As a bunch of youse know, I've started doing stand-up.
Comedy is like a puzzle. It's all about finding the right word at the right time with the right delivery. I feel like I'm in comedy school right now. I study comics I love and read books on the history and technique (you have to know the rules before you can break them). Writing circles are class work. Open mics are labs. Gigs are final exams. And all I have to give in return is a willingness to be open on stage.
It's frustrating and scary and I am completly in love. And, here's the best part. If I keep busting my ass the way I have been... I have a real chance at becoming good at it.
It's been years since I've felt that way about anything. It's a damn fine feeling.
For those of you too lazy to click yesterday's link (hello, Lazy Face Jones), I've decided to do you the favor of breaking down the phenom that is "Real Life SuperHeroes*
*Suck it, Marvel
Act grateful.
If you pay any attention to what comes out of my face, you know how much I adore comics. Everything from Batman (gray suit, please) and the X-Men to stuff that only a handfull of people I know have ever heard of (Whattup, Jake and Jody).
That being said... I'm a "cool" nerd. Yes, like most groups on this planet, divide and conquer is the order of the day. Dorkiness comes in levels.
Level 1- Rosario Dawson
Shocked? You have every reason to be. But, that's what places the level oner squarely atop the nerd pile. Here is a women that does not look like she knows where the comic store is. Known for playing strong, sexy female leads, her cred was in place long before Sin City or The Bad Clerks Movie. Dawson's been into the funny books since her pre-booby days. Non-Famous level ones are the popular kid that, while never a bully, never really takes the time to buddy up to you. Unless, of course, they happen to spot that Love and Rockets graphic novel in your hands whilst in line for the soon to be ranch covered cafeteria pizza. No matter how awesome you might think you are, you will never be Rosario Dawson awesome. Because while you're reading this, she's off somewhere being a super hot chick. And if you really need me to do the math on that one for you, have fun with puberty.
Nick Cage may have qualified for this status, had he not
1. named his kid "Kal-El"
2. married Jacko's sloppy seconds
or
3. managed to suck at everything that wasn't "being a Coppola".
To be fair, he did honor Power Man with his choice of stage name. So, there's one cool point, I guess.
Sweet Christmas, indeed.
Level 2- Kevin Smith
The funny kid that wears his dorkiness on his XXL sleeve. Possibly too cool for you and your friend, he is still a normal, well adjusted guy. His fans, on the other hand...
Which brings us to
Level 3- Dj Qualls
I don't know what kind of books he reads, and I don't fucking care. If you can look at this guy and doubt for a second that not only does he KNOW where the comic shop is, he also knows what shifts the chick with the pink hair works and that she rolled a hot night elf named Chan'dy'ie in WOW...you're probably the same Hollywood exec whom dared to ask the question "If we give this plucky- er um- sleepy kid a trash talking Black sidekick, could his star power be enough to net us some box office gold"?
Hint: The answer is "no".
So... we can all agree that anyone who thinks they can do this shit on the reals has both feet firmly planted in the last catagory, right? Time to bring on the... um... fuck, I got nothin'.
Coming from one of the most dangerous cities in nation, we have Captain Prospect!
Ok, if I'm in the middle of being rape-raped in our nation's capitol, I don't know that I'm trusting the older, uglier Michael Cera to rescue my vagina from peril... I don't care HOW well he can chuck a frozen bananarang.
From Mountain View California (an intimidating city name if ever I heard one) The Eye!
The Eye certainly looks like he sees everything... I'm guessing mostly girls at the mall.
From afar.
Last but not least in my heart, from Portland, the Pacific Northwest's own...
Ok ok ok, that's enough of that. There are many many many others, but dammit, I can stomach no more.
If you have Bruce Wayne money, Bruce Wayne resources and Bruce Wayne ninja skills, by all means, fight you some crime.
But if the other squad you align yourself with starts with the word "Geek"... second thoughts is such a good thing sometimes. Seriously, do you want your mom to have to lift your makeshift cowl in order to identify your remains?
"Yes, officer... that's my Ryan... what's this lying next to him?"
"We have that down as 1.) multicolored glass bead set on what appears to be a pewter wizard riding a griffin. We believe he called it his "Mystical Gem of Tyrrak". You can claim it with the rest of his belongings, but I'd caution against it. You do not want to know where we found that thing..."
Even Chris Guardian (who easily has the most punchable face ever) must have friends, right? Even if he clearly has no shame. This isn't like being gay, guys... sometimes it's ok to be a little intolerable. If your dungeon master suddenly starts skipping out on guild meetings because he's patrolling in the pleather jacket and goggles his sister cast aside at the end of her "Gothic" phase, it may be time for an intervention. Please... the life you save may be your own.
Although it will probably totally be the life of the guy with the suction cups on his hands, holding a homemade grappling hook.
Fuck, we get it, Marilyn... you're hardcore. Ooh, look at her lick a knife! Ahhh, James Cameron directed this peice of try-hard bullshit! Er... they're doing it IN BLOOD! Oh my..., rumors say that they fucked during the sex scenes for "authenticity".
Oh, man. This one's been going around for about a week ago. You may have caught a glimpse on Best Week Ever.
It's so hard to tell these days who's acting, and who lost their shit.
Either way, I feel like I've learned something.
Some of what she says isn't bullshit (ie: most of us not fully understanding the spiritual and primal aspects of boning and why a good dick will make some chicks fucking looney... in particular, those who haven't had one before, or for whom it's been a while), but she covers it all in a blanket of crazy. And her crazy blanket hides anything she could have said that made sense.
Those who aren't as addicted to the internet as me may not have seen this yet. If you have (Hey, Utils), just groan and bear it.
The Lonely Island guys have, once again, come with the humor on SNL. The parodied a moment in the O.C. (and, really, any dramatic death scene on telly or in moving pictures). Unfortunetly, due to a combo of liscencing issues and very, very bad timing, it's not availible through YouTube and may be cut from future airings of the episode. At least, for this season.
It also, as the header suggests, inspired many parodies. Of a parody. I'll put up the funny ones I've found so far. They aren't all knee slappers, but believe you me, there are worse ones.
I hope you didn't like this song.
Anyhoo, here's the clip from The O.C. The first one is the really short version, for you impatient fucks (it really is worth it to watch the second, full one for the complete lack of sufficient build up, though):
In that link, he also mentions how other who've brought this up on myspace pages had their shit hacked. Doubt it will happen, because I'm not dumb enough to click on links from people I don't know or who's shit has obviously been hacked.
I also don't give my password to obvious phishers. But, that's just me.
