The 76th verse... of the Tao Te Ching
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Religion and Philosophy

I won't take any credit for this because it would be wrong but it's an excerpt from the book by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer called "Living the Wisdom of the Tao."

I choose to be strong
by being soft and pliable
rather than inflexible,
brittle, and hard.

76th Verse

A man is born gentle and weak;
at his death he is hard and stiff.
All things, including the grass and trees,
are soft and pliable in life;
dry and brittle in death.

Stiffness is thus a companion of death,
flexibility a companion of life.
An army that cannot yield
will be defeated.
A tree that cannot bend
will crack in the wind.

The hard and stiff will be broken;
the soft and supple will prevail.

11:44 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

It's been awhile but it's been stewing...
Current mood: curious
Category: Life

I want to experience because...

I saw the pain in his step...
But realized his feet had traveled farther than I could imagine.

I saw the break in his heart...
But realized his love was unmatched by my own experience.

I saw the strain in his eyes...
But realized he had seen infinitely more than me.

I saw the shakiness of his grasp...
But realized his hands had done more than most in there time.

I heard the tremor in her voice...
But realized she was braver than most I'd met.

I listened to the sadness in their songs...
But realized they felt no regret or remorse.

I felt the wind on my face...
But realized it would not take me with it.

I found a treasure to share...
But realized no one wanted what I wanted.

I learned from the greatest teacher to be found...
But realized there was nothing he could teach I could not learn on my own.

I touched the old hand before me...
But realized I could not do what it had already done.

I looked into the future before me...
But realized the light was too bright for me to make anything out.

I've experienced so much..
But realized I have yet to experience anything.

6:20 PM - 6 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment

Week-ends...
Category: Friends

I just wanted to make for certain that some one who is very dear to me now also realizes that our week-end was also most memorable.  And thank you for finding "the ink spots" for me.

3:07 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Just so you know what a perfect day is like...
Category: Friends

Soon to come...

Oct 27

So here I am...about to go back to the structured life of the army and hopefully get in shape again.  The month of hedonistic eating and sleeping has left a soft candy coating on me and if I were to make soap, I would  have an ample supply of lard to get started.  However, on the up-side of this month, I have more memories than I know what to do with and a journal that has evaded my hands and pen each night.  One of these memories was probably the most perfect day I've ever had.

I had just arrived in Orlando a day or so before, and I had wanted to visit an old friend of mine who was currently inhabiting St. Augustine.  After a few curve balls life had thrown her she had settled, for now mind you, in a small yet very comfortable condo about 15 minutes if not less by the beach.  After a few phone calls and a couple of tries on dates and times, I headed out one morning early enough to miss some of the morning traffic, yet practically catch the sun rising in the east and illuminating my path which I was to travel.  Ok, well, that's what I had intended to do.  In reality, I was almost overwhelmed by some of the traffic in Orlando, but I still managed to be on the road well before 0900 and enjoyed an early morning sun which made it a most beautiful day.

My friend, "Sam."  Whom I might have been interested in once long ago when I was young and foolish, had always seemed to elude me.  However, I would come to find that she had actually been an acquaintance teetering on friendship for the longest of times.  Although we had never truly spent time together on dates and such, we had grown quite accustomed to each other over the times we hung out.  Usually we were found amongst friends and such with some quite humorous times shared.

The day though, as often as we say we would like to stop and smell the roses which we seldom ever do, was almost in slow motion.  Looking back on it, I don't know how I did what I did so quickly, without breaking a sweat or feeling overwhelmed by time limits.  I managed to walk a bit of downtown St. Augustine, see Flagler College, have a nice walk along the beach, enjoy two very agreeable meals (I'm very picky mind you), and then have a good nights rest before heading out the next morning.

In between those lines of text above though was everything I could have wanted.  To enjoy wind blowing through, well, over my head, walking along the beach and feeling sand between my toes; feeling waves wash over my feet and ankles, and what's more, having conversation with some one I hadn't spoke to in quite some time.  All of these feeling, no matter what order they are presented, makes that perfect day to reflect upon.  A day when you had no regrets and nothing of the world was at your door waiting for your timely response.  It was as though the wind and water had cleaned my slate and given me a moment to breath.

It has been ages since I was able to appreciate sand and although for the past year I was around it constantly, it simply did not compare to having an ocean right there to take me away.  The feeling of insignificance is almost crucial to feeling whole in your niche in this lifetime.

*dinner calls...to be continued*

7:20 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Mechanics of a kiss...
Category: Romance and Relationships

At the request of a very dear friend I've begun the critical analysis of a kiss. After all, it is something that every one can do; tends to bring joy to each other; and can stimulate the body in ways that nothing else can. If you don't believe me, just try it sometime. This however is not to be confused with the kissing of some one against their will. Please do not try to "steal" a kiss as that is wrong by law and moral standards and if it is stolen by some one who wanted you to steal it, it's not really stolen is it?

11:05 AM - 4 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

I had a dream last night...
Current mood: pleased
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

I had a dream last night...

I dreamed of the one.  Most don't believe in her any more.  People cheat, and lie, and tell stories that aren't believable and she runs away.

I had a dream last night...

She didn't have a face, but I remember that we had fun.  We lay in a hammock and swung in a gentle breeze until day was undone.

I had a dream last night...

There was a house and a home where my heart was at peace and I knew my work in this life was done.

I had a dream last night...

My head was full of memories that no one could take and all were in perfect high definition for me to share.

I had a dream last night...

I could run as the wind even in old age and some one was holding my hand so that I would not stumble.  And if we had, we could help each other up.

I had a dream last night...

There was a field of flowers and no body picked them because it was bad enough we walked and lay in the field and squashed them: yet at the same time the flowers were delighted that we shared their beauty with others.

I had a dream last night...

It was of you...

2:56 AM - 3 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

One year gone...
Current mood: curious
Category: Life

What did I learn?  What have I lost?  How will I gain it back?  The questions are too many too answer and the answers I keep finding I don't necessarily like.  I learned today that you can't prevent a crime.  You have to commit the crime before you can be punished evidently.  Come on, how obsurd is this?  You can have the intent to murder and go directly to jail, but if you have the intent to commit any other crime in the world it seems that people think you are just bluffing.

In the end though I came to a thought that has stuck with me today and I'm looking for some feedback.  If the people we are fighting for don't want us to fight then why are we expected to continue; and if all the faith of the American people is placed else where then how can a soldier be expected to carry on?  I haven't lost faith in people, and probably never will.  What I'm having the most trouble with is people forgeting exactly how much power each of them wields in the outcome of their own life and the life of others.

1:52 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Death of My Imagination (continued)
Current mood: aggravated
Category: Religion and Philosophy

In all of my searching lately I've found certain things to remain true.  I still have a capacity for appreciation.  The music I hear still moves me through emotion, the pictures I see still stir my soul, and the movies I watch still make me wonder.  But the depth of which my mind creates it's own world is slowly fading.  It takes me ages to write a text that I think others will find palateable and poetry these days is something I don't even want to talk about.

Stark reality and finding out truths is a large portion of what bothers me I believe.  It's the bitter taste of wanting to believe in something that has long since rotted from the core and needs to be surgically removed to once again grow pure.  Yes, I'm somewhat referring to the army.  What happened to the hardened man that knew no compromise to his system of beliefs and ethics?  Who could look at a situation and know wrong is wrong.

My aspiration of becoming an officer one day is challenged constantly.  For every situation I see, there are five wrongs to every one right being performed.   Back at Campbell I once met a waitress that struck up conversation with me.  What was so funny is that when I told her of my desire she said that I would be introduced to "the dark side."  Being green and not knowing any better I though the values instilled in Basic and AIT is what every one was going to live by.  How naive could I be?

The truth is that too many people today take the attitude of "f*ck your buddy, cheat on your wife, and call your mother on mothers day."  (Al Pacino, Scent of a Woman)  That's the wrong answer and shame on us for not taking the initiative to not let folks like this slip through the cracks.  There are so many great institutions that are being tainted from the ground up because people don't want to believe they can make a difference.  Every one has forgotten that you don't change things from your postition up, you change things from your position down.  Not only that, but it takes a life time of devotion to do anything memorable.

It's no wonder the divorce rate is so high and the hero has been lost.  How can any woman stay with a man that stands for nothing; and how can a man stay with a woman that has no sense of self?  Give me this, give me that, and if you don't I'm not doing anything else for you.  What happened to selfless service?  It doesn't exist any more.  Integrity?  Gone from the beginning.  Loyalty?  Only found towards your weapon of choice.  Courage?  How can there be any when it's frowned upon?  Duty?  Evidently the extent of it is judged by how much you get paid.  Respect?  Certainly not found in the person any more.  Honor?  It's a medal you get, not a characteristic any more.

(more to come)

9:04 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

The Death of My Imagination
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Religion and Philosophy

I don't know what happened or where it went but I remember a time when creative problem solving was easy and new ideas came to me like I was stealing them out of thin air.  I don't want to believe that society has gotten the best of me because if that's the case all is lost.  And that's just a horrible horrible feeling.  I want to have that child like ability to think anything is possible again.  You know, the type where you have to ask why it can't be done instead of why we're doing it.

This is something that I've been thinking about a lot lately and I don't know how to revive it or find it if it's really lost.  I can think of all types of scenarios of passion and hope in the fibers that bind humans together.  But I just can't seem to picture things in my mind any more.  I've been trying lately to capture still life in drawings.  In these exercises I've almost come to the conclusion that I can't draw because I can't see what's really there.

An artist can sometimes take pencil and paper and come up with a work of art because he sees the image he wants to draw at all times.  I see an image sometimes, but it's always fuzzy.  It looks like it's unfocused.

(to be continued...)

So I wait.  Yet I keep searching, hoping to hone my skills or get them back.  However one wants to look at it.  It's disturbing though cause we can look around and see how the imaginative claim theirs before some ever break the mold.  I once had a teacher that said he was scared to death that pokemon was going to turn a whole generation of youth into zombies.  And for awhile I saw what he meant.  Kids are amazing.  Watch them stare into a TV screen and zone out.  You've got to wonder just how much of the information they are taking in and what they are retaining.

It kind of freaks me out a little.  It's almost like they are being brainwashed sometimes.  Although, I suppose it's no different than when a beautiful woman walks into the room and men lose their motor skills and start drooling on their shoes.  I have noticed that even my writing skills and vocabulary is dissappearing though so maybe it's not so much that I lost it, but I haven't used it enough in the past couple of months.  My scenery is kind of limited when I think about it.  Perhaps in the trenches of my mind there is still hope that needs to be trudged up before it sinks even further into the abyss.

7:56 PM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

Distance
Current mood: touched
Category: Religion and Philosophy

What is it?  I thought it would be simple as I was moved this morning by an e-mail during radio watch.  However, now that I sit down to bring the words to paper to give them meaning I'm at a loss.  Perhaps in time I'll be able to update this blog.

After lunch the same day...

Slowly I cover the distance set forth before me to reach an end.  Where that end is I can't say just yet but in my mind it's a goal.  A tangible reality that I can be face to face with one day lest I stray from the path.  By definition distance is the space between two points.  What those two points represent though is completely up to the the person that is leaving one of them and traveling to the other.

Each day we leave a point either to return to a previous point, or to travel forward in time to find the next.  Sometimes we see where we might end up.  Especially when we dare to dream and flow with the Dao.  The very Dao that is undefineable.  How do we flow with it if we can't see it though.  You must close your eyes, focus the mind, and open the heart so that we can feel the very force that ties us all together.

If we are all tied together though and share in this unity, what does distance become then?  Isn't it zero?  We are all connected by memories at some point in time.  Whether they be good or bad, or for better or for worse I can't say because I don't know how to tap into the minds of others.  However, what I do share with those around me is usually very good, so no matter how great the distance apart we find ourselves, I'm merely a scent, a touch, a thought, or a word away.

Think of the place that you remember most vividly.  If it was fear that brought you there you were probably alone.  If you found sanity on the brink of chaos then some one probably grabbed you at the last second eliminating the distance between the two of you.  What if distance isn't a physical aspect of reality?  What if the only true distance is a state of mind?

Look into some one's eyes that are glazed over from drugs or from deep meditation or even if they are merely in thought and we describe them as being distant.  Yet they are physically right there.  Listen to the lyrics of some songs.  "I'm already there, I'm the whisper in the wind, I'm the sunshine in your hair."  Regardless of where we go we always have a connection and until that connection is severed by choice or by obstacle we are one in the same with no distance between us and our breathren unless we choose to make it so.

Ask a mother who's child is at war where her son is?  He is in her heart, in her memories, and in her prayers.  He's not alone on some "distant" battlefield.  And although his physical body is alone, isn't Gods hand ever guiding him and protecting him?

Distance.  I say it doesn't exist.  It's a word that man has created to describe an undescribeable emptiness that nothing tangible can fill.  It's the emptiness inside when a burden has become more than we can bare.  It is the loneliness after we have turned all of our family away because we made the wrong decision.  Going the distance, measuring the distance, and being distant:  all illusions.  Next time you feel distant, close your eyes and see what your minds eye is staring at.  If you don't like it, call your friend and see if you have truly become distant.

If you still feel at loss and don't know where to go, think about where you are.  The distance to you from you is always nothing.

12:14 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment