Isn't it a well-deserved kick to the ol' ego-nuts when The Onion publishes a 'local man...' article that, whether you'd like to admit it or not, reminds you of yourself?
COLUMBUS, MO—Though area graphic designer Derek Sills says he plays devil's advocate to help his friends better understand opinions different from their own, sources close to Sills claim he takes on the dissenting role merely to be an asshole.
"Now, I don't actually believe this or anything but, for the sake of argument, let's say your girlfriend is just dating you for your money," Sills said at a party last Saturday, after asking a group of friends to consider that the telephone may have been a "stupid invention." "Just playing devil's advocate here, guys, but perhaps slavery is the reason African Americans are so successful in sports these days."
According to sources, Sills "crossed the line" when he asked if their friend Jamie's mother might have deserved to die.
Well, after four loooong months, I've found a damn fine job.
The company seems incredibly great.It's small start-up company with a casual environment that places a high priority on allowing the employees to shape the company.I'll be getting paid way more than I ever have, at least 50% higher, plus full benefits and some crazy stock shit I should really read up on at some point.
I had to choose between it and the internship in DC, both offering me a position on the same day.Aside from my desire to move up to an actual tax bracket, I really feel that I need to establish myself somewhere, to make a home for the first time since it was taken away by Hurricane Katrina.Moving across the country for the second time in half a year would probably make me an official Carney.And that's just not acceptable.
Because Stephen Hawking is going to floating around in one of those commercial zero-gravity airplanes and if someone doesn't film it and put it on youtube, it's like the internet might as well have never existed!
Since coming to Denver, I've been frequenting Karaoke Night at a bar called Bender's.
Those of you who have had the misfortune of hearing me attempt to sing know that I've got no singing ability whatsoever.But none the less, I've always enjoyed doing a little karaoke because I don't really give a damn if I sing well, I just have fun with it.
Through my karaoke endeavors I've butchered Queen, Kiss, Mötorhead, etc.I enjoyed myself in each attempt, but I've never been able to match the vocal stylings of any song, at most getting a "well, I could tell you had fun singing it".
But last night I finally found my karaoke song, one that I have fun singing and am actually able to sing without causing fellow karaokers noticeable displeasure.
The song:
Chuck Berry's "My Ding-a-Ling"
It was great.I got up on stage and before the song began, I announced to the audience, "You are all required to sing along to this song.If you do not, you are lame and have no sense of humor."
The gauntlet had been thrown down.
Well, by the time the chorus came around the second time, I actually had the whole place singing in response, something I'd never seen happen in my 5, 6 times of going to karaoke at Bender's.
When I finished and went back to my table, my friend told me the karaoke DJ said I nailed it, sang it perfectly.I knew the crowd enjoyed the song, but damn, I still can't believe I was actually complimented on my singing ability by the guy who's host to some of the best and worst vocal performances every week (I think he might have remembered my past attempts and was surprised at my sudden competency)
I was getting hey-good-job-s all night.The funniest one was when I was washing my hands in the men's room, the guy at the sink next to me said, "Hey, I know this is a really awkward thing to say in a men's room, but you did an awesome job with 'My Ding-a-Ling'."
####
In other news, I had my job interview with Associated Content today.I think it went swimmingly. Pretty much everything they said about the position, I was able to counter with a 'that would be a great fit for me because...' each time.And I none of these responses were b.s. or exaggerated at all…I really am a great fit for this position.
They said they are going to interview a few other people for the position, but that I'd hear back from them early next week.
Since coming to Denver, I've been frequenting Karaoke Night at a bar called Bender's.
Those of you who have had the misfortune of hearing me attempt to sing know that I've got no singing ability whatsoever.But none the less, I've always enjoyed doing a little karaoke because I don't really give a damn if I sing well, I just have fun with it.
Through my karaoke endeavors I've butchered Queen, Kiss, Mötorhead, etc.I enjoyed myself in each attempt, but I've never been able to match the vocal stylings of any song, at most getting a "well, I could tell you had fun singing it".
But last night I finally found my karaoke song, one that I have fun singing and am actually able to sing without causing fellow karaokers noticeable displeasure.
The song:
Chuck Berry's "My Ding-a-Ling"
It was great.I got up on stage and before the song began, I announced to the audience, "You are all required to sing along to this song.If you do not, you are lame and have no sense of humor."
The gauntlet had been thrown down.
Well, by the time the chorus came around the second time, I actually had the whole place singing in response, something I'd never seen happen in my 5, 6 times of going to karaoke at Bender's.
When I finished and went back to my table, my friend told me she over heard the karaoke DJ saying that I nailed it, sang it perfectly.I knew the crowd enjoyed the song, but damn, I still can't believe I was actually complimented on my singing ability by the guy who's host to some of the best and worst vocal performances every week (I think he might have remembered my past attempts and was surprised at my sudden competency)
I was getting hey-good-job-s all night.The funniest one was when I was washing my hands in the men's room, the guy at the sink next to me said, "Hey, I know this is a really awkward thing to say in a men's room, but you did an awesome job with 'My Ding-a-Ling'."
####
In other news, I had my job interview with Associated Content today.I think it went swimmingly. Pretty much everything they said about the position, I was able to counter with a 'that would be a great fit for me because...' each time.And I none of these responses were b.s. or exaggerated at all…I really am a great fit for this position.
They said they are going to interview a few other people for the position, but that I'd hear back from them early next week.
Having lived in New Orleans / Louisiana my whole life previous to moving here in November, there are alot of things that comparatively don't register on my radar:
-"Hot" Colorado Weather -Denver "Ghettos" -Corrupt/Troglodyte Local Politicians
But when I heard the audio from an interview with Tom Tancredo, Congressman for the 6th Congressional district of Colorado (home of Columbine), I was actually shocked and appalled despite my lifetime of building up a tolerance to such things.
This douche bag, who's based his entire career on casting Mexican immigrants as termites and himself as the country's only Orkin man, somehow allowed his Neo-Con addled brain to reason, OUT LOUD, that another terrorist attack on the U.S. would justify us in BOMBING MECCA.
TOM, PLEASE LISTEN: -Muslims have rioted by the thousands because of frigging cartoons. -A few weeks ago, relatively progressive Muslim countries saw major demonstrations against "great evil" of Valentine's Day.
What the FUCK do you think they would do if we bombed their holiest site, the one that hundreds of thousands walk thousands of miles to every year?
I'd imagine their new yearly pilgrimage would located alot closer than Saudi Arabia and would no longer be a peaceful journey.
Hell, just saying we might bomb Mecca hypothetically is enough to invite a few attacks.
Thank God no one listens to your crazy cracka ass outside of this state, Tommy Boy.
Awesome Day in Denver V 1.0
Current mood: optimistic
1. Got myself a JOB interview today!
I am being considered for a the position of Content Editor for the website, Associated Content. Basically, I'd be proofreading and researching. This would be a sweet gig because it's something that I could take with me if I get that internship with SLDN in DC (I haven't told many of you b/c it's not a done deal yet, but I may be moving to DC in the summer to do an internship that may turn into a full-time paying gig...I'd be doing what I did at my last job in New Orleans, working for a great cause....check out the link to learn more about them).
2. I gots new glasses....from Wal-Mart!
Ladies, commence the melting of your hearts.
3. That stupid maternity ward dropped its lawsuit against me! Miscarry THIS, jerks!
…one beep for “gay”, twenty-one beeps for “self-deluded hetero”…
Current mood: curious
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
…one beep for "gay", twenty-one beeps for "self-deluded hetero"…
I'm sure everyone knows about disgraced evangelical preacher, Ted Haggard, the male-prostitute-blowing, meth-snorting, world-class hypocrite.Well, in case you haven't heard, in just 21 days, Ted Haggard has been "cured" of his homosexuality!Praise the Lord!
I also recently watched a two-part episode of Star Trek called, The Menagerie.In this episode, the captain of the ship is made to be an experimental subject by aliens who desire to observe his every thought and emotion.
Viewing both of these made me realize something.Normally, I'm not in favor of life-long forced confinement regardless of the circumstances, but…
I think humanity would benefit greatly if a group of psychoanalysts would study Ted Haggard for a few decades.
I mean, this man represents a level of denial-based psychosis that can only been found once every other generation.Were it not for the fact that America is a society that has zero tolerance for the torture, killing or forced confinement and conversion of 'non-believers' (well, zero tolerance, Git-mo or less), surely this man would have had the power and self-righteousness needed to start another Spanish Inquisition.
Imagine all we could learn about denial, or more specifically, the effect that a self-intolerant belief system has one's perception of one's self.
And, on a personal level, I could find out where to score some killer meth here in Denver (this is an attempt at humor…if you are a meth-dealer in the Denver area, please DO NOT contact me if you are reading this).
So, if you're a psychoanalyst in the Denver metro area, holla at your boy.
Let's make this shit happen.
Currently
listening
:
Yellow House
By
Grizzly Bear
Release date: 05 September, 2006
optimistic
curious
