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Wednesday, June 25, 2008
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i hate life
its my 32nd birthday and i wish i had never woke up....worse bday ever .....havent spent a birthday alone in 14 years...
7:30 PM
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Saturday, April 12, 2008
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devastation
Category: Life
my husband left me, its been a week now......i feel dead inside...every morning i wake up mad because i didnt die in my sleep like ive been praying for every fucking night
3:32 PM
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Saturday, February 09, 2008
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anniversary
Current mood:  blessed
today is richard and i's 12 year anniversary, i couldnt ask for a more beautiful day, there r birds singing, sun shining, the temp is perfect...its glorious, thank u God!!! thank God for putting richard on this earth, for sending him to me, for blessing me with a handsome, intelligent, loving and hardworking man and the beautiful child we made together, thank u God for the actual 13 years i have loved, lived, cried and laughed with my hubby, and i PRAY God gives me another 13 years and then some with my man!!!!! I LOVE U RICHARD, THANKS FOR LOVING ME BACK WHEN I THOUGHT THERE WAS NO ONE OUT THERE THAT COULD OR WOULD LOVE ME LIKE U DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2:07 PM
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Monday, January 28, 2008
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santa fe
well im no longer a member of the "fe family", because of lack of communication between managers and to me my hours were "mistakenly cut" and i found out someone was hired to replace me in the kitchen, i cant express how much that hurt and embarrased me at the time and i reacted to it wrong when i found out and walked out on my shift, i thought i had been replaced and couldnt understand what i had done to deserve that, my hours where cut to 2 days a week and i couldnt survive on that.....didnt find out til days later that is was a miscommunication between my managers because of the confusion of me working splits front house during the day and back house at night, all i wanted was to not work so many damn split shifts, what really upset me was i had talked to jeff about not wanting to lose my kitchen position and if wanting off my day "to-go" shift was going to b a problem i would just continue to work both, i thought we got everything straightened out but that was on friday and when i came back to work on sunday thats when i found out my hours were cut and a new person was taking all my kitchen hours except 2 days...how would someone else feel if they were in my position and this had happened to them, would they not b hurt and confused and feel replaced too?!?!?!?! when i found out it was all a mistake i went back and talked to my managers and told them my side of it and that i was sorry for just walking out and asked for my job back, they all seemed like they were ok with that, after all it wasnt just my fault and it wasnt like i just up and left for no reason, they said i was a good employee, i did my job, i worked extra shifts when asked, i was never late nor did i call in or miss work, if someone needed help i helped them, i always tried to keep busy and not just stand around, but i guess thats not all good enough for them to forgive me and let me come back, no i was told today that even though i was a very good worker, i was more or less being made an example of, because someone else has walked out and wants to come back and they think that if they let me come back then they would have to do that for everyone, thing is, they have already done it for others that have walked out before me........it really is breaking my heart, i felt at home there, i actually was there more than at my own home, and i miss it and my co workers.....no one knows how hard it was for me to swallow my pride and crawl back up there to face 5 different managers and apologize and ask for my job back........its not fair, not at all, i wasnt the only one at fault here damnit!!!!
2:21 PM
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Saturday, January 12, 2008
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my 11 year old daughters poem, im so proud!!!
Current mood:  warm
Category: Writing and Poetry
Drowsy Sparks
As the afternoon sun sets,
We remember we are together,
In the crazy world full of our bets on life.
But no one person can be completely correct,
For we are just drowsy sparks in the fire of life.
Everyone can guess on our survival,
Some are correct,
And some are wrong.
Those that our right,
Are just lucky flames above us.
But of course, I'm speaking of life outside us,
In the free, clear space just around the flickering circle of life,
Looking down on the drowsy sparks of the human race.
They are lost loved ones,
But only lost to us,
Because they have found their own way to God,
The ash, cinders, and fire of life.
The glorious creator of liberty, freedom,
And the match.
The creator of heaven, the ending of our path,
But only if we thank him for the dry wood to start life.
Bethany Evans .. toctype = X-unknown -->.. toctype = text -->.. text -->
9:26 AM
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7 Comments - 10 Kudos
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Monday, January 07, 2008
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something i can never have---NIN
Current mood:  ashamed
Category: Music
I still recall the taste of your tears
echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
my favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
scraping through my head 'till I don't want to sleep anymore
you make this all go away
you make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
and I'm starting to scare myself
you make this all go away
you make this all go away
I just want something
I just want something I can never have
you always were the one to show me how
back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now
this thing is slowly taking me apart
grey would be the color if I had a heart
come on tell me
you make this all go away
you make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
and I'm starting to scare myself
you make this all go away
you make this all go away
I just want something
I just want something I can never have
in this place it seems like such a shame
though it all looks different now,
I know its still the same
everywhere I look you're all I see
just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be
come on tell me
you make this all go away
you make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
and I'm starting to scare myself
you make this all go away
you make it all go away
I just want something
I just want something I can never have
I just want something I can never have
6:45 AM
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2 Comments - 2 Kudos
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Thursday, January 03, 2008
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Kerry
Current mood:  lonely
today was the one year anniversary of kerry's death.....it sucked, i miss him very much still, dont think i will ever stop hurting over losing him, ill never have another friend like him!! him being gone hit me hard christmas eve, i woke up crying that morning, first christmas in 8 years without him and he always made christmas good in his own ways...i cried during the count down on new years, all i could really thnk about was how at that time last year i was trying to call him to say happy new year and couldnt get a hold of him, 2 days later i found out he was in the hospital and then he died on the 4th, i saw and talked to him on the 29th, that was the last time to ever hear his voice or see his face.....i would give just about anything to have that day back......
9:17 PM
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Saturday, November 03, 2007
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HELP!!!!
Category: Art and Photography
ok people ive really got to start making some money with my art/craft pieces!!!! ask around and find me some business im really starting to feel untalented and depressed and im extremely broke on top of it all most of u have seen some of my work the pics r on my profile and i do requests i can paint just about anything asian, harley davidson, gothic, tinkerbell...pretty much anthing anybody wants i can do!!! just contact me with what u want and ill give u a price and i think im pretty cheap and reasonable!!!!! seriously people i am a STARVING ARTIST!!!!
8:16 AM
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Monday, October 15, 2007
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my anthem
"Fallen"
Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
THe past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I've held so dear.
I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
Heaven bend to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
One slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
[2X]
7:40 AM
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