Martha Stewart’s Daughter and Why We Do What We Do
Category: Romance and Relationships

I just happened to be channel surfing last night and caught 1/2 of an episode of WHATEVER, MARTHA!,a show hosted by two gals, one being Martha Stewart's daughter Alexa. This particular episode was on dating so of course I paused to watch a bit. Wow, and she wonders why she doesn't have a quality love life?? Alexa states that her favorite portion of any date is the one hour BEFORE her date arrives when she pampers herself and drinks a bottle of her favorite wine, again BEFORE he arrives. Clearly she doesn't feel comfortable in her own skin to be sober when she meets her man. Alexa went on to say that she ALWAYS has sex on her first dates. Her co-host sJennifer replied "Well, it's nice to be attracted and WANT to have sex with them, but I don't think you should have sex on the first date."

Ladies, if you're having to get drunk before your date even arrives and you have to have sex with the man due to some inner compulsion, the bottom line is there is much more you need to look at inside yourself that needs to stop being numbed by alcohol and given some love and attention by you. Alexa puts up a tough girl front, but  inside is a hurting woman will a brick wall of defense keeping love out. And believe me, her actions are definitely keeping true love out of her life.

Let Alexa be an example for you. If you can relate to Alexa's attitude, do YOURSELF a favor and really look at why you would need to numb your mind before a date appears and why you would have to have sex just to feel connected for a one night stand--because that is indeed what it will turn into. Journaling is a great way to begin to discover why we do the things we do. Sometimes it hurts to look back, but it is worth it to stop patterns that are destroying our dreams for the life we truly want to live but are afraid to pursue.

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Heather Locklear’s Arrest and Public Opinion
Category: Romance and Relationships

Heather Locklear was arrested near Santa Barbara this weekend for being under the influence of perscription medicine. Of course, USA TODAY gave a false headline of "Heather arrested under a count of DUI." Be thankful you are NOT a celebrity. Life is hard enough without the scrutiny of your every move--especially in the midst of heartbreak and tough times. Woe to you judge so harshly as we don't know the whole story! No celebrity signs on for total loss of privacy. The craziness of the paparazzi has only been in the last 10 years (Locklear has been a star for 20 years). No one desires to be harassed and publicly defamed! Was it illegal for her to drive under the influence of perscriptions. Yes. Like every citizen, she is having to pay the price (the wonderful news is that no one was physically hurt). 

YOU and DEFAMATION of YOUR CHARACTER

All that being said, wow, have you ever been in a messy breakup? You know, the kind when everyone in your circle of friends and HIS family and friends is bombarded with false accusations about you, making you out to be the problem, the crazy one, the "bad guy", when in fact the truth is the reverse? Very painful and "crazy making". What can you do when you suffer defamation of character (a legal term for having your reputation publicly shredded)? What can Heather do?

My best advice I can give is actually the hardest thing to do, but in the long run it will pay off. My advice? Take a step back. Breathe. And do NOT defend yourself. If you resort to fighting back and jumping into a "he-said-she-said" game or worse, you will look even more guilty. Step out of the fight for your reputation and heal by mourning the loss, getting help where you need it and surrounding yourself with people who truly care about you. It is in the time of crisis you find out who your friends really are. Perhaps that is what Heather is about to learn.  Here's to Heather and hoping she has close SAFE friends to help her through this difficult time and if she does have a "perscription problem" that she gets the help she needs in privacy. And here's to you my readers, may your accusers be exposed for who/what they are in due season. More importantly, may you let go of the fight and move on to take care of you and pursuing the life you were meant to live.

2:46 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Like Rosie, Are You Expecting Too Much?

I just finished reading Celebrity Detox by Rosie O'Donell. My complete review is below. What I took most from her book is a lesson for all of us...beware of placing unfair and unrealistic expectation on others to fill the void in your life someone ELSE left. Rosie is desperately seeking a "perfect mother figure" to be what her deceased mother never was. What Rosie really seeks is God and she keeps being devastated everytime her godlike idols/heros let her down by revealing their human imperfection.

Look into your recent disappointment in relationships. Were you expecting too much from him/her? Did you put that person on a pedestal they were destined to fall off? No human can make you happy. Happiness can only be found within and with a relationship with your creator.

Victorya Rogers

CELEBRITY DETOX, the review

I have been a longtime fan of the talk show personality of Rosie O'Donnell, even tho' I do not agree with her personal views (let's just say I am more Elisabeth Hasselbeck than Rosie O'Donnell). As a talk show host Rosie was the perfect host because she made it okay for every day people to be intrigued with the celebrities she interviewed. After all, Rosie was into her guests as much as the audience. She was and is authentic and real, even with her extremely rough edges and all. Thus I enjoyed her autobiography CELEBRITY DETOX. It is all over the board and abruptly goes from one thing to the other but not in an irritating way, more so in the way I bet she lives her life. The book makes it clear she is a victim of abuse desperately seeking salvation from her wounds but searching in places salvation can not be found--in the arms of her two celebrity heros/icons Barbra Streisand and Barbara Walters both of whome were also heros of her mothers. Tho' only alluded to, it is apparent that Rosie was not only abandoned by her mother when she died when Rosie was 10, but she was also betrayed and unprotected by her mother--3 issues that have haunted her and continue to haunt her--abandonement, betrayal and unprotection. Rosie told her mom of the abuse in the only way she could...her mom humored her to the extent of literally cutting down the tree "bad man" climbed up, but when Rosie told her it didn't work, the bad man still comes in her room at night, her mom betrayed her by calling her a liar and implying Rosie would lose her love if she didn't drop this lie. So Rosie lived on with the abuse, defending herself by breaking her own bones to obtain not only attention but "nightime weapons" with the casts. Heartbreaking for any little girl to live through.

I am not surprised that she was more devastated by Barbara Walters' betrayal than she was of Donald Trump's public annialation of her. She already thought of Donald Trump as a pathetic human being. He can only hurt her in the pocket book. She was devasted by Barbara Walters because she made Barbara her surrogate mother so much so she hoped Barbara would do everything RIGHT her mother did WRONG--i.e. protect her and definitely NOT abandon her nor betray her. By not defending her to Donald Trump and the public Ms. Walters did everything Rosie's mother did to her--left her once more alone, unprotected and open to abuse.

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You’ve Got HIS Number...Now What?
Category: Romance and Relationships

No need to get upset or insulted however. After all, you can be flattered that he noticed you enough to slip you his card! It's how you handle it that works for or against you. Here's some quick tips on how to handle the phone number game.

1)    If a man offers his number and you are interested in him, say something like "Thanks, here's mine" and leave it at that, just don't call him. If he's interested he'll call. OR

2)    If he offers you his business card, you can smile without saying a word. Then grab a pen, turn over his card and write YOUR number down then hand it back to him with a warm smile and walk away. OR

3)    "Oh, thanks, but I'm an old fashion girl. If you want to get to know me, you'll have to be making that first phone call. Then give him your card (or write it down) and give him huge smile as you turn and walk away.

NOW, what do you do if he hands off his card and walks out before you can respond and you're left thinking he just didn't have time to ask for your number yet you REALLY want to see him? Can you call? No don't call. But you can EMAIL him. Come up with a cute but brief email that says something like "I was intrigued meeting you the other days at such and such. You handed me your card but left before I could give you mine in return… If you want to get together, it's your move." Then put your phone number.  You can get creative, but basically you're saying "I am interested if you call me." You have nothing to lose with this casual email. If he wanted to get to know you, he'll call. If he doesn't, you haven't lost anything and your ego is still in tact.

1:38 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Barbara Walters, Jessica Simpson and Impulsive Decisions we make

I am in the middle of reading Barbara Walters autobiography AUDITION which I must say I am thoroughly enjoying. After reading her 600 page memoir it will be a shocking day for anyone to accuse her of being one of high moral standards (her multiple affairs are just one example), yet she seems completely unaware that she is lacking in that arena. The reason for this post however is to bring up the reality that we, as humans, are prown to make impulsive decisions in the midst of tragedy or national crisis which is why doctors and hospital administrators always have you read and sign a document that basically says you will make no legally binding decisions during the next period of time while you recouperate. Barbara Walters had broken up with her longtime boyfriend just 3 months before President Kennedy was shot. Two weeks after that tragic day her exboyfriend showed up saying life is too short, let's get married and in the midst of emotional and national insecurity they wed. We all remember the reality TV show about the then newlyweds Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey on MTV. But what probably missed much of the public's attention but certainly not Jessica's was that she didn't really love Nick. In fact she had broken it off with him and was in the "getting over him stage" when the planes hit the Twin Towers on 9/11. In an emotional panicked state she pulled out her phone, called Nick and said "I love you let's get married." and they did. Neither marriage worked. (I'm confident, at least at this moment, that Tony Romo is happy it didn't work out). How do we prevent making life altering impulsive decisions in the midst of an insecure world? Stay focused on what you want for your life. Stay close to God. And please, don't run down the aisle and wed on impulse after any national disaster or personal crisis for that matter. Any marraige can wait six months after the engagement, when emotions have settled down and hopefully rational thinking has returned.

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Christie Brinkley, You, and Choosing Wrong AGAIN!

Christie Brinkley appears to be a classy and lovely lady that is simply unlucky at love. Afterall, this is her FOURTH marriage. And her divorce trial with Peter Cook is the uglilest of them all. Check out what the psychiatrist had to say on the stand today during their divorce trial: CNN Report on Psychiatrist at Brinkley divorce

How could the choices have gotten worse each time for Christie and even perhaps for you? The sad thing is, unless you take the time to really look at where you've been and ponder all your past relationships to see the similarities and patterns you are following into, you will continue to attract the SAME type of man over and over, even tho' each looks different on the outside and perhaps different in livelihoods. There is hope for Christie Brinkley and there's hope for you. Love yourself enough to look inside, find out where you've been and decide exactly where you want to go--write it out even! If you know what you really want in a relationship, you will recognize him when he shows up and more importantly you'll see the red flags early enough to save your heart. Afterall, I promise you'll get hints of some kind early on if your guy has similar problems as Peter Cook apparently has--"a "narcissist who constantly needs to have his insatiable ego fed or has a $300 a month porno addiction."

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Wanna Stop Getting Dumped?
Category: Romance and Relationships

Ever get frustrated with your dating relationships? Or shall a say the lack there of? Here's an excerpt of an article that appeared today which I was interviewed for on msn.match.com...I Keep Getting Dumped  By Margot Carmichael Lester. Follow these 5 tips and you'll be on the road to more fulfilling dates (with the bonus of feeling a bit in control at the same time. How's that for a plus??)

12:11 PM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

Should She or Shouldn’t She
Category: Romance and Relationships

DeAnna Pappas is on dangerous ground for her heart on ABC's Bachelorette. She is most attracted to Graham Bunn. There have yet to be ex-girlfriends of Bunn coming out publicly to say he's a heartbreaker, yet he's gone on record that the longest relationship since high school is 4 months long. He's charismatic, attractive and "cool" with the guys and girls. Who wouldn't want to hang with him. And he makes DeAnna melt every time she's near him. So what's the problem? He can't commit. He runs away from love over and over. So even though he may be our favorite choice for her for the season, Graham Bunn has the potential of being the biggest heartbreak of DeAnna's life. My advice to her? Well since whatever her choice is has already been made, it doesn't matter, but to all my readers who are in the same boat with an incredibly hot non-commiter, pay attention to every word he says. Non-commiting men do reveal their fear and baggage if you'll only listen to what he says. They may not come out and tell you they have no interest in marriage (although some actually do, so listen to them!) but he will be distant about commitment and tell you enough of his pain to give you the clear warning signs. Plus you will leave feeling totally insecure that you could lose him any moment--pay attention to that feeling. If he holds back from you emotionally or verbally, most likely he has commitment issues. Ask yourself what it is about YOU that is so special that you will be the ONE who can break him of his fear. Rarely does that happen--look at George Clooney who dumped his latest who everyone thought was THE ONE for him. So as much as we all love to see DeAnna with Graham, it is best for her heart that she walk away unless he does some ratical turnaround in the next two weeks, which is unlikely. Besides there are so few moments for them to spend together DURING the show that Graham doesn't have enough time to prove he will not run right after he wins her heart and even his mom says he's gone after 4 weeks with any new gal...DeAnna, your heart is on dangerous ground. Shall she be a romantic, live on the edge and choose Graham Bunn, risking being dumped again? Or should she choose a more stable man she has passion for, just not in the heart-pounding chemistry way she has for the uncatchable Graham? My advice would be choose someone else if you genuinely have feeling for another as well as Graham because you will have a much better shot at forever with another. If you just don't have deep feelings for any of the others, then take the ride and play it out--nothing ventured nothing gain. You just have a 90% chance or higher he will dump you. Here's to making the right choice for you....whatever that will be. 

11:55 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Can you BELIEVE She Set You Up with HIM?
Category: Romance and Relationships

I am a huge promoter of blind dates and set-ups by friends, relatives and co-workers. Afterall, in one year and a half I went on over 100 of these dates (which is why I wrote the book on how to get the automatic 2nd date). However I have to warn you that you will indeed be disappointed more often than thrilled with your friends and family's choices for you. In fact, you may get downright insulted, as I did on ocassion. This typical scenario was the case in Monday's episode of "Denise Richard's: It's Complicated" when Richard's best friend set her up with a non-celebrity. I must say, the guy was a dud. Come on now, what was her friend thinking? I hope Richards' doesn't categorize all non-celebrities, or blind dates in general, as duds from this one date.  

 Even when there's a 50/50 chance he'll be complete let-down, STILL allow your friends ti set you up. Why? because tho' you'll have disappointments, you can absolutely meet your perfect match that way. After all, there are people in your life who have access to awesome men that are otherwise untouchables to you. You need the introduction. And with a set up, it's not l ike you're doing the pursuing. You're just letting him know you'd say YES if he asked. 

How do you increase your chances for a hot date rather than a dud? Come up with a list of exactly what you're looking for in a man. If looks are important to you, say so and describe your "type". Tell your friends the must-have qualities (faith and no outstanding warrants were two biggies for me). I came up with a catch-phrase to share when I let people know I was open to being set up. Casually I'd say "Hey, do you know any guys with the 4-S's?" They would replay, "What does that mean?"

"You know, Single, Sexy, Successful and Saved?" If they took the bite I'd expand on what I meant. Ironically those who knew me the best set me up on some of the biggest duds which left me thinking "I can't BELIEVE you set me up with him!." Then there was my friend Cathy who introduced me to at least 3 blind dates and 2 set ups. I married the last one! 12 years later I'm still saying "Thank you Cathy!"

So even when your friends, like Denise Richards' best friend, strike out big time with your set up, don't give up. Your next blind date might just be your husband!

For more dating tips check out my website www.mantokeep.com or order my latest book The Automatic 2nd Date

7:22 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Denise Richards, Is it REALLY That Complicated?
Category: Romance and Relationships

Wow. I watched the first episode of the new reality show on the E! Channel "Denise Richards, It's Complicated." She said she did the show to expose to the world that she is not as bad as all the press makes her out to be. She's tired of the reputation of one who stole her best friend's (Heather Locklear's) husband (Richie Sambora) and the disgruntled wife trying to destroy her husband's (Charlie Sheen's) reputation as she takes $40 from his fame.

Sadly, what you see on the show thus far does little to counter her bad press. For example, in Richards media appearances leading up to the show, she makes a big deal that she agreed to do this show because she has to feed her children just like all of us and she didn't want a nanny raising her kids. That sounded great, but then you see on the show she has her dad, two nannies, and two assistants at her home to help her "raise her kids on her own." 

I know, it's complicated for her, and she's living the mess in her mind so she doesn't see how ludicrous this appears. To her, with her complicated and unfulfilled life, she NEEDS that much help for two kids, even though she brings about all the complications herself. But then again, she says on camera that she wouldn't need two assistants if the first one did his f  &"@%  job. You see it's not her fault (maybe she doesn't know that you can fire someone). Then there is her problem with dating and always going for the same type of man who happens to be famous bad boy rockers and movie stars. She shares her male preferences in colorful and descriptive language your child need not be present to hear. Basically she likes the bad boys and can't help herself, even though by now she admits that all bad boys are serious trouble for her.

It's really not as complicated as Denise feels. She is just a beautiful girl who is sadly very, very lost. She has so much on the outside and so little on the inside and yet she's doing every thing she can to try and make it all work and fill that void. She even has 10 dogs, 3 pigs and 3 cats to try and fill her void and even that is not enough. Things, people, bad boys and animals don't fill empitness inside.

So what is the answer for Denise and every other single woman who is chronically going for the bad boys yet wants to stop the madness? Only YOU can stop the madness for yourself by taking the time to find out what you want and how you got so far away from that. Here's how: Take your computer or a blank journal off by yourself and ask God to reveal what is truly behind it all, including why you keep going for men you know upfront are really bad for you. There is a reason Denise Richards says she craves a marriage of 37 loving commited years likes her parents had, yet she does everything to avoid the possibility of that happening. Like Denise, for you to find the reason your life is so complicated, you have the willingness to stop and look at your past, your pain, your patterns, and your own choice to participate in what brought you where you are. You play a role in the mess you're in. We all do.

 No matter how complicated your life, love yourself enough to stop, in a quiet place, and ask God to show you what is going on and to reveal to you steps to get you on track to the life you always wanted. (I promise, God's plans for you are not boring. You can have an exciting relationship with men who are not bad guys who leave you!)

 For more dating and life secrets, go to my website www.mantokeep.com.

7:49 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment