happiness is...knowing we're all a bit fuqed up.

Due to some myspace coding changes, I was just forced to redo my page again. As a result I decided to post an old blog that got deleted from a hack-attack last year. Fuqn hackers! It was my first blog and has served as a foundation for countless number of related thoughts that many of you have lent a kind (and often drunk) ear to listen to at 4am. Time permitting, I'll be sure to share some of those thoughts in future blogs. For now, a blast from the past...


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Aug 16, '05 4:30 AM

happiness is...knowing we're all a bit fuqed up.

So I've sported the above quotation for years on various online profiles without ever explaining or even alluding to it. As my first online journal entry, it seemed only fitting that it be the first to be addressed. I will attempt to voice a logical take on how even finding one's road to happiness through one's own selfishness can result in a path that converges with one's very selflessness.

It should be prefaced that I write this mindful that it is merely a blog entry from which to gather future thoughts. I dare not profess to be anything more than one trudging through the very path of which I speak.


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The Crazy.
One commonality everyone has and is amongst the keys in one's road to happiness, is that we are all flawed. It's important to know that beyond obvious imperfections, we all have a "crazy" within. Just because it isn't always disabling or need medication, doesn't mean its not there.

Whether you look at the crazy in those institutionalized or the crazy in the genius minds of our leaders, artists, and innovators throughout history, both are merely a couple environmental factors from being the other. And with everyone in between merely lessor versions of the extremes, it becomes all the more humbling realizing our place. So maybe we're not amongst those achieving breakthrough theories of relativity, or conversely, those leading millions to death, but we are in the "crazy" spectrum somewhere.

That being said, finding one's place in the world will always relate to first acknowledging one's true flaws, crazy if you will. That crazy being all acts perceived by most as irrational and/or socially unacceptable, the gateway to which most often coming from one's vulnerabilities.


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The Happy.
We are most challenged in our path to happiness through our every judgment on our peers. Beyond the obvious ways stereotypes hinder our forward progress on that path, less obvious is how not truly forgiving the flaws in those closest to us can disable our path all the same.

Furthermore, it's when the act of not forgiving such flaws in others is merely a manifestation of our own flaw, that our path is most compromised. For instance, if from our own insecurities we cannot see how another's irate actions comes from a place of insecurity, each insecurity will perpetuate negative reactions on both ends. Yet if one could acknowledge and separate all emotions (and/or resulting actions) on both sides that relate to insecurity, its not so hard to see the people within. Ultimately, it then becomes hard to judge or feel anything negative. For less the crazy, we are all the same.

If we imagine the patience and forgiving nature we allow for when faced with someone mentally ill, it may become clearer why when ones vulnerabilities are obvious, our benevolent inclinations are more natural toward those in need. Now if we only saw the world's vulnerabilities with those same eyes, imagine what natural behavior would spawn from such clarity. That need is merely manifested in a much less obvious way.

There is good in all of us, even in those most seemingly evil. The equalizer is how we see each other. Imagine taunting a person's flaws from childhood. There is pretty much no way that child will act anything less that what he continually was told he was. If from our own flaws and/or insecurities, we fail or refuse to see the good in another, we perpetuate the cycle of crazy and hinder our own path of happiness.

Seeing that bit of happy, that bit of goodness, buried beneath the crazy allows one's soul to emerge. Imagine everyone who encounters you clearly seeing you as you are at your best. With every interaction you would inevitably become that which you buried beneath. You don't become someone different, you become yourself.


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The Love.
What does love got to do with it? I read a poem today about love which probably can best be used to explain what love ISN'T:


"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, '...that's her.'"


The Halmark card sayings that make love into a Hollywood love story only creates a road of disillusion for those looking for that path to bliss. Reread the above poem again and see if you think that what love is described as, could merely be what love is without an asshole, or love with a player with the right lines, or merely love with someone who feels they're out of your league.

Granted, it is just a catchy online poem. But to say there are no negative repercussions of such is tantamount to saying that "just a picture" on a magazine does nothing to perpetuate eating disorders. Anyways, I think I'll step off my soapbox a minute and continue.

Love isn't appreciating someone for their qualities. How hard is it to love someone because they are beautiful and smart? Love is knowing their crazy, knowing their flaws, and being there to embrace them. For it is only the person that can embrace you at your worst that should ever embrace you at your best.


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The End.
One must own their flaws while understanding and accepting the flaws in others. What's not acknowledged, cannot be changed. Whether the path to happiness relates to one's workplace, circle of friends, or lover, to see the path is to see the person. And to see the person is to see past the crazy.

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