So my lil' story, FEED made its way into a series by Heroine Films and thaaaat lil' series made its way to big ol' AfterEllen.com, LOGO and 365gay.com.
And I feel a lil' funny ;)
But despite the constant want to vomit from nervousness all over the place, I still need you to stop by After Ellen and let us know what you think in comment form, just like in my blog...We want to keep this thing going, because there's now talk of a TV show or film and (I think my head just might explode...) if we can keep the interest going, we might just have something here.
Here's the most recent episode, "Maura's Reality" This one kicks off the narrative story behind FEED and features bad girl Charlie and bits and pieces of my life in reality TV. For those of you who've read my story or my blog...you know what this means SEX SEX SEX ;) anyway, here she is:
And here's a list of the many places you can check out FEED (AND COMMENT):
www.feedseries.tv (uncensored always) www.afterellen.com www.logoonline.com www.365gay.com www.youtube.com/user/zeitgrrl www.tubefilter.com (they did a lovely lil' article about the show) http://current.com/people/feedseries (Current TV)
wandering into the light...
Current mood: exhausted
Category: News and Politics
I woke up today: spent, still exhausted, but strangely wanting more...
I'm sorry I've been so out of it. I didn't realize how much of my life would be sucked up by making FEED...It's been amazing, like I'm coming home to what I've spent my life longing for.
I'm tired, emotional, anxious and fucking fantastic.
We had a loooong weekend of shooting and it was hard. All the dark stuff, wrapped into a tiny package of four 14 hour days...my heart goes out to the actors who had to dredge up my insanity. We shot the sex scene with Charlie. We shot death. We shot darkness and mayhem and I sat back and watched the colors in my brain fly at my face live action style.
I've been working less and less at the restaurant...it's been nice. I look around at the characters around me and want to keep writing about them, but then I leave the schlop house and find them standing before me on a set with lights and art department rigged and then "Mike" walks up and gives me a bear hug, or "Joanie" stares back at me over a script and winks and then "Maura" stares through me like I'm her ghost and I realize I just need to soak in their idiosyncracies for now and wallow in what I'm missing later.
I feel out of my own skin most of the time. I stopped looking out through my fish bowl because everyone else was looking in.
Someone at Tubefilter did an article and compared me to Banksy. This made me feel a little sick to the stomach and humble at the same time.
AfterEllen and Logo have been posting my come to life words every other week.
Suze tells me I have an IMDb credit...one a*non among thousands.
Erin Kelly says YES and I cry the first day I see her. By the end of the day/by the end of her performance, the whole crew is crying with me. (this is the best performance I've EVER seen her give and I just want to hug her after every take...)
Guinevere Turner showed up and hugged me. One more tick on my list of life dreams.
Mel wraps her arms around my shoulders and says look at this, kid...this is yours.
And tomorrow I go back to the restaurant and walk through my characters like I'm walking on water.
And then there's you...and there's Charlie and Mike and Tom and Tanya and Maura...and me.
thank you all for your kind words and thoughts and encouragement. no matter what happens, I have come home.
lesbians are sick and so are you
Current mood: crushed
Category: News and Politics
It's 1a and I can't sleep...
There's a girl in my bed (I'm not naming names). She's so quiet in her sleep. So quiet I had to get up. I'm used to the sounds of helicopters and screaming stray cats (I don't mean me). I'm used to ambulance, fire, police "cracking down" on immigration at all hours of the night...I'm used to an angry possum sitting outside my window yelling at me, but tonight, it's quiet and all I can hear is her breath through the feathers of my pillow. It tastes sweet, like honey and whiskey.
Today I got a message...an angry, hateful message from a faceless coward in myberspace. Some of you may have noticed the comment in my "brutal truth" app.
you are sick
simple. to the point. Kinda bothered me, but I shrugged it off...until I got a message to go with it. I'm not sure if it's the same person who wrote their "brutal truth" about me or another lurking pissant (who then deleted their profile AFTER sending me this) , but it went a little something like this:
A*NON, Maura, whoever-the-fuck you are: your sick a dirty fucking puss sucking lesbo. I bet you're happy that they're letting all the fags "marry" in Califagia. Why do you spew your gargabe philosophy at the rest of the world? Do you think anyone gives a fuck. Do you think anyone hears you. Your videos and your writing's trash. get a fucking life. you're never gonna be a top blogger...so give it up.
And this from someone I don't know, don't care to know and have never spoken to. Out of the blue, a fuck you.
It's tough to put yourself out there...I went a step further than some with a book and series and this is the first bit of hate mail I've ever really received on myspace or otherwise. I'm not going to defend who I am. Yes I'm ecstatic that CA ruled in favor of gay marriage. I knew there was a reason I loved this state...you all *know* who I am to some extent and I feel comfortable in that. Not that I've really been trying, but NOW I want to get into the top bloggers just to piss this fucktard off!!! ;)
But I'm just gonna keep on keepin' on and say thanks to those of you who understand change, tolerance and dichotomy. you. thanks boys n girls; straight and not so straight and all that's in between; black and white and brown; poor and neuvo riche; pagan, christian, muslim, jew and whatever you are too.
thanks to everyone who supports indie art and for helping a lil' washed up, in the ringer writer stand on her own two feet again. Thanks for your words, notes, quotes, comments and thoughts.
And now...back to the quiet, naked, sleeping creature, who brought her cat over so we could all spoon.
I'm going to try to find some peace in the silence.
I’m trying not to make a big deal about it, but in all honesty...
Current mood: impatient
Category: News and Politics
...the warm fuzzies are taking me over and causing an adverse reaction to coffee and cigarettes. I can't stop my fingers, so...here it is: FEED
and there's also this....which makes me feel insane, in a I want to orgasm all over the place kinda way ;) :
So...wow. It's out there. and it feels VERY surreal. Now the pimping comes in ;)
Many of you have asked how you can help. the girls of Heroine Films put together a little list for their friends/family and since you guys are my online fam, I thought I'd share it with you and ask for your help....
Here's a few things you can do to help....I so appreciate your tireless support:
Please stop by the new website: www.feedseries.tv to check everything out and then, if you feel so inclined, take it a step further by doing one or more of the helpful hints listed below:
1. When you stop by the site, your "hits" help us prove to investors that we have the numbers needed to gain advertising and distribution. So please stop by often.
2. Sign up for the NEWSLETTER (there's a sign up button in the menu on the LEFT on the website) - you'll receive updates on info. on special giveaways, premieres, interviews and momentous occasions ;)
3. Join in on the FORUM (also in the LEFT menu) and let us know what you think about FEED
4. Become a FAN of the Facebook FEED page(click on the "I facebooked your mom" button on the LEFT menu)
5. Stop by the FEED STOREand buy FEED and Heroine Films apparel or FEED, the NOVEL that the project is based on. All proceeds from sales go right back into our budget for post, festivals and site upkeep.
6. Comment and share the videos and episodes on YOUTUBE, Myspace, Veoh, Vimeo, etc. Our links page will be up and running soon. This is where you'll find all the viral content sites where our videos live.
7. Click on any of the DONATE buttons to make a donation to Heroine Films through paypal. Your donations go directly back into our budget for post, festivals and site upkeep.
8. print and distribute FLYERS in your area. Under the MEDIA button, you will find pdf versions of FEED flyers.
9. If you or someone you know is interested in investing in FEED, please click on the link at the bottom of the website to email us. We'll be happy to send over a business plan and promotional materials.
10. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, SHARE www.feedseries.tv with your friends, family and online communities if you feel so inclined. Word of mouth is how we will survive. We've made it a bit easier for you to share directly from our website. Anytime you see the SHARE button, click on it and pick from the many different online social networking sites that you may belong to and you have automatically shared FEED with your people.
Anyway...that's it! I'll let you know more as soon as I do!
We're only using this blog as the official blog, so check here and the website out first!
love and fire
Current mood: disappointed
Category: Listening to Barking at Butterflies... News and Politics
What would you do?
From pink news...
A lesbian couple who committed suicide by setting themselves on fire have been put to rest in a joint cremation this week.
Christy Jayanthi Malar (38) and Rukmani (40) set themselves ablaze after their families took objection to their "unnatural relationship."
It has been reported that the two women had suffered years of torment from their families who objected to the closeness of the couple.
Although being in a relationship since their school days the women both had husbands.
This is common in India where there huge social and legal pressures to live a heterosexual lifestyle.
The alarm was raised when smoke was seen coming from Mrs Malar's home. When neighbours went in they found the bodies of the two women held in an embrace.
It is thought that the women committed suicide after an argument that Rukmani had with her relatives.
Police told reporters that the two doused themselves in kerosene before setting themselves alight.
In an ironic twist, the families who tried to separate them agreed for the bodies to be laid to rest in a joint cremation.
A senior police told The Times of India newspaper:
"We can't say the relatives pushed the women into suicide.
"They might have verbally abused them, but that was to bring them back to normal life."
Homosexual relations are legally still a crime in India under an old British era statute dating from 1860 called Section 377, though the government no longer seeks to prosecute adults engaging in private consensual homosexual acts.
In recent years, the campaign to decriminalise homosexuality has strengthened.
Time Out Delhi was launched last year with a homosexual section and listings featuring gay nights and social gatherings.
I’m going to assume this is real...
Current mood: angry
Category: News and Politics
I can't not.
From Huffpo...
If you feel so inclined, write this girl, contact her Gov, let her know that you heard her...please.
xo A*NON
Added 051608 - More info (from CNN):
By Ashley Fantz CNN
(CNN) -- The video is hard to turn away from. A sobbing 16-year-old sits in her bedroom and, staring into a camera, says she has been raped. art.victim.photo.jpg
Crystal, 16, of Florida posted a video on YouTube pleading for help after she allegedly was raped.
"Hi, my name is Crystal. ... I need some help. I didn't want to do it this way, but it's the only way I know that's going to work, that someone out there in the world is gonna listen to me."
The teen, whom CNN interviewed but is not identifying by her last name, is among dozens of young people who are turning to social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace to talk about sexual assault.
For an online generation, the Web offers what traditional counseling does not. It's a chance to communicate without having to face someone or fear their judgment. Some people are seeking legal advice and medical information, and many younger victims believe that they can warn others about their accused attacker, counselors say.
There also are people like Crystal, whose case was dropped by the Orange County, Florida, state attorney's office, who feel slighted by the justice system.
"Young victims, particularly girls, turn inward. They are going to reach out and try to connect in the isolation of their dorm room or their bedrooms," said Jennifer Dritt, the director of the Florida Council Against Sexual Violence. "Most young women feel like they want somebody to know that someone did this to them."
One in four American women under the age of 25 report that they have been sexually assaulted, according to the nation's largest rape crisis counseling organization, RAINN, the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network.
"We noticed that this trend of posting details of an attack really picked up speed a few years ago," said Scott Berkowitz, RAINN's founder and president. "A rape survivor's intention may be to reach out, and we encourage that, but this is a dangerous way to do it."
Advocates worry that victims are divulging too much information. CNN found several Facebook and MySpace profiles on which young people say they have been raped. The postings include their names, photographs and hometowns. But Crystal is probably one of the few who have gone so far as to post a plea for help on YouTube.
Because anything posted on the Web is available forever through an Internet search, a rape survivor must consider how they would feel if that information were dredged up in the future, counselors said. By making themselves -- or their IP address -- available, victims open themselves to unreliable and unprofessional advice and the harsh judgment of their peers.
Perhaps worst of all, they could give their perpetrator a chance to find them again or gain more satisfaction.
In April, RAINN teamed with online security company McAfee Inc. and launched an anonymous and secure chat service where assault survivors can communicate with trained professionals. IP addresses are not tracked and transcripts of conversations -- which look like instant message boxes -- are not recorded. The service has helped more than 10,000 people, Berkowitz said. Go to RAINN's Web hotline
But counselors said survivors are going to look wherever they can to find help and comfort, particularly when they don't get it through the court system.
Fewer than 5 percent of reported cases in Florida make it to a prosecutor's office, Dritt said. Whether because of lack of forensic evidence or because many are he said/she said accounts, rape cases can be very difficult to try.
"What you hear from every rape crisis center from Pensacola to Key West is that there are hardly ever any prosecutions," she said. "Most sexual violence is acquaintance rape, and unfortunately, a lot of juries still think that if a victim had a relationship with their attacker, then they cannot be raped by that person."
Stacy, 25, worried about that when she was raped by a man she knew as a friend in 2001 while attending Ohio State University. Although she has spoken publicly numerous times about her experience, CNN is not using her last name in keeping with its policy of not identifying sexual assault victims.
As is typical of younger survivors, Stacy spent the days and weeks after her assault struggling to assure her friends and family that she was OK. She reported the assault to university authorities, but her attacker continued to go to class. She grew increasingly depressed and anxious. Her grades plummeted, and she gained weight.
"I thought that people who had never been assaulted would never understand. I thought I had no one to talk to, but then I realized, I had the Internet," she said. "Sometimes, talking to people who were not close to me was refreshing because there was no judgment to face. If you talk to someone online, there's no judgment, right? How can they judge you when they don't even know you?"
She began instant messaging in chat rooms but quickly realized that many people who initially seemed sympathetic were only pretending.
"The next thing you know, they are making it seem like they are turned on. They were asking me for details of my rape. It was very disturbing," she said. "I had to block several people. After that, I thought the worst of the world. I thought everyone was a perpetrator, and I trusted no one."
After years of face-to-face therapy, Stacy began to heal and feel more confident. She partly credits RAINN, which she found via an Internet search, for helping her recover. Other female students came forward to say they, too, had been assaulted by her attacker. He was expelled from the university and pleaded guilty to a lesser charge -- sexual imposition, a misdemeanor -- and was placed on probation.
Stacy watched Crystal's video.
"That's just heartbreaking," she said. "I feel really sad for her because no one seems to have explained that the justice system isn't always going to help. I understand why she's outraged. That's exactly how I felt, too."
Orange County authorities charged the 23-year-old man Crystal accused of assaulting her with lewd or lascivious battery. According to court documents, Crystal and the man both said they had an ongoing sexual relationship.
The prosecutor, who declined to comment to CNN, concluded that the teen and the 23-year-old had consensual sex, according to the case file.
Florida law states that a 15-year-old cannot give consent to sex. And though Crystal was 15 at the time of the alleged forced encounter, the prosecutor wrote that the case would not be prosecuted because Crystal was "a mere 1 month away" from turning 16, when it would be "legal to give consent," according to documents.
A spokeswoman for the Orange County state attorney's office declined to comment further.
Stacy had some advice for Crystal: Get counseling and keep talking.
"You're not always going to get what you want from the court system," she said. "So you've got to think about yourself, figure out who you are and realize that you're stronger than what he did to you."
signing my life away
Current mood: artistic
Category: Writing and Poetry
;)
so...I've gotten a few messages of late about getting a signed copy of the book...which is weird. Just weird.
I haven't been able to figure out the easiest way to do this other than buying a few copies myself and doing some kinda paypal thingy, but then I realized that ebay exists! woot!
Anyhoo, just wanted to let you all know that we put four signed copies up on ebay today and the starting bid is pretty cheap, so if you want one, check it out on ebay here: FEED on ebay
for my days of insecurity...
Current mood: creative
Silent Mikewho is AMAZING, just gave me my first review.
This feels wonderful and I want to post it here, so I can always remember how it feels...especially when I have those days where my insecurities overwhelm me and drive me mad.
Thanks, Mike. Your words mean the world.
SilentMike's words:
I had to read FEED twice, it was so mind-blowing. You did a great job with it and I encourage everyone on here to give it a read.
The first time I sped through it and parts of it felt like a hurried autobiography with all of the gritty reality thrown in. The second time was to reabsorb all of the details that compelled me to keep reading it to begin with. I'm not even going to infringe and ask you how much of it was real as I know that all writers draw from their life for inspiration for any story whether it's fiction or not, but your tale had an undercurrent of seedy urban punk mashed with semi-current events that made it seem like real life in the re-telling. More real than any reality show ever made me feel.
I couldn't help but be moved by Mo's experiences and that is the singularly most important part of enjoying any story. Mere words can't describe how well I think you captured that 'real life' feel.
I would like to encourage you to continue writing if that is something you are considering and I also wish you much luck with the movie too. I hope the movie can capture that essence of reality and personality that made it such a great modern day story!
IF any of you read FEED, please post a review on the LULU page! It helps get the book out there and it helps me know who's reading it, b/c I can't see who's buying it...
Don't forget you can download it for 5 bucks if you want to save the trees like, Mr. Mike did!
(Mike! If you want to give me your email, I'll send you an electronic copy of FEED that's clean!)
So...for those of you who've bought the book, you may or may not have noticed a few typos.
I'm fixing them and I'm pissed off.
Camis, Duane, Mike - I'll send you guys new copies on me, as soon as the funds are in the bank...
please message me privately with your addresses, so I can send them (if you don't mind)...
I'll sign em' too if ya like! ;) Just let me know!
And again, I so appreciate you guys buying the book. If I missed your name above, I'm sorry. You three are the only ones who've let me know. Lulu, doesn't share the buyer's info. There may be one more myspacer out there who picked up a copy...Kassidy? I just don't know.
Anyway! Happy Tuesday!
We have an ISBN AND a bar code! Sweeeeet. This means that in a few weeks, the book will be available at Barnes & Noble online, Amazon Online and Borders Online AND we can now sell internationally!!!! YAY!
If any of you have local bookstores that you think might like the book, let me know, so we can get copies in there...
You're the best!!!
xoxo A*NON
p.s. - If you like the big banner at the top of the page for the book, let me know and I'll send you the code to add to your page!
Oh and click on the image below to find out more about the lil' book I wrote
Now that I’ve put my clothes back on...well, not really
Current mood: accomplished
I have a question for you all...
Can any of you suggest book reviewers?
I'm not talking about the NY Times or National Book Review here, more along the lines of say NpR, Disinfo, Top Bloggers (not just on Myspace), online rags and e-zines.
Oh and the sources can be gay or straight, cause' that's the way I am and so's my book ;)
Let me know wouldya?
I'm working on a press release.
xoxoxoxoxoMUAAAAHxoxoxoxoxoxo
I love you guys! Thanks for being so supportive and for loving me...
xo ANON
Oh and click on the image below to find out more about the lil' book I wrote
excited
exhausted
overstimulated
nauseated
ecstatic
crushed
impatient
frisky
disappointed
width="100" height="100" />
angry
creative
Silent Mike
angsty
accomplished