no help for that
Current mood: distractable

there is a place in the heart that

will never be filled

a space

and even during the

best moments

and

the greatest

times

we will know it

we will know it

more than

ever

there is a place in the heart that

will never be filled

and

we will wait

and

wait

in that

space.

Currently listening : Boy with a Coin By Iron & Wine Release date: 10 July, 2007

1:28 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

if i could take your breath away
Current mood: embarrassed
Category: Romance and Relationships

you're beautiful like the aurora borealis.  i can't even touch you.  it hurts and affects me in a way i've never known before.  it wells up inside of me and it takes everything i have just to keep it there, safe...  but always holding on for dear life.  i'm leaping out of my skin.  it both frightens and frustrates me.

sometimes though.  sometimes.

Currently listening : Another Pearl By Badly Drawn Boy Release date: 05 June, 2000

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it could be sweet.
Current mood: savage
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

i'm standing on the brink of this monolithic chasm, just staring down into oblivion.  i'm walking slowly and carefully along the edge, wondering to myself if it's fire or water that lies at the bottom of the abyss... but then i think, if it's an abyss, then there is no bottom, is there?  only falling, and nothing.  falling forever... and if you never hit the ground, then isn't it rather like flying?  but i'm not falling, or flying.  i'm walking around and teasing the edge with my footsteps.  somehow i'm confident and not afraid to fall... just curious really.

i'm in a house.  it's larger than life.  it's made almost entirely of stairs.  sometimes i'm lost going up and down these stairs but this time, i'm in a room, and i'm conscious of the fact that my parents are next door, but i'm doing some HIGHLY inappropriate things.  i could go into detail but it would just shock you.  Sex, drugs and rock & roll.

i could keep going on with these dreams.  i like them.  they've been dangerous... sexy.  i need more danger in my life... more uncertainty, less of the predictable.  maybe they're a sign of things to come.  at any rate, i'm willing things to change, and i feel it happening.  it makes me feel tingly and it makes me cry when i hear certain beatle's songs.

i met some of the coolest people i've ever met in my life this year, and before this year is through, they will have picked up and left, or i will have lost contact with them.  this is all typical and predictable. 

i want to be the one to leave and the one who is missed the next time around.

i used to go everywhere and do everything when i was younger and more selfish.  i understand the inclination.  

i want to give into it again...

...and just like this, i'm on to the next.  :).

Currently listening : Someone Else’s Dream Ep By Youth Group Release date: 17 May, 2005

11:52 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

in between the moon and you
Current mood: amused
Category: Quiz/Survey

aww, so nostalgic.  i got some little earthquakes going on at the moment.  here we go again.

Your Love Element Is Metal

In love, you inspire and respect your partner. For you, love is all about fusing together for one incredible life experience. You attract others with wit and a bit of flash. Your flirting style is defined by making others want and value you. Greatness and optimism are the cornerstones of your love life. You may let go too easily, but you never get weighed down by your past. You connect best with: Earth Avoid: Fire You and another Metal element: will control and smother each other.

umm, capricorn, much?  it says to avoid fire, when i inexplicably attract it.  it's the damn leo moon...  all fire signs can smell the smoke on me.

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child. Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded. You cherish all of the details in life. Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

everyone knows i'm easily amused...  :D  why else would i be taking all these lame quizzes?

Your Power Color Is Teal

At Your Highest: You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future. At Your Lowest: You feel in a slump and lack creativity. In Love: You tend to be many people's ideal partner. How You're Attractive:  You make people feel confident and accepted. Your Eternal Question: "What Impression Am I Giving?"

That's interesting, another quiz i took said my power/lucky color was emerald.  i'm having a lot of green going on lately.  *looks down*  LOL, in fact i'm wearing green right now.  i must be feeling lucky... ready for a change, something new... green is the opposite/complimentary color of red.  i really must have made some sort of aura-shift when i went bonkers.

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy. You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts. People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused. But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

wow, that hit my nail on the head.  ow.  though, most of the time i'm much more philosophical/intellectual than fanciful, really.

You Are Rain

You can be warm and sexy. Or cold and unwelcoming. Either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you. You are best known for:  your touch Your dominant state:  changing

What Type of Weather Are You?

i've actually been told i was like the rain before.  by someone who was rather like a tornado.

You Are Changing Leaves

Pretty, but soon dead.

LOL.  that's fucked up.

Your Hidden Talent

You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system. And while this may not seem big, it can be. It's people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes. You're just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices.

that was an interesting one... it knew that about me just from the picture i picked out.  how does it KNOW??  (sidenote- that picture was called "volcano.jpg."  go figure.)

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like your lover to think that you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. (wait, HUH?  *reads that a couple more times*) In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

wow, i highly recommend that one.  each question had to do with an animal... relative psychological significance... always fun.

Your Monster Profile

Basilisk Hitchhiker You Feast On: Peanut Butter You Lurk Around In: The Alamo You Especially Like to Torment: Hippies

LOL.  the alamo... it HAD to mention texas...

and on that note, i think i'm ready for bed now.  goodnight, you damn hippies!  i especially like to torment YOU!!

Currently listening : To Venus and Back By Tori Amos Release date: 21 September, 1999

1:31 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

i'm NOT a sociopath, you are!
Current mood: calm

everyone, i apologize for officially going crazy over the weekend.  it may happen again, but next time, i promise not to drive anywhere, or frighten my friends and family with random messages like "i killed my brother" and stuff...  sorry, geez.  i didn't think i would be taken seriously, really...

i needed a vacation, so i quit my job.  that's normal, right?

it could have been worse.  there could have been fatalities.  thank the lord for his small miracles.

anyways, i'm home, i'm not on anything, and i went shopping.  the road to recovery is a tough one, but i'm taking baby steps.

but, anyway... how was YOUR new year's?

Currently listening : Demon Days By Gorillaz Release date: 24 May, 2005

11:34 PM - 5 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

siamese dream
Current mood: artistic

well i couldn't stop taking these quizzes last night, because i actually found some that i liked... this is all very interesting and reaffirming...  ;).

what is your paranormal gift?

Control of Fire

You're a little pyro, arn't you?  Fire attracts you and you've learned how to control it, or even create that pretty little flicker of red, orange, and blue light.  Be careful, though, you could set your friends, family, or even yourself on fire... try doing that to the enemies.

i am the queen of careful... the fire inside is always controlled.... 

what kind of eyes do you have?

Moonlight

You have moonlight eyes.  Moonlight is the color of mystery.  Your eyes symbolize your ability to see yourself as others see you.  You have finesse for letting other people know what you think.  You have a soothing and calming ability that you may or may not know about.  You have the awesome ability to draw a person's negative energy out and replace it with a positive energy; the world needs more people like you.  Some words to describe you:  patient, self-controlled, perseverance, insightful, reflective, understanding, serene, and caring.

i've thought about this concept before... how some people's eyes look like shadows, and others like mirrors... if eyes are the windows to the soul, this tells you something about them... i guess this means that mine are like shadows that reflect.  something light and dark at the same time, like moonlight.  very cool!

Take the quiz: which care bear are you?

You Are Wish Bear!

Do you have a wish? Then Wish Bear is the bear you should wish for. She knows that sometimes wishes come true, and that even when they don't, making wishes can be a lot of fun. She shows this with her tummy symbol. A smiling wishing star.

i have always loved wish bear... i never thought about that in the context of myself... but it's funny, because of how much of a wishful thinker i am... wishing for something and just hoping that it will come true someday always makes me happy... it's bittersweet sometimes... but wishes should not be for selfish things, that's where most people get the whole thing wrong...

wish (wsh) n. - 1. A desire, longing, or strong inclination for a specific thing. 2. An expression of a desire, longing, or strong inclination; a petition. 3. Something desired or longed for.

v. wished, wish·ing, wish·es v. tr. 1. To long for; want. See Synonyms at desire.  2. To entertain or express wishes for; bid: He wished her good night.  3. To call or invoke upon: I wish them luck.  4. To order or entreat: I wish you to go.  5. To impose or force; foist: They wished a hard job on her.

i see...

what kind of kiss are you?

You are a Klever Kisser

You're a Klever Kisser! A Klever Kisser enjoys being seductive and desirable. You're the kind of person that is naturally more erotic and aggressive. You enjoy being sensual and involving the entire body in a kiss. You don't mind displaying your affection in any location, and pride yourself in your kissing technique. You have an awesome amount of passion and heat flowing through your body when you kiss. You do not take kissing lightly, and tend to hope it will lead to more touching and sharing. Overall you are certainly the most sexy of the kissing styles, and you definitely keep the car windows fogged.

how did it know about me and cars??  and wow, that is the most accurate-in-detail thing that a quiz has ever told me...  crazy...

Take the quiz: the mood quiz

Innocent

You are sweet, smart and kind. You have tons of friends and they all love you.  Keep it up, you're on your way to fortune!

fortune?  me?  are you sure?

What is the flower of your soul?

The Red Rose

You are the red rose.  You have the most intense inner passion, and the deepest love for many.  You can't stand it when people you love are hurting, because it hurts you.  You try to make them happy in any way you can, even if it means sacrificing your own happiness in return.

what kind of soul do you retain?

Loving

You have a very warm and loving aura about your soul and believe in the virtues of Love.  To you, there is a bright side to everything!  You are the polar opposite of the Dark soul.

not to be redundant or anything, but lovelovelovelove all you need is LOVE!! 

which happy bunny are you?

Insult Bunny!

You are insult bunny! you love makin fun of people!!  woohooo!!!

LOL, yes!  that was exactly the one i wanted!

which dead rock star are you?

Jeff Buckley

You are Jeff Buckley! You're influential to many young and old, and very talented. You have a unique charisma and grace that sets you apart from many. You are beautiful! 

He died in 1997 from a drug-induced drowning in the Mississippi River.

that's just too crazy... i have been listening to him a lot lately, and realizing just how much i really do identify with him, as an artist, as a musician, and as a person on a spiritual level...  i'm really starting to understand this whole death thing... 

it's very odd, considering how he died, and how he sings things in his lyrics like, 'i couldn't escape the nightmare, that sucked me in and pulled me under.. it was so real..'.  he also wrote a song called 'drown in my own tears.'  kind of like the whole, kurt cobain-come as you are- 'no i don't have a gun' thing...

which element do you align with?

Air

You are a being of Air. You bank on your intuition and intelligence to solve problems. You are inspired and moved by the arts, especially music.  Hermes and Aurora watch over you.

... and i watch over them  ;).

what is your spirit animal?

The Wolf

i've always known this, somehow.  the wolf has always been my "favorite" animal, even though i'm pretty much a cat person...  after all, i literally do howl at the moon on occasion  :).

which disney character are you?

Pocahontas

You love to explore. You want to find friends and you love animals. You are shy most of the time though.

yes, i know, i am an explorer, and the North star is my guide...

I usually get pocahontas, or belle from beauty and the beast.  that's cool with me though  :).  it's all about chasing the colors of the wind.  and *breaks into song* "I want adventure in the great wiiide somewhere, i want it more than i can saaaay..!!" 

voila.  bon jour!  :D

Currently listening : Grace By Jeff Buckley Release date: 23 August, 1994

8:14 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

feel like i've been asleep for days
Current mood: curious

isn't it strange when you see someone you haven't seen in forever?  someone who had a very particular affect on your life...

there is this gap in time that exists in all that has happened while they were temporarily out of your life.  you took for granted that as of late, they had only existed in your memory.  meanwhile, your scenery has changed, you have changed yourself and grown, matured, evolved.  you have created your own present, and it is designed to be quite distant from your past, so much so that you had almost forgotten...

you feel as if they are something out of a previous life, or an old movie...  the familiarity is there, and you converse easily and smile un-guardedly, and you are comfortable because, undeniably, you still know each other, VERY well.  and inspite of this, there is an indescribable feeling of detachment...

we had lunch.  it was surreal.  so, i just kept ordering ultimate margaritas.  it worked out.

never quite said what i wanted to say to you

never quite managed the words to explain to you

never quite knew how to make them believable

and now the time has gone...

...another time undone.

~untitled, the cure

Currently listening : My Aim Is True (With Bonus Disc) By Elvis Costello Release date: 21 August, 2001

3:50 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

volcanic eruptions, among other disasters
Current mood: enthralled

see, i KNEW it!

Lucky Charms - "you are lucky charms and you are pretty cool."

Take the quiz: Which cereal are you?

ok.  so i haven't blogged in a while... for those of you who are usually comunicado with me, i apologize if i've been neglecting you.  i have been spending some time in solitude, offline, and working on music quite exclusively, and will not stop until i am satisfied and this volcano-girl has finished erupting.  i'm reaching some sort of climax point at the moment.  or, maybe it's just getting started.

i wrote / conceptualized about five songs or more last night.  it always comes like that, all at once and relentless... just like a storm.  i finished some ideas i've been working on, and began some new ones... and i'm uploading a couple things to my music page right... about... NOW.  :D  *hurry, go listen!  i'll wait.*

hmm... natural disasters, chaotic violence, volcanic eruptions, and my mother being insane / hyper-sensitive like the Leo she is, roaring about like a lioness looking for something to kill can only mean one thing.  mars, which is closer to the earth than it has been in over 200,000 years, is doing it's thing.

i'm preparing myself for an all-out WAR [mars, aries, war, get it?]- over gas prices and lack of resources, disease and pestilence, as well as all the other 9 plagues of Egypt incarnate.  and someone's probably going to shoot the dumb-ass President.  and hey, if that actually happens, i didn't do it.

i think my parents should sell the house before the market crashes and the country goes into a depression.  i need to buy a motorcycle and move to canada.  these are just my casual musings regarding the situation at hand...

other than that, not much else is new.  just working, bowling with the family a lot with my new ball and shoes, which makes me a big dork... listening to some good music, and just sitting around lookin' good all day... ;)

my good buddy Nick is going to make some of my songs into ring tones.  i was like, SICK!!!!  :D  LOL, haha, i'm going to be a ring tone and yer not...

hugs everyone, please be safe out there.  i'm staying up at night, worrying about you.  i think i'm going to light candles, for certain ones i care about who live far away, who i really wish i could give big hugs and kisses...  :(.

Currently listening : Reverence By Faithless Release date: 25 March, 1997

7:38 PM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

symphony no. 25 in G major
Current mood: mellow

*smirk*

it's 2 am.  i'm listening to mozart.  just because. 

feeling so inspired... all day i just chilled (well, sweated, actually) in my pink floyd pajamas, so i decided to listen to dark side of the moon, which then led to abbey road, which then led to me writing a new song  :D.  feeling so inspired.  think i'll start a fire.
 
just got home from watching 'the island,'  good movie, all 1984 style, except for the Lion King music at the end, no IDEA what they were thinking with that crap... and this is why the world of music needs me, lol.  i would LOVE to do the music for a whole movie, marilyn-manson-resident-evil-style... hell yeah!!

well.  maybe i will.

p.s., scarlet johanssen is hot  :D.  she's just gorgeous, in that very classic way..  ewan macgregor is also pretty.. meow...  like woo  ;).   usually i'm not one for such superficiality, but you just know that they are also intelligent, cool people.  i wouldn't mind having their job either.  i was headed that direction once... but i think, with the constant artificiality and ego around me, i would end up just snapping and getting arrested for strangling someone, like hillary duff or something.  that's right, the DUFF.  it wouldn't be her fault and i'd feel bad afterwards, but oh well what are you gonna do right?

:D

i need to get my sleeping schedule somewhat back to normal by the time the weekend is over... thank you Nate!! 

hey, get your mind out of the gutter, it's not what you think..  sheesh.

:)  GOODNIGHT NEVERLAND!!  *blows out the candle*

Currently listening : The Best of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart By Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Release date: 25 October, 1990

2:28 AM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Lady Day.
Current mood: indescribable

Lady Day, you're the setting sun
In the Twilight, the Night's begun
                         as you're sitting on a silver cloud
                                                    like a Lady, proud.
Let's make a toast to this Life and Death
When the dew falls, the Earth has wept
                               for the "someday" when my hands touch yours...
(lady day, lady day, lady day...)
You're the Truth that I'm hiding from
And the reason I can't bear the Sun
In the Darkness all my secrets kept,
                                 In the Darkness, blessed...
All my thoughts converge and become one
Like silhouettes upon a setting sun
And the satellite is spinning 'round,
                                        and 'round, and 'round...

Lady Day, hiding in the Moon

In the blissful evening hours of June

Turning all my gentle blues to red,

                                       my alive to dead.

And my feet will touch the Sky
After my anchor has died;
Moving closer to the Time of my life
                                  when I will not sleep.
                                                 For this Night, I am free.
(lady day, lady day, lady day...)

                                                


                                       

Currently listening : Papua New Guinea By The Future Sound of London Release date: 25 October, 1994

7:06 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment