupt my lazy dreams of cotton candy and boiled peanuts...hey it is a dream and it can be whatever it wants to be..The Indian gentleman who sells me tobacco in our building offered me some crunchy spicy concoction today..While gobbling by the handfuls this crispy and flaky delight I happened upon a brightly colored chile pepper and popped it into my mouth before anyone could stop me..Streams of salty sweat stung my widened eyes and I gasped in pain as my mouth exploded..Damn that feels good!  I clutch the leash and see that it is my boss squawking out new assignments for me to embrace wholheartedly, right?  Yawn, we'll see...I know whatever it is can wait for another minute or so..Enjoy wonderful fragments of serenity when one can..Cold reality and frantic clients are waiting around every corner...

Enjoy your weekend friends and lose yourself once in awhile..You'll thank yourself.  I promise.

Currently listening : Live After Death By Iron Maiden Release date: 26 March, 2002

6:02 AM - 6 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

cicadas are overrated..
Current mood: high
Category: Life

Currently listening : Bows + Arrows By The Walkmen Release date: 03 February, 2004

6:45 AM - 5 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

sometimes.
Current mood: melancholy
Category: Writing and Poetry

sometimes the fire that rages with unchained ferocity incinerates everything within earshot.

unapologetic and somewhat trite, he swallows the burden and feels the tear in his throat from all of the sins applied to his trail.

a red parched horizon stands before him with no discernable trail yet he trudges forward often shuffling mud-trodden feet and an unyielding thirst yet quenched by anything or  anyone on earth.

outstreched arms reveal a tale of sorrow flowing through scarred veins ready to suckle at the point of no return and he embraces the end as a young child embraces a ragged doll during apopalyptic storms of raging lightning.

"forgive me my love" he murmurs under heaving explosions from his rotted core, choking back rivers of tears behind the impenetrable shield of his foolish pride.

at once, blurry blue eyed beauties wave mocking fingers mere inches from his dying heart cackling away in shrieks of morbid delight as golden strands of fair hair rake across his back searing flesh and scarring his soul.

lying on soft pillowy snow covered hills his eyes focus in the night sky peering at one tiny sparkling ember calling forth to him with glitter and abandon.

invigorating a fragment of hope that lifts heavy lids and lightens the pall cast by the man staring back from a cracked mirror.

"why have you done this to me?" he shouts for only one man to bear,  dead silence is the man's only reply, dead inside.

when the journey ends will I have laughed more than cried? will I have filled hungry lungs with clouds from heaven on high earth gulping in crisp dewing morning air?

my time here is very short and delightfully bittersweet for I have witnessed beauty in raw horror and meticulous form drawing a last breath before the rusted golden dusk painted a cold forehead fiery hues for the last time.

the next chapter is yet to be written and already I cheat ahead perhaps glancing at the climactic end a little prematurely but just in playful jest as I truly step quickly into the dark unknown chasm of frenetic mystery clouding my way.

one day I shall release myself wholly and bear witness to wonders I have gleefully discovered along the hardly worn path through thorny bushes bursting with sweet stained juice mixing with my blood as I plow through torturous terrain.

7:24 AM - 7 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment