thanks to the internet, i've reconnected with a growing number of long-lost strangers, acquaintances, friends, family, and loved ones... but there are a handful of people whom i just can't seem to find no matter how/where i search. some of them are no longer of the earth, while others (i'm kinda certain) are alive & well and possibly even within reach, but the universe is teaching me a lesson for ever letting these people slip out of my life. i need a chance to tell them: "hi, i remember you. thanks so much for having been in my life!" i'm recording their names in this web log, 'cause you just never know. most recently, i found my high school friend Annaliese, the Amazing Amazon! and then i found Elisa, my longest fondest female acquaintance (since 3rd grade)! she wrote back to me: "desiree you juicy little freak!!! I love you!" :0) so now i'm really motivated to see who else is waiting to be found. here's my incomplete list-- who knew i liked people so much?
Jodi Devilbiss
Mike Dorazio
Gretchen Druliner
Sue Fox
Ramona Harber
Alex Harris
Kaori Hayashi
Sam Peterson
Michael Vayo
Lisa Welchert
Greg Woore
Eric Zinski
...more to come...
Currently
listening
:
Skies Above Skies
By
Constance Demby
Release date: 1978-11-15
when i took the "What's in Your Kitchen?" Personality Quiz (the kitchen being a metaphor for one's soul), my result was surprisingly accurate: "You are an onion in a cup. But you knew that already. You make people cry, but not on purpose. You're honest. Hey, if you had bad breath, you'd want someone to tell you. So you do the same to them. As natural as the truth feels, and as much as you hate liars, both of those things might keep you a little bit separated from the rest of humanity. Very few people understand the value of truth. That distance, sometimes loneliness, is what you have to live with when you're true to yourself."
in related news, i just *had* to take the following photos this morning. i wanted to let the onions keep growing, but they were still edible, so i sacrificed the counter-top greenery to make penne al forno instead. unfortunately, the booze bottles are all empty though...
the birds in the following video are starlings. they are clever birds (so clever that a long time ago when i didn't know any better, i rather amusingly thought they were "juvenile crows"). anyway, this clip must be from a zoo or something, as there are carrot tops & other food scraps on the ground. one of the starlings here is helping itself to a prairie dog's lunch though-- right out of its paws and even as nibbles enter its mouth. evidently the starling is much hungrier than the prairie dog... although they are both voracious eaters, the rodent seems not to mind much and just keeps eating. i think he may have an extra stash tucked underneath him... it is his territory after all, and the starlings are just visiting. (video length: 54 seconds)
Currently
listening
:
My Majesty
By
Sean Na-Na
Release date: 2002-02-15
some of you will recognize the photo to the right because i've used it as my default photo many times. it's artist Janine Antoni, who asked to visit the cows & take a bath in the trough when an exhibition of hers was held next to a dairy farm. (the resulting photo is titled "2038" which is the number tag in the cow's ear.) what's funny is the number of people who have remarked that they initially thought i was the woman in the photo! although she & i come from quite differing backgrounds, i really strongly identify with some of her artwork & performances (including the aforementioned 2038).
below left is a tarot card which happens to be my "life card" -- it depicts certain lessons, themes, questions, and experiences that have continually recurred in my life. below right is a clip of Janine Antoni learning to tightrope for one of her projects. i am putting them together because the card and the tightrope exercise are really about the same thing for me; they both refer to the necessity of maintaining an internal balance (a "center") that is strong enough to keep external forces from completely throwing me off. i'm learning, i swear...
Crowley Thoth Tarot (major arcana VII) painted by Lady Frieda Harris 1938-1943:
Janine Antoni "Touch" tightrope development - process - performance 2002:
September 4 1984 - August 18 2008
Current mood: bummed
my boyfriend Jerrard used to work closely with Chris and considered him his best guy friend. we both adored him and are totally stunned & heartbroken that this horrible accident happened.
Chris, we miss you so much... we'll never forget you.
23-year-old Christopher Andrew Benson of Lacey died on Monday, August 18, 2008 in a work-related accident at Cardinal Glass in Tumwater. Chris is survived by his 3-year-old son, Andrew Joseph; brother, Jonnathan Michael; mother, Jennifer Padgett; and grandmother, Loretta Shrank.
Service: Sunday August 24 at 2:00 p.m. -- Masonic Center, 455 North Street (Funeral Alternatives of Washington, Tumwater, 360-753-1065)
in my last blog i mentioned that my next-door neighbor held my hand, and some concerned readers asked if i wasn't creeped out or obsessing over it... i have to reply that it honestly didn't bother me. it also wasn't the first time that people in that household (including the guy) showed me "inappropriate" affection, but the only reason i'd describe it as inappropriate is because i don't know them. they're just kinda that way, i guess, and i don't think it means anything. if anything i found it amusing.
it's amusing like the time i bitched him out for blasting Red Hot Chili Peppers on his stereo--- when he answered the door and i told him i was "motherfuckin' sick & tired" of listening to his music all the time (not very Mister Rogers neighborly of me, i know...), the first thing he said to me was "d'you want a taco?" (i declined.)
so anyway, yeah. no big deal. thanks for the concern though :o)
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in other news, i have MELVINS tickets for this Saturday. woooooo, hooo, yeah!!!! i wonder how many times i've seen them in the past 20 years. hard to believe all this time went by just like that. no surprise though that i love 'em as much as ever... and a Melvins show is always the thrill of a lifetime! anyone else going to catch them on this tour? (((and who's going to teach me how to take decent photos?)))
Currently
listening
:
Rook
By
Shearwater
Release date: 2008-06-03
Energy to Burn + Anger to Burn Off
Current mood: satisfied
or, why i like GG, by Desi
he was the pure expression of raw emotions (anger, hatred, animal lust, etc.) that no one is supposed to feel + personal horrors (including mental illness) that no one wants to imagine; a living example of self-annihilation as catharsis. willfully transforming himself from the deceptively handsome creature on the left, into the veritable monster on the right: thus the external appearance becomes more consistent with what he felt on the inside.
plus his music is the best whenever ya wanna rock out like a 14-year-old kid with energy to burn and anger to burn off.
stay tuned-- next time, Desi sticks up for Hanson!
working on another video for an old song of Dan's that i've been keeping since years ago; already feeling the limitations of the editing program, but still enjoying the process of putting music and video together like this -- as with the previous projects, i've altered the song in some way to fit the video (in this case, snipping off & fading out the end of the track)... it's barely more than one minute, but it's jam-packed with adorable ducklings-- 14 of them:
Eleven O'Clock Saturday Night
Current mood: restless
i joke about being mildly autistic or having Asperger Syndrome (a form of mild, high-functioning autism). i've never been officially diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, and i don't really think i have one... it's probably just the head injuries and the other stuff that's gone awry with my brain, but you know how i love taking quizzes. i tried another one last week, and got the following results:
--Your Aspie score: 153 of 200 --Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 56 of 200 --You are very likely an Aspie
Trait Group
Score
Judgment
Aspie Talent
8.6
Above Average
Neurotypical Talent
2.6
Below Average
Aspie Compulsion
7.0
Above Average
Neurotypical Compulsion
0.5
Below Average
Aspie Activity Pattern
7.2
Above Average
Neurotypical Social
1.2
Below Average
Aspie Communication
7.6
Above Average
Neurotypical Communication
2.2
Below Average
Aspie Hunting
3.5
Average
Neurotypical Hunting
8.0
Above Average
Aspie Perception
9.5
Above Average
Neurotypical Perception
7.9
Above Average
***in other news: 14 ducklings just hatched at my parents' house, and they're already running around like crazy! i'm visiting them tomorrow, so expect photos and/or video soon!
also-- i made pineapple upside-down cake for breakfast:
i have a speaking impediment. not a speech impediment, but a speaking impediment. it amounts to the same thing, i think...
and why am i so impaired when it comes to mathematics? i keep telling myself it's just a mental block that i can overcome, and that i just haven't tried hard enough.
[::::say in William Shatner voice:::] there's GOT... to... be a WAY!
whenever i clean the hallway around Tutti's litter box, i have to watch out for the cobweb spiders (Pholcus phalangiodides; see in google images). the young ones so ghostlike that they easily escape detection? in this case that may also bode certain death for them. these are the same spiders that hang out around the back of the toilet, and they're probably responsible for most of the cobwebs that appear magically (i.e., seemingly without spiders) elsewhere in the house. when i was little we had some big ones in the bathroom and i was scared of them 'cause i thought they were deformed "daddy long legs"... lots of people probably do call them daddy long legs, but they're actually a different spider...
anyway... i'm sure i've vacuumed up quite a few of these spiders in my lifetime, but if i am careful while cleaning, i can watch them grow and multiply over time (in small numbers, as they are also good at hiding in the cracks). today as i was scrubbing the linoleum, i thought i almost killed one... i felt really bad and apologized profusely, but after his legs dried off i saw that he was ok. thank mercy!
p.s. cobweb spiders are the "population regulators" -- they eat other spiders and all varieties of insects. even if i didn't have tender & protective feelings toward them, i would still let them live in my house... therefore, i'm really not interested in hearing anyone's stories about killing them or whatever. i was considerate enough to refrain from posting spider images this time, so if you're compelled to say something bad about spiders, please do it in your own web logue entry. thanks a bunch :^)
arrived at Chop Suey just in perfect time to wait through Crystal Castles' set-up. found a spot in the back where i spent 15 minutes trying in vain to fix camera settings in hopes of getting at least one photo of Alice Glass. knowing that i'd already wasted too much time not enjoying the show, i regretfully gave up & put the camera back into my bag. so here you see someone else's photo/s of an entirely different night & venue.
around the time i gave up on the camera and moved to a better spot, Alice's microphone had stopped working... no one interrupted the show to replace/fix what was presumably a faulty mic cable, so vocals couldn't be heard for about 2/3 of the show. by the time Alice got it working again, she was ready to call it quits, saying "this is our last song, 'cause i need to puke." normally i would have wanted the set to go on & on, but a groove was never really established, or if it was i couldn't even pretend to be in it... plus, the room was like a sauna and someone near me was wearing COLOGNE of all god-awful things, so i kinda felt like puking too. anyway, i understand... some of my favorite musicians are shy nervous types with a penchant for puking before and/or after a performance. in their place, i'm sure i would have the same inclination.
overall, it was a weird & anticlimactic night. there is more to tell but it seems trivial now. i mostly wanted to write and say that in spite of the aforementioned failures & annoyances, i'm glad i was there, and i will go again if the opportunity presents itself. i also wanted to reiterate my sincere thanks to Gabe for his hospitality when we visited him on our way to the show. and thanks to his friend Paul for making me laugh like crazy during a passionate analysis of men's shirts: collars, cuffs, pleats, ties, stripes, etc.. (i would try to explain why this was funny, but really, you just kinda had to be there.)
here's a collage i made using shots of the Chop Suey marquee and some pics Jerrard took of me after we got home:
Currently
listening
:
Crystal Castles
By
Crystal Castles
Release date: 2008-03-18
this is a bulletin meme that Bradley posted the other day. i am way too medicated to do up the fancy-pants enhanced-readability html list for this right now, but here's what i got... i'm curious to see what other people would pick:
If you reached the top of Mount Everest, you would scream: Song: "Two Feet In Front" Artist: Lync Comment: help will come... come get me
The next time you stand up in front of a group of people, you'll say: Song: "Ask Me Anything" Artist: The Strokes Comment: i've got nothing to say
Your favorite thing to say when drunk is: Song: "I Wanna Fuck You" Artist: The Ponys Comment: you're looking at me and i'm looking at you...
Your message to the world: Song: "?????" Artist: ??? Comment: ?????
When you think of your best friend you think: Song: "Can't Hardly Wait" Artist: The Replacements Comment: i'll write you a letter tomorrow... tonight i can't hold a pen (...i'll be home when i'm sleeping)
Your deepest secret: Song: "Strictly Confidential" Artist: Roxy Music Comment: here are the secrets you must know
Your innermost desire: Song: "Wolf in the Breast" Artist: Cocteau Twins Comment: all i'll need's that day... i'll feel perpetual
Your oldest memory makes you think: Song: "Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye" Artist: Leonard Cohen Comment: it's just the way it changes... like the shoreline and the sea
Somewhere in your wedding vows, you'll include: Song: "Let's Get Out Of This Country" Artist: Camera Obscura Comment: we'll pick berries and recline... let's hit the road dear friend of mine
On your deathbed, you'll whisper: Song: "Something Vague" Artist: Bright Eyes Comment: i hang like a star, fucking glow in the dark
Your opinion of MySpace: Song: "Song For A Future Generation" Artist: The B-52's Comment: hey, i'm Fred the Cancerian from New Jersey... i like collecting records and exploring the cave of the unknown
When you wake up in the morning, you mutter: Song: "15 Minutes" Artist: The Strokes Comment: it was all just a dream... oh no i wish it was real
If you found yourself lost on a desert island, you'd yell: Song: "The Anchor Song" Artist: Bjork Comment: i live by the ocean... and during the night... i dive into it... and this is where i'm staying... this is my home
Right now, your feelings are: Song: "I'm A Wheel" Artist: Wilco Comment: um....
What's your excuse for reposting this: Song: "I Feel Just Like a Child" Artist: Devendra Banhart Comment: i need you to make me take my nap
Your life's soundtrack: Song: "Ever Since My Accident" Artist: The Melvins Comment: i stand alone like a tree
The day you fall in love will be the day that: Song: "I Am With You" Artist: Little Wings Comment: i am with you
You scream during sex: Song: "This Is Hardcore" Artist: Pulp Comment: ...in here, it is pure
Your farewell message to the readers of this : Song: "Green Hell" Artist: The Misfits Comment: here in this place is a means to your end
adventurous
when i took the 
awake
smitten
some of you will recognize the photo to the right because i've used it as my default photo many times. it's artist Janine Antoni, who asked to visit the cows & take a bath in the trough when an exhibition of hers was held next to a dairy farm. (the resulting photo is titled "
bummed
restless
satisfied
thirsty
blessed
blessed, yep indeed. and cursed in equal measure:
relieved
nerdy