Clearing out the clutter of my mind...
Current mood: chipper

Hello folks, it's been a while since I last blogged, in fact it's been so long that I can't actually remember what I last blogged about but I'm sure that it was both fascinatingly riveting and hilariously amusing.

So what's been going on in my world? Well mostly I've been gigging like crazy, racking up the miles like some sort of crazy mile racking machine. I seem to have been doing an awful lot of MCing work, especially at military gigs, in fact I've been doing so many gigs for the army that I've started to think that I've become the new force's sweetheart, a latter day Dame Vera Lynn if you will.

Military gigs tend to be interesting, you turn up not having a clue what to expect, for instance I was booked to do a gig for the Royal Engineers in Maidstone a while back, and arrived to be greeted by an audience that was about 70% Gurkhas...I always knew that my vast banks of Nepalese material would come in handy one day. Actually that ended up being a lovely gig, the Gurkhas were unbelievably friendly, and although I'm sure they didn't understand most of what I, or the other acts, were saying they were one of the best audiences you could hope to play in front of.

I've also had several gigs over at Aldershot, which as a town is almost equally divided between the civilian half and the military camp. The first one was for the Irish Guards, who'd just returned from Basra, so as you can imagine they were keen to cut loose and were the very epitome of a pissed up, heckly audience. It was a lively night, one that a few years ago would've reduced me to a quivering wreck, but now I can, just about, take in my stride and, in fact, I quite enjoyed it, despite it being more an exercise in crowd control than comedy.

The second gig over in Aldershot was altogether different. I was prepared for another battle and had honed all my sharpest putdowns in preparation, only to have the wind taken from my sails when I arrived and found out that the audience was from the Royal Army Dental Corps and consisted mostly of female army dental nurses!

I've also recently done a gig at Northwood, which is the main HQ for the British military. As you can imagine the security checks in order to get onto the site were pretty stringent but I was amused when we were allowed in to find that the place was in the midst of some pretty hectic construction work and already looked as if a bomb had hit it! A point that I made to the audience who found it most amusing.

Other than entertaining the troops I've been schlepping up and down the highways and byways of England, doing gigs in Coventry, Huddersfield, Farnham, Reading, Liverpool, Minehead and Bosbury (?) to name but a few. The gigging is going really well and I can feel myself getting better and more confident, I'm even starting to slip new bits of material into most gigs and some of it has even been getting laughs!

Outside of the comedy I went, with three of my good mates, to see 'Chas and Dave' (supported by a rather good 'Blondie' tribute act) at the 100 Club in Oxford Street last friday and what a treat that was! 'Chas and Dave' have always had a bit of a joke reputation but they were superb and the mixed audience (which genuinely consisted of a bizarre mix of older cockney geezers and indie kids) lapped it up. I realised, after a while, that I'm too old to be having a right old knees up for more than a couple of songs and rapidly became a sweaty, wheezing mess.

They played all the classics, "Snooker loopy", "Margate", "Rabbit" and, after some persuasion from myself and Mr David of Almondbury, "The Sideboard Song", what a night!

Mr Matt of Rossendale, who had arranged the tickets enjoyed himself so much that he was heard to exclaim that he was "so cock-a-hoop that he could punch a Big Issue seller", apparently a declaration of supreme satifaction for a man of Kent.

The final member of the quartet was Sir Smackingworth MacKenzie Esq, 4th Viscount of Camberwell, although being of the shadier side of sexual orientation, he had to scarper before the end and missed out on the rousing finale of "Ain't no pleasing you".

All in all a top night gathered around the old Joanna having a proper sing song.

Right that's about it for now, I'm currently trying to get my stuff together for my return to Edinburgh, imaginative entitled "Festival of Football 2", which will be similar to last year's show but more interactive and with added stuff.

Oh, lastly, I played football last week with a load of comics, Andy Zaltzman, Russell Howard, Jon Richardson, Andrew Bird, Gordon Southern, Tony Hendricks, Dan Atkinson and loads of others I can't remember now, and despite suffering major cramps and walking like Douglas Bader for days afterwards I enjoyed it immensely. It did, of course, help that I played on the winning side (Russell Howard is a bit of a football ninja) and scored 5 of our 17 (? I lost count to be honest) goals.

Anyway I'm looking forward to more of the same tomorrow, HAVE IT!

11:46 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

My proposals for some new TV programmes...
Current mood: horny

A while back I had an idea about TV companies merging programmes in order
to save money and came up with the following;

Mock the Weakest Link - Anne Robinson presents a version of the popular
quiz show in which the losing contestants have the p*ss ripped out of them
by Frankie Boyle, Andy Parsons and Dara O’Briain

Dr Who Wants to be a Millionaire Celebrity Special - David Tennant travels
through time and space asking famous figures throughout history
increasingly difficult questions in order to win money for charity, this
week features Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun

15 to 1 O’Clock News - 15 newsreaders, 1 news story, enjoy the carnage

Only Fools and Horse of the Year Show - Del Boy, Rodney and Uncle Albert
present the action from Olympia, luvverly jubbly!

Match of the Day of the Trifids - Sci-fi drama in which an inarticulate group of
semi-intelligent vegetables are attacked by the Trifids...

Ski Sunday Night at the London Palladium - David Vine presents the variety
show with a difference

Question Time Team - David Dimbleby puts the questions of the day to the
assembled panel as they take part in an archeological dig in Sutton Hoo.

The Grand National Lottery - Dale Winton presents the show in which you
have to pick the 6 horses that will break their legs and have to be shot to
win the jackpot

5:26 AM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

I fought the door and the door won...
Current mood: bummed

So ladies and gentlemen, it's been a while since I last blogged and I bet you are all wondering what has been happening in the wacky comedy world of Tony Cowards.

Well last thursday I was brutally attacked in an unexpected and unprovoked assault by a vicious set of swing doors. It was about 10 minutes before I was due on stage and resulted in an amount of claret which wouldn't have been out of place in a Quentin Taratino movie.

Basically what happened was Nick, the MC and booker of the gig in Basingstoke, was leading me to the 'Green Room' (aka the kitchen) during the first interval and said to me "Mind the swing doors". As the doors swung towards me I put out my left hand to stop them, now some of you may be ahead of me here and have spotted the obvious flaw in my actions ie. that in order to stop two separate moving objects you need to use two hands.

Consequently my left hand stopped the left hand one of the swing doors where as the right hand one was only stopped when it came into contact with my face, hitting me with quite a lot of force, knocking me backwards, gashing the side of my nose and immediately causing my upper cheek to swell and bruise.

After a couple of seconds I managed to compose myself and make my way back stage where rudimentary first aid was administered and with the help of some paper towels and plenty of ice, the bleeding was staunched and the swelling was minimised.

By this time the night was running a little behind schedule so Nick checked whether I was okay to go on and went back on stage to restart the show. He did about 5 minutes and then announced me.

Gingerly (well actually 'strawberry blondely') I made my way through the offending doors and climbed on stage with a wad of paper towels in one hand, ready to mop up any seepage!

I introduced myself and told the audience what had happened 10 minutes previously and, of course, they pissed themselves at my misfortune, you really can't beat a bit of Schadenfreude to get people laughing.

I went on to have one of my best gigs in recent times, finishing by saying,

"Thank you, you've been lovely, enjoy the rest of the show, I've been Tony Cowards and I'm now off...to casualty"

I left the stage to hearty applause, which made all the pain and blood loss seem like a small price to pay, although in my superstitious/mild OCD way, I now feel that in order to make sure every gig goes as well,I will have to get someone to whack me across the hooter before I go onstage, I'm sure there'll be no shortage of volunteers...

Anyway there are some other bits and pieces to tell you about but I think I'll leave them till another day (what a master of suspense I am, take that Alfred Hitchcock!).

I'll leave you with this artist's impression of how I looked on stage in Basingstoke (thanks Katie)...

9:57 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

The Chortle Awards
Current mood: obsequious
Category: Parties and Nightlife

Right firstly here are the results from last nights awards ceremony;

Best newcomer: Holly Walsh

Breakthrough act: Jon Richardson

Best compere: Stephen Grant

Best headliner: Michael McIntyre

Best sketch, variety or character act: Pappy's Fun Club

Best full show: Stewart Lee: 41st Best Stand-up

Best theatre tour: Dara O Briain

Award for innovation: Laughter In Odd Places

Comics' comic: Daniel Kitson

The following special awards – not voted by the public - were also announced:

Offstage contribution: Toby Hadoke of XS Malarkey, Manchester

Award for artistic integrity: Hans Teeuwen

Outstanding contribution to comedy: The I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue team

In the venue categories, the winner were:

London (large): Comedy Store
London (small) : Falling Down With Laughter
South: Komedia
Midlands/East: Derby Funhouse
Wales and the West: Cardiff Glee
North: Manchester XS Malarkey
Scotland: Edinburgh Stand


If you look back at yesterday's blog you'll see that I did pretty well getting 5 out of 8 in the predictions I made, I'm like a comedy Mark Lawrenson only not quite so camp.

So what actually happened then? What was the gossip I can hear you cry.

Well first thing to say is that with classic comic timing I actually arrived at the AKA Bar (with it's entrance interestingly concealed down the darkest, dingiest alleyway in Holborn, still at least it's safer than it's South London stable-mate, the AK-47 Bar) just as the last award was being given out (if there is such a thing as being fashionably late then I was Mary Quant, Versace Armani and Kate Moss rolled into one), to Dara O'Briain (hilariously announced as Dara O'BRIAN), who gave a rather uplifting speech about how great it is being a comedian and that when you get to his level, doing 2 hour long shows to thousands of people, that is what all the slog around the country doing little rooms above pubs to a dozen people is about.


Dara pictured at A&E after the 'superglue incident'.

Luckily, despite being temporally challenged I did manage to make it in time for the free bar and, despite driving, got stuck into a bottle of San Miguel.

I was slightly worried about going along to such a prestigious event on my own, fearing that I would end up as some sort of Tony No-Mates sitting in the corner watching on as the great and the good of comedy partied all around me, drinking and engaging in some sort of bacchanalian orgy of excess whilst I played 'Tetris' on my phone to alleviate the loneliness.

Of course this was not the case as there were loads of lovely people there that I knew and I tried my best to 'work the room' without being too much of a 'looking-over-the-shoulder-trying-to-see-if-there's-anyone-more-important-I-should-be-talking-to' twunt.

I rapidly managed to catch up on who'd won what and so was able to text the few people who'd asked me to give them the scoop, possibly even making it look as though I'd actually been present when they were awarded!

So who was there then, big name wise?

Well Dara, as I mentioned, I'd been introduced to him at last years awards but I didn't really feel that I should interrupt any of the conversations I saw him engaged in order to say something stupid like "Hi I'm Tony, we met last year *embarrassingly long pause*...erm...I've seen you on the telly...erm...do you like telly?", Richard Herring, Arthur Smith, Glenn Wool, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Barry Cryer.

I hung about for a few hours, chatted to quite a few people including several industry bigwigs (and one gigantic toupee), had two drinks (cokes) bought for me by genuine bone fide Chortle Awards winners (thanks to Holly "sleepy" Walsh and Brendan from 'Pappy's Fun Club'). The lovely Mr Paul Kerensa, ace stand up and top TV comedy writer, commented on my suit and glasses combination by saying that I looked like a 'rogue accountant', so much for me trying to look smart but not over dressed!

So no real gossip to tell but it was nice to attend a party attended by a lot of my comedy peers and betters and not feel completely out of place

If you want to see the awards being handed out click here for expertly shot (well done Ms Shaw) video footage (I watched it today to see what I'd missed)

So well done to all the winners, hard luck to all the non-winning nominees (losers really doesn't seem appropriate in this case), I'm off to Kentish Town in a bit for a gig, enjoy your evening folks.

8:37 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Just a quickie...
Current mood: indescribable

Been seriously busy since the last blog, motoring all over the place to entertain people all over this fair isle of ours.

In the last few days I've been to Kilburn (the only place in mainland Britain to have been named after Viking warcry, although apparently there is a town in East Orkney called "Rapepillage" village), Cambridge (originally so called because the town grew up around a bridge that had been fabricated entirely of broken camshafts from the local Kwikfit by an eccentric genius who later went on to try to create the first Oxbridge but was tried and hanged by the RSPCA), the Comedy Cafe (literally a cafeteria where comedy is also performed), Hove (named after a popular biscuit that originated in the area in the 1920's, made famous by the advertising slogan "By Jove! I fancy a Hove!") and lastly, and almost certainly leastly, Croydon (from the latin Croyus Donica literally meaning "resting place of the effluent").

All the gigs have gone pretty well with Kilburn and the Cafe being the highlights, the others were good but were far too much like hard work for a lazy arse such as myself.

My routine is currently not too bad (both my comedic routine and my daily one), I'm generally out of bed by 10am even when I've had a fairly late one the previous night. I'm really enjoying the fact that I now see the sun, even though I'm really not getting myself out of the flat anywhere near enough to really benefit from it, still I don't want to bombard my body with a sudden unexpected influx of Vitamin D from which it might never recover! Who knows, for those of you that haven't seen me for a while I might not be my usual pasty, off white/duck shell blue colour when you next see me!

When I was working in a windowless office I used to feel that I was turning into one of those white fish with the big red eyes that lives in caves, especially during the winter when I would journey to and from work in the dark.

Anyway those days are now behind me, now I have bright sunny days and beans on toast for dinner to look forward to...

Right must go as I need to do some shopping (anyone know where Lidl's is in Walthamstow?) and then spruce myself up for the prestigious Chortle awards!

I'm not expecting to win anything as by some logistical oversight I don't seem to have been nominated for any awards, however I might just prepare a speech just in case.

Actually before I go I'll post my predictions here and then we can all laugh at how wrong I was tomorrow.

Right, my predictions in bold..

Best newcomer

Nat Luurtsema
Greg McHugh
Holly Walsh - tough one but I'll go with Holly, although really she shouldn't win as she falls asleep on long journeys
Jack Whitehall

Breakthrough act

Tom Basden
Lloyd Langford
Jon Richardson
Terry Saunders - very tricky to pick but I'll go with El Tel as I think he's really 'arrived' in the last 12 months or so

Best compere

Stephen K Amos
Jarred Christmas
Greg Davies - 3 reasons, he's brilliant, Klang are fecking excellent and he's the only one I've had in my car
Stephen Grant

Best headliner

Rhod Gilbert
Jim Jeffries
Michael McIntyre - another close one but I'll go with Mr McIntyre as he is the lovely Jools's fave!
Glenn Wool

Sketch, variety or character act

Fat Tongue
Lee Fenwick as Mick Sergeant
Pappy's Fun Club - it has to be Pappy's doesn't it?
Ugly Kid

Best full show

Tom Basden Won't Say Anything
Stewart Lee: 41st Best Stand-Up - don't know about this one so I'm going with the obvious choice
Psister Psycho
Terry Saunders: Missed Connection

Award for innovation

Arthur Smith for ArthurArt
Gently Progressive Behemoth (Edinburgh show)
Laughter In Odd Places - Whimsy and quirky comedy is a big thing at the moment and I reckon that could make this a winner
We Need Answers (Edinburgh show)

Best theatre tour

Alan Carr: Tooth Fairy - My choice would be Dara but between Alan and Jimmy, the Carr twins seem to be carving out a comedy Empire for themselves
Al Murray at the London Palladium
Dara O Briain
Frank Skinner

Right, there'll be a full report tomorrow, who shagged who in the toilets? Who was thrown out for trying to fist Arthur Smith after failing to win an award? Who tried to twat El Bennetto? Who was seen crying in the corner?

All these questions and more will be answered* in the next exciting installment of this here blog.

Tara chucks...


*Not legally binding, I reserve the right to not answer any of these questions

6:28 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Tony Cowards, Stand Up Comedian
Current mood: happy

So just over a week into my new profession and, to steal from Maccy D's, I'm lovin' it!

So far I've been ridiculously busy, my last day of 'proper' work was friday 8th Feb and I couldn't even go out for a drink because I had a gig in the evening, a fairly important showcase gig too which went well and will hopefully lead to some more work.

Here's where I've been doing funny stuff since I finished my day job;


Friday night - Soho, London. Showcase gig at the Arts Theatre (where Eddie Izzard was playing upstairs later in the evening). I was first up to do my 5 minutes, the room was rammed with a fairly lively friday night audience, but it went well and I got the night off to a good start. I think my fairly gag heavy set really suited being on early and, without wanting to sound too arrogant, the whole night benefited from me being on first. In fact most of the other acts, there were 12 on, congratulated me, which was nice!


Saturday afternoon - Leicester town centre (doing a promotion for the Leicester Mercury and the Comedy Festival, telling a joke to everyone who bought a copy of the paper). Not as soul destroying as it might sound and in fact, despite the freezing cold, was actually quite good fun. One man, slightly misunderstanding the concept, gave me 20p, I wasn't sure whether to be flattered or offended! And a woman gave me a big hug!


Saturday evening - Performing my show "Festival of Football" as part of the Leicester Comedy Festival to about 30 or so people, some of whom had pre-booked on the internet!

Saturday night - Doing a spot at the "Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?" gong show. I did the 5 minutes and got to the final but didn't win.


Sunday night - Again performing FoF this time to about 25 people. A much better show 2nd time out, much slicker.


Monday night - Doing an opening 10 spot at the Frog and Bucket in Manchester. A lovely club filled to the gunnels (not Sally) with about 300 people (mostly students, it being free entry!). I was first up and really enjoyed myself, you get a real buzz from making that many people laugh.


Tuesday night - Again doing another opening 10 spot in Manchester but this time at XS Malarkey's, one of the friendliest and best clubs in the country. About 180 in and I had another good one, did pretty well and had an enjoyable time before driving back to Walthamstow that night (arriving home about 2.30am)


Wednesday evening - MCing the Funny Farm in Colchester. This is one of the two comedy clubs that I co-promote with the lovely Hazel Humphreys, it's always a pleasure to play as the audience are fantastic, really up for comedy and messing about. I started a bit slowly, maybe down to tiredness, but by the end I was flying. A top night, Paul Harry Allen, Janice Phayre and Marc Lucero all doing brilliantly.


Thursday - Big Jack's Laughter Club in Reading. Did the opening 20 spot and continued my good run, in fact this was probably one of the best gigs I've had in quite some time. The audience really went with everything right from the off and despite losing myself a little at one point (I'm jumped around my set a bit) I had a cracker.


Friday - MCing the Billericay Comedy Club at Billericay Town FC. A smallish audience, about 30 or so, meant it was a bit tricky to generate any atmosphere and, if I'm honest, it wasn't my best compering of recent weeks, but the acts did well and all things considered, it was a good night.


Saturday - NIGHT OFF! Although in actual fact that just meant dressing up in a red boiler suit, wearing a red hard hat and brandishing a toy gun at a James Bond theme party ("Do you expect me to talk?" "No Mr Bond, I expect you to dine!"). A most enjoyable evening although I was disappointed that there wasn't a Blofeld lookalike on the door of the bar saying "Aah Mr Bond, we've been expecting you". The evening culminated in myself and a friend, dressed as Elliot Carver (Jonathon Pryce's baddie in "Tomorrow Never Dies"), having to leg it for the last tube from Clapham South...you never see that in the Bond movies do you?


Sunday - Was s'posed to be MCing a gig in Brixton but, unfortunately, 10 minutes drive from the gig I got a call telling me that it'd been pulled (BOO!) but that I'd still be paid (HOORAY!). I was actually quite disappointed, even though it meant a proper night off that I could spend in front of the telly, as I was looking forward to showing my compering skills off to a promoter who's not seen me MC, oh well there'll be another time.


Monday - The Porthole Comedy Club in Kilburn. Another opening 20 minute spot at another small(ish) but lovely club. It's in a slightly strange room with the stage in a sunken 'pit' area along with about 30 seats and then there are two raised areas for the audience. One, the normal floor area and the other a sort of mezzanine. James, the MC and promoter, described these three areas rather aptly, as the stalls, the circle and the balcony! It was a nice night and I did pretty well, although the audience seemed to take a little while to warm up, not sure if that was anything to do with me or just the night itself.



So there we are, my first 10 days as a professional comedian/penniless bum, it's been great and so far I'm loving every minute of it. My diary is looking pretty good at the moment but I really need to keep on with the bookings otherwise I really am going to be destitute.

Right that'll do for now, I'll try to update this blog at least every few days now that I have much more time for writing, till the next exciting installment of my story, ciao.

3:17 AM - 11 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment

James Bond and the Quantum of Solace???
Current mood: vexed

Well they've announced the title for the next Bond film and what a pile of cack it is.

The Quantum of Solace?

What is that supposed to mean?

Here are the dictionary entries for "Quantum" and "Solace"...

quan·tum...(kwntm)

n. pl. quan·ta (-t)

1. A quantity or amount.

2. A specified portion.

3. Something that can be counted or measured.

4. Physics

a. The smallest amount of a physical quantity that can exist independently, especially a discrete quantity of electromagnetic radiation.

b. This amount of energy regarded as a unit.

 

 

sol·ace...(sls)

n.

1. Comfort in sorrow, misfortune, or distress; consolation.

2. A source of comfort or consolation.

 

 

So it's basically James Bond returns in "An Amount of Consolation in Misfortune".

 

Not very inspiring is it? It sounds like a bloody Harry Potter title or one selected by randomly flicking through a dictionary.

 

Although the alternative "A Specified Portion of Comfort" sounds a bit more like the Bond we know and love.

 

 

If they weren't going to go with a "RIM" title (see previous blog entry...The Rimming of Solace?) then they could've at least stuck with tradition and included the words "Golden", "Die" or "Gun".

 

Or perhaps something that sums up the very essense of Bond...

 

 

Shagging and Shooting

 

The Spy Who had the Golden Tomorrow

 

Who wants some then?

 

Birds, Booze and Berettas

 

The Bond Supremacy

 

Guns, Gizmos and Girls

 

James Bond, Trying to Convince the World that Britain is still a Superpower since 1962 

 

 

On a related note a friend of mine received a Viagra type spam e-mail from an Ophelia Spangles, which I thought would be a brilliant name for a Bond girl, although obviously not as good some of the one's that they've actually used (Pussy Galore, Plenty O'Toole and Holly Goodhead, being my particular favourites).

8:37 AM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

I ain’t got no style
Current mood: contemplative

Hello folks, recently I've been doing a lot of thinking about the various aspects of doing stand up comedy for a living and alternately getting overexcited and worrying myself silly, but one thing keeps cropping up in my thoughts and that is my lack of any sort of USP (unique selling point) or distinctive 'style'.

I've never really thought too much about how I appear on stage, although I do seem to swing between the casual and studenty 't-shirt and jeans' to the 'smart shirt and trousers' and I even once dabbled with the 'smart suit' look.

I also once had the contention that I would be funnier wearing my glasses rather than my contact lenses, reasoning that a lot of the funniest comics wore/wear specs. I tried it a few times and the results were fairly inconclusive, in the end I decided that the amount of laughter that I illicited from an audience tended to depend on how funny I was, and how funny what I was saying was, rather than my choice of optical correction device.

Even my decision to stop shaving (I was going to type "grow a beard" but, to be honest, the decision was much more the passive 'can't be arsed to shave' than the active 'I'm going to grow a beard') was partly influenced by my thoughts that bearded men (and, I guess, women) were more inherently more funny than those without facial hair.

Anyway, I'm hoping to get some proper publicity shots done in the near future (does anyone else get disturbed by the fact that they are sometimes called "headshots"? It puts me in mind of a visit to a sniper rather than a photographer) and wondering what I should wear and how I should present myself.

Comedian's talk about 'finding their voice' and after nearly 5 years of gigging I still feel that I'm yet to find mine, I would like to be a silly comedian, in a similar vein to Tim Vine or the more puerile, but equally hysterical, Klang boys. The trouble is how do you exude silly without going down the wacky Timmy Mallet route?

So anyway, anyone got any suggestions for a good comedy look?

Answers on a postcard please

6:47 AM - 10 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

Proof that I have a mental age of about 12...
Current mood: amused

A friend of mine sent me a text the other day encouraging me to play a game where you take the title of a film and replace one of the words with "RIM".

Of course having an extremely infantile sense of humour I picked up this particular ball and ran with it enthusiastically.

My favourites, and the ones we started on, were Bond films;

The Spy Who RIMMED Me

On Her Majesty's Secret RIM 

You Only RIM Twice

MoonRIMMER (wider than a mile?)

The Man With the Golden RIM

A View to a RIM

The RIMMING Daylights

RIM Another Day

Branching out into other genres;

A RIM Too Far

RIM Bandits

Close Encounters of the RIM Kind

RIMMING Private Ryan

RIM With the Wind

RIM With a View

Erm...sadly, this is quite often the sort of thing that I do when I'm s'posed to be writing...

Lastly, they say you learn something new every day, well yesterday I learnt not to rub your nose after chopping chillis.

9:02 AM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Don’t give up the day job...
Current mood: excited

Supposedly that's what unhappy audience members say to unfunny comics isn't it?

Fortunately I don't think that anyone has ever said it to me (well apart from that woman in Exeter, see previous blog entry from last year for details) and so that is exactly what I have decided to do.

I handed in my notice last monday and my last day in my, soon-to-be ex, job will be friday 8th February.

I've been there for nigh on 14 years and it's going to be very strange swapping spending all day sitting in a cold, lightless office staring at a PC screen with sitting at home in a cold, lightless flat staring at a laptop screen.

It's simultaneously exciting and scary as hell that, in less than a month, my only source of income will be the money that I get paid to entertain strangers all over the UK. It's really will be a case of getting pretty good fast or I'll have to fast pretty good!

I've never been self-employed before either, so I have a whole new world of tax returns and shoe boxes full of receipts to look forward to, aswell as the realisation that in the future I won't be able to poo at my employers expense and sit on the toilet calculating how much I'm being paid to coil one off (come on, everyone does this at work don't they?) unless, of course, I can somehow incorporate it into my act.

As I said, it's nearly 14 years that I've been working at the same place, something that is unusual in this day and age and, if I'm honest, I've been stuck in a rut for a fair portion of that, so it's long overdue for me to stop 'rutting' and start 'strutting' my comedic stuff up and down the highways and byways of Great Britain and maybe even beyond!

I've had the pleasure to work with some fantastic people, most of whom have moved on, but probably the best will still be there and I'd like to take this opportunity to acknowledge the fantastic Mr Dave Almond, co-creator of the (in)famous "Comedians' Graveyard" and main reason that I even got involved in stand up.

If it hadn't been for him and his request for me to don a white suit and become a member of the shorthanded (and shortlived, 1 performance) "Comedy Forensic Squad" my comedy career would never have happened, of course, whether you consider this to be a good or a bad thing is entirely up to you.

Dave has been a great mate to me and is one of the funniest people I've had the pleasure to meet.

I'm sure that we'll have plenty of laughs in the future but it is going to be strange not seeing him on a day-to-day basis, who, for instance, am I going to share footballing woe with on a monday morning?

So a whole new episode of my life is about to open up, 2008 is going to be an interesting year!

2:57 PM - 9 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment