i just sat down to write a quick bulletin, but it seems there's more to say...
it's pretty late in florida, a little less late in south dakota, which is where i woke up this morning. spoke to something wild last night, like 50,000 people, at a festival in sioux falls. they gave me a few minutes before switchfoot went on... such a privilege to have the opportunity to talk about real things - pain and hope and help and the idea of community - in front of so many folks. and who would have thought that our biggest crowd ever would happen in south dakota?
i spoke before As I Lay Dying too, and it was cool to meet Nick from AILD - funny to tell him that we were on the same flight to australia earlier this year (but didn't meet until last night). the world is occasionally small.
i had a conversation yesterday with a mother who lost her son to suicide three years ago. his name was Lee. Lee loved music and he played the bass and he loved coming to this festival. his favorite shirts, he would come every year and find them in the tent that we were standing next to. i had the chance to meet Lee's sister Emily, and their friend Michelle. it was just a few minutes but i can't begin to tell you how moving it was - this family and their courage and kindness, as they shared about lee's life and the things he loved and how hard it's been without him, and what life is like these days. they speak in schools now, talking about the realities of depression and suicide, and the hope and help that exist in the face of those things.
my eyes filled up with tears when this mother said that she will see her son again in heaven. she said it with a certainty that i will never forget.
the whole thing reminded me that this work we do, these surprising conversations that we get to be part of... it is important and real and a privilege beyond anything i could ever begin to explain. families like Lee's, they are the heart of the matter. not t-shirts or bands or cool or any of that... the heart of the matter is keeping people alive and seeing lives change. beginning to talk about the things so many people are afraid to, letting those people know they're not alone. letting you know that you're not alone.
i talked about them, Lee and his family, in front of the big crowd last night and something felt right about that, saying maybe God doesn't look down and see this giant bunch of people. maybe God looks down and sees your story and my story. individuals. our dreams and fears and pains and hopes and all the things that make us unique. our questions and our favorite songs. these things matter so much. and somehow maybe we're all connected, everyone there in that field last night, more across a world right now. perhaps we're all in this thing together, part of a bigger story, one not over yet but still being told. hope still happening and all of us invited.
good night or good morning. i hope it's a great one. you are certainly loved.
jamie
ps: it's an unusual thing to talk in front of 50,000 people. i was pretty nervous about it and i wondered what it would feel like. the thing i want to say is this: when i look back at yesterday, the thing i will remember most, the highlight, was that conversation with lee's mom and emily and michelle. no stage no lights no microphone no backstage passes. just four people talking for fifteen minutes. honesty. questions. real life.
i am more and more convinced that the biggest things, the brightest moments, they do not happen on stages. talk to someone today.
Every now and then we come across something special, and it's exciting for us to be able to share it with you. We don't do this a lot because we want our words to weigh something, and we think your time is valuable. As we've said before, this blog is perhaps also something like a stage and we love to lend the stage to things that we believe in. It might be a song, or a story that found us, or some bright moment. The criteria is pretty simple: This stage exists to point to hope and help, and to inspire community...
Tonight we're lending the stage to a movie that we think is pretty special. It comes our tomorrow and it's called HENRY POOLE IS HERE. The movie stars Luke Wilson and speaks to hope, faith and community. You will likely laugh and think and cry.
i was going to say that HPIH is a movie about the power of hope, but i think it might be more true to say that this is a movie about the process of hope. Hope revealed in community. Hope revealed in love. It is a picture of the fact that people need other people.
HENRY POOLE IS HERE was directed by award-winning director Mark Pellington. Mark has directed music videos for U2, Pearl Jam, Foo Fighters, Keane, The Fray, The Flaming Lips, Bruce Springsteen and more.
sidenote: The soundtrack is amazing.
i had the chance to meet Mark at the premiere last week in LA. It was brief but he was extremely cool and kind. Mark is a guy who gets the power of art and music. This film was deeply personal for him. Here's a great interview.
So go see a movie this weekend. Invite a friend, ask that pretty girl you've been afraid to ask, or go alone but feel less alone.
Peace to you, from the town where movies are made. : ) jamie
PS: Here's a good story: 3500 people submitted songs with hopes of their song becoming the theme song for HENRY POOLE IS HERE. The winner was Ron Irizarry from Orlando, Florida. But how's this: In addition to having his song featured on the movie soundtrack and DVD, Ron was flown to Los Angeles where he worked with Mark Pellington to make a video for the song AND he got to play the song on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. How cool is that?
The guys from Bayside are on a list of friends who feel like family. It's been one of our favorite parts of TWLOHA - the stories that we've been invited into and the friends that have become a part of ours, perhaps yourself included. Bayside has spent the last six weeks making a record in Los Angeles and i had the privilege of being there for the grand finale... So Anthony was handed a copy of the final mixes Friday night and we jumped in my little rental car to go meet some friends for dinner.
Anthony puts the CD in and i turn it up and he gives me a little intro for each song. We're on the 405 north and the sun is low and bright against the hills. The songs are good and so i tell him and it crosses my mind that this is probably one of the cooler things ever to happen in a Dodge Caliber. We get a few songs in and it comes to a place where there's a whole bunch of people singing. The part really stands out and so i ask him about it.
"How many people are singing there?"
"It's actually eight, but there's three tracks for each one so it sounds like 24."
"Oh, wow, how did you guys pick them? Do you try to find people who can sing?"
"No, because we want it to sound more like a gang than a choir."
i don't know why but i really liked that answer... It made me think about the ideas behind those things, and the ways that they're the same - both perhaps attempts at being less alone. Both made up of people and people made up of so many different things. We all fight and sing.
The friends we met for dinner were Hawthorne Heights, in town with a day off from the Projekt Revolution tour. It was really great to get some time with those guys, to talk about the tour and their new record and what's new with TWLOHA. We spent some time talking about the Casey shirts - it was so cool to hear the HH guys say how much it means to them to see the shirts on the road every day. The shirts have continued to sell and our plan now is to invest the profit from those shirts into treatment and recovery in Casey's home state of Ohio. Casey Calvert believed in TWLOHA because he lived with some of the issues we talk about. He wanted people to know about hope and help. This community was amazing in responding to a very real need when Casey died. Sales from the shirts literally covered the funeral expenses so that Casey's family wouldn't be stuck worrying about those bills. Your support helped his wife Ashley in a very difficult time. It's exciting to think now that the initial need was met and it has become an opportunity invest in treatment and recovery in the place that mattered most to Casey.
On Saturday, i spent some time with a guy who's been in treatment in Los Angeles for the last couple months. TWLOHA has invested over $16,000 in his treatment, and again, you guys have made that possible. This was my third time seeing him and it has been nothing short of amazing to witness the transformation in his life. i remember three months ago, his friends and family were worried for his life. i sat across from him on Saturday, and there was this new clarity and strength. Security. i've been thinking a lot about that last one - security perhaps an expression of freedom. Hope realized. The ability to say "i'm okay." The ability to let go. The ability to keep going. It's powerful stuff.
This guy is working again, two jobs at the moment. He's working hard, he's going to meetings, he's finding community. He's reading and writing, finding his own story, believing this is the middle. He's talking to his kids again. In short, he is fighting the good fight and it's beautiful to see.
On behalf of a lot of people who love this guy, thank you for making it possible. We're in all these things together.
Peace to you. jamie
PS: i am off to Santa Barbara to catch Jon Foreman at Stateside Theatre. Timmy Curran is opening, should be great. Hope to see some of you there.
New blog tomorrow. There's a movie you need to know about.
Currently
listening
:
Fragile Future
By
Hawthorne Heights
Release date: 2008-08-05
Chris here, writing from a very chilly Saskatoon, Canada today. This is my first experience out of the states and so far all I've been able to accomplish is to find one of six Olive Gardens in this country. Jon, Emily and myself are out here to wrap up the rest of this year's Warped Tour. This entire summer has been really great to us. From experiencing the response from everyone coming out to the tour and showing their support for TWLOHA, to witnessing a traveling community day after day - a convoy of buses tunneling through the night to the next venue where we build our city of tents and stages in a strategic and routine fashion… it's quite amazing to say the least. We love having a presence out here. We feel it's something unique, to be able to invite people in this setting to begin to talk about these issues or simply to say "Hello." It's something that makes getting up every morning completely worth it. I guess I would just like to say a simple thank you to everyone who has stopped by this summer and we look forward to seeing everyone else coming out to the last few dates.
Jamie asked me to write about something i've been working on for the last couple months. It's a project some of you know about - we're excited to announce and invite you into our partnership with SocialVibe
SocialVibe is a website where you can create a profile to help raise money for your favorite charity by choosing a brand to endorse. Once you choose the brand, you can post that brand's artwork (sort of like an ad) on your MySpace and Facebook page. Every time someone visits your page, you earn money for the charity you support. SocialVibe is a great and very easy way to help support the cause. It's based on a points system so the more you promote your brand through bulletins, blogs, and on your actual page, the more points you will receive. You'll move higher in the SocialVibe rankings, and also your sponsoring brand will donate more money to TWLOHA.
The people at SocialVibe have been really great to us, getting this thing going and we're excited to finally give it a launch. You can sign-up for TWLOHA as your cause by clicking on the banner below or by going to socialvibe.com/towriteloveonherarms
PURPOSE FOR THE PAIN: New Video & Blog from Renee.
From Renee: The entry below is taken from the first page in my book, Purpose for the Pain. It is the beginning of one of my first journals. Sitting here reflecting on where I was then, and where I am now, I hardly recognize the girl that wrote these words…
Scratch and Dent Sale ('03)
I handed you the key to let you in You never told me you wouldn't Leave anything standing (You left nothing standing) You trashed everything and Took all that I had The sad thing is I would have Given it to you if you asked (Why didn't you ask)? So now I sit here amidst the rubble And I think that I blend in My heart broken- in pieces Scattered meaninglessly across the floor A pathetic trail that leads only to you (And I won't follow) And I'm damaged goods Mark the price down Red line sale- fifty percent off (Cause no one buys) Who will want me now? But go ahead to your trophy room and add one more to your collection Another check on your pricy Shopping list- and now on to the next item… (Is that all I am?)
…It's hard for me to recall where I was then, timelines, sequence of events, details…they all blur together for me. I do remember that I was used and abused, willingly and wrongfully, then tossed aside. If He, or She, wasn't hurting me, then I was. I had taken all of my insecurities and allowed everyone and anyone to reinforce the thoughts and names I had given myself. I longed for justice, for redemption, but it was such a foreign concept…
I look at my life now, at the wounds that have healed, and the scars left behind, and I realize how far I have come in the past few years. Today I don't view myself as devalued, I am not "leftovers" for someone to pick through. I have fought to value myself, first and foremost, and in turn, have learned how to value others as well. For whatever reason, I have this odd analogy in my head, a picture of the girl that was, and the girl that is becoming.
I recently moved into a new home, and I bought a white rug for the living room floor. Well, naturally, since I loved it so much, my dog decided it would be a good idea to poop on it. Not just once, but multiple times. The pure white was spotted in dark smelly brown… the girl I was before would have compared it to her. I didn't know how to clean it. The old me would have given up, throw the rug away, felt like a failure and hated the dog. I felt lost and overwhelmed. It felt so symbolic. Except, this time around, the old me didn't have a voice loud enough to make me sit there in defeat. I acknowledged that I needed help, and a few days later I got my rug back, spotless and beautiful as ever. As if nothing ever happened…redemption. I choose to believe that nothing is beyond redemption today. As stupid as a rug may sound, it signifies so much more for me. The wounds and stains that have found their way into my heart, are slowly being cleansed. My heart is being made new. I would have never imagined the opportunities that have presented themselves in the past few years, or the people who have loved me along the way.
As scary as it is to put my journals out for the world to read, to let my heart be laid bare for all to see, it excites me to think that perhaps someone will journey through that process of healing with me in those pages, and maybe find a piece of themselves. A wound they identify with, a myth they believed about themselves, and hopefully, a tangible example that it is possible to come out on the other side. In my following blogs I will be pulling different pages from my book and giving some insight to where I was when I wrote them. I'm excited to share the insights I have gained and the wisdom that has been imparted to me, and the joy I have found in recovery. My journals have been described as " a slow drip", that hope we so fondly speak of, didn't just shine through all of my pain from day one, it gradually trickled through, it was a process. I can't say enough what a privilege it is to share what I have found with you.
There were kids in costumes but i felt far from them. They were dressed for a party but i was in line for something like a funeral. The posters said "Batman" but i was in line to say some strange goodbye to a guy i never met.
i remember the night that Heath Ledger died in New York City. Some friends of mine were playing Scrabble a few blocks away. Josh is one of my best friends and his wife Amy is kind. Their apartment is warm and they fill it with music and the Scrabble is simply a means to laughter. i remember thinking and wishing that Heath Ledger could have somehow found his way to Josh and Amy's apartment that night. Maybe that's a weird thought but it was simply the possibility that he would have been less alone, that he might have found a friend or been surprised by laughter...
As for the movie, The Joker was alone.
We talked about it the next day and that was the thing we kept coming back to. He is completely alone. No gang. No sidekick. He doesn't trust anyone. He doesn't need anyone. He is so disconnected that we never even get to see his story. We never see the how or the heart of the why - we only see the madness. There is no great love that he is fighting for. It's not about the money - he sets that on fire. He values nothing. He loses himself.
i'll say what i said before, which is just that the death of Heath Ledger reminded us that life is a fragile precious thing. We were reminded that even our heroes ache with problems of pain. And medicine - or medication - it has the power to bring healing, and it also has the power to bring death.
Back in January, in real life, a father brother actor son named Heath Ledger lost his life. We don't know how he lived but it seems he died alone.
At some point, before we meet him, The Joker loses his mind. He lives alone.
Even Batman, the hero... He is carrying so much. And i think the weight we find in him... it's the ways that he's alone. He is driven by loss. His secret life means that he is known by few. There is a woman and he loves her but his choices keep him far from her.
As for us and now, the movie screen is traded for a computer screen, and the story being told is real and ours. Less clapping but just as much at stake. There's no genius ending to this writing, just the simple thing that we keep coming back to:
We weren't meant to be alone. We need other people. We need a friend. We need a gang. We need a family. Hope is real. Help is real. Hope is real. Help is real.
Those Scrabble games, the apartments warm and kind - we need to know that they really do exist. That the whole thing is possible. That life can be good. i am fighting to believe this in my own life. i have a long way to go but i'm learning that it's worth fighting for.
Peace to you from across the miles. jamie
Currently
listening
:
The Walking Wounded
By
Bayside
Release date: 2008-07-22
We made a new friend when we were in the U.K. with The Rocket Summer earlier this year. His name is Luis, he's from Dallas, and he makes electronic pop music as "The Secret Handshake". This music causes people to smile and dance.
Luis called a couple weeks ago with a cool idea. He said The Secret Handshake were about to head out on their "Summer of Love" tour and he wanted to do a "Summer of Love" shirt to support TWLOHA. We loved the idea, the tour is now underway, and those shirts are available at every show. They are also available for presale in the TWLOHA Online Store. Also, new white hoodies are now available. We hope you dig 'em.
I'm sitting outside of starbucks in Winter Park right now and I just wanted to take a moment to share some exciting things with you. I have seen some beautiful things born from a conversation that occured one night just over two years ago, stories of redemption and hope and the struggle to find them, and since then have been priviledged to watch the growing response. I am humbled and overjoyed to share more of my story firsthand. My book, Purpose for the Pain, is a compilation of journals that I kept through my journey from addiction to the daily fight for recovery. It is my hope to provide you with a tangible example of the redemption in my life that you may be encouraged to find it in your own story. My desire is to be transparent, as ugly and awkward as it may be, from the darkest of corners to the most beautiful parts, and everything in between. I hope that by giving you this piece of my heart you might be inspired, enlightened, and comforted in each of your journeys, knowing that you do not travel alone. I fiercely believe that there is nothing that cannot be redeemed and that the fight for it is worth it. Secrets keep us sick. This is my attempt to shed light on the dark that it may no longer have power, and defuse the lie that our burdens should be kept silent. I would encourage you to write, to speak, to dream, to fight for truth and healing in your own lives. This is my story, offered to you, that you may find yours.
TWLOHA began with Renee's story. Purpose for the Pain is Renee's story in her words; a collection of handwritten journals documenting her journey from addiction to sobriety and pain to hope. Over 300 pages.
WARNING: This book contains mature and graphic content relating to the issues that Renee has struggled with (depression, addiction, self-injury, suicide, sexual abuse). Please use your discretion. We believe that the book is ultimately an honest story of hope and redemption, but parts of the story are very painful.
For the last year, we've been sending money to the Kristin Brooks Hope Center, which is also known as Hopeline and 1-800-SUICIDE. It's been far from a one-sided relationship. These guys have helped us provide suicide prevention training to our entire team, including all of our volunteers. They have shared everything from ideas and information to struggles and dreams, and they've become friends in the process.
Hopeline was founded by Reese Butler in 1998, after he lost his wife Kristin to suicide. Since that time, the Kristin Brooks Hope Center has provided help to nearly three million callers.
Today, 1-800-SUICIDE is in need of some help of it's own.
PICK UP THE PHONE is a campaign partnership between the communities of To Write Love on Her Arms and PostSecret to provide support for the work of the National Hopeline Network and the Kristin Brooks Hope Center (KBHC).
Over the past decade, the Kristin Brooks Hope Center and 1-800-SUICIDE have helped thousands of people through the Hopeline network. With your support and with the support of TWLOHA and PostSecret, they will be able to continue to provide this assistance, along with the comfort of complete confidentiality.
As a result of the many calls that 1-800-SUICIDE receives every day, and because of a delay in government funding, Hopeline is struggling to pay their phone bill. If this bill is not paid, the government will be allowed to fully take control of 1-800-SUICIDE. Part of what makes Hopeline such a powerful resource is that the calls placed to this number are completely private and confidential. We believe that the responsibility for providing a private and confidential environment in which to find help should remain in the hands of those who had the heart and compassion to begin this work ten years ago.
For these reasons, TWLOHA is encouraging everyone to support the PICK UP THE PHONE campaign in the following ways:
4. Sign up to support PICK UP THE PHONE via SocialVibe
5. Add a PICK UP THE PHONE banner to your MySpace page:
Add this banner to your page:
The money that comes from these donations (and t-shirt sales) will be used to help pay the phone bill that connects 50,000 calls per month to the National Hopeline Network, and to keep 1-800-SUICIDE in the hands of The Kristin Brooks Hope Center. This support also paves the way for future services, such as training of online counselors to provide assistance through one-on-one live Internet chat.
With your support, we can work together to prevent tragedy and to stand with Hopeline in this pivotal moment. In moments of bravery and confusion and honesty, people turn to 1-800-SUICIDE. Nearly three million of them. The folks at Hopeline have been answering those calls for ten years, picking up the phone when it's mattered most. Now it's our turn. This is our moment to respond.
We are proud to introduce: PICK UP THE PHONE.
Peace to you. jamie
PS: Here's a few words from PostSecret founder Frank Warren: "I think TWLOHA and PostSecret are very special websites and communities... These communities are precious, fragile, strong and meaningful... What a thrill to be combining forces to help Reese Butler and Hopeline. I have been working with Reese since 2005 and before that I was a volunteer answering Hopeline calls at a Hopeline crisis center. I personally know the good works that Reese is behind and truly appreciate all the time and effort you all are contributing to. I believe it is some of the most important work being done on the planet."
The new song on our page is called "Disappear". Our friends in Anberlin posted it a couple hours ago. (They also updated their MySpace so everything is green and orange and awesome now.) The Anberlin guys are pretty much family to us - i was thinking about this yesterday standing with a bunch of folks from our team, watching the guys play Main Stage at Warped in Orlando... i've known Stephen and Deon since days before Anberlin (We're all from Florida. It's a long story and it's pretty funny but it's better when Stephen tells it.)
Anyway, i heard "Disappear" this afternoon, added it as our new song, and sent the following text to the members of Anberlin: "Your new song is our new song and it is certainly good. Hooray for MySpace."
Stephen replied a minute later with "The lyrics are about not forgetting the homeless." He sent a top-secret link to the lyrics and said i was welcome to post them as an exclusive blog. So here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the first-ever "exclusive" blog in the history of To Write Love on Her Arms, compliments of Mr. Stephen Christian.
Sidenote: Someday, you will be sitting next to a friend and this song will come on and they will say "i like this song, i am going to google the lyrics." And you will say "Oh, i remember when TWLOHA posted those. It was an exclusive blog." Your friend will look at you funny but you will be correct.
enjoy. : ) jamie
Disappear (by Anberlin)
we are the last of the sleepless ones left behind by those we left behind tonight quiet now let our poison take were we always just your lost cause mistakes
wait for me will you wait for me need you by my side way for me make way for me with arms wide
alone left alone watch us slowly disappear with time unknown still unknown forgotten, lost, & left behind
dark lit streets are no place for kids but it gives us more of a home than you ever did we're the silentist's left to our own demise you're still our last chance to get out of this place alive
wait for me will you wait for me with arms wide
alone left alone watch us slowly disappear with time unknown still unknown forgotten, lost, & left behind
