The man, the myth, the legend! George Carlin was the best!
Current mood: pirate
The man took on many different aspects of life and made you laugh your ass off on every statement he made. Was a genius in the comedy world cuz he took on all the taboo subjects and put his spin on them, which we can all relate too and laugh about cuz we could relate. Here is a clip of his view on global warming. ENJOY! >;)
Doctors visit **UPDATE**
Current mood: ashamed
Category: Life
Doctor-- "Good morning Mr. Buchanan, how are you today?"
Me--"ok...You?"
Doctor-- "Doing good, been a couple weeks since our last visit, how are things going? Anything I should know about, any significant changes in health and mood?"
Me-- " I feel ok, nothing really to brag about I ahve been doing everything you have asked of me. including the extra fiber and protien you have asked for in my diet. Working 3rd shift it is hard to keep a regimen of what you have asked though."
Doctor-- "Good, good.....Your blood pressure looks fine, all the blood work has come back decently.....Did you bring your stool sample?"
Me- "My what?"
Doctor-- "Stool sample. I need to check your stool and urine today."
Me-- " I don't recall any asking for a stool sample...But I did eat some chicken buritos last night along with my protien shake and fiber drink, I'm sure I can provide you with what you need since I just got out of work and am in need of some serious bowel movement."
Doctor-- " OK....Let me get you a cup to give me the specimins I need....."
He walks out and I am beside myself, I do not remember him asking me to bring a stool sample, who the fuck saves their shit to bring to a doctor? He comes back in with the cups and I proceed to the restroom to give him the goods......
Me-- "here ya go doc! Fresh stool and piss, make sure you don't drink it...HA HA HA HA!"
Doctor--- " No need to make jokes, I see these things every day."
He leaves with my goods and is gone for what seems like forever but it is only 10 minutes....
Doctor-- " your stool seems a bit off, I will have more tests done but I am recomending a colonoscopy for next week."
Me-- "A WHAT???"
Doctor-- " A colonoscopy, to make sure your inner organs are working correctly, Your stool did not look normal for someone who is on a high fiber, high protien diet."
Me-- " SO....What does that mean?"
Doctor-- " It is a simple procedure to see if their are any polyups or anything unnormal inside of your colon."
Me-- " OK what is that exactly?"
Doctor-- " Well it is a small camera that is inserted in your anus and is directed to your colon, to see if their are any problems."
Me-- " SO....You are going to stick a camera up my asshole and guide it through my insides to my colon and see if everything is ok?"
Doctor-- "Well basically, yes."
Me-- " Fuckin lovely!!!"
Doctor-- " I will give you a brochure on how to prepare for this test....I will also call you later when I have the results of your stool and urine samples so I can let you know for sure if you actually need a colonoscopy.....This is not something to take lightly. And from what I have seen in my 32 years of medicine I am sure you will have to have one. It is for you own benefit, if all is good then we go forward with other tests."
Me-- "The thought of having something shoved up my ass that far is humiliating!"
Doctor-- " we need to find out what is goinf on with you to make you healthy....You have kids right?"
Me-- "Yes."
Doctor-- "You owe it to them to make sure you are alive to see them graduate and make you a grandfather!"
Me-- " SO you think it could be that serious?"
Doctor-- " I never speculate until I have test results, I can only go by what I have seen in my practice. From my initial judgement, yes, you will need a colonoscopy."
Me-- "OK, let me know cuz I do not want to have some shit shoved up my ass for no reason....You understand right?"
Doctor-- "Absolutely....I will not perform any trest which does not need to be done. I'll set up an appointment for you next week to see me again, if anything comes back where we need to do more tests I will call you."
Me-- "Ok, thanks doc......."
I set up my appointment for next week and come home to see exactly what a colonoscopy is....FUCK THAT SHIT!!!! I am so anal retentive it would make you cry, Hell it makes me cry....LOL. Pray for my silly ass that I do not have to have this God forbidden thing done to me!!!!
***UPDATE***
Just got the call from them, Gotta love owrking 3rd shift anhd getting a call in the middle of your sleep!!! Good news! No colonoscopy, just more fiber needed for me. Jesus how much fiber can a man have to take in a day? AT least now I can sleep well....Or maybe not......
Some say the end is near. Some say we’ll see armageddon soon. I certainly hope we will. I sure could use a vacation from this bullshit three ring circus sideshow of Freaks here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA The only way to fix it is to flush it all away. Any fucking time. Any fucking day. Learn to swim, I’ll see you down in Arizona bay. Fret for your figure and Fret for your latte and Fret for your hairpiece and Fret for your lawsuit and Fret for your prozac and Fret for your pilot and Fret for your contract and Fret for your car. It’s a bullshit three ring circus sideshow of freaks here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA The only way to fix it is to flush it all away. Any fucking time. Any fucking day. Learn to swim, I’ll see you down in Arizona bay. Some say a comet will fall from the sky. Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves. Followed by faultlines that cannot sit still. Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits. Some say the end is near. Some say we’ll see armageddon soon. I certainly hope we will cuz I sure could use a vacation from this Silly shit, stupid shit... One great big festering neon distraction, I’ve a suggestion to keep you all occupied. Learn to swim. Mom’s gonna fix it all soon. Mom’s comin’ round to put it back the way it ought to be. Learn to swim. Fuck L Ron Hubbard and Fuck all his clones. Fuck all those gun-toting Hip gangster wannabes. Learn to swim. Fuck retro anything. Fuck your tattoos. Fuck all you junkies and Fuck your short memory. Learn to swim. Fuck smiley glad-hands With hidden agendas. Fuck these dysfunctional, Insecure actresses. Learn to swim. Cuz I’m praying for rain and I’m praying for tidal waves I wanna see the ground give way. I wanna watch it all go down. Mom please flush it all away. I wanna watch it go right in and down. I wanna watch it go right in. Watch you flush it all away. Time to bring it down again. Don’t just call me pessimist. Try and read between the lines. I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t Welcome any change, my friend. I wanna see it all come down. suck it down. flush it down.
I had the luxury of seeing the family values toutr some time ago...The all star lineup was as follows: Korn, Limp Bizkit, Incubus, Orgy and Rammstein. It was a lengthy show and I was under the influence of some very good acid and some G-13 at the time which made it even more of a memorable experience to say the least. It was my first introduction to the bands Orgy and Rammstein. Orgy was decent and I dug their sound but Rammstein blew me away with their stage show.He spoke no english other than his greeting "kalamazoo, we love you" spoken in a thick German accent. The show was incredible, they sounded so awesome live, almost like listening to a CD, the riffs were tight, the sound was deafening, the visuals were amazing...One song sticks in my head to this day, Buck Dich. It started off hard and hammering and then he came out with a huge pink dildo stapped to his waist, jumping, shaking and gyrating to the sound of the music. Then he proceeded to run up to his keyboard player and rip his pants down and commence to ass rape him....I was in total shock, tripping my ass off seeing this shit....I turn to my buddy whom is also in shock and I ask if we are really seeing this shit and he replies, "dude, we can’t be." As he finishes his ass raping he attatches a hose to the dildo and jumps down front stage and begins spraying everyone in the front row with water coming from the pink dildo attached to him....My mind has that image burned into my brain everytime I here that song, even though I still love all their music it never made sense because all the words are in German. So today, on a whim I am looking up lyrics to songs and find a translation to the song Buch Dich and it all makes sense to me now.....God damn I love the Germans for their bold and brash sexuallity! I have included both sets of lyrics for you guys to enjoy as well as added the song to this blog for you to listen to!!
Bück dich befehl ich dir
wende dein Antlitz ab von mir dein Gesicht ist mir egal bück dich
Ein Zweibeiner auf allen Vieren ich führe ihn spazieren im Passgang den Flur entlang ich bin enttäuscht
Jetzt kommt er rückwärts mir entgegen Honig bleibt am Strumpfband kleben ich bin enttäuscht total enttäuscht
Bück dich das Gesicht interessiert mich nicht
Der Zweibeiner hat sich gebückt in ein gutes Licht gerückt zeig ich ihm was man machen kann und ich fang zu weinen an
Der Zweifuß stammelt ein Gebet aus Angst weil es mir schlechter geht versucht sich tiefer noch zu bücken Tränen laufen hoch den Rücken
Bück dich
Bück dich befehl ich dir wende dein Antlitz ab von mir dein Gesicht ist mir egal bück dich nocheinmal
Bück dich
Translated in english
Bend over, I command you turn your visage away from me I don’t care about your face bend over
A two-legged being on all fours I take him for a walk ambling along the corridor I am disappointed
Now he comes backwards towards me Honey stays stuck on the garter I am disappointed, totally disappointed
Bend over your face doesn’t interest me
The two-legged one has bent over and moved into a good light I show him what you can do and I start to cry
The biped stammers a prayer because he’s scared I’m feeling even worse he tries to bend over even more tears run up his back
Bend over
Bend over, I command you turn your visage away from me I don’t care about your face bend over once more
The overwhelming power of love
Current mood: indescribable
Category: Life
I think I have cried more in the past few days than I have my entire life. Those who know me know I am a strong, stubborn, headstrong individual and tend to show my macho side when things get rough. I have done that the past few weeks, hell the past month or so. My girlfirend has cancer...The selfish side of me just asks, WHY?!!! I finally meet and fall in love with someone who brings out the best in me, loves me regardless of all my faults, my shortcomings, my failures in life....She loves me unconditionally even though I am less than perfect most of the time. I'm a hard man to live with, be with, let alone love....I have baggage, an anger issue (though I never take it out on people) and I am undependeable at times....But she loves me unconditionally. She may not always say it, or tell me, but when I hold her in my arms, and look into her eyes I can see it, I can feel it. I have never felt like this about another human being outside of my children.Soul mate sounds like such a cheesy phrase, but in my heart I know that she is mine. A lot of shit has come about with her illness, I will not go into details about most of it but it's a lot of shit that would make some people just run away, get very angry, jealous and possesive, and just want to give up. I can't, because of the strong feelings I have for her. My heart belongs to her, my soul is intertwined with hers, my love for her grows stronger every day. Although it will be a long, LONG, year as she gets her treatments and goes through what she needs to do to keep her children close to her, I will stand by her side. I may not like the situation she has to put herself in to make sure she keeps her kids close, I trust her. Something I have never been able to say about many people, especially a woman I love and have given my heart and love to.
My mother set up a website for her, which brings tears to my eyes when I look at it. I have seen the comments my family and friends have left for her, peoiple who don't even know her, people who have only met her on a brief occasion, and some whom have never met her have left some very encouraging, positive words for her on her path to recovery....It speaks volumes of the love that is exhumed from us when we are together. It shows that actions speak louder than words, body language within 2 people can truly be felt by everyone around them....I have some awesome friends, and an awesome family! it's something I am going to need over the next year to keep me strong over the next year so I can be strong for her. Something I know that I will have to accept, something I have never wanted or felt I needed in my life, but I know I need it now or I will drive myself insane with the crazy thoughts that run through my head.....I'm a dreamer, a realist, an optimist, a loving caring individual....I thank you guys for your prayers, support and open ears when and if I need to vent. You guys are the best friends a man could ask for.....
Here is the website my mother has set up if you guys choose to leave a comment for her...Take care you guys and God bless you all. You all are truly a blessing from God! http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/destinyfleckenstein
Celebrity crushes.....
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Life
Ok, We all have them.....Some celebrity that makes you hot and all tingly inside when you see them or hear about them. I have had a few in my lifetime and still harbour some lust for all of them.....Here's the list.
1 First girl that got me feeling all tingly in my "special place"...
2 I had a few of her posters...God damn I used to dream about this Hottie...
3 This girl had some posters on my wall that did not need any nails or tacks! >;)
4 A time went by in my life when I had no celebrity crush, "persay", No one that really stood out till I got back into wrestling. Trish was the hottest thing on this planet....
Now for the honorable mention.....
SO Fucking smoking hott....Yet has the brains of a small child....I still dig her though.
For one of the sexiest women in Hollywood...Don't laugh or criticize...Look at her, almost 50 and still smokin fuckin hott!!!
We have all had celebrity crushes....Lemme hear about yours!
Ok....I'm probably the only guy I know over 35 who has yet to get a real tattoo.....Maybe not.....
My issue with getting a tattoo was I thought they were fuckin cool as hell but they were permanent! So I did not want to get some bullshit, which I already have from some home experiments when I was younger, but those can get covered from what I am told.
SO, I finally decide what I want What I truly want on my body forever.....Now I have been searching endlessly of what I could grace my body with...SOmething inside of me has unleashed and I feel the need to decorate more, even before I have my first official one!!!
Here is the winner that will grace my left arm! Despite the picture I want to have it look like he is ripping out of my arm, so it a stretch for the visual right now.
Here, in planning ahead stage, is what I would like to grace my right arm.
And last but not least in my planning ahead....I would like this starting at the back of my neck and working down the middle of my back. Not a big tribal fan, I actually hate it, but this is cool as hell to me.
So that's it in a nutshell, I am going to get some ink soon!!! Anyone got some cool tat's they would like to show? Some war stories on tattoos? Love, Hate?....LMAO....
A few of my favorite shows growing up
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Life
So I'm getting a little nostalgic in my old age....LMAO! Just a little picture blog of some of my favorite shows I remember when I was growing up....Need me remind you they did not have cable TV or internet when I was a kid....How the hell did I survive?! The best thinsg was waiting for my favorite shows to come on, playing my Atari 2600 and building models, playing G.I. Joe and Star Wars in my backyard with my friends and running around the neigbohood late at night when I had friends stay over. GOD! The good ole days, when you didn't have to worry about weirdos.....I grew up in the country so my options and activities as a child were limited, I had a VERY active imagination, still do, but getting back to the blog here....Some of my favorite shows growing up!
The motherfuckin A-Team!!! Hell yes, B.A. Barackus was a bad mofo....You ain't gettin me on no plane Hannibal!!!
It's time to play the music, it's time to hit the lights.....Loved the muppet show, although the 2 dudes in the balcony gave me nightmares....
OHHH MY GAAWWWD! MAGNUM!!!! Hella show, how many freeloaders do you know that can live in a luxury estate and drive a Ferrari around while solving mysteries and using your freinds resources to do so? FUCKING INCREDIBLE SHOW!!!
HAAAA!!! Where's the kitty? Alf was an awesome show, loved it, loved it, loved it!!
Don't make me angry...You wouldn't like me when I'm angry! Any comic geek loved this show!
It takes different strokes to rule the world!!! Great show for it's time! I used to be able to mimic Arnold Jackson....My 3rd grade teacher would not let me go out to recess one day until I said those famous words....WHAT YOU TALKIN BOUT WILLIS!
Michael Knight....Need I say more? David Hasselhoff became an icon!
HOLY SHIT!!! Miami Vice hit the scene and I was hooked! Sonny Crocket was the shit, hell I even had a wardrobe to match his in my teens....
Gotta love J.R. Ewing! Friday night just wasn;t the same if I did not watch it, Sex, greed, power, money....Great show to corrupt the youth.
And the show that came on just before Dallas....The Dukes of Hazzard, Bo and Luke were my heros at one time!
Onto the great cartoons of my childhood.....Roadrunner and Wile-e-coyote...To bad he never caught that bird!
ANDELE, ANDELE, ARRIBA, ARRIBA!!!! Speedy was the shit!!!
And never forget good ole Tom and Jerry...Classic fucking toons man!!
Just a few of the shows that captivated me as a youngster...Tell me if you remember them, liked them and feel free to add any of your own! :)
The night was cold and snowy, a typical Michigan January eve. The kids had been dropped off with mom and he was heading home with anticipation that his lover would come over to justify their love together once again. He arrives home and calls his lover. Voicemail again! He leaves a short message and awaits the call back.
Time passes by as he awaits the phone call that never comes, he becomes aggitated and decides he will take a nap. He goes and lays in his bed, turning on the TV and surfing channels and arrives on the discovery channel which is featuring a special on sex in the 90's, he becomes intruiged and leaves it at that station as he drifts of into slumber.....
His dreams begin to come to surface as he drifts farther into his sleep. He dreams that his lover is with him, gently carresing his body and kissing every inch of him. She gently removes his boxers exposing his rock hard manhood and gently begins to put her mouth on his member. She slowly kisses and licks the head of his cock slowly puting it all he way into her mouth as she plays with his balls. He lets out a moan of excitement as she begins to shove his cock deeper into her mouth , tounging his balls at the same time, this woman is multi-talented! She looks up at him lustifully with his cock in her mouth, as he moans in pleasure. He begins to stroke her hair as she is taking him in and out of her mouth, stroking his shaft and caressing his balls. The sensation of her mouth is bringing him close to climax as she gently backs off and begins to tease the head of his cock with her tounge.
He is at the point of sleep and reality as he feels down to his groin area, actually feeling her there with him. He awakens to find this is not a dream, but reality! She is there, she has lit candles and the glow from them are reflecting off her face as she stares up at his with a smile. He grabs her head and pulls her up to his lips where they become engulfed in passionate, lustful kissing. He reaches down and feels she is naked, and wet. He begins to run his fingers through her moistness, gently inserting his middle finger into her wetness. She begins to moan and writhe as he is playing with her clit and gently gliding his finger in and out of her.
She breaks away and they gaze into each others eyes, the animal insitinct and the chemistry between them becomes to much as she mounts him and giudes his rock hard cock into her wetness. She gently begins to move her hips up and down until the wetness has fully taken over and the feeling of sensation begins to consume them. She rides him as he moans in pleasure, rocking her hips back and forth, taking all of his manhood deep inside her. She gets off of him and rolls over and puts her sexy ass in the air, an invitation that he takes willfully. He gets behind her and grabs her ass with force as he shoves his manhood deep inside her once again. She is pushing herself back into him as he is in motion. He smacks her ass at her request, he thrusts harder and deeper as he is forcefully smacking her ass.
They both explode into orgasmic bliss. He gently stops as his love juice fills her wetness, he gently thrusts in and out making sure to release all of his love within her. He withdrawls from her and gently kisses her sexy ass and begins to run his tounge around her wetness. He rolls her over and begins to play with her once again, gently rubbing her clit and inserting a finger or two as they lay in a passionate embrace. He brings her to climax once again as they completely are exhuasted together, caressing one another as they drift off into a deep sleep of happiness and pleasure.
Come laugh with me.....
Current mood: worried
Category: Blogging
Right at this moment the one I love is about to undergo some serious shit....I needed a smile on my face as I sit and think about it. Those who are in the know, know what I am talking about. Enjoy these pics as I did and of course leave some love!
Enjoy ya'll.......I'm workin on some new SBT shit to post soon....... >;)
pirate
ashamed
animated
indescribable
bouncy
adventurous
nostalgic
worried
