at this point life itself takes on the quality of a dream, and i dream as if i'll live forever, and i live as if i'll die tomorrow, though i feel as though i'm dying now. and the light is so bright that i squint into view of tomorrow, but i can't remember what just happened, and can barely focus on right now. and as the pain comes round again i pray that an end is in sight, and i curse my own creation, but i know i'm alive while my head pounds. i have wanted to buy a drill, but know i won't, so i can reach the still small spot just inside my eye where the pressure builds. i was seriously going to ask someone to hit me in the eye the other day, just hard enough, to release some of the pressure, because i was sure it would help, just a week or so ago. no-one said that one is supposed to be completely logical after a headache that lasts for over three weeks. i have abandoned the tryptans-- they forsook me-- $200 worth over two weeks. now they have me on conventional painkillers, hydrocodone, which i usually take half of, but instead i'm taking two a day, with an ativan for the intense personality upheaval this has caused-- i am sooo anxious. the last time i had a migraine for a week, i went around my house breaking things and banged my head against a wall, as well as my sister banging HER head against a wall, until an ambulance was called and i was shot up with phenergan and imitrex at the er. i just can't believe this is a migraine-- it feels like it, but migraines are acute, not chronic. this is ... weird, different. i need an mri, i guess. i don't know. i just know i'm no fun, and that has got to stop. i find no joy in life, because it is constant pain. i am become my own bodhisattva, and it sucks. damned difficult to keep a job the whole time, too, let me tell ya.
i'm going to get a couple of days in a row to get the studio back going-- i am rolling on the new os, by the way-- an even longer story than you would imagine, with much frustration, time and effort spent on my part. but i should be adding some looping to the mix, so don't hold your breath, but i am expecting my first album to be out by the time i'm 50, at least. lol! it should take no longer than 45, tops!! ok, i'm going to shoot for the next year or so, but after 40 years in the wilderness, does it really matter if you wander around for a year or two more, if you find the perfect material? go pick up the new emmylou cd-- it is fantastic.
time as tsu
Currently
listening
:
All I Intended to Be
By
Emmylou Harris
Release date: 2008-06-10
today is the first day of the rest of chicken soup
Current mood: exhausted
Category: Games
ok, so yesterday was supposed to be my triumphant return-- the date i had set towards my vocal rehabilitation, as yesterday was world voice day. i do believe my voice has healed, although it is a bit unsteady in the high register when called to perform-- i checked that out by doing m. gaye's "heard it through the grapevine" at karaoke-- i did fine practicing through it alone, but when i was in the act of singing into the mic, the high notes were not there when i wanted them to be-- not that they are not there, they just don't flow easily. which is just a matter of rehab. i can get on that now. but yesterday was anything but triumphant. i had a friend come over right before midnight, and right after she left, i felt sick, and ended up puking up the sunchips i had eaten only an hour earlier. i am rarely sick to my stomach like that, but i thought nothing of it. then i woke up in the middle of the night with severe cramps and went to the bathroom. this was the start of several straight hours of diarrhea in which i literally lost 8 pounds of water weight during the course of the day, even though i took two antidiarrheal pills. i would have hated to have thought what would have happened without the pills. i managed to get some powerade and began to get my electrolytes in balance, but it was much later in the day before i managed to get anyone to bring bananas, rice, bread for toast, and chicken noodle soup to restart my digestion. my lower back hurts so bad from lying down that i have vowed not to sleep for a day or two, as that is all i managed to do all yesterday. i'm still weak, but at least my fluids are in balance, and the muscle and joint aches are gone for the most part. food poisoning? i know there is no such thing as a stomach flu, really, but i am the third or fourth person to get something like this that lasts basically a day. i'm on to the chicken soup, finally, after the bananas, rice, and toast, and i'm sure it is going to knock me out once again just like every other small meal has, and i'll wake up feeling even more like my regular self. well, i had wanted april the 16th to be filled with hope and song, but it was not-- it is a day i would much rather forget, and , given the human tendency to not remember painful, embarassing situations, i'm sure it will fade from memory fairly quickly. but i am enshrining it here, i guess to remind myself of the futility of fixing a date in the future six months in advance and deciding that "this day will be the first day of my new improved life." the only day we should really try to say that about is this one, i guess. today is really the only day we have any semblance of control over. and even that is illusory, at best. oh, well--the best laid plans of mice and men gang aft aglay, the poet said. i know, but i do not approve. and i am not resigned, said another.
time as tsu, ready for some chicken soup for the soul. or some novacaine for the soul-- that'd be good, too.
why on earth is there no category for blogs about computers in general? the computer is now what movies and tv once were-- it is a celebrity in and of itself, which is why i chose the category i did for this blog. see, i just switched my os from media edition to xp pro, which is basically a downgrade, as the changeover merely removed functions. but it was clashing with my keyboards recording into my pro tools, so i took it to staples , had it installed with all the requisite drivers and everything, and now i have to reinstall all my keyboards, my virtual drum machine, all this gear, and synch it up. i am ready for the challenge, and have a few weeks to accomplish it, but now i need a wireless modem sent to me, as my current one now doesn't interact properly-- long story i won't get into about them trying to charge me-- so now i have to wait until then, or do some extraordinary re-arranging of my comfortably-evolved living space, because i have to be hooked up to my pro tools software and keyboards on one end of the room, AND the internet on the other end of the room, to set up pro tools again on the computer again. the modem should be here soon, or i'm going to see how long an ethernet cable radioshack can get me here in west.
it has been a senseless comedy (?) of errors that has compounded the already awkward task of reloading internet connectivity, active x, windows updates, new security system, etc. and THEN a whole digital studio, photo-quality printer, new(ish) digital camera, the software for my phone-- which was a tough deal to get, as i remember, since here in west i can't subscribe on my phone-- i basically have a fancy poor-quality camera/ address book. so, long story short (?), i have to re-establish my life on this computer, and i need to not have to sit over by my stove with my computer, tethered by a six-foot ethernet cable to the little table where i have now set up the signal after a fuse blew and i noticed that the kitchen was unaffected, so now even if that fuse trips again i won't have to stretch extension cords across my sleeping body to make sure i have a phone to be awakened by in order to call the restaurant back for something they might need during the am shift. well, enough about work. ahem.
so, i am now here with new improved xp pro, and i hope to add pro tools, then keyboards, drum machine, etc., and really synch up my gear like it hasn't been since nashville. then i can get down to the nitty-gritty and buckle down on some stuff. i sang some karaoke last night, since it has been 6 months now, sticking to r and b and country, and not rocking out hard, and it went fine. i'm about to change my tires out, as i can almost trust i won't need the studded ones more than a couple of times, and i can walk, and then i can start riding my bike, which stokes my juices, and makers me feel better, anyway. god knows i need the exercise. i'll keep you posted on the trials and tribulations of installing the new improved digital studio in upcoming editions of:
once again, the category is tangential to the reality of the blog. i have been shopping during my hiatus, though. i have a new operating system for my laptop that should make my keyboards record better in my pro tools (like, they WILL, or should then record again), a new virtual drum machine, and now an echoplex so i can develop songs that i can play multiple overdubbed parts to live on my acoustic, so i can be a sort of one-man-band about town. i’m bidding on an m-audio trigger finger, and then i should be able to set myself up with that and play the drum part live on the trigger finger pads, sample and hold, put the guitar parts down and get them ready to a-b for the chorus, and then i can do it all live with no pre-recorded tracks. it’ll take some practice, and i’m wondering if i’ll have to get bass pedals, but i’ve seen a couple of people do it with pre-recorded stuff here in town as actual gigs (!), so i figured i could get it going just for myself where i could play with no pre-recorded parts, just building the parts up as loops live. april 16 is world voice day and that was going to be the symbolic start of my re-emergence into vocalese, but we are having karaoke on april 11, so i’m going to sing a couple of songs then, and then begin my vocal (re)training in earnest, and keep working on backing tracks with the goal of releasing "forty years in the wilderness" within the year. i would have my gear all tweaked up if i could only get a complete hardcopy backup of my computer, but at this point it looks like that ain’t happening, and i’m to the point of trusting the external hard drive backup, making hard copies of all the downloads i have purchased from amazon, and going into circuit city for some help cold-installing xp pro. then i can switch to mcaffee from norton, which is a joke, and get my studio in order. i have to take advantage of the slow season as it occurs.
it is slowing down right now, but we are gearing up for governor’s conference in less than two weeks, and then it really WILL be slow until the park opens. i can actually sing now, but i don’t do it often for fear of overdoing it, and i will be careful when i start back up in earnest. i have oodles of songs to work up, and promise to get to work as soon as possible-- i need to get some new stuff out of me, and some older stuff that needs to be heard, as well. i thank everyone who has asked me how it has been, and given me words of encouragement in what proved to be very difficult for me, at least at first. i must say it has been a learning experience, the foremost lesson of which is: don’t take anything for granted. go for it now, because there may not be a then, and you definitely don’t want to have to wait until then, because tomorrow never comes-- it’s always the same fucking day, man, as janis joplin said in that song so drunkenly so long ago.
so-- have a great day. it won’t let me post what i’m listening to, so i’ll have to tell you--
letters from the front
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
so the gig went well. we were a little late getting started, but we were called into work for about an hour and a half in the middle of the day, which threw us off in showering, etc. i sang very limited amounts, spread out evenly in the show into a microphone that was cranked so that i could sing very quietly. it felt good, but i'm putting the voice back into mothballs until april 16. i know when to lay back, and believe me, i have followed all the advice the doctor has given me with this one exception of singing 4 or 5 songs this one night. it felt great to switch between instruments, though-- i played 5string electric bass, 5string acoustic fretless bass, acoustic guitar and mandolin. yes, it was all covers, but that was fun enough-- well, actually it wasn't all covers. i had a request to play "almost like you're here" and "how the west won me" once we were down to the locals-- the skiers did have a race the next day, and they stayed longer that night than any other. so, maybe it was 7 songs. but besides those 2, when my voice was the most warmed up, they were spread out nicely in the set. i'm even watching my spontaneous singing again, which seemed senseless to stop when i was actually practicing a couple of songs a day. i figure i'll need a true rest again after using it before i was supposed to, as sensible as i was about it or not.
i will be glad when the next week and a half or so is over. it is a hectic time of year here in our little snowy mountain burg, but we get a short break before the park reopens for the winter season. so i might just get the chance to put some music, instrumental, i'm assuming, together on my pro tools studio. i'm changing my os from xp media edition to xp pro sp2 this paycheck, and i am assuming that will take care of the problems i have been having recording with my keyboard of late. so, i'm thinking i might rummage through a care package i received from home in the form of old 4track recordings of mine, plug them into the 4track i got off of ebay, and recreate some of "the things that i used to do." i have a backlog of over 100 songs that i've never realized "final versions" (whatever that means) of, so i could be kept busy far past the few weeks i will have until the park opens just trying to get the backing tracks together for these, much less chasing whatever rabbits i scare from under the brush in the process. thank goodness we have a slow season after the park closes for winter but before it opens in the spring that is even longer-- and that will be just before i am able to sing again.
maybe this voice thing will serve to help me by giving me the time to create stunning backing tracks that i can use to inspire me to cut joyous, triumphant vocals upon their release from their cocoon. i know that it felt so good to be singing that i did have to fight the urge to open up and let it out-- maybe being able to do that all at once for every track i want to record will give the vocals a quality in and of themselves that will help to tie the album together as a whole.
i've been thinking a lot about albums lately, of all kinds. sometimes it seems like the hardest part of an album has been removed by our return to the age of the single, thanks to mp3 downloads-- the establishment of a mood that is sustained through the album to transport the listener away from banal existence, even if only for a bit. miles davis' kind of blue, the cure's disintegration, van morrison's astral weeks, or moondance, the ramones' first album-- each has a sound distinct from the others, but they exist in their own little world. no one song breaks the spell, jars the listener out of their suspended disbelief that a collection of sounds can make the world a better place until the music stops. it really does not matter what mood you choose for your album; there are listeners out there that can identify. but it has to be true to where you are in your life, and it has to resonate within you, before you can communicate it to someone else. you needn't have lived it-- i've never had a relationship wherein i realized that i was so miserable without them, it was almost like they were there-- you just have to capsulate it, and crystallize it, into an essence so sticky that it just clings to your brain like cotton candy on a humid august day in LA (lower alabama) and then spit it out, get it down so that someone else gets snared in its gooeyness. that's all. there are kindred spirits out there that will identify with your vision, doubtlessly.
the ultimate validity and true "stickiness" of your product won't be determined in your lifetime anyway-- popularity in today's marketplace is no real measure of artistic worth, or dada, a band the huge bulk of you have never heard of, would be the beatles of our generation. so, it is imperative that one simply trudge on, existentially, i guess, and keep writing songs for oneself, because no-one else has to live with a work like the artist themself. and maybe that's why the most-played song on my site is a country song, and the newest a rap song-- because the minute i started writing for some imaginary joe q public, my work might, and i said might, because i have never actually done it, level out into homogeneous drivel that i could no longer stand myself. as it is, i honor no genre, pay allegience to no creed of music, except that it be good. it didn't work out with the punk rock jam band as i had hoped, but hey-- i wrote that in a manic moment after a decent jam session. i keep plugging away at my day job, as it keeps me able to buy the wonderful toys i require to make the sounds i desire, and keeps me in an endless flow of the new music that is the stimulus i require. but i know that i have true talent, or i wouldn't keep going. no false modesty or bloated ego here-- i've played literally thousands of gigs in all kinds of styles, and i'm comfortable in many idioms. so, keep watching-- there is bound to be new stuff soon, and i am very excited by the possibilities. i hope you are too, in your own life. otherwise, what's the point, really?
Currently
listening
:
Easy Tiger
By
Ryan Adams
Release date: 26 June, 2007
punk rock jam band
Current mood: excited
Category: Music
so, i went and jammed with a couple of guys the other day. one of the kids i had seen play on halloween-- he can pretty much tear it up, pop/slap style, on bass, but more of his own style, not really in the technical sense. the other guy was a guitarist that this guy had said was good, and he (the bassist, who i shall name, aaron, good biblical name) had said he could sing. which was good, as i am out of commission for about 6 months or so. i was looking towards getting a jamband together to replace one that had pulled out at the last minute from where i worked for the day after thanksgiving. the guitarist's name was terry.
well, i was pleasantly surprised by the vibe. the edge that came off of the guitar player was just like what i sought out in nashville-- a hard, straight-toned, no-nonsense, well, punk edge. the songs he played were social d, not songs i myself knew, although i knew of mike ness and social distortion, or that's who i figured he meant by social d, unless i just haven't kept up and there is another band out there that is call social d, or social disease, or something (gotta look trhat up), but i definitely liked it. aaron plays a little wild on the drums, like every moment of the song is a dramatic crescendo, but once i got behind the set and saw the setup, i was amazed he was pulling it off at all. it's not his set, he's a good 6-8 inches taller than the kid it's set up for, and it's like trying to play while climbing out of the back seat of one of those trucks with the seats behind the cab, you know what i'm talking about? major lower back pain. well, the stuff we were jamming on was nothing like what were going to need for the potential gig, which i had announced was a possibility at the start-- terry had thought he was coming over for a jam, only. i used to pick up gigs on guitar, bass or drums with little or no practice all the time in nashville, so i was not sweating getting two 70-minute sets of material together regtardless, but not being able to sing was making me have to rely on outside people a bit too much for my personal comfort level.
so, i pulled out some jam riffs i use to see if people can follow, checked aaron out on odd meters with a piece i have that shifts from 5 to 7 (tricky, that-- even real drummers don't love it, until they really get it, then they want to do it all the time), and pulled out the one piece i had decided to sing to see how fast we could work up an actual song, as i had another musical partner i was going to pull in at a later date who was going to sing. i had chosen "new day yesterday," an early, bluesy jethro tull piece with atypical but still easy blues changes and a basic riff structure. we got it going pretty well after i pulled out the joe bonamassa dvd i have of his three piece doing it, because terry got to see where it was just riffy in the verse and where the power chords were accented, then where the main riff took over. i only sang at most 10- 12 minutes, maybe 2 minutes at a time, and the mic was turned way up-- it's a bluesy song, but i wasn't belting it. we did ok, but believe me, joe b has nothing to be worried about. if anyone out there has never seen that dvd, for god's sake go get it. the man should be on a leash.
so, i tried a jazz vibe with them to see if they could swing, where i picked up my guitar and showed the basic, once again easy chords to terry, and we were off. told aaron how the beat would go-- hihat on the and, tied triplets on the ride-- well, i didn't say that, i onomatopaeiaed it (tss-tss-tss-TSS-tss-tss-TSS)-- and we promptly degenerated into a fairly cool protopunk groove (think gang of four or wire). i almost fell over laughing just from the sheer joy of it, but i think they were a bit irritated that they just could not get it together. i told them that i thought it was cool that we came up with what we did, and that was what i was ultimately interested in, not actually about this gig. i should have whipped out the delacroix quote "talent does what it wants, but genius does what it will," but it would have seemed fey at the time anyway. it was getting late, aaron drove me back into town, and i told him that i wasn't sure we would be able to get it together before the show but that i wanted us to get together to get our own music together, if they were both interested.
once i got back to the bar and talked to tim, the one booking the gig, i reported back to him, and he was actually relieved, because the room that we thought it was going to be set up in was going to be being set up for the next day, and only a corner of the bar would be available, and me and james, the other musician i was going to introduce would be the only ones there would be enough room for. i am going to call aaron today and let him know how this has gone. but i do hiope that i get my punk jam band project going. it has been so long since i played like that, i actually have a slight blister on my middle finger of my right hand. and it feels good. really good.
time as tsu
Currently
listening
:
Tangram
By
Tangerine Dream
Release date: 01 July, 1991
musical ramblings
Current mood: lethargic
Category: Music
i've been a bit heavy in my blogging lately, as far as mood goes. so, i figured i would collect my postings in other places on the web on a couple of related topics here together. the first post was in response to a challenge to list one's top ten rock albums of all time, which had numerous responses, but it also had a certain homogeneity of response, as well. the second was a post that wanted you to post your favorite cd of the year. it wasalready a different year by the time i had joined the second post, yet hardly anyone that was responding said they could list something that had just come out that was of value, it seemed from the flavor of the posts, except for one rock critic. so, here's what i wrote:
so, i started thinking of my favorite albums, but first i read other people's posts for what their favorites were. i liked quite a few, and after seeing revolver for the fifth time, i figured everyone agreed it was a pretty terrific album. so, i tried to list my favorite albums that no-one else had mentioned. and, i TRIED to limit myself to just one album per group/ artist, and not do the revolver/abbey road/ etc. thing i saw going on with other people. (though i did give a list of some of the stuff i left out.) picks are in no particular order.
faith no more- angel dust. this is THE album i put on when i am pissed off. it is good to listen to other times, as well, but there is very little heavy music i listen to anymore that is this visceral with this good a sound and well, sense of humor, or whatever. don't get me wrong, this is a heavy album, and it is not your usual sense of humor.
emmylou harris- wrecking ball. this is probably my DID. if i had to absolutely forsake all other albums but my own guitar (shudder the thought of being stranded without an instrument!), i would listen to emmylou for all the rest of my days, and play the song i have written for her, and dream at night that i am rescued by her, and that we record the song together, and it becomes a big breakout hit... HEY!! DON'T wakeme, oh.....
everything but the girl- acoustic. i absolutely love tracey thorn's voice, and this live set of songs sets it off like no other recording i have heard. it does sound like sitting at home by the fire with a glass of wine, and if you can find someone to be there with you, this is the perfect album for a perfect night.
lucinda williams- world without tears. sure, "car wheels on a gravel road" is incredible. but this recording gets to the heart and soul of what makes up this woman's amazing country blues-rock fusion. whatever the hell you want to call it; lucinda williams is one of a kind. i own every cd she ever put out (legally, anyway), and the early smithsonian albums where she does faithful covers of blues songs to the albums she is releasing now with some of this generation's finest songwriting now spans a thirty-year career. this live-in-the-studio recording does justice to the spitfire she can be live.
buddy guy- sweet tea. absolutely amazing; once again recorded live in the studio. the level of telepathy in this blues unit draws solos out of buddy guy that threaten to burn down the ramshackle studio they claim to have recorded it in. it sounds like a souped-up field recording at times, and breathes with the intensity and ferocity that must inspire tom waits in his more insane moments.
solomon burke- don't give up on me. he started out as a preacher, felt the calling to sing gospel, went on to a successful career in more secular realms, and here late in life, solomon burke has put out three astonishing albums in a row, this first one being my personal favorite. his voice is just so incredible, laying back where it needs to, never trying to lay it on or going over the top as he might have in his younger days.
helmet- meantime. believe it or not, it was down to this or bob dylan's blonde on blonde. what can i say-- i'm a sucker for a good riff. it is a perfect album, just like the dylan album. but i wasn't going to mention any albums anyone else had, and i figured i just missed someone naming blonde on blonde, because someone had to, right?
stereolab- emperor tomato ketchup. or, dots and loops, or... no, i said i wasn't going to succumb to the pluralism of other posters. but if you want to check out the essential, it's those two, mars audiac quintet, and sound-dust. just saying....
tommy bolin- teaser. i guess this is a sentimental fave. my songwriting partner loves prog rock, and he would chide me for my list because there is no yes or king crimson, or gasp! genesis on it. i do love that sound, sometimes (you may have noticed my tastes are varied), and this album is my nod in that direction. but the songwriting on this album is absolutely brilliant, and i am working up my own solo version of "people, people" to play at my own shows.
me'shell n'degeOcello- peace beyond passion. this album barely beats out sarah mclachlan's surfacing (not included because it HAS been mentioned), or kate bush's hounds of love (which has to be on somebody out there's all time favorite 10, it just happens to be in my top 20, sniff) solely by the fact that it just funks it up so damn hard!! brilliant songwriting, and impeccable groove.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// i just happened to notice that my entries ended up being half male, half female. i was like most kids growing up late-70s, mostly 80s-- i grew up hearing classic rock, and except for the occasional heart song or the 50s girl groups, it was mostly male-oriented rock and country in smalltown alabama, along with gospel and church music. my first real awakening to the power of the female voice came from an unlikely source-- the confluence of a critic's list and a bargain bin, in the form of le mystere de voix bulgares, volume one. this is the disc that pains me the most to leave off my list, but if anyone has never heard the power of bulgarian women's choir music, they should rush out and buy this. every other selection in my top ten in which a woman sings, be it emmylou or stereolab, owes its place in that pantheon from the fascination i developed in female artists from the hours i spent in awe of the textures and sheer rapturous beauty i heard on this disc. it still amazes me to this day that some of these songs are nothing more than a group of women in awe-inspiring acoustics recorded extremely well. so-- that's my top ten and a half, plus a few sidebars of a few also-rans. below are the others that didn't make the list.
the lesser pangs: willie nelson- teatro, mary gauthier- mercy now, the cult- love, elvis costello- this year's model (or armed forces?), peter murphy- deep, belle and sebastian- if you're feeling sinister, alice in chains- dirt, the cure- disintegration, richard and linda thompson- shoot out the lights, rem- automatic for the people, robin trower- bridge of sighs, tom waits- mule variations, james gang rides again, soundgarden- badmotorfinger, leo kottke- 6 and 12-string guitars, 801 live, jane's addiction- nothing's shocking, primus- frizzle fry, love and rockets- earth, sun, moon, and of course, the pixies, fleetwood mac, and a host of others were thankfully eliminated because people had already mentioned them. whew!!! i hope that was enough cheating, with enough info to lead you to any choices of mine you might be interested in. i hope you enjoy my choices as much as i enjoyed the choices of the people before me!!
ok, you people are depressing me. i will spare the rhaspodizing about how good the mastodon or hell yeah albums of the last 2 years are, because i can see that heavy music is not really the topic of discussion here. but 2006 saw the release of the tom waits box set "brawlers, bawlers, and ballads, " which is incredible; "the word, " which is a collection of instrumental gospel numbers done by pedal steel wizard extraordinaire robert randolph, john medeski, and the rhythm section from the north mississippi allstars, not to mention the robert randolph family band album itself; and graham lindsey's "hell under the skullbones." and, though 2007 is winding down, emmylou has released the "songbird" boxset (i know, like the tom waits, it is not technically new music); lucinda graced us with a new album of stunning new material, "west;" and mary gauthier's stunning "between daylight and dark" threatens to accomplish what i thought was an impossible task of eclipsing her perfect (yes, i said perfect) 2005 release "mercy now, " easily in my top twenty favorite albums. and the year is not over yet.
no, it is not the 60s, when the musical zeitgeist threatened to overwhelm the casual listener into thinking that classic albums were supposed to come out every other week. but i think, as someone once said, the times, they are a-changin'. a whole new generation of young people have grown up during yet another senseless war, and the internet and the iPod have effectively fragmented the media stream into the homogenized stream that FM radio was in the 60s; just like back then, you can now hear a rock song, then R n B, then country. the divide-and-conquer mentality of the late 70s through the 90s has been replaced by a slice-and-dice, mix-and-match attitude that may disturb some purists but which i see as the lifeblood of the industry, if it is going to have a future beyond paying executives to shuffle papers in a desparate attempt to cover the gap between their talent rosters and their profit margins. i myself fall on the artist side of the equation. i write songs, play instruments, and will keep doing so until my dying breath. do i wish i could support myself by my art? of course. but i wouldn't like to have to be product on demand, and now at 40, with 160 songs under my belt, and of course no contract of any sort, i have nothing to fear in that area.
my personal year of reckoning is 2008. i will record my own collection of songs, i assume before next year ends. it was to be this year, but, doctor's orders, i am not to sing for six months-- nodules on my vocal cords from a five-month cough. so, "forty years in the wilderness" awaits another year. i will still be 40 until halfway through 2008, and i can get all the backing tracks done in the next few months and add the vocals once (god willing) i can sing again. plus, the biblical forty years is a long time. if i am to wander another year or so in the wilderness before i reach my promised land, i guess that is what god intended. and if it means the difference in someone mentioning the album as one of their favorites in a list somewhere like this, even if is five years from now (god forbid), it will have all been worth it. i have been working half my life on this, my first release. i may not succeed, but i intend to make one of the best debuts ever. if i didn't believe that, i would not have worked half my life so far, and continue to work every day in some way toward that goal. now, go find what your favorite albums of the last two years were. there's great music being made out there today; just because you can't appreciate all the variety being made today does not mean that you can't find something amazing that just came out. and if you truly can't find the music you want to hear coming out right now, you should be writing it yourself. or at least supporting those of us who can.
art imitates life imitating art
Current mood: anxious
Category: uh, scared shitless Goals, Plans, Hopes
"art is a lie that helps us see the truth." -- attributed to pablo picasso.
"good taste is the enemy of creativity." -- pablo picasso
"talent is the ability to steal. genius is the ability to steal unnoticed." -- pablo picasso
"nobody ever called pablo picasso an asshole." -- jonathan richman
which simply isn't true, these days. everyone who has had even a smattering of art history knows that while he was painting his anti-war masterpiece "guernica," his wife and mistress were having an all out cat fight in the next room which by all accounts he had virtually engineered because it feuled his ego and his art. now THAT'S an asshole, and i don't mind calling it out. but in his day, to his face, because the whole builtup mythology of the modern art movement was tied up in the fragile ego of this one man, no-one dared call him out on the fact that he was a flaming asshole. i have always striven to be a good person first and foremost, and maybe that has kept me from shamelessly promoting myself at times; maybe it has in fact made me less of an artist. i don't think so, and i don't care.
but the myth of the infallible artist, the picasso who was never an asshole, the ever-ready gunslinger, is weighing a bit on me at the moment. the mythologization of the artist as a brightly burning meteor across the sky, leaving the pure traces of himself or herself behind in the form of his art has me down. because i have been a bit scorched along one of my edges, and i feel i never got to burn in the sky and release my stardust-- there are a lot of songs i haven't made "final" recordings for (whatever that means), and now, i'm worried that i might not get to. i get six months now to lie dormant in my cocoon, and after that i see if i am but a smoldering burnout, a death's head moth arisen to mark time with beaten wing as time crawls inexorably to its inevitable creep toward me as it does everyone, or if after this time i arise instead a phoenix, and by my light and art illuminate truths about the world around us that allow us all to "rage, rage against the dying of the light." got your waders on?
anyway, if you are wondering what the hell i am talking about, read on. i am currently not the infallible artist-- i am flawed. oh, we don't care how unhinged or downright crazy our artists are (picasso and dali are both excellent cases in point) as long as they consistently perform at their art. sure, shoot another line of heroin, billie h, as long as you can hold onto the microphone stand and dream yourself into my ears.... well, read on, and you will see my current dilemma. it is actually a reposting of my blog from my personal site, but it makes sense right here right now, and really, what more could anyone want?
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i'm a wee bit down Current mood: pensive
ok, so those of you who know me know that i play music, write music, etc. i have written a little over 160 songs now. not all of those are finished, but michelanmgelo only completed 14 of 44 sculptures he started, so i guess there is some culling that goes on in every artist's life. but i have recently been shaken to the core. my view of myself has been changed, and i hope that everything will be alright. i am praying like i never have in my life. that may sound selfish, but the expression is "a friend in need is a friend indeed," and right now i am in need of more reassurance and peace than any point in recent memory.
i went to the ENT because my voice has gotten progressively worse after allergies and a five-month cough. i have singer's nodules and i cannot shout, whisper, or sing for six months. and i do not know if i can do it. the singing, especially. i do it subconsciously. but, i have been doing everything i can-- no smoking, keeping hydrated. ----listening to music is hard, though. two days after i went to the doctor, i was watching the seal live in paris dvd, and he was singing "don't cry," one of my favorite songs to sing to, but i did cry, because i was scared. scared because i had never had to face the thought of not singing for six months. scared because i was now having to face the thought that i might never sing again. and even now it is taking me so long to put these thoughts in words because i don't really want to have to face the actual reality that that could actually come to pass.
so, april 16 is world voice day, and i am hoping to start my rehabiltation/ therapy on that day towards the goal of recording my first album of my own songs by the end of the year. i hope it will be one of the most amazing debut albums any of you have ever heard-- i would not have spent over twenty years of my life on it if i expected any less. i have all of these ideas floating around, and i'm trying to latch onto them-- i want to explore some of the more primal musics-- blues, country, punk, hardcore, dance, folk, bluegrass, and understand the impulse that underlies them, and extract the spirit that connects them, connect to the spark that drives them, and use that to create music that inspires people , inspires people to create, to create art, and music, and buildings, and songs, and love, and people, and food, and more songs about buildings and food... ahem... i think i got away from myself, but you get the gist.
so, i am going through a major upheaval in my life, and i pray that it is for the best, that i will emerge with a strong new voice, a better understanding of myself, and a humbler understanding of how i fit into the universe while still trying to be the best songwriter the world has ever known. wait, did i just say that? oh, well-- they say it ain't bragging if you can back it up. and in the next year, i plan on beginning to back it up. i've spent my "40 years in the wilderness," and i'm ready for the promised land. so pray for me if you do, and remember me in your thoughts. i'm dealing with one of the biggest changes i have ever made in my life, and i am scared that i will never sing again. i'm trying to keep my spirits up, but it is hard. i'm keeping a song in my heart, but the one on my lips that i keep muffling darkens my brow just a little more every time i do it, and i fear every time i stop myself singing that i will never be able to start again one day. and i just cannot express quite how empty that makes me feel. so, i hope to sing next year of the beauty of the yellowstone winter, and how people treat each other, like every other song. hell, i just hope that on your birthday, i can call you up and sing happy birthday. and i'll never complain about having to sing happy birthday in a dining room, ever again.
time as tsu
Currently
listening
:
Jeff
By
Jeff Beck
Release date: 05 August, 2003
THERE IS A HIDDEN SONG IN MY PLAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Current mood: sore
Category: in pain MySpace
so, i went and got a bunch of new friends for my myspace, mostly bands, because i figure bands need friends, and i'm a band, and i need friends, and i'm currently laid up with a pinched nerve, soooo.... my songs got a bunch of new plays, except "nothin'," which is hidden, being the last song in the player, since i added bodog entertainment as a friend, and i have 5 songs but the player only fits 4, and you have to drag a lever down on the side to reach the hidden song. i wasdn't being mean to "nothin". i like it, i just thought it was clever to have the "hidden" track be "nothin." now i wonder if people dragged iot down and thought if instead of "nothin" it was literally, nothin. should i have put "the only thing that matters" there, so they would think they would literally be clicking on the only thing that matters? is that what they would think in that case? who is/are they? did "they" just not see the dragbar on the side? am i overthinking this whole thing? am i asking too many questions? are the pills finally kicking in? tune in next time for the answers to these and more inane questions.
time
Currently
listening
:
Definitive Soul
By
Ruth Brown
Release date: 03 April, 2007
you can watch this with the sound off and it is very good. i was watching willie (see below) and surfing with the sound off when i found it. i have no idea if it makes any sense with the sound on.
sore
exhausted
awake
contemplative
excited
lethargic
anxious
pensive 
sick
