For my Husband
Current mood: adored
Category: Writing and Poetry

You knew our love was right

In the depths of darkness

You showed me the light

You taught me forgiveness

You are my inner healing

You found my heart and helped it mend

Even though I stopped kneeling

You are the answer God did send

Forever I will thank you

Your smile will always be mine

Forever I will be true

For you my heart will forever shine

Currently listening : Josh Groban By Josh Groban Release date: 2001-11-20

4:44 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

No More
Category: Writing and Poetry

No More

Words used to flow

Always knew what to say

Where did they all go

Creativity has gone away

Artistic ability came with ease

Now there is only blank pages

Ideas blew in with the breeze

Did not leave in stages

It's just no more

Draw like a child

Painting is an eye sore

Talent has been filed

Currently listening : Here and Gone By David Sanborn Release date: 2008-08-12

3:11 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Music, Jager,Chocolate,Coffee and You
Current mood: full

No matter what was wrong

I could find some escape

Give me Jagermeisters and a good song

Only to hide behind darkness' cape

Singing along to good music

Brought my soul such peace for a time

The sorrow still made me sick

Would I stay sad in my prime

Feeling nothing but numb

Chocolate could wake every taste bud

Enjoying every last chocolate crumb

Still it left me feeling like I just ate mud

Jumping up to face the day

Longing for nothing but coffee

Sigh after my coffee fix and pray

Please let today be carefree

Then I found you

You filled me with more pleasure

You played the music so true

You are my favorite treasure

6:30 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Another fear to face
Current mood: nervous
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

Just when I thought I was done having to face my fears. I have faced some pretty big ones and conquered them but this is different. I am the admin assistant at a corporate office for 5 different McDonald's locations. One of these locations just opened so we are having a grand opening tomorrow. Originally I was asked if I could just meet and great and kind of show people where to go for certain activities and such. Then I find out I will also be responsible for helping Ronald McDonald set up for his show and I have to protect him from being physically abused by little monsters and help keep his real identity safe. Pretty cool huh? NO! HE SCARES ME! I don't know why...I'm not that scared of regular clowns but there is something about THIS one that has always given me the willies...maybe it is the red hair? I feel totally stupid because the closer we get to tomorrow the more afraid I become. I'm hoping that since I get to meet him and help him before he becomes the scary clown; I will be able to deal with it better. So, wish me luck.......

AND STOP LAUGHING AT ME! LOL

6:39 AM - 9 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

In This Life
Current mood: blissful
Category: Writing and Poetry

In This Life

Toni Charlene 4/18/08

In this life

You give me hope

A future without strife

Saved from the end of my rope

In this life

You give me love

I will soon be your wife

Gave me every reason to rise above

In this life

You gave your heart

 Love in my heart is rife*

What we have will never depart

*rife-excessively abundant

8:19 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Quiet Mind
Current mood: determined

Quiet Mind

Toni Charlene 4/1/08

A quiet mind

Is it too much to ask

Many thoughts to grind

Pondering every task

So much noise blocking rest

Burning inside my head

Trying to do the best

Sanity hanging from a thread

Pulled in too many directions

Busy as bees in a hive

Trying to do all with perfection

Will my happiness survive

Not another complication I can take

Let me wake from this dream

Give me a good hard shake

Can you hear I am trying to scream

12:15 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Sweet Seduction
Current mood: amused

Sweet Seduction

Toni Charlene 3/27/08

As I sit and stare at you

I think of how you must taste

Don’t laugh; it’s true

Not to try would be a waste

Sweet seduction of your huge ears

Calling out for me to bite

Maybe I should start at the rear

That just doesn’t seem right

I sink my teeth in

Their reaction is funny

Oh where have you been

My solid chocolate bunny

6:06 AM - 8 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

Time For You
Current mood: blessed

Time For You

Toni Charlene 3/26/08

Never enough time

Keep the plates spinning

Challenges worth winning

Five minutes left to rhyme

Get the kids ready for school

Steal kisses as I zip past you

If I’m lucky I can steal two

Making family time is our rule

Quickly read my book

Assignments due too soon

Grab a bite at noon

Missing your loving look

Thoughts of you get me through

Time away from you hard to bare

Cherish every moment we share

Always time for your love so true

Currently listening : Tim McGraw and The Dancehall Doctors By Tim Mcgraw Release date: 26 November, 2002

6:11 AM - 2 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

My Grand Vacation
Current mood: overstimulated
Category: Travel and Places

Matt, me, and the kids drove to Branson, Missouri last Monday to meet up with his mom, dad, brother, sister in law, two nieces, and "the boys". The trip there was a disaster that had me ready to figure out how long it would take me to get out and walk back. Lessons learned: Do not give me the map and believe me when I say I see a shorter way, do not get Matt on long winding roads unless you like to see him sick and pissed off, don’t say "oops, we went way to far" after he is already about to throw you off a cliff, and finally...never tell the inlaws what you did because you will hear about it for the rest of your life lmao.

Once we got there and recovered from the trip the fun began at a restarant Mom and Dad took us too. Matt and I were quite annoyed that we went in as a group of 7 and the waiter sat Mom and Dad at a different table even though there was a table big enough for all of us across the room. Mike and Page just smiled at our complaining about it and that should have been a clue right there that something was up but we were too tired and stressed to pick up on it. As we sat at our nice round table having a nice conversation I began to realize that I felt awfully short at this table. I didn’t dare say anything because I thought I was just hallucinating. Hannah made a comment that she could hardly reach her food and I looked at her to see her on her knees with the table still just under her chin. As I sat there thinking "I could have sworn she was sitting on her butt just fine when we first sat down", I started to really worry about my sanity. Then a whole group of waiters walked by smiling at us and Mike and Paige were laughing. Still I did not catch on! Then the waiter came over and gave us certificates welcoming us as members of the "rising table club" or something of the sort. He then told us we could make it go down if we stood up and sang Twinkle Little Star. Well it did finally go down but by this time I had lost my appetite from having the spot light on me and worrying about my sanity but yes...it was quite funny.

Our trip included a trip to the wax museum, Ripley’s Believe It Or Not, the Titanic exhibit (I was a first class passenger that actually survived) and my son was the only one who was killed. Matt’s 4 year old daughter would not leave his side so he got to get on a life boat with her and Hannah was a lucky young woman in third class that made it out alive. We also went to Silver Dollar City where the kids ran through the mazes, played some games, shopped in the shops, and we had our pictures taken as old western bad guys. We went to a couple of amusement parks where the kids road rides and played miniature golf and drove go carts. Then we went over and road bumber boats and soaked each other with water guns. While there Matt drove a go cart with William as the passenger and I actually drove a go cart for the first time. I just about peed myself going around the first curve and about the third time around I was ready to puke. Pulling in to park was the most painful part because some dummy didn’t put on the break so I was rear ended very hard. We did more shopping and more eating and more visiting as time went on. We went to the World’s Largest Toy Museum and took pictures in there. I saw a few things that triggered memories from when I was little because my toys were there. I also saw an area that gave me nightmares because I am not one that has a phobia of clowns but put me in a room with ventrilliquist dummies and I will nearly pass out from the fear. Finally, we went to a show called the Baldknobbers and had a great time. I really enjoyed this show and even got to go meet the cast and take pictures of the kids with their favorite ones. Hannah of course loved the ladies in the sparkly dresses and was fascinated by how fast they changed clothes between scenes.

Our last day we went to church and rang bells then did the easter egg hunt and headed home. I was NOT given the map this time. The kids drove us nuts part of the way until I gave them both a good bop that apparently knocked them out because we didn’t hear another peep until we got home so we had a calm easy trip home. Once home I sat down with the finances to figure out how much we spent, how much we have left, paid the bills, got groceries, did laundry, unpacked, cleaned up, and the rest of the day will consist of getting all the pictures of our trip up and then doing my school work and getting ready to get back to work tomorrow.

Come back and take a look at the pictures soon!

8:44 AM - 6 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Good bye ole friend
Current mood: enlightened
Category: Friends

Kyle was a man that no one could possibly describe. He was too wise for his own good. His heart so filled with everyone’s pain and constantly longing to be with his daddy who passed. He was someone that cared dearly for those close to him but at the same time seemed to sabotage those relationships. He angered me and betrayed me on more than one occation but he also helped me through some very hard times and was always there when I needed him. I wish I could say I was there for him too but I had stopped speaking to him over one of his betrayals toward me so I did not know what was going on with him. That is going to be something I will have to deal with and hope he left this world knowing that despite our "issues" I loved that man dearly and will miss him and his exentricities (sp). He had many many many people in his life but he also knew that most of them were only near him for what he could give them because he was a very rich man. I told him many times that all I want from him is his friendship and I tried so hard to be a good friend to him. I just could not deal with his "ways" and the fact that he was drinking his life away and it would kill me if I got close to him and he died. Turns out he did drink his life away and even though I stepped out of his life I am hurt deeply over this loss. I not only mourn for him but I worry about those close to him and how they will handle his loss and having to deal with sorting out his affairs and such. Kyle had no will and millions in possessions and bank accounts. I pray that everything goes where he wanted it to go and things are done as he wanted them done. One thing that bothers me is one time in one of his drunken ramblings, he told me and someone else to promise him we would do something at his funeral...I do not remember what it was...I can’t even go to his funeral. I hope someone will contact me and tell me Kyle told me to contact Toni girl and tell her to do ______ for me. I would do it and I hope he knows that. He always got so frustrated with me because he would give me all this information when he was slirring and crying so even the parts I could understand I would forget soon after. But I know he loved me even though I was not perfect and I had a terrible memory. I will always remember Kyle for the good he has done and laugh at the not so good times we dealt with. He touched my life and gave me many wise words to live by. He always told me not to settle for less than what I was worth. I never got the chance to tell him that I did make that list and I actually did find a man that fit that list. He would be so proud and happy for me. I pray he is in a good place and in the arms of his father with no more pain and sadness.

Always say what you need to say and don’t wait until it is too late to resolve a problem.

11:18 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment