Building a Better Man
Category: Writing and Poetry

If she could take Joe's restlessness
Tony's hidden hate
Kenny's suspicious mind
Sam's failure to stay straight
Sonny's broken hearted looks
each time he meets her eyes
teach Steven to take off
that incredible disguise
get rid of the chip on Corey's shoulder
and Matthew's unearthly tan
mix em up in the spin cycle
she could build a better man

If she could take every danger
the doubts and all the fears
hide them in a suitcase
vacation souvenirs
learn to think harder on
making the dreams come true
instead of repairing
the old ones with glue
be everything he doesn't need
tear up every plan
click her ruby shoes together
she'd build a better man

If they could forgive the past
learn to live in only that day
let go of old resentments
remember how to play
take life a little less seriously
laugh at the other's jokes
admit that now they were
just some middle aged folks
instead of clinging to a future
that was happening before they began
and put their minds to it
they could build a better man

9:30 AM - 22 Comments - 44 Kudos - Add Comment

He Looked Like a Saint
Category: Writing and Poetry

He looked like a saint
but he talked like a sinner
when he whispered in her ear
it took every thing in her
to not want to melt
to not want to cave
when he asked with that smile
she always gave

he'd look in her eyes
hold her still with his gaze
she wanted him so
in so many ways
she knew it was wrong
and he wasn't right
she justified things
when the day turned to night

when the darkness would fall
and cover his neglect
she'd convince herself
that she could expect
him to change his ways
not try to run
notice that truly
he was the one

but the sun would rise
on a brand new day
she'd open her eyes
and he'd be away
almost as if
he didn't exist at all
she'd lay there in silence
feeling so small

It went on for years
this dance and this drought
she'd learned to live on less
how to go without
she'd convinced herself
that he would transform
that one day he'd be there
one day he'd conform

but she never asked him
to be what she needed
not knowing her dreams
he never conceded
both of them willingly
settled on different extremes
both of them traded in
wholly different dreams

one day he was just gone
no words of regret
it took her years
and she could never forget
the saint that talked like a sinner
and still haunts her dreams
that convinced her that life
never was what it seems

She still sees him in faces
that aren't his
in glances and advances
when she looks in the abyss
and some days it seems like
he was never real
she holds no truth to prove
no evidence to reveal

all she knows for sure is some days
she hardly thinks of him at all
but sometimes when she listens
she can hear the lazy drawl
of the man who looked like a saint
but talked like a sinner
who whispered in her ear
and took every thing in her

9:58 AM - 26 Comments - 56 Kudos - Add Comment

Thoughts From Beyond
Category: Writing and Poetry

You can't see me
not even close
I'm right here beside you
to you I'm a ghost
I'm inside your head
where your eyes can't see
the karma police
always hiding me
deep from your vision
inside your chest
making sure your eyes close
but you never feel rest
you're blessed by guilt
and punished by hope
the impossible dream
that allows you to cope
so when you feel that cold chill
freezing you to the bone
believe it is just me
you're never alone
know that I'll be here
all of your days
to even the score
in so many ways
revenge is sweet
I think by design
but never as sweet
as when it is mine

9:18 AM - 24 Comments - 46 Kudos - Add Comment

She Saw The Good In Everyone
Category: Writing and Poetry

She saw the good in everyone
even when it wasn't there
she'd peel away the layers
looking every where
pull away the defenses
crawl underneath the fence
point out inconsistencies
until it all made sense
it was easier to show them how to love themselves
than to make them love her
she'd cut away their pain
until it was just a memory in blur
one day she hoped someone would look
and see her pain inside
look deep beneath her layers
find the hurts that she denied
but no one ever looked
and no one ever viewed
the things holding her together
until she became unglued
and then the ones she made see clearly
and look deep in to their souls
saw her power was in them all
and the things she couldn't control

8:57 AM - 18 Comments - 34 Kudos - Add Comment

Can You Hear Me?
Category: Writing and Poetry

He asked if she could hear him
she told him even when he isn't there
he's the devil on her shoulder
tangled in her hair
he puts thoughts into her head
that were not there before
she swears every time she sees him
all she wants is more
he sits there looking sexier
than even she can see
more man in that white t-shirt
than he has a right to be

He asked if she could see him
she told him even when he isn't there
sitting there relaxing
filling out that chair
she can close her eyes and inhale him
smelling of tequila and sin
smoke and sweat she can't forget
she can breathe and draw him in
every time she closes her eyes
she can imagine him so aware
every nerve on edge
every time she holds his stare

He asked if she could taste him
she told him even when he isn't there
a smoky sweet tangy treat
always far too rare
she says all of her senses
seem to awaken to his presence
and it doesn't make sense that it's so intense
when she lowers her defenses
but she knows he's there completely
even when he isn't there
sitting on her shoulder
and tangled in her hair

8:16 PM - 21 Comments - 41 Kudos - Add Comment

Goodbye Charlene
Category: Writing and Poetry

He sat at the empty bar
and ordered a bottle of Crown
he wasn't sure what he was doing
but he needed to get this all down
the bartender set down a shot glass
and a bottle that was full
he cracked the seal with zeal
and started with one pull

He pulled some paper from his pocket
and asked the barkeep for a pen
rubbed the scar on his head for a minute
and started to begin

If you're reading this letter
I'm already gone
I've never been what you needed
and I've been gone for so long
I was never the man that you required
that you wanted me to be
I've let you down in so many ways
I'll bet that you'll agree
but this morning when I looked
at the man who was in the mirror
I started to see this life we have
a little bit clearer
I thought of what I could have been
if I'd never had you to lean on
or who I'd be now
if I came home and you were gone

Maybe I was only as weak
as you needed me to be
and only strong enough
so that you'd still need me

He looked up from the paper
drank more courage with a swallow
swore he'd get out every word
before he drank that bottle hollow

The way I reckon it happened
was we fed each other what we needed
and neither of us was a failure
if neither one succeeded
we kept each other down
in ways that I can't calculate
we accepted as gospel truths we thought
were just our given fate
truth be told I hold you as responsible
as I hold myself
I started believing the lies I told you
after believing the ones you used to tell

I wondered if I would have been stronger
if you would have let me fall
if I would have learned to run
if you didn't allow me to crawl
if you would have needed me at all
if you felt I didn't need you so much
if you would have been less bitter
if you didn't have to be my crutch

I guess it doesn't much matter now
all this is said and done
like I said in the beginning
if you're reading this I'm gone

I'm sure that you will miss me at first
you've grown used to seeing me there
but trust me honey this is the right thing
we both need time to repair
at first I'm sure I'll stumble
and I might end up on the ground
but I'll never start to heal
as long as you're around
as long as you are there
making sure I make it through
I'll never deal with all these pieces
depending on you as the glue

I want you to forget about me
and move on with your life
I hope I'll make it through this
and come out the other side
but I can't make any promises
unless they are ones that I can keep
and the only future I can see
is the courage to take this leap

He pulled back on that bottle
the whiskey burning straight through his soul
scared as he closed his letter
that he thought would make him whole

Basically what I'm saying
is you're the fuel that feeds my fires
and I need to find some water
to quench all these desires
I loved you once darlin'
but this bottle was no match for you
it's time for us to be alone
it's well long overdue

I don't know what will happen
but I feel I need to try
give my best to everyone
good luck Charlene, goodbye

He folded up the pages
and again he touched his scar
downed a final shot
left a fifty on the bar
he stumbled through the doorway
into the alley to his right
he had one final thing to do
before he could end this night

He took all of those pages
crumpled and piled them up
poured kerosine on them
struck a match and lit them up

He sat there and watched
from his space in the world
the flames got bigger
the smoke it just curled
it was freeing to see them
dissipate in the air
and when they were gone
he just sat right there
he stared at the ashes
poked through them with his finger
checked for any stray ones
that might have tried to linger
when he was satisfied
that every one of them was gone
he blew away the ashes
and headed on back home

He felt he'd found some answers
some explanation of his pains
but he wasn't ready for change yet
and all that that contains
but he was closer to an answer
than he'd ever been before
he knew he'd be a better man
and to himself he swore
that he would make some changes
to set everything right
and he thanked his God for today
and this very night

For the first time in a long time
he knew he'd be okay
and he never touched a drop again
after that exact day

He left Charlene eventually
and learned to be a better man
he stopped blaming others for his weaknesses
and tried to understand
and though his road was rocky
he knew it was correct
he'd learned a man couldn't be a man at all
if he had no self-respect

4:58 PM - 17 Comments - 30 Kudos - Add Comment

Pearls and Pastels
Category: Writing and Poetry

I was never the girl
in pearls and pastels
quiet and needy
and under their spells
I never censored my thoughts
or censored my words
not saying them out loud
for fear they'd be overheard
I just wanted to relax
sit back and chill out
absorbing all the facts
removing every doubt
that I was pliable or weak
I needed to speak
the thoughts in my head
until everything was said

Still I envied those girls
blonde and fair
in pearls and pastels
with their heads full of air
for their happiness based on ignorance
that left nothing to chance
but I could never slow it down
to get into that dance

I knew I was deeper
and couldn't live in that trance
so I questioned and queried
and searched and sought
wondered and worried
lost deep in my thought
and I often think how easy it would have been
to feign inane interest
just to fit in
but I don't think I could have lived in my skin
with no opinions or voices
an unforgivable sin

So if you see me now
this person I've become
know that it never was
an option to be dumb
because I derive too much pleasure
from beating this drum

June 3, 2006 - Saturday

Still wandering cyberspace and playing dumb games. I will be back poets as soon as I get rid of this Mafia Wars bug...lol

3:12 AM - 17 Comments - 38 Kudos - Add Comment

Puppies and Poetry

Naming my poetry before it is done
feels like naming a puppy before it is born
I need to look in his eyes
see how he responds
watch him play and clown
see how he bonds

I need to ruffle his fur
soft under my hand
I don't think it's wrong
I just don't understand
how something so dynamic
that exists in it's own right
can have a name of it's own
before I feel it's bite

I need to hear it's paws
pound clumsy on the ground
totally graceless
it confounds and astounds me
that some can name the faceless

Does it have markings
that lend to it's name
attitude and character
that makes you think of the same

Some quirk, some trait
that make you recall
I have to wait
until I know it all

Does he bark loud
growl softly under his breath
does he fear the shadows
or not even death

So many questions
I need to answer before
I hang a name on a poem
or over his door

I guess that is what makes us different
as writers and such
some start with a name
and some with not much
I pick through the litters
of poems as they squirm
pick one of those critters
and only then do I confirm
that this is the name
that fits better than the rest
and he earns his moniker
because I am impressed

Because I fall in love
with maybe one little thing
and chose it above the others
because I like it's ring

This is a repost from 1000 years ago. I know I haven't been commenting much lately. Just lurking in the MySpace background. Hope everyone had a great 4th of July and all are well.
~Peace,
J

2:30 AM - 13 Comments - 27 Kudos - Add Comment

Someone Said Today
Category: Writing and Poetry

Someone said today
that they believed in the future
and I thought
I believe in the past
because it was there - I was there
I possess proof that it existed
while the future is uncertain
and maybe irrefutable regret
is easier to count on
than certain chance
and it is easier to remember what was
than imagine what could be
and perhaps everyone just needs
something solid to believe in
that they can close their eyes
and relive

11:45 AM - 25 Comments - 48 Kudos - Add Comment

Verbal Vice
Category: Writing and Poetry

The poem police gave me a ticket
for rhyming all my words
I was charged with verbal vice
or at least that's what I've heard
I tore the thing up
when I got it in the mail
and now six months later
they want a thousand dollars bail
they tried to throw me in the word wagon
but I escaped by picking the lock with a noun
and word is they searched the basements
of every library in town
so if my words don't form perfect rhymes
or my stanzas aren't complete
be patient because I have to stay
moving on my feet
locked in the pen without a pen
is not the life for me
because myself and my ink
we both need to flow free

This was from 2006 but I figured it was time to repost for the newbies here...lol
Have a Great Father's Day if you are one.
~Peace,
J

6:30 AM - 7 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

If Shakespeare Was a Blogger
Category: Writing and Poetry

OK I'll admit it
it's my time to come clean
I'm not the easiest poet to get to know
but I'm not trying to be mean
I see some bloggers on here
that sell their souls for compliments
they rant and rave and misbehave
eventually becoming discontents

they might have been pure when they got here
and wrote words they wanted to share
but something got twisted when people resisted
their fluffy words of air
they started with words that meant something
because they had something to say
and devolved into self pity
when their readers went away

I love each of my readers
their comments make me feel good about what I do
but if no one read I'd still go ahead
and write a poem or two
I read as many of you as I can
and some of you provide perspective
and I take one thought I might have sought
isn't that the objective?

reading so many has made me
a better writer in this craft
some days I've cried or not replied
some days I've mindlessly laughed
I think that this place was made for
us to feed each other's mind
not vacantly spout even in a drought
just words to say something kind

I read posts about drama and turmoil
about how someone feels slighted
and I'm sorry that they feel that way
but it seems a little short sighted
this isn't a popularity contest
no one reads to validate you
this isn't complicated
no one's here to deflate you

we read you for inspiration
for a tweaking of our mood
and if we're doing our task your mind might ask
is that how you want it construed?
so before you post scathing words
describing how you feel deceived
think if this is how you want
your words to be received

I believe in my heart that those that write
the words that come from their own
are the ones that we think of the most
and the ones that become best known
I somehow can't imagine
that Shakespeare worried while he held his pen
my only plea is neither should we
enough said ~ amen

11:05 PM - 17 Comments - 26 Kudos - Add Comment

A Pair of Opposites
Category: Writing and Poetry

some people can hear in color
some people can see in sound
we have no way to explain it
we're just better when they're around

you opened my eyes to sounds
I couldn't hear with my ears
I can listen to beautiful pictures now
and every thing's so clear

together we're a pair of opposites
we are and aren't at the same time
we're pleasure and pain and comfort
we're the screaming of a mime

we know better than to name it
or try to justify it in our heads
we just wrap ourselves inside it
and pull free all those loose threads

we're infinite possibilities
contradictions that coexist
I can't imagine if we never met
all the things we would have missed

this life is better for both of us
with this connection that we share
we're cause and effect
keep each other checked
and it's a good thing that we're here

2:12 AM - 29 Comments - 34 Kudos - Add Comment

Simple Rules
Category: Writing and Poetry

Never mix love and revenge
even though both are best served slowly
equally they both might be
two true things that you can feel wholly

Never mix love with hatred
even when it is your own
always search for answers
by slogging through the unknown

Never mix worry with wonder
rarely are they the same thing
don't cling tight to bad habits
no matter the comfort they bring

Greet each day with the idea
that if it were your last
you'd proudly meet your maker
after your life had passed

Just simple rules that get me through
and I thought I'd share a few
they've served me well and time will tell
if they do the same for you

5:26 AM - 25 Comments - 36 Kudos - Add Comment

Caution Falling Bloggers
Category: Writing and Poetry

One of the poets is saying goodbye
feels unappreciated by the lack of attention
and I wish I could explain to him
that he is looking from the wrong dimension
he is writing and waiting
expecting some praise
when he should be writing
only to appraise

the fears in his heart
the happiness in his soul
for growth and for strength
only that will make him whole
he is writing for his audience
instead of life support
then sitting back to wait for the score
as if it were a sport

he counts up the kudos
checks to see where he is on the list
instead of seeing if there is a lesson
or something that he missed
some enlightenment he sees
when he reads his words again
in a clearer frame of mind
and seeing it only then

I think of him with sorrow
that he is missing the magic of the write
but I'll not send consolation
or try to make it right
the confirmation he needs
needs to come from inside him
and I doubt I could fix it
with any praise I provide him

someone that needs you to love
every single thing about them
confirms their fears when you show
that your life will go on without them
all I can do is hope
that I never feel that need
to withhold all my words
for some misplaced pang of greed

8:05 PM - 36 Comments - 46 Kudos - Add Comment

In The Next Life
Category: Writing and Poetry

I was reading one of the other bloggers today and I loved her rhymes. This was inspired by Lucille. The Rise and Fall of California



Thanks for the inspiration.

His eyes would start to glisten
and I'd sit there and listen
waiting for the wisdom he'd impart
and the words they would come
one by aching one
each one piercing my heart
he'd tell of the days
that were filled up with haze
when all he could recall was the pain
then he'd tell of the nights
devoid of all lights
how he'd do it all over again

this circular wheel
he'd tried to conceal
but knew that he wasn't passing
each piece was revealed
as layers were peeled
the difference it was contrasting
he marveled at his best
as his worst he confessed
word by painful word
and I tried to watch close
as he recalled every ghost
but my eyes they sometimes blurred

all I could hear
when his words grew unclear
was the sobbing under his breath
I knew in that minute
while we were in it
that he was not far from his death
and he whispered regrets
between cigarettes
and thanked me for my concessions
for where he'd come from
and the man he'd become
as he murmured his darkest confessions
he spoke of the cheating
often repeating
the sins as they played in his mind
he offered no excuses
for any abuses
but admitted to feeling confined

he said that the drinking
had more to do with thinking
and wanting to shut out his fears
than wanting to hurt us
or ever desert us
though he'd been gone all of those years
he said that the leaving
was more about believing
that he was never really wanted
and I saw clear in his eyes
as he said his goodbyes
that this man was truly haunted

I hugged him tight
to his delight
and prayed that with the angels he would be kept
he died that night
burning so bright
when he closed his eyes and slept
I knew the gift he had given
this man who'd been driven
by finally giving me facts
I finally forgave him
when he laid in his grave and
both of us could relax

no longer another
to bother the other
or make them feel less than
but both of us equal
and perhaps in the sequel
I'll come to know that man

3:26 AM - 19 Comments - 34 Kudos - Add Comment