Throughout the past I have spread a great many lies that have to do with her. I over-exaggerated and misinformed you of the things that she would do or say. The truth is that these were all attempts on my part to cover up fucked up things that I did to her. To cover up the times that I didn't defend her or the times that I didn't do what I was supposed to do in our relationship.
I only want to make this clear so that if you ever heard anything about Danielle come from my mouth in any negative light you will know that it was most definitely a lie. A twisted lie to help further my own ends and destroy her reputation.
She is actually a wonderfully smart and caring person. One who spends over twenty hours a week volunteering to help people with their problems in life. One who has lots of integrity and can make shit happen. She is honest and loyal. She is a true friend and anybody who is lucky to know her will know that what I say is true.
This isn't meant to be weird. Only to set the record straight.
Just imagine a mind which would remember everything that you learned, thought or experienced. Wouldn't that be fabulous!
Just think... Anytime you had a realization that "if I thought this when I am upset then I would have no problems or at least less problems". Later on when you are feeling blue or under the weather you could remember that thought that you had in the present time with no effort. Just a knowingness. A certainty, a knowledge that this was true. You would be able to get through a lot more difficulties in an easier fashion.
A thought I had. I would love to have this ability. It would make things easier and more enjoyable I'm sure.
I have decided to join the group of people that actually make decisions and can be trusted. They are loyal and protect their significant others. They don't waver and they keep their agreements once made. They tell the truth and help and support their girlfriends. They make things go right. They are creative and their intentions are good. They genuinely love the other and want to see them do well.
I posted as bulitin but wanted to post as blog as well...
The other night I went to this fancy dinner. Each plate was $395. It was super awesome. The kind of dinner where the food looks like artwork. Where sauce is kinda sprinkled on the plate and you have half a dozen forks in front of you.
I learned about a program called "Second Chance". They get inmates and the toughest criminals totally rehabilitated. These guys finish the program totally different people from when they started.
We watched a video about a prison in Peru. Where the prison was in total chaos for 23 years. Over 1800 murders between these two rival gangs. Second Chance went in there and took 5 gang leaders. A couple from each side, all of which were totally addicted to heroine and other narcotics and within five days they were totally drug free and permanently happier people. Six days later the two rival gangs agreed to a truce and have officially stopped fighting after 23 years. There's magic out there.
For the last year there have been quite a few changes in my life.
I finally decided not to give in to the temptation. I stopped drinking in early May of last year. So its been over one whole year in complete sobriety. The changes have been quite interesting. I can hold conversations better and all sorts of good tidbits.
I'm a non smoker. I quit on June 23rd of last year. So, almost one year. I read a book called "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking" and then stopped. It's really easy actually. For all those of you who don't know me... I was a smoker for 10 years (a pack a day for the first eight, and two packs per day for the last two)!
At the beggining of the year I read a book called "Problems of Work" and realized all that was wrong with my debts and why it has been so hard to pay them off amongst other things. Since then I've paid about $18,000 in debt. Pretty amazing. I have a bit more to go. So, almost solvent (debt free)!!!
Gradually, things have been getting easier and easier. They have been getting better and better. There have been a few rough spots here and there but overall things are shaping up pretty well.
I am forever changed. I am forever grateful. I am forever excited for my future. For the first time I can truly say that I know the inner workings of the mind. It is as if though someone has finally answered some questions that I, and most of us, have had for a long time. "Why do people get mad?" "Why are there wars?" "Why do I doubt myself?" "Can life get better?" And... "is genuine happiness possible?" If so, "will I ever have it?" All of these questions and more have been answered for me after reading "Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health".
Anyone having a hard time out there in cyber space who hasn't read it, should.
I have decided to join the group of people that are trying to help others achieve greater spiritual freedom. The group of people that want others to do well. The group that wants world without criminality and social decadence. Where each can be trusted. The group of the responsible and moral. The group that sees through false ideas and seeks to abolish racism. My enemy would be psychiatry and the reactive mind and those who are creating trouble. I am a Scientologist.
We spent an afternoon talking in the blazing sun of Sunland. The day seemed to go at an alarming rate as we shared our thoughts on the world, the past and the things to come. Though these moments were brief, they are lasting imprints in my memory. Thanks for sharing your world with me and allowing me to be a part of it, if only for a moment. I hope you find what you are looking for and reach the destination you seek. You are missed and will be missed. Until next time.
