Unfinished Poem

This is an unfinished poem, only about a third of what I plan to write is done. I thought I'd post it before I start losing interest in it. I don't know, I just don't have the motivation or inner drive to write poems nowadays, I still like them, but I guess not right now. But yeah, here is one-third of it, I will try to finish the whole thing soon.

O, gentle stream; stay beautiful and pristine

Like the nymph that watches over you.

Flow like her gorgeous hair

And sparkle like her delightful smile.

Gentle stream, run softly for me 'til I end my song.

The leaf falls and breaks the surface,

Brown and dead, the monochromatic waste

Clutches with disdain onto the stream,

Like the dearly departed jealous of this world

Gentle stream, run softly for me

Unheard, unseen, the nymph is gone.

In the demise of beauty, she does not belong

In sorest sight. Up on the bank weeps the willows,

The stream runs like her hair mangled in distress

And lethargic like her horrid frown.

Gentle stream, run softly for me 'til I end my song.

The stream is broken tonight

O, gentle stream; run softly 'til I end my song

Run softly, this won't take too long.

Cigarette butts, plastic bottles, dirty napkins;

The evident sin of summer nights

A disturbing melody to my ears,

Stray dogs barking along to this song,

Rats squirming with excitement at rotten bread

Unheard, unseen, the nymph is gone

Gentle stream, run softly for me no more.

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Global Warming: The Story Never Told

The Global Warming phenomenon has become a gigantic force in the fabric of society. It is perhaps the biggest movement in the western world and nearly everyone is with this movement. What is global warming? It is a term used to define the activities of humans in which it has an effect on the earth's atmosphere and environment by unnaturally warming up the planet at a rapid pace. And the main culprit seems to be the amount of carbon dioxide produced, or CO2. The theory is that man-made CO2 contributes to the climatic warming of the planet, which in turn could spell disaster for people and things living on the planet. But is all this really true? Well, I'd like to explore more about this phenomenon and go as far as to say that this global warming thing is a fraud, a conspiracy to oppress and repress selective societies on the planet.

You always hear and see these stories on television or the news about global warming. It is always a professional or scientist that says global warming is caused by humans and that CO2 is no doubt, the main cause. And we believe them because they are professionals and they show fancy data about it. And they also show those emotional images; like a lonely polar stuck on an ice cap, or a sheet of ice breaking apart, and those images really make people believe it. But in the scientific community, there is much debate as to whether global warming is man-made or not, and whether C02 is the cause of it, so basically, the scientists don't even agree on the issue. But why come out and say all this is happening? I think it is because of the money, like many things, money runs the world. This global warming phenomenon has produced thousands of jobs throughout the world, the field of climatology was very small, but now it is a big field with millions dollars going into it, and now to sustain these jobs, they continue to terrorize the public into thinking all this is real. I mean, people are easily fooled by what they see, for instance, two different packages of paper are sold, and one is a regular white cover on the package, and the other has a green colored cover with a recycle symbol on it claiming to be made from a certain amount of reusable material. Most people go for the one with the colorful package simply because it is green in color, which associates with nature and what not, while the other is plain, but in actuality, both packages are the same shit. Also, like the images of polar bears stuck on an ice cap looking helpless, it really sends a powerful message, the image itself doesn't do anything, but we assume that message that global warming is dire. But even if you did a little research, polar bears can swim up to 50 miles non-stop, so moving from ice caps to another ice cap isn't a problem. And those pictures of ice sheets breaking apart; well, that is normal, and then they accumulate again, it's a cycle, so only half the story is really being told.

As for global warming itself, I'm highly skeptical that humans are the major source of CO2 output and major contributor to global warming. For starters, look at the history of climate change, over thousands of years, the climate temperature has fluctuated, there were times in history in which the temperature was hotter than it was today, and there wasn't any significant human contribution. Also, with the notion of C02 causing temperature to rise, I don't think that claim has substantial weight to it. In one instance, the highest output of CO2 in history was during and after World War 2, I suspect it was because of all the mass production of things and destruction of things, but right after about this time and up until about the 1970's the temperature actually dropped or the world got colder, so this doesn't fit in to what most people are saying today. And ironically, before this whole global warming movement, there was concerns over global cooling as the temperatures were cooling at a "rapid" rate. They use to show images of massive icebergs on television to remind us of global cooling and the next ice age, and now they are showing images of icebergs breaking apart to remind of global warming. I think the movement is a way to control society, in a way that makes us slaves to the few people who rules the world.

One glaring issue is Africa; they are lagging in terms of modern civilization, but they have resources to become a modernized continent; they have oil, coal, and other natural resources that can propel them to catch up with the rest of the world. But because of global warming, they are being repressed and oppressed by other modernized nations to not use their resources and those foreigners are even taking those resources. It doesn't make sense, we are asking the poorest continent to use the most expensive forms of energy; of course this will create a vicious cycle that keeps Africa in the dark. Global warming is a tool in a much bigger scheme of modern nations; to control and force others to depend on them. Even in the early 20^th century, many South American countries were on the verge of becoming independent nations, but this would hurt America and European nations, so they overthrew most of these nations and forced them to depend on these bigger nations. And most of it is from the corporate machine; imperialism is used by these major corporations. Dole, the banana company basically single handedly overthrew the government of Honduras to control its region for business gains. It wasn't global warming that destroyed these South American countries, it America and Europe not liking independent countries, but the idea is the same; there is always a form of repression and oppression.

So what is causing global warming? I don't know, I'm just writing to attempt and explain the whole story. CO2 and rising temperatures do relate to one another, but probably not in the way that we all think. Rising temperatures may cause the increase of CO2 and not the other way around, like we think. There have been some data that shows the temperature rising first, and then the increase of CO2 follows afterwards. And to think humans are the main cause of it is almost ridiculous, dead animals, dead leaves produce more CO2 then humans, one major volcanic eruption can spew more C02 into the air than the entire industrialize countries combine. And also, there is the great oceans which cover about 70% of the earth's surface, and the majority of CO2 is released from the ocean. And have we forgotten about the sun? That thing is enormous, and there have data that correlates the number of sun spots and temperature rise on earth; the more sun spots, the more the temperature rises, dating at least a couple thousand years back, the data between sun spots and temperature rise have shown this, and guess what, there is an increase of sun spots right now, and the temperature is rising right now. This seems more plausible than the theory of CO2 causing the rise because there are many holes to that theory, like the lagging of increase and the incident during and after World War 2 until about the 1970's. We have to take into account all these factors before we come to a conclusion, just because the television said so doesn't mean it's true, just because your government, your teacher said so, doesn't mean it's true either, we must look at it from different perspectives.

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Truth Box Blog

I put up a truth box application on my Myspace page because I thought it would be fun and interesting; and it is. The messages I've been receiving have been somewhat interesting, some good and flattering ones, and to no surprise, some bad, and some even viciously negative ones. But I guess that's what you get when you put yourself out there like that. Most of the messages sent to me have been about my physical appearance; again, it's no surprise, most of my Myspace pictures are ones of me posing, or flexing my muscles. To expose myself like that I have to be willing to take the criticism that comes with it. I guess I use those pictures of me posing because it attracts attention, something that I want, I mean, of course I want people to view my page, and also, it's probably the only way I can do something like that because in reality, I'm really shy about showing my physique.

I've received a lot of messages, but only a few have been about things other than physical appearance, for instance, a few have wrote about my personality, and a few have even made some flattering confessions; I didn't know people like me! Anyway, I'm not surprise because I'm a very distant person; I like to keep things to myself and don't show any emotions, so it is hard to say something about my personality. My physical appearance hides my personality, and that is where a lot of the negative messages are coming from. I mean, what is your first reaction upon seeing a picture of a person showing off his muscles? It would probably be conceited, selfish, arrogant, and so many other bad words to say; only people that already know me, would think otherwise, I actually try to live in humility. I think it's really funny how we all perceive reality based on what is in front of our eyes, when there are so much other things going behind the scenes and even could be an illusion to what really is reality. But I am perplexed when people say I take steroids or put down my physical appearance, I don't understand it, I put in a lot of work and dedication to get the physique that I have, countless hours working out, reading many books on nutrition and exercise, and making sacrifices to achieve such a state; yet someone could actually say something bad about it. It really not about how I look, but it's the effort put into it, even when I see people at the gym, I have nothing bad to say about them because I understand what they are going through.

And I think it is the mindset that we have, like when I see a really buff guy or really attractive girl, I do get envious, but at the same time, I feel good for them because they put in the work for it. But to most people, those buff guys and attractive girls are conceited and so on…so it really is the perception we all have. They say you could never achieve a body like supermodels or bodybuilders and so on, well; you can't if you don't try it, and those bodies are real because obvious real people have those bodies. But you have to be careful, I really hope people want to look buff or attractive because it is something they love and not because the forces of society are forcing them to do so; like myself, I love working out, I do it for pleasure.

But I guess I'm weird in a way, for example, I'll go to the gym with shirt tucked in my shorts, and pull my shorts up all the way to my belly button; sure, I look stupid, and most people look at me funny because that appearance carries a certain notion that I'm weak and a nerd; I may be a nerd, but I'm certainly not weak. So I'm testing people's eyesight, do they see what's really there, is what really there the only thing they look for, or can they see beyond what is there? So I'm trying to get people to stop and think, looks can be deceiving, and also, it's always fun when a stupid looking guy can lift more than most people at the gym. So the pictures of me flexing are no different, it's just to test your eyesight.

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The World in Its Infancy

It has been at least 5000 years since the first civilization was established, and you would think that some things in society should have disappeared by now. Like racism, or any other form of preconceive or presumptuous hate; you would think that we've learn many lessons throughout time, but it is still alive and well. I'm not against hate at all, but there are certain things that hate should not apply to, especially things that no one has control over; just like racism, I didn't ask to be born as an Asian. And at the same time, you can't be proud of something no one has control over; just like the previous example, I'm Asian, I cannot hate other races nor should I be proud to be Asian because I didn't do anything, I just happen to be born as one, but for culture and heritage, I could probably be proud of that, but then again, I haven't contributed anything significant. What I'm getting at is that the world is still in its infancy; it is slowly growing; things like hating with no basis like racism, looks, and so on, should have been exterminated by now. And we need to speed up the growth of this world, pain and suffering is the fastest way to grow, if people understood the feelings of others, I think they would be less incline to have preconceive hate.

As I have stated previously, I am not against hate, just certain kinds of hate. The thing I hate the most is the manipulation and frauds in history, and how it shapes the future. I don't care about race, politics, good causes, bad cause, or anything superficial; I care about the shaping of our world based on lies. Everyone wants peace, but most people will use it as a tool to create chaos in the world. And I guess for most people, peace means the end of conflicts and strife, but let me say this; to achieve peace is to end the human race. Most conflicts and strife arise from the struggle of ideas and beliefs, this struggle, of course, are deadly and violent at times, but it is what makes the world function. Without it, there wouldn't be any new ideas or beliefs, the human mind would slowly decay and knowledge would cease to exist. We can exchange ideas peacefully, but it wouldn't have the same effect as forcefully trying to achieve it. If you look back into history, how many people have achieved their goals through 'peaceful negotiation?' Almost no one, a few have come close, but force is the effective to achieve their goals throughout history.

We need to get pass the preconceived hate in order to grow. Our minds are imprisoned because we cannot see beyond what is there on the surface. I really don't know why we cannot see beyond the surface, I think it's a combination of things, the shaping of our history, and the shaping of our society. But to understand others, the pain and suffering must be felt in order for us to be kind to others. The growth of the world is slow because we do not understand the pain and suffering of others; the person who calls me a chink, he does not know what it feels like to be in that position. If he ever felt that pain, I think he wouldn't do such things. These types of hatred must be eliminated; hatred based on things that we cannot control is slowing the growth of the world.

How can we speed up the growth of this world? Well, usually people will say it takes the act of a god to do such things, but we are the ones in control right now. And like I said, to understand others, and to be kinds to others, we must also feel the pain and suffering. We do feel these thing everyday, but we've become sensitize by such things that the threshold must be raised even higher. In order for us to appreciate what we truly have, each of us, and the world at large must experience a catastrophe so dire and drastic that it will make us value the human life; to hold on to it, and to never let go. This is perhaps the only way to speed the growth of this world. For those who believe in a god, the catastrophe must eliminate their beliefs; they must understand that we have nothing to look forward to, no heaven, no nirvana, no afterlife; only then, will we understand the meaning of human life. The catastrophe must make us believe that there is no future, thus we will live in the present and in the moment to maximize the world that we live in. People like to say they "live life to the fullest," but they have no idea, not even the slightest idea of what that is. Pain and suffering is why we try to be nicer to others.

The growth of world is too slow, there are many things that we need to eliminate in order for us to grow. To understand how others feel is how we can grow, and to feel the pain and suffering will make us grow up even faster.

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Was She an Angel?

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Volleyball Journal Vol. 4, Final Issue

The volleyball season has come to an end. This closes out my fourth season of coaching boy's volleyball, all at the junior varsity level, and all at my favorite place; Fresno High. I am very fortunate to be in the position that I'm currently in, thanks to Coach Tamayo and the players. I coach both boys' and girls' volleyball at Fresno High, so I am really fortunate and lucky to do this. I really enjoy coaching, everything that comes with it; I like the challenges, and I'm always looking for new challenges, this season was filled with many.

The beginning of the season already started off rough, not many kids were going out for condition and the turnover rate was rather high, a lot of the players from last year did not come back out. With this, I knew this was going to be a great challenge, but I loved it, I always like to test my capacity; it does sound very conceited to say that, but that's really my joy and passion in life; to test my capacity, or rather to dispel any notion of having a limit. It's a fine line between reality and illusion, and reality is bounded what you perceive to be your limits, and for me, my reality is that there is no limits and no boundaries. Anyway, it turned out that we wouldn't have a freshmen team because of the lack of new players and high turnover rate for returning players. Once again, I started in the hole; I had to get a bunch of new comers to play at the JV level.

As I formed my team, I had to keep the expectations and standard high; I believed that was going to the most effective way to get better. I easily could have taken it easy because of their level, but that's not my personality to do so, I'm very stubborn, we were going to take one path, and one path only, no detours at all, so if there was an obstacle in the path, we had to destroy it, not go around it, not go over it, and not under it; that was basically the mindset I had. So basically, I pushed them real hard, at times, I thought they were going to break down and cry or something, but they didn't because they also knew that they needed to get better really fast, so they persevered. I think the most important thing to us was our attitude, more important than volleyball; I really had to transform their way of thinking to be more discipline, determined, and motivated. I probably taught them more about attitude and mindset then anything else.

But my team did get better, and they did improve a lot. I'm not saying this because I'm their coach, but I really do know these things when I see it, and to those that witnessed my team, they would also agree to what I just said about my team. We won a few games, and lost a lot, and I felt like we could have won more; I'm not saying this to be frivolous, but I really thought we should have beaten more teams. But we can't do anything about it now, and this is what drives me mad, we are capable of beating some of those team, but did not. So basically, I failed my goal, we just couldn't get over that last hump on the mountain. I mean, most people would agree that they are playing beyond what anyone could have imagined, so I guess my failure isn't that bad, but again, my standards are different. I see a lot of good things from my team, but consistency is the only part that is lacking, and the most important part. Playing at a high level consistency is something I've been trying to teach them, but I guess we are not there yet. 

My players had a lot of energy, but sometimes it was scattered energy. Their personalities made things more enjoyable. I had the really energetic kids whom I wish would just be quiet, and then I had the really quiet kids whom I wish were livelier. But it was a good mixture of personas but it was a bad mixture with me; my personality does not match well with theirs, so I was irritated and impatient a lot, especially with their childish behaviors, then again, they are still kids. But you know, it kind of grew on me, although I wished they were more 'professional' in their behaviors, I kind of enjoy all their obnoxious behaviors. Kind of like when I started coaching girls; I notice that I became a 'softer' person because of it, being around a bunch of teenage girls 5 days a week for 3 to 4 months can do that to you, haha, nevertheless, I enjoyed working with them. As much as I enjoy them as players, I also enjoy them is people, and I think that's the thing that makes me want to coach. Even today, I have kids that use to play for me and they'll pay a visit to my practice or game, and I know something was done right for them to be able to come back and visit. And a few my teammates do the same with coach Tamayo, he has impacted us in such a great way, and we drop by his practices or games, and as for me, well, I get to coach for him. But yeah, most of time, I was irritated by my teams behaviors, but I really like them.

Well, I have to thank a lot of people this year that made this season successful. First, I have to give a lot of thanks to Coach Tamayo. He gave me the opportunity to coach, and of course, I took advantage of it. He really helped me in guiding me on how to coach and teach the kids the game of volleyball, and he really takes care of us, meaning us coaches and players, and that is more important to me than anywhere else. Second, I like to thank Coach Ashley, I learn a few things from her, and she also helped me too, especially at our freshman tournament, and she is cool person. Third, I want to thank my managers, it was weird this year with the manager thing, but in the end, they really helped me in practice and during games. My original managers, Cynthia and Lora, they barely came out this year, it really made me sad, they are really dedicated to helping us. Especially Cynthia, she would stay throughout the entire practice with me, all the way until 8:30pm everyday with me, and that takes a lot of commitment to do so. Lora would sometimes stay with me until the end, haha, but Cynthia did it everyday. This year, I didn't have a manager like that, sometimes they would come to practice, and sometimes they won't, and almost every time, they didn't stay for my practice. But the most dedicated one turned out to be Natalie, she came to every practice and game with us this year, so that's dedication right there, but she couldn't stay for my practices. And then Sunny, she was the first person to ask me, in the beginning, she helped us out a lot but towards the end, she hardly did; she came to some practices, and most of the games. But for these two, I think that is good enough, that's already a lot of work for them. And then there is Brenda, she came to most practices and games too, but she never stayed for my practice, it makes me sad. But yeah, she helped out here and there, actually, I had to buy skittles and sodas for her just to get her to do something, haha. And lastly, there is Shanice, she barely helped us out, she never came to our practices, but came to some of the games, and even so, she didn't do much! Managers these days, they are so spoiled. I guess it's unfair to compare them to Cynthia and Lora, but I hope one day they can become like those two, haha. But yeah, I really appreciated what the managers did for us. And lastly, I like to thank the players, all of them; for making this an enjoyable experience. The varsity team, it was fun to mess around with them during practice, and for my players, it was fun coaching them. Oh yeah, also I need to thanks Mrs. Quinn, our team mom, she really helped us out a lot, bring us food, or organizing stuff for us, she really is great.

This season has come to an end, it was another enjoyable season for me, the kids learned many things from this experience, and I've also learned many things from this. Those kids better be prepared for next season, so we can actually have 3 teams next time, and I'm looking forward to it. Well, this won't be the last time you hear from me, I'm coaching girl's volleyball at Fresno High again, so I prepare for that since summer practice will begin in about a month or so, it should be fun.

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Her Eyes

I never knew what color her eyes were
It must've been disappointing to her
Maybe it was brown, I'm still not sure
Or, maybe my vision was a blur

Many times I looked into her eyes
Beautiful?…Yes, I already know they are
But I wonder what they really look like
She would always say… "Look into my eyes"
And I'd compare them to the morning star
Her eyes, gleaming like the day-break light

If her eyes were a color
I'd wake up from my dream…
The divine love in her eyes would disappear
And I'd have a hard time looking at her
So, I never knew what color her eyes were

Peter Keomanyvanh

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Volleyball Journal Vol. 4, No. 5

I've been thinking back on my years of coaching, and it is not even that long, I've only been coaching for 4 years. So far, I've coached 4 seasons with boy's volleyball and two seasons with girl's volleyball, both at the junior varsity level, but I have to say; I still have a lot of learning to do. Each year, each team, I learn something new, and also I try to bring in new ideas to keep it interesting, but I realize that I've the same style since I've started. What do I mean by style? Well, I guess it's the way I approach things, teach things, and incorporate things that fits my ideal vision of volleyball. But of course, the basis and most of my philosophy is from Coach Tamayo's own coaching book, but I've learned how to add my own personality into it.

I started coaching boy's volleyball first; I found it to be easy in that they were guys because they could take my strict and harsh coaching style (at least I think so). I could yell and cuss, and it wasn't a problem, but at the same time, I've taught them to separate certain things, like when it was time to practice, we practice hard, and when we weren't, we could have fun. Working hard and having fun, that's the philosophy that I've been preaching since day one; yeah, I'm strict and harsh when it comes to practice, I expect everything to be done right, and if not, I get really anal about it, but at the same time, we could have fun doing it. It really comes from my own personality, I'm a person who takes things lightly, and like to joke around a lot, but when I have to do something, like working, working out, or whatever it is, I do it with my best effort and try to be as perfect as I can.

My experience coaching the boys has been pretty good, my past teams have done pretty well, and they've really played the way I wanted them to. But one thing I couldn't understand is the high turnover rate from my team to the varsity team. I've always wondered how differently things would be if most of my players went to varsity, because I think we would have a good varsity team if this happened. But no, most of my players have gone to another school or just don't play volleyball anymore, for example, my team from last year, more then half of them have moved to another school, and currently playing for varsity, from my last two teams combined, only 4 of them are playing on varsity, so yeah, I don't understand.

I found that coaching girl's volleyball is much more fun and better than coaching the boys, and mostly it's because the girls want to work, and they work hard, it comes naturally to them. And they are more sociable, so they really know how to have fun and they work hard at the same time, I couldn't ask for more. But at the same time, I found it to be more challenging because the girls don't respond like the boys do, so I can't really cuss or yell at them, and I've learned how to change my approach. And also, I have to deal with thing that girls deal with, and at the same time, I don't know anything about what girls deal with. With the guys, I can say 'suck it up,' or something like, but the girls don't respond as well to it, so I have to be more 'caring,' I guess that's the term. Not really my style at all, but I'm learning, haha.

Their work ethic is by far the best I've seen, my first girls' team, they really understood the meaning of hard work and teamwork, and some of them I was concerned for because I was afraid they would hurt their self from working too hard. Like Raquel, I don't think there was ever a day where she didn't get hurt, she'd always have cuts, or bruises from diving, or whatever, and she never complained about it, I'm still in awe by this. But yeah, that season, they really grew a lot, probably the most improved team I've coached so far, and it really shows, we didn't win a lot, but they always worked hard and never lost sight of their goal, and it really paid off for the ones that played on the varsity team last season; the varsity team had probably their season in more than a decade and went to the playoffs, so I knew it was matter of time that their hard work would pay off.

And my team from last season, they were also similar to my first team, except they didn't have any experience, and couldn't really get the teamwork part down, but they really improved a lot, maybe as fast as my first team; and I thought they were more talented too, but it doesn't mean much if they don't have the teamwork. For them also, their hard work will pay off in the near future, most of them started to realize that they needed to improve on teamwork, so this is a good sign.

But yeah, I really enjoy coaching, I don't know exactly why I started coaching, but I'm grateful that I am coaching, and at the school I like. And it's a pleasure to see them grow up, and they grow so fast, as a JV player on my team, they are still kids, but a year or two later, and even four years later, they're all grown up, young adults now, well, most of them anyway. I make it sound like I'm old, but I'm really not, haha, I'm still young and still have a lot things I want to accomplish, but I guess coaching, giving advice, teaching them, and all those other things makes me old. But, I enjoy coaching.

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Volleyball Journal Vol. 4, No. 4

            We've finally started playing league games, so far, we lost both of our game this week against some pretty tough opponents. On Tuesday, we got destroyed by Sunnyside, I don't even know how to explain it, it was probably the worse lost I've ever experienced as a coach, but on Thursday, we did better; although we lost, we played a good game. Sometimes I could only take them so far before they reach their limits, and that is what is happening right now. They play good, but it's just the other team is better, and I'm trying to break the limit and make them a good team right now. I don't use anything as an excuse, and they haven't made any excuses either, so I like how they've been able to transform their mindset, their attitude is "so what?" So what if the other team is bigger, more experienced, or better, that doesn't matter. Although we are losing a lot, they haven't felt any regrets because each game they try their best all the time. They have a lot of learning to do, and this whole thing is a learning process, but the key is the expectations placed on them, and because my expectations are high, it is frustrating to see us fall short; to most people, my team is probably exceeding their expectations, but to me, to us, we are falling short. The goal is reach a certain goal and keep pushing it to attain perfection, when you strive for perfection, you will be frustrated all the time, but when you strive for your best, you will be happy. And this is something I'm trying to balance, sometimes your best is not good enough, so you have go for more, and I think that is the most important thing, like I said earlier, you strive for a certain goal and than you keep pushing for more.

            I watch our varsity team lose earlier today, and it is extremely frustrating to watch them play. They started out really good, and as the game prolonged, they just fell apart. Like I said in my previous blog, they lack the teamwork, the other team was much weaker and inferior in physicality, but they had better teamwork and team balance, and that was how they were able to win. The varsity team is different; they have the pieces to make for a good team, but they just haven't put it all together. So I think it's all about their mindset and attitude, they have to believe that they are invincible instead of feeling insecure. What I mean by that is they have to believe that they can pass, set, and hit anything and everything; perfectly. In reality, it may not be perfect, but just by believing and visualizing perfection, they will be better prepare for a live situation. Also about mindset and attitude is how do you respond to certain situations? Especially in the face of adversity…under pressure, in crutch time, with the game on the line, I smile, because I live for situations like that. I think they got to have that type of mentality; you don't view adversity as adversity, but as a great opportunity to do something good.

            On a side note, this year, we don't have a thousand managers like last year, I was exaggerating, but you get the picture. Man, last year, we had so much it was pointless, but this year, we only have three main ones, Brenda, and two of my players, Sunny, and Natalie. I write about them because they are important in that they help facilitate the practices and record stats during the games, and also most of them are volleyball players, so it gives them some incentive to come out polish their skills a little. Brenda, I find her to be an intriguing character, like today, I saw her reading a book and I asked to see it was like a motivational, self-help book; not many people read, and not many people read such books like that, much less, a teenager, so I was intrigued by that. I think she is searching for that certain 'something' that would allow her to be more charismatic and focused in life. She is looking for the best, and wants the best in everything. As for Sunny and Natalie…well, they are Sunny and Natalie, coaching the both of them, I've become accustomed to their habits and characteristics. The both of them have a sort of 'quiet intensity and drive,' because on the outside, they seem fairly shy and reserved, but they have that hidden drive to be the best. But at the same time, they don't have that 'yearning' that Brenda has. I mean, Brenda is searching for something deeper…well, Natalie is a very deep thinker too, so deep that it's probably hard for her to express herself. I know I screw around with them a lot, but I never let my guard down, I observe people and can almost read them like an open book. The other managers, Lora and Cynthia don't come out anymore, I'm sad, they've been help us for 3 years, and now they are seniors and think they are too cool to help us now, haha, joking.

            Anyway, we still have a lot of work to do, or rather, we have to put the pieces together, I see good things for the varsity team, but now it's only a matter of becoming one entity. Stay humble, work hard, and have fun.

1:14 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Even in the End...

            A few years back, there use to be a lady that lived around the block from my house. She was old, maybe in her 50’s or 60’s at the time, gray haired, but had a strong look to her. My friends and I use to walk by her house to go play at the neighborhood elementary school, and whenever she see us, she’d greet us with a ’hello’ and talk to us; she always had a smile on her face and was very nice to us. I was perplexed at the time, a white lady talking with a bunch of Asian, Mexican, and black kids, back then, no one would dare approach us, as teenagers, we’ve done some bad things, but I always had a soft spot for this lady. And also, I use to be a paperboy, and she was my customer, I love throwing for her because she tipped me and was extremely nice to me. Her house was a simple one, it was blue, but her front yard was fabulous, she was into arts and crafts, she had all kinds of arts and craft in her front yard, and none of us have ever vandalized her stuff, they were just too beautiful. And she also had a bunch of bamboo shoots in front of her house, it was quite a sight to see; one thing I remembered the most was her stoned statue of Jesus, it was about three feet high and had its arms spread like a welcoming gesture. And it was befitting, she welcomed all kinds of people to her place, she was nice to everyone, while most people in the neighborhood saw us as troublesome, she saw us as good kids. And she was religious, but she never ever tried to talk about religion to us. Then one week, I noticed that she wasn’t out working in her yard anymore, I found it strange because she would usually be out everyday doing something, but not that week, I thought she was on vacation or something. Also, the papers I was throwing her were still on the front porch, so I definitely thought she was on vacation. But then the following week, I saw several cars in her front yard and people I’ve never seen before going to her house, but she wasn’t there, and I approach these people because it was time to collect money for my paper route, and I asked them where was Ms. Brown, and the lady that asked said she passed away last week…I was shocked and speechless for awhile, and then managed to say that I was sorry to hear about it. And then I asked who she was, and she said she was her daughter and the other people with her were family…and I kind of smile because she had family, in the days that she lived and befriend me and my friends, she never spoke a word about her family, and then as I regain composure, I asked how did she die, and her daughter told me it was cancer. Man, it was a miserable day, I later found out that she was living with cancer for last few months or so, and she never told anyone. At first, I felt really sad, but I realized that she probably lived her life the way she wanted to, she was always happy and never let the cancer interfere with her life, and because of this, I’m deeply inspired by her. She never saw the negativity in life, but looked for the best in everything, and I think that’s why she was so nice to me and my friends even though we were troublesome at times. I never felt sorry for her because of the way she lived her life, and I’m sure she wouldn’t want anyone to feel sorry for her, but I always ask why; why do good people have to die? It actually drives me mad when I think this. To her, I guess it was God calling her to heaven, and she probably welcomed it with open arms, but to me, it’s unfair, good people should live forever if that’s possible. I guess it’s a question without an answer, but if there was a definition of ’living life to the fullest,’ Ms. Brown exemplifies that axiom. Even to the end, she lived her life the way she wanted to, and I smile at that.

3:22 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment