Love, Death and Urination
Current mood: jubilant
Category: Parties and Nightlife

Hosted By: Phil Zimmermann
When: Friday Nov 03, 2006
at 7:30 PM
Where: 716 Fine Arts
716 58th Street
Kenosha, WI 53144
US
Description:
Phil Zimmermann

Click Here To View Event

4:55 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I stole this. Not from my neighbors though.

What is your secret, guaranteed weeping movie?
Big Fish. My sister can attest to this.

If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
Id probably get some of this weight off me, maybe add a six pack.

Do you have a completely irrational fear?
I have this fear where if I put marbles in my mouth I become terrified that I will swallow one and it will wind up lodged in my heart. Yeah.

What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments?
Im not normally insecure. I probably cup my hands together.

Are you a pyromaniac?
Only when grilling.

Do you have too many love interests?
No. Its a pretty narrow field.

Do you know anyone famous?
I know several people who are going to be famous. Oh, and the guy who owns the patent for the way tissues come out of the box? So that theres always one sticking out? Yeah, I know him. His daughter directed a show I was in.

Who would play you in a movie?
An older me would be played by Geoffrey Rush, if I had to pick now Id say Kirk Douglas or Frank Capra in their prime.

Do you know how to play poker?
Dont tell anyone, Im kind of a shark. 

What do you carry with you at all times?
My pride.

What do you miss most about being a kid?                             
The naivety. Then again I have retained most of it.

Are you happy with your given name?
Yes, and my kids had damned well better like what I intend to call them.  

How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?
I use the internet for business, communication and information extraction, all of which are very important to what I do. Give me roughly $100,000 and Im offline.

What color is your bedroom?
A series of blues.

What was the last song you were listening to?
Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs, the ending theme to Frasier.  

Have you ever been in love?
What the hell kind of question is this?

Do you talk a lot?
Its my job, baby.

Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
You bet your ass I do.

Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
I consider myself an honest person. You cant always be both. I refer you to The Misanthrope.

What is your ideal marriage location?
Realistically I see it happening in a court room, ideally it would be in the middle of Times Square. 

Which musical instrument do you wish you could play?
Im working on the guitar, banjo would be my next choice.

Favorite fabric?
Cloth 

Something you love and also hate?
People. In general.

What's the one language you want to learn?
Id like to brush up my French and Latin, and I kind of have to quickly learn Japanese if I intend to survive next year.

How do you eat an apple?
Whole.

Have you ever pierced your body parts
No, not to say however that I have not accidentally stabbed myself. 

Do you have any tattoos?
No.

Do you drive a stick?
Never learned, could probably fake it. 

What's one trait you hate in a person?
Artificiality. 

Do you consider yourself materialistic?
I like things; Im not married to them.

What do you cook the best?
At this point? Ramen.

Favorite writing instrument?
Black pen that moves with no problems along the page.

Do you prefer to stand out or blend in?
Stand out in an unnoticeable way. Like Batman.

Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
Depends what for, really.

What's one car you will never buy?
Any Hummer. Its just why the hell do you need that thing?

What kind of books do you like to read?
Clever books, or books about things bigger than myself. I read a lot of Plato and Stephen Hawking.

If you won the lottery, what would you do?
Build a theatre.

Burial or cremation?
Cremation, I dont know what to do with the ashes though. Dont bury them though, I would hate that.

How many online journals do you read regularly?
Three friends of mine. Two of them are my siblings.

What's one thing you're a loser at?
Mathematics

If you don't like a person, how do you show it?
I ignore them until I am confronted and then I let my honesty kick their ass. 

Do you cry in front of your friends? 
I cry in front of very few people, even when I can get away with it.  

What kind of first impression do you think you give people?
Most people usually try and tack something onto my back having mistaken me for a wall, and other cower in fear.   

What's one thing you like to do alone?
Listen to my music. 

Are you a giver or a taker?
I hope Im a giver.

When's the last time you cried?
I dont remember. I probably had a break down during one of the last shows I was in, and definitely in November.

What is your favorite communication method?
Silent communication when you think the same thing and say it at the same time. This only really happens with my brother. 

Do you think you're cute?
Only a few times, and never at my best.

Do you have problems changing clothes in front of friends?
Not if I do it quickly 

Favorite type of music?
Folk

What is the sexiest thing the opposite sex can wear that catches your eye?
Oh man, you know those swishy sort of bell bottomy pants that seem to be all the rage right now? They come in like, moss green and brown and people like Casey M. where them? Shit man, that and a tank top and you got my attention.

Are you a workaholic?
In the theatre, yes. I never stop working, even when I stop. 

What are your kids names?
My son will be named Adolph Henry and my daughter will be named Alice.

Do you watch a lot of television?
Not really. 

Do you like to shop?
Not really, unless its for books. 

What is your hidden talent?
I can make up a story about anything and convince at least one person of the validity of it.  

Would you die to save the life of someone you deeply love?
Yeah, I would. I can think of worse ways to go. 

Are your friends married or single?
Mostly single, one set is engaged, a few married.

Do you own a Bible?
Yes, but take note I have it filed under historical fiction.

Do you play chess?
Not nearly often enough.

Do you like the rain?
Yes I do, even though last time I was in the rain it started hailing hard. 

Do you like thunderstorms?
Even better!

What's your favorite website?
Penny Arcade

What was your weight when you were born?
I want to say like; 9 pounds but that may have been my length. HIEGHT.

Currently watching : The Libertine

10:30 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Billy is a Gay, a new sketch by Phil Z.
Current mood: working

Billy is a Gay

By Philip Zimmermann

Lights up on a suburban kitchen. It is neatly furbished and looks almost like it came out of a catalogue from the 1950s. Mom is seated at the kitchen table, center, holding a glass of water. She is wearing a neat and plain dress, a grayish-blue color to it, and her hair in a neat bun. Dad is leaning against the counter, upstage center, his hair is slicked back and he wears a grayish-blue sweater vest with gray khakis and brown loafers. He has a pipe, unlit. The picture one should get is the idealized image of 1950s American Middle Class.

Dad: Billy, your mother and I want to talk to you, come in here.

Billy (Offstage): Im coming pops!

Billy enters wearing a Varsity football jersey and sporting a crew cut. If we are to go strictly by appearance, he is a mans man, the epitome of testosterone.

Billy:  What is it pops?

Dad: Sit down Billy, youre mother and I need to talk to you about something important.

Billy: (Sitting down) Well, what is it?

Mom: You tell him Leroy, I I just cant.

Billy: What is it? Did something happen? Is it Grandpa? Did Grandpa die?

Dad: We wish it were that son, really we do. But this is far more difficult for us to tell you than that would be.

Billy: Well come on then, what is it?

Mom: Billy, we think you should know that youre a youre

Dad: Billy, youre a homosexual. You are gay.

Billy: What? What the hell are you talking about? Im not gay!

Dad: Admit it Billy, your mother and I cant stand your denial anymore. Its killing us, Billy!

Mom: We know you prefer to sleep with men Billy, just say it!

Billy: Whoa, where did you get an idea like that? I am not gay; I like women, all right? Look, if you need proof there are magazines under my mattress that I am not ashamed to bring out here!

Dad: Billy, pornography is degrading to women and paints a picture of them as mere sex objects and not as people. The fact that you have in your possession materials like that which shows such disrespect to women shows us that you do not like women and do in fact dislike them. Besides you probably only look at those for the men in the pictures with them.

Billy: What the hell kind of logic is that? And what about all the lesbian pornography!

Dad: Did you hear that dear? Billy just admitted he owns homosexual pornography!

Mom: Billy, I am very proud of you for owning homosexual pornography. It means youre coming to grips with your own homosexuality.

Billy: Mom! I am NOT GAY!

Mom: Billy look at yourself! Everyday after school you change in the company of large men and then go running around in a field with them for hours! And last time I saw you doing this you kept putting your hand between some mans legs as he squatted in front of you! That just yells homo! And then your father tells me he saw you showering with them in the locker room afterwards

Billy: Mom- I am the starting quarterback for the school. I play football!

Dad: Yeah, but for what team?

Mom and Dad exchange a grin and pound it before turning back to Billy.

Billy: Wait a second, what was Dad doing in the locker room? Hes like 50!

Dad: Thats not important son. If you must know I thought one of those hoodlums had stolen my fanny pack. Those little thieves run pretty fast with those tight, muscular legs of theirs and I just wanted to make certain it wasnt one of your team mates.

Billy:  And youre saying that Im gay?

Mom: Billy, I found this in your room. (She reveals a Victorias Secret Catalogue)

Billy: See! Why would I have that if I werent sexually interested in women? And no, Dad, there arent any men in it either! This proves it!

Mom: Billy, we dont want you ordering anything in this catalogue. If you want to find a nice boy thats fine, but you will not do it by wearing these whorish garments! Have some pride in your supple young body and eventually some nice man will have his way with you.

Dad: It just takes time and patience Billy. I was an eager beaver at your age too.

Billy: I cant believe Im hearing this!

Dad: Well, you are hearing this Billy, and its high time to! You should be more appreciative of us Billy, for trying as hard as we have to understand you and accept you!

Mom: Do you know what your father had to go through to come to grips with your homosexuality? He took it upon himself, at great personal risk, to go downtown to a gay bar and actually witness the culture you have chosen to be a part of. He didnt come back for three days, and when he did he had injured himself horribly.

Dad: I had quite a limp, but the two gentlemen who had accosted were truly a couple of limp dicks.

An awkward silence ensues as the father realizes he must clarify the point.

Dad: They were both named Richard. It was an amazing coincidence.

Mom: You should be grateful that your father is taking such an interest in your way of life.

Billy: It is not my way of life! I like women, and I like to sex them! Why is this so hard for you to understand!

Dad: Billy, calm down. I know how hard it is to be at the crossroads you are now. Its a difficult choice you were faced with: do you conform to societys norm and venture into the dark, oft times questionable depths of a womans anatomy no matter how frightened you are about the mysteries that lie waiting inside to ensnare your member with things like herpes or half formed babies? Or do you follow your heart and stand up against society and proclaim to the world in a loud voice, I am Leroy Johnson, and I love the beauty that is a throbbing mighty man staff of life, and no one can ever force me to believe otherwise, save for my parents and their minister!

Billy: Dad, your name is Leroy Johnson.

Dad: It was for the sake of example son.

Billy: But-

Mom: Billy! You do not disrespect your father like that! Do not question him! Or have you forgotten the fifth commandment because you are a Godless heathen, you HOMOSEXUAL!

Billy: Mother!

Dad: Honey, weve had this talk a thousand times, our son may be a homosexual but he is not godless.

Billy: I am not gay!

Mom: Honey, you are! And were proud of you for being proud of it if youll only just admit to it already!

Billy: What about Jessica? Have you forgotten that I am dating Jessica, the hottest of the cheerleaders? Ive even had sex with her under the bleachers! And in the back seat of the car! And your bedroom! Were like rabbits! Why would I keep fucking this hot chick if I were gay?

Mom: Denial is a strong urge Billy.

Dad: And we think its terrible what youve been doing to this girl! Leading her on like this, making promises of love that you know very well you cannot keep! Why, we were absolutely correct in assuming that she would be crushed when she heard that she had wasted her virginity and the past five years of her life on a man who was an incredibly affluent homosexual. She burst into tears when we told her the truth and muttered something about needing a lot of pills we werent paying too much attention at that point, she was kind of boring.

Billy: You did what! You told Jessica I was gay? My Jessica! Oh my God. I have to go, I have to fix this. I cannot believe you would do this to your own son! I hate you!

Billy runs out of the kitchen leaving his parents alone, looking at the door with a knowing expression.

Mom: Hell come around eventually dear.

Dad: I just cant believe he doesnt see it as clearly as we do. But youre right honey, some day well get through to him. Well, lets get going. I told Grandpa wed meet him in an hour. I just hope he takes the news that hes dead better than Billy took the news that hes a gay.

Exeunt, black out.

Currently listening : They Got Lost By They Might Be Giants Release date: 25 October, 2005

6:13 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Is it Schizoid Paranoia or Just Existential Blues?
Current mood: thirsty
Category: Life

I am going to make the executive decision to not discuss Summer Shakespeare online at all. I don't have anything bad to say, and I am really excited about working with this group (The Chorus is going to be simply amazing, I don't think they really understand how cool they are in this show yet) but truth be told I am privy to too much information in regards to the production itself and feel it prudent to just not discuss it rather than risking saying something I shouldn't. Is this over cautious? Yeah, probably, especially because I really don't know much that isn't already public knowledge already, but I still feel it's the best option. Oh you may occasional hear from me about it in regards to how awesome it is, but rest assured that is about as much as you will receive from the glory that is my brain.

After the whole Semi-Tire flying over my car incident a week ago I decided almost immediately that I was going to go to Madison as soon as I could and see my friend Gina. I did just that on Saturday, leaving far more early than was really necessary in order to escape from the madness that was my father redecorating the house. I wound up walking around the capitol for about seven hours, and I picked up a couple of cds including the Celtic rock group Tempest I am currently listening to. After awhile I fell asleep by the statue of Abraham Lincoln on the circular bench surrounding him, and when I woke up I was surrounded by a family of Japanese tourists taking pictures around me. Not of Lincoln... of themselves with me. When I woke up and saw what was happening the family just booked it, leaving me to think what it is with Japanese people and waking sleeping giants. I met up with Gina and her friend Lisa later that night and we walked State Street, had dinner and crashed by the Capitol building for a few hours. I had a really good time and I'm glad I went even though getting out of Madison is impossible to improvise without a map. Oh, and fuck 151 road construction man- that shit is dangerous.

I've had a bit of a falling out with one of my best friends, and it's really bothering me. I can place my finger on where and why I think it originated, and I can definitely say the problems I have expressed to my friend have been keenly observed by more people than myself and I do not believe myself to be totally in the wrong as it seems she would have me believe. On the other hand it has been pointed out to me that I should look at the whole situation from a more objective stance, a feat easier said than done. All things considered, I don't know how to fix this. I don't want to stay mad at my friend, but at the same time I know I'm not really wrong about what's happening either, and to be honest I've become a little sick of letting people win arguments just to get along. I want to fix this, I miss my friend terribly and I cannot bring myself to retain anger towards her, but we've reached an impasse and it's killing me. And no, I am not just saying that because she still has some of my DVDs.

I get to back down to Burlington/Kenosha for the second and third of July in order to be present at auditions for Midsummer. I am looking forward to this, I helped pull the sides for the readings and I am looking forward to being part of my second casting process. I still have yet to find a script I like- I think I am going to go ahead and just use my Arden edition despite the hindrance of footnotes for everything.

And I have been given an assignment from the Hair and Makeup Department of UW-Parkside Theatre: three-inch long sideburns and a full head of hair. I can manage.

Currently listening : The Double-Cross By Tempest Release date: 21 February, 2006

6:30 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Here's a Creative Outlet You Can Stick it Into
Current mood: hot

I find myself restless tonight. It's probably a combination of the humidity and my recent revelation that I do not have my math class on Fridays, which is a good thing. I am not one who is gifted at all in the area of mathematics, in fact I find myself constantly on a slippery slope where at the bottom lies the wad of cash I will use to bribe my math teacher into giving me a passing grade. And this is stuff I have allegedly had three times already mind you- review. However I do not recall ever having gone over half of this stuff in my previous courses- it seems every new class is given a new set of rules to play by, thereby eliminating any chance of someone cracking their code and upsetting the system. On the other hand, it's nice to be in a college setting with people (women) my age who are as or less skilled as I am in math. My only hope is that their perception of mathematics is so limited they will not see that ME + THEM = HOPELESS. We all have goals.

Summer Shakespeare has reared its enormous head in the form, someone help us, Hamlet. I had my doubts about being able to do this play but working with the group of students we have reassures me a great deal. The focus and potential they show is amazing. My only hope is that either Steph or I survive the radiation of the copier long enough to see how they fare. The auditions for parts are Monday and I am looking forward to that milestone, my first time being a part of the casting process. I promise to maintain my integrity if I get an offer less than $20. Come on guys, you have to try harder than that.

Currently listening : In the Wee Small Hours By Frank Sinatra Release date: 26 May, 1998

10:00 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Generic Title, Followed by Witty Pun. Apology.
Current mood: okay
Category: Quiz/Survey

25 relationship questions, Courtesy of AJ.

1) Single, Taken, or Crushin?
Single. Extremely single.

2) Are you happy with where you are?
Id like to change it.

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
Last time it took a year so Im gonna go with no. Once it took it about a second but I think I was dead wrong.

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yeah, but its something you get over

5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is acceptable?
We should love who ever is around to be loved. So yeah.

6) Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
Yeah, but keep in mind it depends on the circumstances.

7) Have you talked about marriage with another person?
No

8) Do you want children?
Yes two, a boy named Adolph Henry and a girl named Alice.

9) How many?
Two, a boy named Adolph Henry and a girl named Alice.

10) Would you consider adoption?
Yes

11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think a cool way to let you know would be?
I like AJs answer:

Kiss me full on the mouth and then stop and then say, "we should go talk."

12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
No, you see thats detrimental to my cause.

13) Be honest, do you play the "game" when you are dating?
What the fuck is the game I havent heard of it.

14) Do you believe love at first sight exists?
Yes, but we call those people Good Guessers

15) Are you romantic?
Ive been told so

16) Do you believe that you can change someome?
No.

17) If you could get married anywhere, money not an object, where would you get married?
Friends and Family attending at the Oriental Theatre in Chicago, the actual ceremony happening on stage followed by a performance of Midsummer Nights Dream. Or better yet, outside in the middle of Time's Square eloping with my just my bride, myself, and the priest/captain/lawyer/judge.

19) Do you easily give in when you are fighting?
Not really. Normally I make things worse by making a good point.

20) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
No, and its weird being in a void like this.

21) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you cant?
More times than not

22.) Have you ever broken a heart?
Yeah, most of the time I didnt mean to though.

24.) Would you ever fight somebody over your significant other?
Yes

Currently watching : What Dreams May Come Release date: 25 May, 1999

9:22 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

A New Self-Destruction, by The Merciless Cunts
Current mood: ecstatic

I have not been using this journal thing for quite some time. I have in fact been using a differant site for that sort of thing, but I'll repost some of the posts from there to here for those of you who read... here.

I really want to meet someone new. That is not to say that I have tired of my current friendships, far from it, but rather it has been such a long time since I have been in love. There have been interests of course, short pursuits that ended in ironic failures or explanations of how I am so much like a "big brother" to people, or more grievously a giant teddy bear, a big soft lump of comfort that the girls can run to when the real men hurt them. But where does one go to meet new people? I don't know. I frequent my old haunts more than any place else and so it would seem I don't know my own city like I should. So again it looks as though I will fall into the pattern of throwing myself into my work and hobbies (I have a hobby now. Amanda got me into learning about theoretical physics and time travel.) And then wait until I return to school and try my luck there. That does sound horrible "Try my luck". It's not as bad as a fishing metaphor. Or a shooting range metaphor that believe it or not I have heard people use.

Work on both Shakespeare shows is going well so far. I cut Midsummer awhile ago and Nathan has those cuts, and he said he really likes some of my blocking suggestions, and we have a fairly good idea of what we want to do for Summer Shakespeare. Steph got the other Assistant Director position and that is awesome.

That is all.

Currently watching : Metropolis Release date: 19 April, 2004

11:52 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

The Blackhammer Revealed: Inside the Cowel.
Current mood: cheerful

A lot of things happened, and a lot of things happened quickly, and a lot of those were very big things. We can start on a light note however.

Escape From Happiness opened this weekend, to sold the fuck out crowds. Which was awesome. Saturday was an incredible show, with so much drive and energy- one of those shows where everything clicks and you get away with some free bread too. My family came down minus my sister who couldn't get off work. Don't pity her- she had time. They liked it a lot, especially my brother I guess and that makes me happy because Mike is not obligated to like my work where dad is. From what I gather my brother has received some guff from people he thought were his friends and Christians in regards to our dad. I hope it doesn't get him down, they may sound mean but consider the source- they're idiots. This leads into the next topic.

Now, I know this will upset a few people and raise some eyebrows, but on the other hand most of my friends have reacted rather well to this little tidbit: I am not a Christian. That's right- I went there. I was raised Lutheran and up until recently attended a Lutheran Church, but I've done a lot of thinking and I just don't believe in certain very important things that constitute a Christian. I do not believe in Hell, which I have gathered is a very important belief for most Christians, I do not believe that Jesus was necessarily the son of God or necessarily the wisest and best of men (but he was damn good, let me tell you) and I'm also not entirely certain about this God person as it is. I mean, if he is truly omniscient then don't you think he could have done... you know, better? And if he is truly omniscient then before he created the world he would have seen what turmoil and suffering and anguish there would be in it and so he is responsible for it. Don't get me wrong, I think the world is a beautiful place and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, and I am very happy with a good portion of mankind, but I just don't see a guiding hand that can't be explained with science and reason. I think I may be leaning towards existentialism. I mean there is probably little meaning to existence, humanity may very well be alone in an irrational universe and as far as I am concerned the own significant action any of us can take is to take responsibility for our own actions. Que sera sera almost, but more cynical.

Some of my financial worries have been alleviated which is a good thing. The other option would have been less lucrative but the only option I would pick if given the choice. Now I have to worry about money for New York, and I got a parking ticket last night for parking in a space that wasn't there. $25? Are they out of their minds? I parked illegally overnight on a legitimate city street and they only charged me $5! Oh well, money isn't everything. In fact if you have as little as I do you could say it was nothing.

I am looking very much forward to New York. I get to see my Friend Katie. We made a countdown until my arrival, and I will now share it with you.

"The Apostolic Countdown To Phil's Arrival in New York"

13- Matthias (He was chosen after Judas offed himself so that there would be an even dozen)
12- Thomas (aka Doubting Thomas)
11- Thaddaeus (The really, really shy one.)
10- Simon the Zealot (He was a piss wrinkle)
9- James the Lesser (He really enjoyed going clubbing)
8- Bartholomew (He showed us some skin!)
7- Philip (It's my fucking week, isn't it?)
6- Andrew (He was a recruiter)
5- James the Greater (Greater than you)
4- John (The brown noser)
3- Matthew (He's got power)
2- Simon Peter (Fishes!)
1- Judas Iscariot (Whatever happened to him? He really left us hanging)

Let the week of sin, debauchery, innuendo, and cupcakes begin!!

"We'll hit up Magnolia And mac on some cupcakes
No doubt, that bakery's got all the bomb frostings
I love those cupcakes like McAdams loves Gosling

Two no six no twelve - baker's dozen!
I told you that I'm crazy for these cup-cakes cousin"

Delenda est Carthago

Currently reading : Why I Am Not a Christian : And Other Essays on Religion and Related Subjects By Bertrand Russell Release date: 30 October, 1967

4:47 AM - 2 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

Who wants to date a brooding genius?
Current mood: restless

I feel as though this week has been trying to kick my ass since 12 A.M. Monday morning and running straight through 9:30 P.M. this evening. Not that anything bad happened, just that shit never stopped happening. Everyday I have been starting things at eight in the morning and running through one the next morning; running to and from classes, performing miracles, finding work, doing work, obtaining new work, scheduling classes, teaching a class and finding a way to pay for it all has been on going adventure for the past few days.

I have been unsuccessful as of late in obtaining stable weekend employment. No calls, no emails, nothing. I was lucky enough to pick up a job tutoring theatre history for a class filled with non-majors and a job this weekend running light board for a show at Fireside (Thanks Nathan) but otherwise there's no real work. I'm pushing 17 credits right now and performing in two shows (only one at a time) as well as working with about five other scripts and I seemingly have no time for a social calendar which is fine because I have no money to fund one.

I am going to write about this since it's been running through my mind and needs to get out in some way. Writing seems a viable medium for this end. I would very much like to be in a relationship right now. The problem is I haven't, or don't think I have, met anyone with whom I could have such a relationship. It does frustrate me a little bit that I don't have much of an opportunity to meet people outside of the theatre, and from most accounts dating within the theatre isn't the greatest idea (although I have in the past done that successfully), and I don't think I have met anyone in or out of the theatre as of late with whom I feel I could have a relationship. Maybe the problem is I'm still not over the same girl I have loved for four years (though by all accounts "slim to none" would be a generous estimation of the odds that I could ever be with or deserve her) and maybe it's because I am not sure I can really say what love, in the romantic sense, is. I figure that most "crushes" start fairly arbitrarily, that we love (or convince ourselves to love) anyone around us if for nothing else than the sake of loving. This love without foundation is not something I find very appealing, because I cannot see it as proper basis for a lasting relationship. As such I am very wary about putting emotions onto or into people arbitrarily and instead look for a concrete reason, an attribute, virtue, skill, or humor for example, on which to base my feeling. This means that, although I find relationships few and far between, the ones I do find have more meaning and weight than if they were just "whipped up". I am not going to say I haven't thrown my emotion and sentiments around, because I have and did years ago and I found that my actions, my thoughts and my entire person were, in retrospect, completely ridiculous and horribly fucked up. Because of this I refuse to rush my thoughts into that of starting a relationship. But lately I've been feeling particularly lonely for some reason. Perhaps I need support while things still suck or I see my friends with their significant others and feel a pang of jealousy, maybe I'm just reminded of what I want and can't have and that makes my mind cloud up. Whatever the case, I am just sick of being alone (in the sense of no one to be in a relationship with). I don't expect anything to come from this, anyone to jump out and say "Yes, I am available and find you and your moustache extremely attractive!" or anything, but damn it I wish something would just give. I also wish I could stop mistaking crazy for interesting...

Currently listening : C'mon C'mon By The Von Bondies Release date: 09 March, 2004

11:09 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Money, experience, and The Bard: That's where it is.
Current mood: productive

Vacation is coming to a close for me soon, but heading back to school I almost feel that I am just heading into another vacation. Only this one involves homework and retaking a math class. While I am thankful for the reprieve from school I found myself working on clearing up my mother's estate and fallen into an active pattern of daily routine I don't associate with vacations. Between the banks, the DMV and the Social Security Office I feel as though probate is really more of an endurance test than a system of distribution to heirs when no will is present. With any luck and a little elbow grease I will be able to drive myself down to school and hopefully even pick some part time employment now that I am mobile. I have to find part time employment at home as well for the summer despite a paid assistant directing position for a summer school program. Both of those should only last for two months so I can head down to Kenosha early and help with another Shakespeare production bringing the streak up to three. Money, experience, and The Bard: That's where it is.

I recently refound my love for the old N64 console and have become addicted to Perfect Dark. When it came out in early 2000 I was still in a haze over Banjo-Kazooie ( I still haven't beaten the witch) and I also had to come to grips with a horrible Harvest Moon 64 addiction, so I didn't pay much attention to first person shooters on any platform. If you've ever played Harvest Moon 64 you may sympathize with me in regards to entire days lost as you sit there and water virtual crops. So many wasted hours...

Parker: "Wasn't your confirmation name 'Lois'?"

Katie: "Oh... Oh GOD!"

Currently playing : Perfect Dark

9:36 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment