the sun god is dead, long live the sun god
Current mood: goal-oriented

I am filled with good intentions, so much so that this quote rang a little too true for me:

Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. ~Mark Twain

My goals last year were to drink more water and maintain a 4.0. I managed the latter, not so much on the former. I am carrying those two over and adding, primarily, a goal of making more time for myself to read, write, have fun, and be a person outside of the worker drone. Then I have a bunch of secondary goals of exercising more, eating better, looking hotter, having a grown-up wardrobe, blah blah.

A lot of the secondary goals centered around my appearance: I am feeling kind of blah and frumpy. Apparently my goals are nice and shallow! However, after the stress and upheaval of the last year, I don't want any more character building -- I want to be decorative and character-free.

New pics of me and the offspring in the pics section. Too tired to bother with linking.

Currently listening : Frank By Amy Winehouse Release date: 20 November, 2007

6:17 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Pedestrian Crossing

Sushi with Shanna and Adam was fun and restorative. Their visit was too short, but wonderful--now I just have to keep my fingers crossed that they will move up here SOON.

Crash was well-behaved at the sushi joint--he used his kiddie chopsticks to eat banana tempura while we ate our fish, and he flirted with the pretty blonde waitress. Afterwards he glommed onto Adam, holding his hand as we walked up to Malaprops and back. When we split from Shanna and Adam, he wouldn't hold my hand, but started walking in a peculiar fashion--arms stretched out stiffly in front and behind him, legs extended similarly.

"Crash, what the heck are you doing?"

"Pedestrian crossing!"

Silly me!

Currently listening : Back to Black By Amy Winehouse Release date: 13 March, 2007

12:35 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Ganked from Stef, the source of much goodness
Current mood: tired
Category: Quiz/Survey

1. What highway do you drive on the most?   I-40. 


2. When was the last time you bought a bathing suit?
Last year: totally boring black one-piece.

3. Would you consider yourself a flirt?
Yes! Fresh and I have discussed the allure of flirting. We're both Southerners, and it seems to come naturally as a way to interact with people.

4. What color is your boss's hair?
Black, little bit of grey.

5. What are your siblings' middle names?
Joseph

6. What's a song that puts you in the mood to dance/party?
"SexyBack", "Love Today", "Should I Stay or Should I Go", "Situation", "Hollaback Girl."

Yeah, I said "Hollaback Girl." I'm a musical moron, and I OWN THAT.

7. Where are you going on your next vacation?
Hopefully Florida to see Stacy and Jane.

Currently reading : Middlesex: A Novel By Jeffrey Eugenides Release date: 16 September, 2003

5:56 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Ganked from Fresh

1. Are you in a relationship??
Yes

2. If no, would you like to be?
See above!

3. How often do you visit MySpace?
Whenever one of my friends posts.

4. What is your favourite candy bar?
Heath bar, or the less often seen Skor.

5. What are your favorite shoes?
Probably the awesome shoes I got to wear to my niece's wedding: black pumps with 3-inch wooden stacked heels and a pink flower design on the side of the toe. They sound awful but are totally retro-cute.

6. Have you ever tripped going up steps?
So many times it's only funny to onlookers.

7. Where did you go on vacation last summer?
I didn't. Haven't been on anything resembling vacation since June 2002.

8. Would you bungee jump?
Oh, fuck no.

9. Do you own a Fallout Boy CD?
No. I'm, like, old and shit.

10. Do you like amusement parks?
Yes!

11. Do you ride rollercoasters?
Yes! However I wussed out on the Double Dragon at Busch Gardens. Shame!

12. What is your current favorite CD?
Dixie Chicks' Taking The Long Way.

13. Can you touch your tongue to your nose?
No.

14. When was the last time you were in the ocean?
Labor Day 2003, I think. I went to the nude beach with Stacy and friends.

15. Do you like beer?
No, girlie girl here.

16. Would you kiss someone of the same sex?
I would and I have.

17. What is the most embarrassing CD you own?
I owned 7 and the Ragged Tiger at one point.

18. Are you sarcastic?
In deadpan voice: Never.

19. Is there anything you wait for every summer?
Cool weather to return!

20. In your opinion, what is the best summer smell?
Rain hitting hot pavement.

21. Socks and sandals?
Ugh, no. The point of sandals is for my feet to be free.

22. Who was the last person to go to the movies with you?
I don't even know. Stacy, I think.

23. What's one thing you really hope to do this summer?
It's a secret!

24. Do you like to go Mini-Golfing?
I have never been.

25. Is not here....
Duuuuude. Are you, like, high?

26. Are you going to be starting a new job this summer?
No.

27. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yes.

29. Do you plan on going camping this summer?
FUCK NO.

31. Favorite pizza topping?
Mushrooms.

32. Pants or shorts?
Capri pants or jeans.

33. Do you play any sports?
Nope. Hopelessly uncoordinated.

34. Do you use chopsticks?
Yep.

35. What's the last movie you watched?
Imperial Grand Strategy.

36. Are you currently fighting with anyone?
The voices in my head.

37. Are you too forgiving?
Yes.

38. How many pets do you have?
A fat-assed cat named Mow.

39. Own any clothing from Hot Topic?
Some Emily Strange t-shirts.

40. What's your favorite breakfast food?
Coffee and eggs benedict.

41. Where was the last place you drove?
To Wally World, last night.

43. Where will you be in 24 hours?
Probably here, hanging out and doing laundry.

44. What did you do 3 nights ago?
Went outside and caught lightening bugs with Crash.

45. last time you went to a fancy restaurant?
So long ago I have no idea.

46. Last thing you bought?
Lunch today--a southwestern salad with grilled chicken.

47. Have you ever been in a foreign country, if so where?
Mexico, Guatemala. Yep, that's it.

48. Anywhere you want to go?
The United Kingdom to do my own lit-geek tour.

49. What's the farthest you've ever travelled from home?
Guatemala.

50. What have you done today?
Worked, goofed off on the net, came home.

51. Do you own something from a sex shop?
Several items.

52. Are you thinking of someone right now?
Nope. Mind like a steel sieve.

53. Have you ever thrown something out of a moving car?
No.

54. Do you smoke cigarettes?
No.

55. Would you date someone who smoked cigarettes?
I would prefer not to.

56. Are you happy with your life right now?
I need to make some changes.

57. What's the last thing you ate?
Southwestern salad, referenced above.

58. What's the next place you have to go?
Post office, tomorrow morning.

59. How many hours do you usually sleep per night?
Four or five if I'm lucky. Fuck insomnia.

60. What's the next important date on your calendar?
No idea.

61. Who last called you?
Stacy.

62. McDonald's or Burger King?
McDonald's crappy little cheeseburgers. Guilty pleasure.

63. Who last messaged you?
I read that as "massaged", which would have made for a different answer. Hmm, I believe it was Fresh.

64. Are you closer to your mother or father?
My mom; my dad is a tall reserved Viking-looking guy.

65. Do you like to quote things?
Constantly: books, movies, Eddie Izzard. I am geek-o-rama.

67. Do you exercise regularly?
Ha ha ha ha ha. I work full-time, go to school part-time, and I have a five-year-old. NO.

68. What is the most expensive thing you ever bought?
My car, sad piece of crap that it is now.

69. What should you be doing right now?
Laundry.

Currently reading : Heart-Shaped Box: A Novel By Joe Hill Release date: 13 February, 2007

5:52 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Redneck Zombies from Hell

Mostly I like living in the sticks. It's quiet, the air is clean, and it's easy to see the zombies coming from a long way off. I think I have it better than a lot of people (and yes, Fresh, I do worry about you sharing streets with the Dead Guys).

Lately there's been a disturbing development. You know how the Dead Guys tend to cling to their old stomping grounds? Well, there's a clearing in the woods down below our place that used to be party central. Kids would build bonfires and have keggers and play crappy music; before the uprisings I was calling the cops every weekend to clear the little bastards out. Not to make light of the apocalypse but it was kind of nice not to have to do that every Friday.

Anyway, so last night I thought I was losing my mind when I heard "Sweet Home Alabama" blasting from the woods. After a few dozen repeats (seriously, WHY SKYNYRD??) I jumped in the truck with the flamethrower and the night-vision goggles and went to do a little spying on the undead neighbors.

Some Dead Guys were having a party.

It wasn't quite the same: no fire, no beer, no pot, and just the one song over and over (of all the fucking songs in the world). Apart from the music, they were quiet--just shuffling a little, bobbing their heads, sometimes moaning. It's funny to think about the kinds of memories they keep. You hear about Dead Guys returning to their offices, or to their favorite bar, or people who go back to where they lived when they were kids. Do they go back to places that have some meaning or significance, or is it just random?

With my luck I'd end up shuffling through the parking lot of WalMart--now that would really be hell on earth.

Anyway, again, not to make light of the apocalypse, but one more advantage: instead of calling the cops on the party, I just took them out with the flamethrower.

My favorite part was taking out the boom box playing Skynyrd. It was a pleasure to burn.

Currently listening : It's The End Of The World - Volume 1 By REM

8:35 PM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Confirmation
Current mood: sad

    We took Crash to a clinic in The Big City yesterday. It's a good clinic, apparently; I made the appointment in December.

Anyway, the doctor reviewed C.'s records and did some testing, and at the end he told us, "You probably won't be surprised to hear he has a mild degree of high-functioning autism."

No, it's not a surprise. I have suspected it for a long time now, and gone back and forth in my head over all the things that fit and all the things that don't fit. There are too many behaviors that fit the profile. I even began describing C. as autistic some months ago.

I guess the surprise is that I still felt disappointed. Part of me still hoped a little that the doctor might just say his behavior was perfectly normal for a SUPER GENIUS.

Not a lot has changed, or will change. He may get some more speech therapy. He is still the same goofy, awesome Crash. I am still lucky to have him as my son.

Still, not the best words to hear: no matter how "mild" or "high-functioning", it's still winning a prize in the Fucked-Up Lottery.

Currently reading : Lolita By Vladimir Nabokov Release date: 13 March, 1989

2:27 PM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

stuff
Current mood: blah

I just spent some time planting seeds: basil, parsley, tomatoes. I already have rosemary, chives, lavender, and cilantro going. I can't wait for it to be summer and to make pasta with fresh tomatoes and basil and fresh mozarella. That tastes like summer to me. Now, if I can only get some guests to have dinner with me . . .

Crash is in the tub playing with a fleet of Devil Duckies. The mister is asleep. The cat is busy being a crack baby. I am doing this and waiting for my toenails to dry--they have a nice shiny coat of OPI Strawberry Margarita on them. Between the herbs and the toenails, I think I am ready for spring, or at least for another meme.

1. What color is your underwear? Black, with Hello Kitty's image on the right hip and Hello Kitty spelled out in hot pink across the butt.

2. Do You own An iPod? I own a Shuffle.

3. What Person On Your Top 8 Do You Talk To The Most? In person, probably Brian, since we live together and all. Aside from his unfair advantage, Stacy.

4. What Time Is Your Alarm Clock Set To? Seven o'fucking clock.

5. Do you wear flip flops when it's cold out? No, do I look dumb? Don't answer that.

6.Would you rather take the picture or be in it? Neither. I have the (mis)fortune to be married to a photographer, so I am painfully aware of both my lack of skill with a camera and my lack of photogenetic-ism. Photogenic-ness? 

7. What Was The Last Movie You Watched? I watched Spalding Gray's Gray's Anatomy, not to be confused with the tv show.

8. Do Any Of Your Friends Have Children? Yes.

9. Has Anyone Ever Called You Lazy?  Yes, the lying bastards.

10. Do You Ever Take Medication To Help You Fall Asleep? Yes; Tylenol PM.

11. What Cd Is Currently In Your Cd Player? A belly dance mix CD from kismet.

12. Do You Prefer Regular Or Chocolate Milk? Chocolate milk

13. Has anyone told you a secret this week? My co-worker told me the reason he was leaving work was because one of his testicles was swollen. I kind of wished he hadn't.

14. When Was The Last Time You Had Starbucks? I don't remember. The nearest Starbucks is an hour's drive from here.

15. Can You Whistle? Yes.

16. Do You Think People Talk About You Behind Your Back? Of course. They're always whispering, "My GOD, she is a stunning woman. On top of her blazing intelligence and awesome rack, it's almost too much to bear."

17. Did You Watch Cartoons As A Child? Yep. I liked Looney Tunes a lot; still do.

18. What Movie Do You Know Every Line To? Young Frankenstein and So I Married an Ax Murderer.

19. Do You Own Any Band T-Shirts? Not anymore.

20. What Is Your Favorite Salad Dressing? Ginger.

21. Is Anyone In Love With You? I assume the husband, and of course Eddie Izzard.

22. Do You Do Your Own Dishes? Yes, with seething resentment.

23. Ever Cry In Public? Yeah. I am a cryer.

24. Are You Currently Wanting Any Piercings Or Tattoo? I think about getting a tattoo occasionally, but it's not a definite plan. Maybe when I get my degree I will mark the occasion with one.

25. Whats The Weather Like? Chilly; in the 40s.

26. Would You Ever Date Anyone Covered In Tattoos? If they weren't lame ones.

27. What Did You Do Before This? Planted seeds; helped Crash finish his bath.

28. When Was The Last Time You Slept On The Floor? I don't remember

29. How Many Hours Of Sleep Do You Need To Function? Not many.

30. Do You Eat Breakfast Daily? Sure, if a Diet Coke counts as breakfast.

31. Are Your Days Full And Fast Paced? I work full time, go to school part-time, and chase a five-year-old. Fuck yeah.

32. Do You Pay Attention To The Calories In The Package/Box? Sometimes.

33. Are You Picky About Spelling And Grammar? Usually.

34. Have You Ever Been To Six Flags? Yep, several times. It was the pinnacle of amusement for teens in the Atlanta suburbs when I was growing up.

35. Do You Get Along Better With The Same Sex Or The Opposite? I get along with both pretty well.

36. Do You Like Mustard? Yes.

37. Do You Sleep On Your Side, Stomach Or Back? Stomach.

38.Do you watch the news? Nope. I get my news from the internet or NPR. Local news coverage in particular gives me hives.

39. How Did You Get One Of Your Scars? Falling off a wooden bench in a  bar and scraping my back against a protruding nail.

40. Who Was The Last Person To Make You Mad? My boss made me furious over the weekend; we were both losing our minds over a project. We made up today.

41. Do You Like Anybody? No.

42. What Is The Last Thing You Purchased? A small coffee and a sesame bagel with light cream cheese.

43. What the Fuck Is Up With the Numbering of These Questions? Fuck if I know.

44. What Is Up With All The Capitalization? See 43.

45. Why do you sound like a retarded gangbanger with all the fucks? Fuck you, puppetfucker.

46. Why did you quit writing in your blog and start doing nothing but pointless memes? Shut your puppetfucking piehole about my blog. It's a very sensitive topic.

47. Sooooo, what are you wearing? Black yoga pants and a purple t-shirt. Pink nail polish.

48. Are you running out of made-up questions? Yes.

49. Plain or sugar? Sugar.

Currently reading : What Was She Thinking?: Notes on a Scandal: A Novel By Zoe Heller Release date: 01 June, 2004

6:18 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

this has gotten entirely out of hand
Current mood: A little freaked out
Category: A little freaked out Blogging

The good news is I've found an endless supply of energy from a tchotchke my mom picked up at the dollar store; the bad news is that I am losing my mind.

I've been cleaning up Crash's room this weekend--hanging curtains, putting together a bookcase for him, and throwing away a lot of crap. As I rummaged through stuff, I found a little toy chick my mom got him for Easter last year. The chick is a yellow fuzzy thing with some kind of gadget inside that cheeps when the chick is placed on your hand.

The chick was looking kind of bedgraggled, and it didn't cheep when I picked it up. I tossed it into the trash.

Later, as I moved the trash, the chick started cheeping. It sounded angry, but that had to be my imagination.

I thought the chick was just giving a few reflexive agonal cheeps. But it kept it up for twenty minutes, until I cracked and went delving into the trash for it. I picked it out of some coffee grounds.

It stopped.

I put it back in the trash.

It started again.

Repeated until I started to feel a little weirded out and decided to pry the battery out of the thing.

I couldn't get the chick's battery hatch open with anything--a screwdriver, a metal nail file, a paring knife. I finally lost my temper and smashed it on the stone countertop.

The thing KEPT CHEEPING, except now the cheeps sounded more like maddened electronic squeals. So, I did the next logical thing: I drowned it.

I had a moment of relief when the chick went silent under the stream of water. I kept it under for a minute to be sure, then threw it back in the trash.

. . .

. . .

. . .

glllllCHEEP! glllllcheep! glllllCHEeep! glll! GLLL! CHEEP!

I considered going next door with the sodden chick and asking the neighbor to run over it with his truck, but it's really not good manners to involve your neighbors in your travails with hellish undead Easter toys. Finally, I put it in a paper cup, filled the cup with water, stuffed some paper bags in the top of the cup, and carefully put the whole bundle back in the trash and backed away slowly. The trash shifted (giving me a fucking heart attack--I thought the thing was coming for me) and then I heard a muffled but persistent cheep.

Motherfucker.

The double-wrapped trash bag is now out on the porch, awaiting my husband's return to take it out and rid our house of its evil forever. Think of this story when you assemble Easter baskets this year . . .

Currently reading : Edgar Allan Poe: Complete Tales & Poems By Edgar Allan Poe Release date: 2002

10:24 AM - 6 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Stolen from Stacy--an autobiographical thingie

Part 1: The Birth of You:

Were you a planned baby?

I've never asked. I was born seven years after my brother, which either means I was an accident or else my parents were so traumatized by J that it took them seven years to decide that lightening couldn't strike twice.

Were you the first?

Nope, I am the precious baby girl.

Who was present at your birth?

Mom and the doctor. Dad kicked it old-school style in the waiting room.

Were your parents married when you were born?

Yeah, they had been married 8-9 years.

What is your birthdate?
December 23, 1970.

Part 2: The Family

How would you describe your family?

Weird but fun.

See above question, do math.

What are your siblings names and ages?
J is 43.

Which parent do you get along with best? 
My mom. My dad is more gruff and less demonstrative. I know he loves me, but my mom and I spend more time together.

What do you fight about?
The thing that drives me nuttiest is their inability to accept an invitation from me without randomly changing their plans.

Do you have step parents?
Nope.

Part 3: The Friends

Do you have more than one best friend? (Stealing Stacy's answer)
Well, I'm a little old for "best friends" anymore, but I have several friends who are very dear to me and always will be, and plenty of other friends who are wonderful when we get the chance to see eachother.

Who are your best friends?
Sharon, Stacy, Charlene, Kate

What do you like to do when you are together?
Talk, drink, talk, shop, talk, hang out.

Do you share the same interests?
Mostly. It's nice because all of my friends have keen interests in different areas.

Which friend can you tell anything to?
Stacy

Part 4: Your Personality

How high/low is your self esteem?
It fluctuates. I have periods of intensely low self-esteem but it's not a constant.

Are you an extrovert or an introvert?
An introverted extrovert. I am the shyest person you know who ever took their clothes off for money.

Are you happy?
I am trying to get there.

Do you live life to the fullest?
No. That seems like it would really cut into my sleep.

Part 5: Appearance

Are you comfortable with the way you look?
Pretty much. I think I have my own weird charm, and a nice rack.

Do you have any piercings besides your ears?
No. I had pierced nipples for a few months, but then I got pregnant and my boobs became enormously sensitive, and the rings had to go.

Describe your hair.
Strawberry blonde, curly, and just barely reaching the top of my bra strap in the back.

What make-up do you wear?
Today I am wearing tinted moisturizer, powder, eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick. Yesterday I wore nothing.

How do you dress?
To the left . . . oh, wait. I am kind of boring. I like solid colors, a lot of black, boots, jeans. I tend to regard new fashion with suspicion.

Part 6: The Past
Were you a strange child?
Oh, god, yes. Very nerdy and imaginative and socially retarded. Once Sharon and I started to dig up a cow skeleton because we were going to be archeologists.

 What did you use to love that you no longer do?
Anne Rice.

Do you have the same friends?
Sharon has been my friend since the fourth grade. Paul and I have known each other since fourth grade and been friends since ninth grade.

Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing?
Sure, and the very best place to describe it is in the middle of a meme.

Part 7: The Future

What is your ambition?
Getting my degree, getting my graduate degree, buying a house, writing books, having a career I love, raising my son.

Are you scared of growing old?
No.

Do you want to get married?
I am married!

Part 8: The Outdoors

Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?
Indoors.

What is your favorite season?
Fall. I like the weather, the changing colors of the leaves (now that we live in a place with seasons), and the feeling of a new beginning. 

Do you like walking in the rain?
Sometimes.

Part 9: Food

Are you a vegetarian?
No, although I've had brief periods of vegetarianism, which were mostly bread-and-cheese-anism.

What is your favorite fruit?
Strawberries.

What food makes you want to gag?
Doritos and ranch dressing.

What is your favorite dessert?
Ice cream.

What is your favorite restaurant? 
The Noodle Shop, in Asheville.

Are you a fussy eater?
Not really.

Part 10: Relationships and Love

Are you single or taken?
I am taken.

If taken who is the lucky guy/girl?
Brian is a lucky guy. And I am a lucky girl.

Do you think love is the best feeling in the world?
Love and orgasms.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
No. I think people can feel connections at first sight which sometimes luck out.

Part 11: Experiences

What was one of your greatest experiences?
Seeing something I wrote published.

What was one of your worst?

Getting fired.

Have you ever done drugs?
Yeah.

Have you ever thought you were going to die?
Not really.

Have you ever suffered from depression?
Yes, depression that was tied to anxiety. Fun fun!

Do you have an addiction?

I am addicted to caffeine.

5:47 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

R.I.P. Jummy
Current mood: sad
Category: Pets and Animals

Our big tabby cat, Jummy (aka Jum-Bo, Mr. Jum, Mr. Bo, Big Stripey Moron, etc.) died last night.

It was not unexpected, since Jum was between 17 and 19 years old and had been getting more frail over the last year, with a sudden decline in the last two days. He was in Crash's room curled up on a blanket on the bottom shelf of a bookcase, which was the kind of cozy spot he liked to nap in, and he didn't wake up from his nap last night.

Jum was a wonderful, affectionate guy with personality in spades. We're going to miss him a lot.

6:41 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment