Gulid Meeting.

just letting everybody know, I will be attending the guild meeting on November 22nd at my Mom's house. I will also be bringing my boyfriend Owen. I'm sorry if this causes any problems with anyone but that is the way it is going to be. I am looking forward to seeing you all very much and I will see you guys soon. 

10:51 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Please

Can't you see that I'm sick of this?
Chances are you're oblivious to how I feel
Sitting on your throne
And I'm sure that I'm not alone
Not alone
Not alone

Tell me please
Who the fuck did you want me to be?
Was it something that I couldn't see?
Never knew this would be so political
And please
I'm still wearing this miserable skin
And it's starting to tear from within
But it's obvious that doesn't bother you
So please

I didn't think that you'd sell me out
Now I know what you're all about
You might feel in control of things
But you're not holding all the strings
All the strings
All the strings

Tell me please
Who the fuck did you want me to be?
Was it something that I couldn't see?
Never knew this would be so political
And please
I'm still wearing this miserable skin
And it's starting to tear from within
But it's obvious that doesn't matter to you

I swallowed all your answers
I've swallowed all my pride
You've used up all your chances
Can't keep this all inside

Tell me please
Who the fuck did you want me to be?
Was it something that I couldn't see?
Never knew this would be so political
And please
I'm still wearing this miserable skin
And it's starting to tear from within
But it's obvious that doesn't bother you
So please
Don't keep telling me that it's okay
I don't buy all the shit that you say
And quite honestly I'm fucking sick of it
So please
If I cut off this nose from my face
Then I wouldn't feel so out of place
But it still wouldn't be quite enough for you
So please

For those of you, (you know who you are) who present a fake mask of friendship, who pretend to be on my side and then turn around and act as if it's a chore to care about me and be there for me in my time's of need.. I'm sick of the two-faced bullshit! If you have something to say, then say it to me, instead of going behind my back and telling everyone else what you really think of me. You are accomplishing no more than proving yourself to be a coward! So please, bring your problems to me. I'm sick of hearing everything second hand. If you are truly my friends, as you claim to be, then this shouldn't be a problem.

For my Father, I know that you are only trying to do what you think is best. After all, children don't come with a manual. I understand this. But what I don't undrstand is why you can never just tell me that you are proud of the person that I have become and am growing to be. You are constantly telling me how I'm not doing enough, and how dissappointing it is for a father to see my failures. Have you never failed at something in your life? Are you perfect? I know that you're not. This journey of life hasn't been an easy one, and I'm doing the best that I can to overcome my many obsticals. shouldn't that be enough? What do you want from me?

For my mother, I'm sorry that your life has been a hard road and you feel the weight of it daily, but you have so much potential that you're wasting, with only scraping by. My advice, get out there and go for it. You know that I will always be behind you every step of the way. I know that it can be scary to verture out into the real world, but everntually we all must face it,.Don't be afraid, you have people that love you and will stick by your side through anything,

10:01 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

thoughts and venting ramblings

I never thought that I could be this lost within the confines of my own mind and heart. How could I be this uncertain of where I want to go and what I want to do? Shouldn't I automaticly know the answers? It doesn't make sense to me, and no matter how hard I try to figure it out, the pain of it all cripples my mind and I shut down. I gave the warning, isn't that enough? I'm broken. I have come to grips with this fact as much s it sucks. My heart cannot take as much as it was once able to, before I break anew. I can't help it. This is just the way that things are. I'm beginning to think that it is my destiny to be alone, since I can't ever seem to make anyone happy with me for an extended period of time. This isn't depression talking either, this is just something that I have been thinking a great deal about lately. I'm not looking for any sympathy either, I'm just simply attmpting to vent the thoughts that have been plagueing my mind. Don't worry about me either, I'm not suicidal in the slightest. As much as I long for the pain to stop I would never go as far as to take my own life, I believe it to be a cowardly way to make things stop. I don't know if any of this is going to help me deal with what I'm going through but at least it is an attempt. :-)

11:59 PM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

impressions

5:30 Saturday Morning

we fell in love at first glance, when our eyes met and our hearts raced

well, nothing ever lasts in this life so it ends there and I'm sitting here

with this bottle of wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other

the only thing on my body is an impression of you

well maybe I'm not a dreamer but I'm too realistic to ask myself that

and maybe you were looking at me but I see her behind my shoulder

with this bottle of wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other

the only thing on my body is an impression of you, some impression of you

it's a little cold where I'm sitting and it seems so warm up there

the emotion's just pouring over, I don't know from who or where

with this bottle of wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other

the only thing on my body is an impression of you, a damned impression of you

we fell in love at first glance, when our eyes met and our hearts raced...

tragic love song by Lennon

12:43 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Nothing Lasts Forever

"Nothing Lasts Forever"

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
I'll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you, babe

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Tough we have not hit the ground
It doesn't mean we're not still falling,
Oh I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes you so hard to stay
Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

8:29 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Albuquerque

Just so everyone knows I will be making a trip out to Albuquerque this week for a visit. If anyone would jlike to see me while I am in town let me know. I will be staying until monday of next week.

5:37 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Mordred’s Lullaby

Hush, child
The darkness will rise from the deep
And carry you down into sleep
Child, the darkness will rise from the deep
And carry you down into sleep

Guileless son,
I'll shape your belief
And you'll always know that your father's a thief
And you won't understand the cause of your grief
But you'll always follow the voices beneath

Loyalty loyalty loyalty loyalty
Loyalty loyalty loyalty only to me

Guileless son,
Your spirit will hate her
The flower who married my brother the traitor
And you will expose his puppet behaviour
For you are the proof of how he betrayed her

Loyalty loyalty loyalty loyalty
Loyalty loyalty loyalty only to me

Hush, child
Darkness will rise from the deep
And carry you down into sleep
Child, the darkness will rise from the deep
And carry you down into sleep

Guileless son,
Each day you grow older
Each moment I'm watching my vengeance unfold
For the child of my body, the flesh of my soul
Will die in returning the birthright he stole

Loyalty loyalty loyalty loyalty
Loyalty loyalty loyalty only to me

Hush, child
The darkness will rise from the deep
And carry you down into sleep
Child, the darkness will rise from the deep
And carry you down into sleep

Currently reading : Chainfire: Chainfire Trilogy, Part 1 (Sword of Truth, Book 9) By Terry Goodkind Release date: 2005-01-04

3:25 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Trippy

Check out this video: Halucinate Without LSD

Currently reading : Chainfire: Chainfire Trilogy, Part 1 (Sword of Truth, Book 9) By Terry Goodkind Release date: 2005-01-04

9:27 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

so called friends....

Try as I might to move on, some things still plague my mind. So, maybe if I say them here I will be able to.

it hurts, to think that I was so easily dropped by those that I thought cared about me and would always be there for me. I know that I didn't give notice or warning to my sudden departure, or leave on the best of terms, but a true friend would do their best to overlook such things. Or at least they would state their displeasure of my action and demand an explination.That's what I would have done. Yet, instead of asking me my side of the story they just ignore me as if I never existed to them at all. I know that I dropped off the face of the Earth for a while, but I needed time to heal. Plus, I was afraid of exactly what happened. Being dropped like a bad habbit.

Now, I know that some of you are still my friends and you have No idea how much it means to me that you still care. I love you guys for it!

But those of you that seemingly only pretended to care for me, are what is breaking my heart now. I try to tell myself that you shouldn't matter to me if I never mattered to you, but still you do. Dispite the way you guys turned your backs on me I still care. But, I can't waste my time caring about those who I obviously mean nothing to, so I need to move on.

If I am wrong (and you know who you are) Please tell me. Let me know that you still care, Give me some kind of response. Bitch me out for all I care! Just give me some kind of hint that I still mean something to you.

I'm not trying to sound desperate here, I just wanted to know, I miss my true friends and I thought that some of you were,,,

2:36 AM - 8 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Dear God Lyrics
Current mood: contemplative

Dear God, I hope you got the letter and...I pray you can make it better down here, I don't mean a big reduction in the price of beer. But all the people you made in your image I see them starving on their feet cause they don't get enough to eat from God.

I can't believe in you...

Dear God, sorry to disterb you but... I feel that I should be heard loud and clear.We all need a big reduction in the amount of tears. And all the people that you made in your image, see them fighting in the street cause they can't make opinions meet about God.

I can't believe in you...

Did you make disease and the diamond blue? Did you make mankind
after we made you? And the devil too?

Dear God, don't know if you noticed but... Your name is on a lot of quotes in this book, as crazy humans wrote it. You should take a look
And all the people that you made in your image still believeing that junk is true
Well I know it ain't and so do you,

Dear God I can't believe in... I don't believe in...

I won't believe in heaven and hell no saints no sinners no devil as well, no pearly gate no thorny crown you're always letting us humans down, the wars you bring, the babes you drown those lost at sea and never foun, and it's all the same the whole world round the hurt I see helps to compound that Father, Son, and Holy Ghost is just somebody's unholy hoax And if you're up there you'd perceive that this is my heart here upon my sleeve If there's one thing I don't believe in...It's you, Dear God.

I know that these lyrics will cause some questions to arise, such as "you don't believe in God?" well, I'm not at all saying that I don't believe, I do. But some good points are made in this song. such as, people fighting because other peole belive differently than they do. Theological differences are the causes of alot of strife in the world, throughout history almost all wars had something to do with religon. People are looked down upon nowadays because they don't believe in what the 'rest of sociaty' believes in. People are told that they are going to hell because they are not Christian. This is wrong. Let me ask you this, if God is supposed to be 'all forgiving and benevolent' then why would he punish those who use the free will they were given and walk their own path, instead of following the sheep? Also, being told that you must believe something because it is written in the Bible, is rubbish! The Bible is nothing but a book that was written by man to control the masses by fear of a wrathful god. God did not reach down from heaven and write the bible himself! think about it, the men who wrote the bible would be considered, by todays standards, to be uneducated and superstitious.  if there are anymore questions, please feel free to ask them and I will be happy to explain my views on the subject.

3:47 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment