Now yes, I believe in hippy dippy points of view (due to my parental obsession with raising me on a early 70's diet of Sesame Street). I was also a big fan of the panel discussions, look up the topics one day. Tell me that works for 3 year olds. ;)
I might be on the East Coast of the next couple of weeks (if this job comes off), so keep your fingers crossed for me. I am off to go and fire up the BBQ and get my friends drunk.
Internal Politics
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Friends
Sometimes it seems my purpose is to support others. Do my best to let them take their paths and be available for them, to dust them off if you will, should they fall again or repeat the same patterns that got them in trouble before. I am glad I am a confidant for my close friends, however sometimes you can see the car crash coming and you are powerless to do anything about it. That in itself is painful, especially when their personal journey has brought them far. I hope there is a strength there now, that was missing before. Time will tell if the same decisions this time are the right ones.
On a different note, I don't make direct links often, however sometimes another blogger puts your own thoughts and feelings better than you could ever do yourself.
I just related to it. Anyway thank you Nom for such a lovely blog. It touched me.
South London Folly
Current mood: productive
Category: Automotive
I seem to always be apologising for my absences but things have been so hectic that this is the first evening I have had to myself in well over a month. I was tied down on the biggest commercial shoot of my career to date (it will eventually pay silly money, so there was no way I could turn it down). However the timing was crap, to say the least. It was with an A lister who I have mentioned on this blog before for his off putting hands, but the photographer was an old mate who I adore working with. I made some great new friends on the shoot and hope to keep in touch with the Producer and Art Director for many years to come.
My parents have decamped to my flat/neighbourhood for their yearly European vacation and have set up shop in my living room. Add to that the chaos of the rest of my family over for my Gran's memorial service (it went well and I delivered my speech without buggering it up or crying). There doesn't seem to be anywhere in my life to get some peace and quiet.
I did manage to get away with a few friends this weekend for some general naughtiness and some belly laughs, which was so unbelievably needed. However, I am beginning to wonder about the impressions I give. I am not a lush by most benchmarks, things in moderation is my motto. I rarely drink, my chemical consumption is limited to rare special occasions and generally I am of upstanding character, however at the moment, always seem to fall off the bandwagon among the same few people. A level of trust has been established that I don't feel I will make a total tit of myself (or in this case, no be judged harshly for it) but I have seen a few raised eyebrows.
Now, I was so wired before we left from the stressful week, I managed to forget the keys to Gran's house where we were staying! Can you believe it? A mistake, which you could expect from my brother, but not by me. My middle name is organised. I was so cross with myself I could spit. However, it seems I opted to hunch over the steering wheel with my head in my hands at 90mph (those with knowledge of my lead foot - this action would not be unusual) and worry Sunflower and Care Bear. I was then forced to give everyone a tour of the arteries of South London to return back to my place to pick them up. Oh Dear. To add insult to injury - I had my father, the Backseat driver from hell, go off on one about my road choices (not may I add, that there was any "choice" given the road works). Due to the wonders of Hands free car kits everyone was party to the Parent Child conversation. At least we have all been there at one time or another.
On a final note - I looks like I have a great shoot on next week, which I am throwing myself into. A close friend is sticking her neck out for me and I don't' want to let her down. More peeps, when I have a chance.
Le pays de voitre reve est au bout de votre nuit.
Current mood: melancholy
Category: Life
I have been MIA, for that I apologize. - I needed time away. Time also needed me elsewhere. Life has been, for lack of a better term exhausting. I am only blogging to prove that I am a: alive b: not trapped under something heavy and c: to crush the rumours that I have been abducted by aliens.
However things start a fresh in the morning and between now and then, I have to write my speech for my Gran's memorial and a piece about a car a grew up with. Go figure. It's going to be a long strange night. Dream of sirens and devils my angels.
Ok - work is mad, like crazy, like O M G. Having to Pause but will return to regular blogging as soon as I can. Until then think Chanel, Graduates, People on Stilts, a job to shoot Tinsletown's ugliest hands attached to a bed hopping face, dancing with the Stars and you will begin to get the picture.
I was sucked this evening into the vortex of Slowho with Media Couple. They are an enigma in my life as I have come to know each of them separately and was beginning to believe that they were a phantom couple. She is a stylist and he is a Photographer. She and I have shared an assistant (as recommended by Fashion Floozy), and I have also had the pleasure to shoot with him but never seem to see them in the same place. As usual I arrived at 7 and crawled out tipsy several hours later. I am sure it is actually a Tardis in Soho, designed to make you skip time and act outragously (or at least out of character).
Anyway! We were lamenting the fact of how our creative styling industry works, its foibles etc and also its pitfalls. She is very ambitious and he is interested for them both to have kids. It is a troublesome combination really. I mentioned that I was curious, so Media Couple have been decided I am going to have the love child of our mutual friend Designer Darling, the good old fashioned Turkey baster way. There is a tad of merit in our merriment - a good ol Lavender arrangement isn't the worst way to go if I find myself close to 40! We were texting DD and he, poor babe had no idea what was going on! However the rest of us were having a blast. I think however, I will vainly hold out for old fashioned messy straight way. Who knows - I might be lucky and find someone who puts up with my twisted, non committal, relaxed view of the world (one can vainly hope).
Clearing out my Gran's house was hard and the family are starting to trickle over from the States so there is more trauma to come. On the work gossip front I did hear a fab piece of news. A certain Ironman is a swinger for both sides of the coin. I had heard a friend of mine brag that he had been "had" him but I took this with a pinch of salt however, last week I was shooting one of the Herb's and she confirmed it, as she knew them with they were an item. Ah the comings and goings of the A list Swinging scene. Kinky buggers.
One finally thing - how does one handle the advances of a neighbour? I have a new upstairs neighbour (a US transplant) who (and I admit I am out of practice) is flirting with me and suggested heading out one night. Now he is quite cute but messing on my own door-step is just so not my style. What is a girl to do????
I can only describe my mood as a funk. It has been crazy and I am drained. I spent the day starting on the clearing of my Gran's house.
I came across this little piece which I wanted to share from my Gran's graduation scrapbook of 1927. It brightened up, what was - as you can imagine a rather difficult day.
Women we have many faults Men have only two There is nothing right they say And nothing right they do If naughty men do nothing right And never say what's true What foolish things we women are To Love them as we do.
You Men have many faults We Women have but two There is nothing right we say And nothing right we do If then so wicked we, And what you say be true What precious softs, you men must be To love us as you do.
Overly Expensive Coasters?
Current mood: exhausted
Category: Art and Photography
I am all for reading. In fact I would venture to say I am a voracious reader. However, while waiting for a job interview to start today, I found myself in a living room contemplating the use of the Coffee Table book. Who actually goes over to a friends house sits down and instead of chatting - opens the various tombs on the table in front of the couch?
They seem to be overly expensive picture books most of the time. On the coffee table in question, the collective cost would be well over $250 of photographers memoirs and nature journals, neatly arranged by size and topic. As if the owners were desperately trying to say they were cultured and well travelled.
From my view the books screamed - "Hey this is who I want you to think I am. I am a cultured, person who can afford oversized books the don't fit on my bookshelves. I chose to lay them out on the table in front of you and force you to look at the covers." How often are the books even opened after the initial moment of purchase? It is one of those fail-safe gifts' people give at housewarmings to couples they hardly know. In the end, from my shallow view-point, they only seem to be a place to rest your mug of hot tea. It prevents staining on the surface of the individually sourced, first growth hardwood table that you paid your interior decorator far to much money to procure for you.
I guess I never knew I had such a chip on my shoulder about coffee books. I don't blame the books themselves. It isn't their fault they were bought by owners who haven't sufficient bookshelf space to accommodate their irregular size. I would also be a hypocrite if I didn't fess up to owning a few (work related mainly and in my bookshelf where they belong). I don't know - there is something unnatural to me about the coffee table book - it is part of the "too perfect, totally engineered lifestyle" room that bothers me. Life isn't like that (or certainly mine isn't), it is messy, a tad chaotic and unruly. If only there was a coffee table with a dog eared copy of "On the Road" butterflied open …
Off kilter
Current mood: gloomy
Category: Blogging
Some days we are all just off kilter. I had one of those days. It wasn't helped by the fact that it is just crap out. To add to that - the key snapped off in the lock on my bike and I was running around London looking like a well dressed drowned rat.
I know I was off sorts as I bumped unexpectedly in to the Bride at a local shopping hole and went to have a coffee but even that didn't really put a smile on my face. I popped along to Batman's final show today and it was great to see him. Also there were some of the crew as well as Producer. I hadn't made plans to see them and it was lovely to catch up. The show was a great success in my eyes but even what should have been a grand fun day - I was left flat.
I am now tucked up in bed at 10:30 - unheard of. I am usually a bit of an owl - usually bedding down well after midnight. I hope I am not coming down with something - as I am shooting tomorrow, Thursday and I have a funeral Friday. Not a time to get ill. My body however feels like lead.
One of the funny events of the day was to have one of my readers stop me to talk to me about my blog. Strange I know, the odd comment here and there on the page, I expect - but when someone I haven't seen in a while starts to chat to me about my foibles for bad string music, I double take. I forget most of the time that I have readers, it is a purely selfish pursuit and as much as I am delighted that people take the time to read, it still surprises and humbles me none the less.
String me….
Current mood: thoughtful
Category: Music
Ok we all have nerdish tendencies, however I am going to admit to one of mine. I have developed a taste for those String Quartet Tribute songs. Yes I know it is akin to admitting you love sitting in elevators because you enjoy Musik.
When I am tiling away, besides the podcasts on tech, NPR and other such nerdy foibles, I am listening to the cellos. I am not a big classical fan by any stretch. I would venture to say that it is my least favourite genre next to Country or Gospel. However 'Man on the Moon' by a string quartet is somewhat cathartic.
Anyway, am not sure why I need to fess up to this but guess I am absolving myself, what the hell! The dungeon is coming along nicely. I have however broken my wet saw beyond repair and have to dive out and get a new one double quick so I can tick this off my mental "To Do" list. Two shoots this week makes things pretty crowded. I just can't wait for LL to return on Wednesday and tell me all about her trip.
All Good things must come to an end
Current mood: enlightened
Category: Life
And it seems my peace and quiet is one of them. I forgot how much I like being on my own at home - the past 10 days without the roommate have been blissful. Please don't begin to believe that I don't like her, I do - but I like having my house to myself even more. Having the freedom to do what I want, when and how is a luxury. I wasn't expecting her till the morning but she was on the day flight from Newark so arrived back at about 10. In her absence work has been crazy and I was out every night last week. Luckily, I had the quiet contemplation time needed, both on the bank holiday and this weekend. It was blissful.
The parents are arriving for their summer season in the coming weeks and the rest of the family for my Grandmother memorial. I have tonnes to get done before everyones arrival, mainly the all-important spring clean (my mother will still come and clean my house again as my efforts of course will be inadequate). I spent most of this weekend in the dungeon - which I have been putting off for god knows how long. I couldn't face any more work on the money pit, I call a home for the past six months. I think I deserved a hiatus after having the entire sub floors pulled up and drains repaired. However I had much on my mind (up for another job) and I had a great chat with Havalock Hussy, which really got my noodle going. When spinning in preverbal circles there is nothing more Zen like and meditative than tiling.
The dungeon looks positively cavernous, if not like an institutionalized padded cell now that I have cleared it out. During a break from my noodle soup, I came across the work of Mavromatis in relation mainly to hypnagogic dreaming. He was a follower of Freud but he writes: "In order to discriminate barriers must be erected, restrictions imposed and boundaries drawn", a filtering process, and as a result a lot of potentially interesting information gets jammed up against our screens and never makes it through to conscious awareness. This blocked information may constitute a whole other way of looking at the world, in fact he says it promotes exactly those attributes which are generally taken to be characteristic of the creative personality, namely spontaneity, effortlessness, expressiveness, innocence, a lack of fear for the uncertain, ambiguous, or unknown and an ability to tolerate bipolarity and to integrate the opposites.". I am trying to bring into focus that alternative way of looking at the world - or if nothing else try and grow up a bit.
Personally, I ying-yang (as I assume most people do) from being very confident to a basket full of insecurities. I don't know where my creative energies come from. I try not to question them too hard, fearful that if I do - they will abandon me. They are just facets of my character I have always needed to express. I have attempted to look into myself and see to my core and understand my need to create, to play. Have I gained any answers, No. Possible motivations, Yes. Have I gained any insight into what I am fearful of? I think so. Admittedly this is just the beginning of the journey - thank god I have a whole room to tile yet.
Also great news that Spinner has had her baby. A lovely gal called Ruby. I am in two minds on the name. I can't figure out if I love it or loath it. Perhaps I am just biased as it was a character on Eastenders - always a bad call in my book. Mother and daughter are doing well and I am sorry they will not be coming over (as she will be too young to travel).
I know I am old enough to know far better but sometimes, well you know. We are in the throws of Graduate Fashion weeks. I lecture to fashion students at two universities and I am all for bringing along the new generation of talent. However, at this time of year you have to sit through the degree shows. We all sit and hope to find some new designer gem – but mainly it is a load of ill thought through, technically incompetent, drivel. I don't mean to be roaringly harsh but it can drive you to drink. I popped along to 2 grad fashion shows yesterday – and had far too much champers to get myself through them.
As you would expect the Royal College show wasn't too bad and ran into several people and met a few future perspective fashion photography students (who I will keep and eye on).
On a side note I picked up these Reidel O glasses during my travels yesterday. They have been on my "To Do/Get" list for a while. They are not exactly perfect as I really would prefer the Pinot size and not the Chardonnay but I can't theoretically look a gift glass in the mouth.
Have a great time, a great birthday. Good luck in Miami and hope Cayman dreams live up to revised expectation – Don't stay too long. I would have changed my profile song for the day but MySpaz won't let me. So I will have to leave you with the song. You know I am a romantic softy at times!
I am stilling in bed, it is well beyond midday and I haven't done this in years. I was supposed to hangout with Blackcurrant and Ribena yesterday. She bailed on me and re-scheduled for today. At 11 she called to say that Ribena didn't like the rain and didn't want to drag him out, when he would clearly then be ratty for the rest of the day (he is 2 ½). It really pisses me off when people make plans and don't stick to them, however I have to try and make allowances, and it isn't Blackcurrants fault, as she does have to put Ribena first. We have now made plans to meet up later in the week and catch Smart People when Ribena's father has him for the night. I shall get up and do shit eventually but enjoying this lazy episode and listening to XFM is an unexpected bonus.
Monday Night's
In the States, Monday night is reserved for Football. In the UK - Monday nights are therapist night. Of my seven friends who are all seeing a therapist, six of them all visit them on a Monday (the only exception, is training to be a psychotherapist and she see hers on a Tuesday). I am wondering if, along with the decline of mass religion (and by here I mean the Catholic faith especially) do people use their therapy sessions as confession time?
I don't expect life to be easy, but I refuse to feel guilty for my existence or apologise for being who I am. I am not perfect, I am flawed in a multitude of ways and it those flaws that make all of us interesting. I welcome constructive criticism from those I feel have qualified to pass comment. I may or may not be able to follow it, but I appreciate the kindness. I am a person who acts/reacts (I think this is true for many) and it is been brought to my attention that this is (for a lack of a better interpretation) infantile. I should be more measured in my responses, think before I speak as if you will. I have no argument that this might be a better tact, but it isn't easy to put into practice and I debate I wouldn't be true to myself. I am an INFJ. Can't change, or won't change but always trying to understand why.
Bank Holiday's
It is one of the few holidays' that, outside of Easter and Christmas - is true on both sides of the pond. It is Memorial Day and the May bank Holiday. This is a day that in the US most people are out in the park and spending it with family and gathered around the BBQ. In the UK - we all wish it wasn't raining. There seems to be some metrological phenomenon that means any public holiday, has a requirement for rain. This also holds true for many of the great summer weekends. It can be a blazing 80F all week long but as soon as the weekend comes - the weather breaks and the Sky's open. It is a great British tradition, along with Flag waving, football and Yorkshire puddings. Everyone laments it but it gives them something to complain about.
Peaches
So watching the Colour of Magic eatting peaches. Good I wish I was born in Georgia. There is nothing in this world I love more than peeling a peach, letting the juice run down my fingers before greedily devouring it. Then with all the care and attention I muster, licking my fingers clean. Good thing Peach season doesn't last too long.
Random Precision
Current mood: calm
Category: Music
Today was a good day, and perhaps even verging on a great day. I had lunch with an old friend Fountain Pen, who now works at my old employer. We had a great chat about love, life, and where and what we hope for in life. It was a particularly good lunch.
After that a phone call from my brother to invite me out to the O2 to see Roger Waters play Dark Side. Now I did go to the opening night of the tour and blogged about it here but it was interesting to see the last night of the present set of tour dates. He has been on the road with it for a good while now.
The afternoon was spent with the head of Dior, lounging at Laudree, dreaming up and brainstorming all the weird and wonderful images I could come up with. A few corkers were pulled out of the ether and now I just have to see if I can pull them off.
Furthermore, putting my money where my mouth is I contacted a few headhunters and agents to see if I can move into something more permanent. I am sick of being freelance and as much as I whinge at times - I have to get up off my arse and attempt to do something, rather than just moan from time to time. I am scheduling appointments and getting out to meet people. Fingers crossed things happen and I will keep you posted.
The icing on the cake? I dropped by the Royal Festival Hall. Like a visit from the Music Fairy - 4 tickets were returned from the press allocation for Vangalis / Massive Attack and I have a pair. YAHHHHHHH… I can't wait. The music fairy was very generous to me today.
I feel like I have been a little short on the gig front recently and I need to remedy that, double quick. It is one of the reasons I just love London as EVERYONE at some point plays here.
Off to the O2 after work. It was an interesting concert to compare and contrast. First - the acoustics in the O2 are amazing. I know they are state of the art and boy does it show. Or more to the point, it clearly smacks the pants of Earls Court. Don't get me wrong, I am very fond of Earls Court as I have great gig memories (Prince, Pink Floyd, Madge etc) but it is akin to loving a dottery old aunt who is frayed at the edges.
The other thing that struck me was that Roger and the band were flat. Understandable that they lacked the passion they had at the beginning of the tour. Six months on the road with a set play list will make things become a little rote.
Over all however, I was still grinning like a hyena. Something about Wish you were here and Comfortably Numb played live just does it for me sad old middle-aged hippy that I am.
rejuvenated
contemplative
productive
melancholy
rushed
numb
exhausted
gloomy
thoughtful
enlightened
listless
peaceful
calm
