Ambrosia and Nectar.

Mary Jane dreams in Poppy fields
Choosing eternity over my last meal
Perceptions of pain,
are never the same
when you take a deep breath,
and the second hand yields

Fire runs rampant through walls in my Temple
The foundation and alter are starting to tremble
Infernos and Earthquakes,
give way for my mind's sake
as I take this deep breath,
The demons will crumble

Gardens of Eden I run through these nights
So long to concrete and neon lights
No pitches from merchants,
No temptation from serpents
for on honey dew I feed,
and drink milk of paradise

Say goodbye to misfortune, and farewell to sensation
For the numbness will greet me with no complication
and for an hour or so,
My spirit will glow
so I'll take a deep breath,
and bid adieu to realization.

Will Dec. 11 06

6:24 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

a little ditty I wrote about getting a social security card.

7 To 10 Days

He's waiting in line to receive the Mark of the Beast.
Goes against everything he stands for.
But he's learned to choose his battles.
And he can't buy bread without it.

He sits in a room with young and old alike.
A careless teenage girl,
too caught up in self-image to be concerned with self-respect.
A mother,
too caught up in the routine to be worried about the big picture.
A withered old man,
too caught up in life after life to ponder who may be screwing him from behind the curtain.
Seperated by years and motivations,
joined by an air of complacency.
No one wants to be there,
but no one wants to speak up.
"What a thought,"  he asks himself,
"A minor revolution in a 12x8 waiting room,"
"How far would it go?"
"and who would lead them?"
"Not me," he declares.
After all,
he's learned to choose his battles,
and he can't buy bread without it.

"William Mendofik,"  a battered voice calls out.
She too knows the burden of this occupation.
The lack of personal dialogue throughout this 9 to 5 has eroded her over the years.
"What's your number,"  she asks.
Nine digits spll out of his mouth with a bitter reluctance,
because the name he was born by has become obsolete,
replaced by 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9
"Aren't we more than that alone"
"The four of us in here have a story to be told,"
"a story to be written,"
"and our story deserves better than such a vague title,"
"WHO"S WITH ME?"
They'll never hear those words though,
because he has learned to choose his battles,
and he can't buy bread without it.

"It wil be sent to your house in 7 to 10 days."
Process complete.
Back in writing,
Back in the system,
Back in the assembly line,
Back to the routine,
and he'll have his card to prove it.
In 7 to 10 days.
"Did I mention that was business days?"
"and try not to lose this one, you only get two a year."
"Maybe I'll lose it on purpose,"
"And I'll fuck it up again,"
"To be excommunicated from this machine surely can't be all that bad,"
"I can be human again,"
"I can be Bill again."
But those words are a declaration for another day,
because he has learned to choose his battles,
and in 7 to 10 days, he can buy bread again.

6:34 AM - 9 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Note to self:.......Find a soulmate

Things to do before I die

10.) Throw Muhammad Ali and Micheal J. Fox into a public pool with a cup of laundry detergent so I can finally have some clean clothes

9.) Stand outside of Angelina Jolie's window while doing an acoustic version of Lionel Richie's "Three Times A Lady"

8.) Outrunning the police after Angelina calls 911 all the way to Johnny Depp's house

7.) Dressing up as a cowboy with Johnny after drinking some fine wine, smoking some hand rolled cigarettes, and watching "Brokeback Mountain" with the French audio on.

6.) Start a cult devoted to the belief that Jesus indeed has come again disguising himself as Dan Brown.  We will all then commit suicide by eating cyanide laced pages of "The DaVinci Code".  I will escape unscathed only to discuss which Lethal Weapon is the best with the real Jesus Christ AKA Mel Gibson for the remainder of my life.

5.) Write a blog littered with several name drops and lame jokes good enough only for a Jimmy Kimmel monologe.

4.) Drop a bomb on every state below the Mason-Dixon Line that will disperse angry black men into redneck baptist towns. (Take that Confederacy, a lesson in tolerance)

3.) Go on a date with Paris Hilton, and take her to a nice restaurant.  I would notice the paparazzi dressed as waiters and take them all out with "One Night In Paris" DVD's cut and sharpened into throwing stars.  I would take her to my loft apartment and start making out with her on my futon I picked out of the garbage from Hoyt until.......I hear a noise on the roof.  "More paparazzi Bill?" she says.  I reply, "Don't worry little lady, wipe my seed off of your cheek.  I'll be right back."  An unusually skinny woman dressed in black enters the room and pricks her with a needle full of HIV tainted blood.  She takes off her mask.  ITS NICOLE RICHIE!!! I enter the room and snap Nicole's fragile neck.  Paris hugs me and screams "That's hot" several times.  I throw her on the couch, point and laugh, and tell her I was in on it the whole time and it would be best if she left after "The Simple Life" marathon on VH-1 was over.

2.) Find those kids that will not give the Trix Rabbit any cereal.  Bring Tony the Tiger along for some extra muscle and strong arm them until they give him some fucking Trix.

1.) Find True Love

OK. I exaggerated a little bit.  I can assure you I do not want to find true love.  I've seen what the search for true love does to people, and it downright frightens me.  To sum it up in one phrase, it posesses people like satan in an Evangelist arena tour.  It turns sane people into teary eyed lunatics, it inspires bad poetry, and it leads to eating disorders.  Now maybe I'm being a bit unfair.  I am strictly talking about the ones that seek true love as a means for their existence.  The distractions that a love lorn fool creates for themselves are harder to overcome than holding back laughter at a SABAH on ice show.  When you can be living a full meaningful life, you instead choose to spend sleepless nights in bed thinking about the love of your life you met two nights before in a night club on Chippewa.  When he/she shook dat ass to the serene sound of "My Humps", you knew that he/she was the one. (And if I hear that song ever again as a ringtone on some tool's phone,  I'm spitting in their mouth) Thank you Black Eyed Peas for creating short lived relationships that could have ended in marriage the night before. 

"Well I don't want to be alone forever."

Why is it this comment is coming out of the mouths of 18 to 26 year olds.  You got time, I can assure you that.  But until then loosen up a bit.  Get involved in something important like a community project of some sort.  Do something less than important if you must, just have a little fun in the meantime.  People get torn about love, I know it happens, it sucks. Even I, the cynical hater of all things, have loved and lost.  However you must never let it control the most important areas of life. 

And please, don't bitch about it like your problem has precedent over all others problems that outweigh yours tenfold.  I have actually had a friend cry to me about a girl when there was a documentary about a dying eight year old struggling to fight off a brain tumor on TV.  How disgustingly ironic. 

I believe Toad said it best in the dungeon levels of Super Mario Bros. when he revealed to us, "I'm sorry Mario, but your Princess is in another castle!" You'll get your princess assfucks, you just have to be patient.

Moral of the story:  Side scrolling video games from the late 80's kick ass (If you keep jumping on that turtle thing on the stairs at the end of world 3, level 3, you can get a shit load of extra lives.) 

On that note, I'd like to give a shout out to my girl Danielle.  If your out there baby I miss you and not a day goes by that I don't ache for your sweet kiss.  I'd kill an army of thousands just to touch your face again.  Come back to me baby, and you will soon realize what our love means.  Just give me one more chance.

3:15 PM - 20 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Eternal Sunshine of the Devious Mind (EDIT)

Fanny Fucking Packs.

Now I am no fashion aficionado, but come on people, fanny packs?

I recently attented our annual county fair and I saw a fella waiting in line to see one of those carnival freak shows (It was either the Snake Lady, the Giant Rat, or Kevin Federline rapping.  I can't really remember.) wearing the dreaded fanny pack.

I laughed.

Then I saw an obese lady wearing one while she gnawed on a Blooming Onion.

I laughed again.

But then I saw a father wearing one while watching his kids on the Carousel.  (Note he was also wearing a "Virginia is for lovers shirt".)

I stopped laughing, and became concerned.

I couldn't believe how many I was seeing, I mean, are people wearing these things all the time and I just don't pay attention to it?  Was there a Fanny Pack revival and no one told me?  Are my aviator glasses, trucker hats, and Abercrombie & Fitch wardrobe incomplete without the fanny pack?  (That's a joke kids, I don't wear those either.) No, it couldn't be.  Could it?

Well I counted how many people I saw at this fair for the remainder of the day with a Fanny Pack on, and much to my dismay, the statistics were astounding.

33 people......33........Thirty Effin Three people were wearing fanny packs.  Is this is a fad?  No people!  It is an epidemic!  And it is our duty to help these people.  If you see them with one on, introduce yourself and help them, counsel them.  Show them alternatives to the Fanny Pack, such as the Back Pack.  Give them a hand, cus they just don't know any better.

I'm not trying to be judgmental, I'm just trying to bring SexyBack.  Ain't that right J.T.

Right now.....somewhere.....Lance Bass has got this poster hanging on his bedroom wall.

Speaking of which, why did Lance Bass want to be an astronaut?......Give up?..........Because he wanted to visit Uranus.

I just made that up.  Swear to God.  Gonna have to add that one to my list of unfunny Chuck Norris jokes.

I was watching a guy look for a close parking spot at a local park recently.  He did so for 7 minutes.  He got a spot right in front.  He then went jogging.  Irony.

I bought Madden 2007 for the PS2 yesterday and lord knows I'll be glued to it for months.  What does that mean?  Nothing really.  Except for the fact I'll be masterbating a lot less.  Giving up one addiction for another isn't healthy kids.

If you had a gun to your head, who would you rather Fuck?  This guy...

....or this guy....

Good luck with that one kids.

While I prefer to use proper grammer, spelling, and sentence structure as much as possible, why is it that some elitist bloggers have to rant and rave when others do not in their blogs?  It's a Goddamn blog people.  Who cares?  Using proper English techniques in a blog is like putting a $5,000 stereo system in a $200 1991 Ford Escort.  Get over it.

Gotta go kids.......it appears my Hot Pockets have cooled off....

1:27 PM - 20 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

I like to meet new friends...

While I was checking out today at the grocery store, A lady put up one of those dividers between my items and hers.  Now I'm not really a big fan of the divider.  I know, I know, good fences make good neighbors, but come on.  Now normally when I make insignificant observations, they usually go unheard by innocent bystanders.  Buuuuuuuuttt today, I decided to make an exception.  Here is the script of "Adventures In The Checkout"

The scene begins in the checkout lane.  Bill is waiting in line while the cashier is doing a price check for someone.  A female stranger walks up and places a divider behind his items.

Bill

          I wonder why it is we feel the need to seperate ourselves with a physical boundary such as that divider in something as insignificant as the checkout lane.

The Stranger

          (Gives the "I'm acknowledging the fact you said that to try to be funny but it was stupid, and now I can't hurt your feelings so I'll pretend it was funny" laugh)  Oh, I don't know?  I suppose we don't want to mix up our items.

Bill

          But wouldn't a six to eight inch space between our items do the job without the Berlin Wall you placed between us?

The Stranger

          Berlin Wall?  (Rolls eyes)  I think your over analyzing this a bit.

Bill

          Perhaps.

The Stranger

          Besides, this way the cashier can tell where your purchase ends and mine begins.

Bill

          Now I'm not buying that, I'm sorry.

The Stranger

          Why is that?

Bill

          Because I'm buying Ramen noodles and a Sports Illustrated and you're buying Secret deodorant, a nail file, and a box of tampons.  I'm sure she will know what belongs to who with some simple critical thinking.

The Stranger

           (Amused yet growing frustrated)  She could make that assumption but what if she is wrong?

Bill

           It would be nearly impossible to be wrong with the six to eight inch space in place.

The Stranger

          (Completely fed up)  Whatever.  Here.  (Places the divider back)  Is that better?

Bill

          Not Really.

The Stranger

          (Angrily) Why?

Bill

          Because your just doing that to make me happy, not because you want to.

The Stranger

          Whatever.

Bill removes a post-it pad and pen from his pocket and begins to write something.  He places it behind his items on the conveyor.

The Stranger

          (Reads the note)  Billopolis?

Bill

          Yep.

The Stranger

          (Sarcastically)  What the hell does that mean?

Bill

          It's the name of my territory.  Billopolis.

The Stranger

          You're out of your god damn mind.

The conveyor moves as the stranger's soldiers of anti-perspirant and feminine products infiltrate what was once Billopolis.

The Stranger

          Don't you want to take your little sign?

Bill

          Nah, I still got a bunch of Post-It notes left.  Why don't you keep it?

The Stranger

          Okay.

Bill

          (Surprised)  Really?

The Stranger

          No.

Bill

          (Laughs)  No matter.  As long as there is a piece of plastic to divide the people, there will always be a Billopolis.

The Stranger

          You're a creep.

Bill walk towards exit with undeserving sense of accomplishment.  End Scene.

True Freakin Story.  Went exactly that way.

And what did I learn from this little episode in my otherwise mundane life?

Just that I am a neurotic weirdo and I shouldn't talk to strangers.

5:18 PM - 8 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Sex, sex, sex, sex

Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, SEX!!!

Who don't love sex?  Prince loves sex.  Bill Clinton loves sex.  Andy Dick loves sex.  Jerry Falwell loves sex.  Angelina Jolie loves sex.  Catholic priests love sex.  Vincent Gallo loves sex.  My ninth grade math teacher loves sex.  You love sex.  I love sex.

So what could the problem be that I have with today's in your face, Calvin Klein billboard laden, celebrity sex tape making, pop, rap, and R&B music video saturated, Dennis Franz ass showing on prime time television, liberal sexual society in which we are all subjected to on a daily basis?

Well the problem is just that.  It's everywhere.

Now I don't say that in a conservitive, "sex is evil and taboo", state of mind, but since visions of sex have become commonplace on every media outlet, it has become so boring and lame to the extent that I'd rather play an online game of Jeopardy! on a Friday evening than have anything to do with it.

What the hell went wrong?

Sex should be otherworldly.  Sex should be creative.  Sex should appeal to every one of the five physical senses and drive you into a state of ecstasy no drug could ever attain.  Sex shouldn't be an act.  It should be an experience.  How anyone, male or female, could settle for anything less than that is beyond me.  Sex deserves better than how it is being portrayed.  How it is that sex is still so appealing to people is beyond me.    It has become a laughable cliche.

Case in point:  Ludacris' "Splash Waterfalls".  Here are the lyrics.

Ohhhh! Ohhhh! Ohhhh! Say it (make love to me)
Ohhhh! Ohhhh! Ohhhh! What? (fuck, meee!)
Ohhhh! Ohhhh! Ohhhh! Say it (make love to me)
Ohhhh! Ohhhh! Ohhhh! What? (fuck, meee!)

[Chorus: repeat 2X]
I'm bout to throw some game, they both one and the same
Cupid's the one to blame - say it (make love to me)
I'm bout to shed some light, cause each and every night
You gotta do it right - what? (fuck, meee!)

[Verse One]
They want it nice and slow, kiss 'em from head to toe
Relax and let it go - say it (make love to me)
They want it now and fast, grabbin and smackin ass
You gotta make it last - what? (fuck, meee!)
Together holdin hands, you out there spendin grands
And makin family plans - say it (make love to me)
Don't have to straighten facts, don't want no strings attached
Just scratches on your BACK - what? (fuck, meee!)
Ex's ain't actin right, and you so glad to fight
Dinner's by candlelight - say it (make love to me)
She got a nigga whipped, down to ya fingertips
Tryin that freaky shit - what? (fuck, meee!)
Turn on some Babyface, just for your lady's sake
You call her babycakes - say it (make love to me)
Know how to mack a broad, she's on your sack and balls
You call her Jabberjaws - what? (fuck, meee!)

[Chorus]

[Verse Two]
You bout to buy a ring, she needs the finer things
Gucci designer frames - say it (make love to me)
Purchase a nasty flick, wrap up and tie her quick
Know how to drive a stick - what? (fuck, meee!)
You both unite as one, you the moon and she's your sun
Your heart's a beating drum - say it (make love to me)
You better not of came, she want to feel the pain
Then hear her scream your name - what? (fuck, meee!)
Follow this DICK-tionary, you're both some visionaries
Then do it missionary - say it (make love to me)
I hear 'em call da wild, and do it all the while
Doggy and FROGGY style - what? (fuck, meee!)
You in between the sheets, lickin and eatin sweets
And what you find you keep - say it (make love to me)
You do it standin up, orgasms hand 'em up
Y'all just don't GIVE A FUCK - what? (fuck, meee!)

[Chorus]

[Verse Three]
You wanna tell the world, cause she's your favorite girl
Your diamond and your pearl - say it (make love to me)
Nobody has to know, just keep it on the low
And meet 'em right at fo' - what? (fuck, meee!)
Nothin but fights and fussin, plus there's a lot of cussin
Just grab ahold of SOMETHIN - say it (make love to me)
Y'all do that BAD stuff, she like it rammed up
Ropes and HANDCUFFS - what? (fuck, meee!)

[Chorus]

This is not sexy.  This is embarrasing.  Anytime someone says "Know how to mack a broad, she's on your sack and balls, you call her Jabberjaws..."  how can you possibly respond with, "Damn, that's hot!"

*Vomits violently into a bucket*

I apologize for that. I shouldn't have eaten that Ramen before I wrote this.  But seriously, if....Oh god, hold on...

*Vomits violently into a bucket, wipes mouth off with hand*

Okay, I think I'm...

*Dry heaves traces of bile into bucket*

Oh God, that is always painful when that happens.  Anyway, you can sense the ridiculousness of said song.  It's about as repetitive and adolescent as being sixteen and getting head in a 1992 Ford Escort at the drive-in while pretending to watch "XXX" staring Vin Diesil until the concession guy knocks on your window to tell you that you forgot your Twizzlers at the counter.

As for woman that use sex and beauty to shine in the spotlight, hey you will get no argument from me.  Do what you have to do.  As long as the physical attractiveness is not all you're selling that is.  Here's an easy target.  Paris Hilton.  There is nothing I hate more than the celebrity that is famous just for being famous.  Don't get me wrong, I can understand the appeal that she has.  She is physically attractive.  Not by my standards by any means, but whatever, I can see the hype.  Now what has she managed to do as a result of her sexual hype.  Most notably, she has managed to appear on four seasons of "The Simple Life" where she manages to be an annoying princess with ex-pal Nicole Richie to several less than upper class families.  She has become tabloid fodder with her irritating celebrity feuds and release of her sex tape.  Not to mention she has released a music video for her new politically driven, socially conscious single, "Stars are Blind."

Not sexy.  Not even close.  If anything, what little sex appeal she may have had has regressed into an even more disturbing head cheerleaderesque downward spiral.  It's less than sexy.  It's high school popularity meets red carpet hype.  I would rather beat the hell out of my phallus with a photo of Gregory Peck than watch her prance about in a ballerina costume while holding a Chihuahua adorned in matching outfit shouting out "That's Hot" a thousand fucking times.

The act of sex itself has become a bore to the point that I would rather not engage in it.  My sexual  experiences in the past two years have been anything but exciting.  Now, maybe I have no right to even say this, but I am a bit picky.  I don't mean picky as in finding a physically attractive female, but picky as in what else does she have to offer that I will find sexy.  Call me an egotist, call me conceited, but if I am going to have sex, it's not going to be with just anybody.  If I'm going to engage in it, it's going to go way beyond the physical appeal my friends.  It's going to be exciting.  It's going to be out of this fucking world.  And she should expect nothing less than that kind of experience either because why should anyone settle for less than the best.  Okay, that may be a bit conceited, too, but it's not.  I should say I am confident in knowing what is good mutual sex and what isn't.  I just want to enjoy it.  Lately I have found myself in relationships that gave the scent of a fantastic sexual relationship only to be let down by the  realization that the sex was always going to be the same, no matter how hard I tried, and no matter what it was they were advertising.

Let me be clear here.  I don't mean exciting in the usual, stupid sense.  I don't need a girl that is willing to "swallow", or take it in the ass, or whatever.  I don't need that usual kink factor.  Not that I'm blasting it, it's just that it's not what makes for a satisfying experience.

What does then?

The subtle things, simple things.

Now I won't go into a million specifics, but I prefer much more than going through the motions of the typical checklisted sex act brought to you by your high school health class.  Kissing, then "petting" (I love that word, "petting", nothing less sexier.) then heavy "petting", then oral stimulation, then intercourse.  Let's just say I love the curiousness and exploration that sex can offer.  That's whats hot.  Openminded sex.  Storytelling sex.  Not knowing where you are gonna go sex.  All the while paying attention to the subtle things associated with it.  Like a bead of sweat pouring down exposed flesh, the aroma of the air and each other filling your nasal cavities, the unbelievable feeling of two naked bodies touching each other, and the sweet taste of anothers skin on your lips and tongue.  Stuff that sends you into a frenzy. Yeah that kind of stuff.  Toxic sex.  Backbreaking sex.  Undescribable sex.  Not the boring do it and roll over bullshit.  It should never get that boring.  Like I said, it should be an experience, not an act.

Why has sex and the appeal of it become so lame?  I don't know, but it sucks.  The way the media presents it, the act itself, my God it's like watching two dogs mate for the sake of procreation and that's all.  Maybe it's me, I don't know.  But surely there's got to be more to offer than what is out there.  I could rant quite extensively about it, but I'm sure the point was made.  Sex sucks.

6:07 AM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

A poem about the birth and death of each of my twin daughters.

There's a Baby in My Arms and She's Dying

There's a heart in the womb that is beating.
And a child in the womb that is dying.
There's a mother in the room that is weeping.
And a father in the hall that is trying.
Trying to make sense of the world with only sixteen years experience.
"Yesterday, I was doing Math homework,"
"Today, I'm on my knees praying."
Just a child, he proclaimed, "I am ready."
But fatherhood wasn't all that he was facing.
With his wings, to the sky he was flying.
But he soared to the sun,
now he's falling.
"Get it together foolish boy."
"You made it this far without failing."
"Because there's a child to be born that need's raising."
"and a lady with a hand that needs holding."

There's a baby in the room that is sleeping,
And a baby in his arms that is dying.
There's a mother in the room that is crying,
And a father in the room that is trying.
Trying to cope with birth and death with only sixteen years experience.
"It's banging in my head like a battlefield,"
"and I don't know which side that is winning."
Just a child, he proclaimed, "I'm not ready."
But certainty wasn't all that he was facing.
Nine months in this hole that he was digging.
But he could still see the sun,
Now he's climbing.
"You'll get it together foolish boy,"
"you've made it this far without failing."
"Because there's a baby in the room that is smiling,"
"and an angel in the heavens that is waiting."

11:34 AM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Religion, Part One: The origin of "God"

Religion.  Oh boy.  Here we go again.  I didn't wan't to post this blog as my thoughts on this topic are often times lengthy.  So much so that most of you will probably stop reading less than half way through.  Buuttttttt.....people are accusing me of my beliefs in God, or lack thereof, as less than thought out.  Well, I'm going to post a blog, or two, or fourteen, regarding my beliefs on God, spiritualism, organized religion, and it's effect on society based on what I have learned and my own personal observations.  I will try to keep it as simple, short and to the point as possible without straying to far from the topic at hand. 

                                         Ancient Religion

First things first.  For me to bash and criticize the religions we observe, or maybe even practice today, I would hope I have some knowledge and understanding of them.  But to take that a step even further, it's important for me to know the origins of religion, to understand why man needed a "God" in the first place.  So I offer to you, as my first blog regarding this topic, a brief history lesson.  Like I said, I won't go into detail about specific religions unless needed, Just the main and common ideas.

  The idea of religion can be traced backed to the most ancient of civilizations.  Most of these primitive religions had striking similarities to the religions we observe today, such as a story of creation, a single creator, or primary "God", and the continuation of life after death.  Yet, unlike modern religions, most ancient religions believe in a large number of Gods.  These Gods would reign over a family, community, or specific landmark (Such as a mountain or river).  While most primitives did believe in one, "supreme" God, this God was often seen as too distant to be concerned with human affairs,  so man was forced to rely on the guidance of lesser or "local" Gods.  "Local" Gods oftentimes lacked in the mercy and love department, and their actions were also less than predictable.  These Gods were usually connected to dead ancestors meaning they relate to the tribe or clan and support its actions to keep the group functioning.

Because of ancient mans lack of technology and scientific understanding, they trusted the universe was controlled by the Gods.  Occurences such as droughts, illness, death, etc.  that can be easily explained today through modern science, were more devastating and frightening to ancient man due to the unknown nature of these events, and religion would create a sense of security, and feeling of control over the unknown.  It is thought that the ancestors of these tribes and the Gods associated with them handed out these disasters and tragedies as punishments, while also giving rewards, such as a good harvest.  These Gods and ancestors were often as mysterious and fearsome, if not more so, than these natural occurences.

Most primitive religions have a view of the world being cyclical, much like Hinduism and Buddhism, and unlike Christianity, Judaism, and Islam.  That is, there is no point to history.  Various ages repeat themselves with no final goal (This view is adopted likely by the observation of the changing seasons.)  With that, ancient man's objective was to restore order to their world through its own ritualistic actions.

While ancient man believed in the afterlife, there was no specific doctrine (unlike modern religions) of what the afterlife was.  Ancient man expected to be reunited with his ancestors in another world after death, but that world was as confusing and tumultuous as their current world.  Salvation then only related to specific worldy distresses, not in any absolute afterlife.  In other words, new life, same old shit.  Sacrifice, most often a blood sacrifice, is the usual means for atonement.  Temporary escapes into the realm of "Sacred Time", or "Dream Time"  were also possible by reenactments of mythological events.  Through these reenactments, ancient man would mystically participate in the actions of Gods and ancestral heroes.  By doing so, it put a face on the Gods and ancestors, giving them more credibility, and inject a sense of meaning in an otherwise chaotic world.

Survival of the group was of the utmost importance.  Being that ancient man had no means of control, such as police, their group would often look to it's religious beliefs as a means of control, fearing what their Gods would do.  Their moral code was much like any other religion (No lying, cheating, stealing, killing).  But unlike modern religions, those rules only applied to the members of said clan, or group, meaning everyone on the outside was fair game.  This morality, although backed by religion, was more or less used to control the tribe, not to appease the Gods.  However, a sense of a "spiritual morality" only occurs when a tragedy or a disaster happens (such as an illness or draught) to ancient man.  For example, if an illness occurs, they would believe it was due to a wicked deed they have commited.  Only then would they repent to the Gods.

Like today, worship for the ancient man had the purpose of binding together the community, to give them a sense of common purpose.  Each group usually had one "holy man" who make journeys to a "holy land" for the good of the community.  Fasting, self-mortification, and drugs (mostly hallucinogens) were often used to attain trance-like states in which someone would contact the Gods, or even participate in the life of the Gods.  Animals, plants, and human remains were also used to contact the Gods.  Idolatory, or belief that an animal or an object IS a God, was uncommon.  Most of these types of worship were viewed as symbolic.  Unlike todays religions, power rather than love, mercy, or justice were the reasons for worship.  When discussing religion with someone outside ones own  tribe, people would discuss religion through the higher or highest God rather than each other's "Local God".

Believe me, I am going somewhere with this.  In tomarrows blog, I will discuss the fall of more recent dead religions (Greek Mythology), and the rise of current religions.  I will also draw a conclusion, based on the evolution of religion, the advancement of man, and how it all ties together, why God is of little importance to the human race in a civilized world.  In part three, I will discuss the "yays" and "nays" for the existence of God, or a higher spiritual being.  In part four, I will explain why I poke fun at, and am so critical, of organized religion in todays world (especially Christianity) and draw a final conclusion based on said arguements.  This is a stance I am firm on and I hope to create an understanding on why I feel the way I do.  This way, when asked "Why Bill? Why?", I can direct you to my blog for the awnser.  Hopefully it is something that doesn't bore the living hell out of you.  If it is, then I guess you did not really want to know "Why?" all that bad, now did you?

10:36 PM - 10 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

A preview of things to come.

This is an excerpt from Chapter One, "You don't get the whole story on the evening...."  from the novel Life After Death.  Enjoy.

          I pulled the gun out and pointed it right between his eyes.  The shouting ceased.  His angry red face turned pale.  Never had I seen the emotions of a man displayed in such wonderful colors.  It was like watching the sun go down over the ocean horizon.  Aside from the involuntary shaking and rapid breathing associated with a moment of fear such as this, his body ceased to function.  I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy watching him become completely vulnerable because it was certainly refreshing.  I finally had a grasp on things.  For the first time in years, I had complete control over a situation in my life, and I would be damned if I wasn't going to savor every minute of it.

          "Not so fun, is it?"

          I watched his neck move ever so slightly in what I thought was surely going to be a response, but nothing still.

          "I said not so fun, is it?"

          "What do you want, Brian?"

          I've seen him scared before, but not like this.  He could barely get those words out in a whisper.

          "If you have to ask, then we are already off to a really bad start."

          He blinked quickly enough to keep his eyes on the firearm staring back at him.

          "Do you remember that song they played at your Dad's funeral?"

          "Why are you doing this?"

          "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot, wasn't it?  Do you know what that song is about?  Hmmm?"
 
          The beads of sweat that began pouring from the bullseye that was his forehead were glistening in the moonlight.  I tell ya, Vincent van Gogh couldn't have painted a better picture of an evening such as the one I was giving birth to.

          "It's about the prophet Elijah being swept away into heaven on a chariot.  Real happy spiritual ditty Josh, you know?  You wanna know why it's so moving to me Josh?  Because it's a song about acceptance.  The acceptance that our earthly body is ceasing to exist and the soul is moving on to live with the almighty God in the heavens.  Now how wonderful a concept is that Josh?  To be rid of all the struggles of being a man, to be reunited with your loved ones at the pearly gates, and finally get your wings?  That has to be quite the experience, wouldn't you agree?"

          "Listen Brian, don't do this, I'll do whatever you want man, just please, don't do this."

          The sound of his voice strengthened a bit as he plead for his life.  It's astounding how the tune of a person can change when they are faced with the possibility of death.  I could've had him do anything.  Any and everything I wanted was mine for the taking.  But I didn't want to humiliate him.  Hell, I'm not a monster.  I mean what he had done to me certainly wasn't as final as the fate I was going to bestow unto him.  I wanted him to be as comfortable as possible, considering the circumstances.

          "You know how that song goes, right?  Can you sing it for me?"

          "Brian please, think about my daughter."

          "Come on Josh, I'll start it off for you.  Swing low, sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home!  Come on Josh!"

          "Swing low, sweet chariot..."

          "That's it."

          "...coming for to carry me home."

          He stopped singing as tears began to fall from his wide, horrified eyes.  Each moment that passed was more beautiful than the next.  Even I found it difficult not to get choked up during this, his final performance, his swan song.

          "What's wrong?"

          "I don't remember the rest."

          "You don't remember the rest?  Well here, I'll start you off, O.K.?  Here we go."

          "Please don't."

          "I looked over Jordan and what did I see, coming for to carry me home!  A band of angels coming after me, coming for to carry me home!  Now your turn."

          "Don't Brian, Please, I'm begging you."

          "Come on, Josh."

          "Stop, Please Brian, for the love of God."

          "DON'T FUCK WITH ME, JOSH!  SING THE FUCKING SONG!"

          He cried hard for a moment more but gathered himself as he sang what was the last words the world was going to hear from him.  A song of acceptance.  He was brilliant. Truly his finest hour in what was to be his final bow.

          "Swing low, sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home.  Swing low, sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home."



          I always pondered what would happen in that moment.  I thought it would play out in slow motion, like in the movies, you know.  But he hit the ground fast.  It was over quicker than I could prepare myself for.  The blood and brain matter that splashed around on the cement and myself wasn't what was really bothersome.  The fact that he was deceased is what really hit me.  He was dead.  Josh no more.  Gone.  One minute he was there, the next he's in oblivion.  By my own  hands.  Forever.  That kind of profound truth I was definitely not ready for.  And the moment I had waited for so long to get back, that moment of beauty, that moment of clarity, that moment of control.........It died that night with Josh.

4:37 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Who am I?

I've been really trying to find myself lately.  I've been looking for a sort of spiritualism that oranized religion can't give me.  A way to open up and search who I am.  In this world we live in, it is difficult for me to find my place.  I feel tortured as to fnding out what it is I need to be.  I've tried meditation by a small waterfall as the mist and wind enter my pores and the serene sound of crashing waters infiltrate my ears.  Hell, I've even gone as far as self-mutilation because my society will not accept me, the physical pain melts away the mental anguish, but nothing seems to work.  I guess I just want to know.........Who Am I?

Nah.......Not really.

Boy can you imagine if I was really like that.

The self-rightous crap that drains out of peoples mouth, such as what I have posted is downright disgusting to me.  These complex worlds that people create for themselves are not as complex as the real world in which we live.  It's pointless and it accomplishes nothing.  Now certainly I have some viewpoints that some might construe as "Over the top" myself, no doubt, whether it be religion, politics, or society in general.  But none of these personal philosophies are self serving by any means.  Radical as they may be, they are simple and they have the best intentions.  I just like to live in a world where people make rational decisions based on truths we observe in everyday life, while having the guts to think outside the box and questioning the norms of society.  People that create lavish realities for themselves are clearly bored with the world around them and believe they are so above others with their deep thoughts and such that they have this dying need to seperate themselves from the rest of the human race.  That right there is where the problem lies.  These people selfishly get caught up in their own universe of anguish, God, etc. that they blind themselves from the "Real World".  A world in which too many people are suffering from "Real Problems".  While those guilty parties whine about the little and made up things, there is a world in which poverty, starvation, and inadequate healthcare are king.

So enough about the idiots.  They just gave me inspiration to write about what I really wanted to.  Here are a few facts and figures about the aforementioned issues courtesy of the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations.

• 852 million people across the world are hungry, up from 842 million a year ago.

• Every day, more than 16,000 children die from hunger-related causes--one child every five seconds.
  
  
• In essence, hunger is the most extreme form of poverty, where individuals or families cannot afford to meet their most basic need for food.

• Hunger manifests itself in many ways other than starvation and famine. Most poor people who battle hunger deal with chronic undernourishment and vitamin or mineral deficiencies, which result in stunted growth, weakness and heightened susceptibility to illness.
  

• Countries in which a large portion of the population battles hunger daily are usually poor and often lack the social safety nets we enjoy, such as soup kitchens, food stamps, and job training programs. When a family that lives in a poor country cannot grow enough food or earn enough money to buy food, there is nowhere to turn for help.

• In the developing world, more than 1.2 billion people currently live below the international poverty line, earning less than $1 per day.

• Among this group of poor people, many have problems obtaining adequate, nutritious food for themselves and their families. As a result, 815 million people in the developing world are undernourished. They consume less than the minimum amount of calories essential for sound health and growth.

• Undernourishment negatively affects peoples health, productivity, sense of hope and overall well-being. A lack of food can stunt growth, slow thinking, sap energy, hinder fetal development and contribute to mental retardation.

• Economically, the constant securing of food consumes valuable time and energy of poor people, allowing less time for work and earning income.

• Socially, the lack of food erodes relationships and feeds shame so that those most in need of support are often least able to call on it.
  
  
• Poor nutrition and calorie deficiencies cause nearly one in three people to die prematurely or have disabilities, according to the World Health Organization.

• Pregnant women, new mothers who breastfeed infants, and children are among the most at risk of undernourishment.

• Every year, nearly 11 million children die before they reach their fifth birthday. Almost all of these deaths occur in developing countries, 3/4 of them in sub-Saharan Africa and South Asia, the two regions that also suffer from the highest rates of hunger and malnutrition.

• Most of these deaths are attributed, not to outright starvation, but to diseases that move in on vulnerable children whose bodies have been weakened by hunger.

• Every year, more than 20 million low-birth weight babies are born in developing countries. These babies risk dying in infancy, while those who survive often suffer lifelong physical and cognitive disabilities.

• The four most common childhood illnesses are diarrhea, acute respiratory illness, malaria and measles. Each of these illnesses is both preventable and treatable. Yet, again, poverty interferes in parents ability to access immunizations and medicines. Chronic undernourishment on top of insufficient treatment greatly increases a childs risk of death. 

• In the developing world, 27 percent of children under 5 are moderately to severely underweight. 10 percent are severely underweight. 10 percent of children under 5 are moderately to severely wasted, or seriously below weight for ones height, and an overwhelming 31 percent are moderately to severely stunted, or seriously below normal height for ones age.

If you are on of the folks who are going to have a rebuttal such as, "Well it's not my responsibilty,"  you should probably just stop reading now, and don't leave some bullshit comment, because this is obviously not a concern to you.  You'll never get it, and you probably never will.  I'm not a bleeding heart by any means, but for Fuck's sake, shouldn't the whole world have the right to give their family sufficient meals, and obtain proper healthcare.  Our world leaders do nothing so lets take matters in our own hands.....Our own little "Enough is Enough" revolution.  We all have the power to eradicate this problem, but we have to do so collectively.  I'm sorry but I can't consciously go smiling through life when countless others can't get a clean drink of water, and we don't have to sacrifice much to help.   

"Well what can I do?"

Easy.  Donate a small amount of money to one of these organizations, or find one on Google or something that suits you.  I'm a middle/lower class citizen living check to check and it never broke my bank.

Bread.org

Sendhope.com

Worldvision.org

Compassion.com

resources.imb.org

freefromhunger.org

I challenge anyone and everyone to make a donation.  While you're at it, maybe look into volunteering some of your time to issues important to you in your community.  Not to mention getting the word out on issues important to you as well because there are plenty more than this.  I know, you've heard it all before, but it's true we can eradicate problems such as these over time as long as we don't give in to complacency.  Your world will be better because of it. 

Then we can all worry about the little and pointless bullshit in life.

10:17 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment