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Last Updated:
Nov 21, 2008

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Gender: Female
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 39
Sign: Virgo

City: Boardman
State: Ohio
Country: US

Signup Date: 01/26/07

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November 22, 2007 - Thursday

Hypnogagia
Current mood: indescribable
Category: Writing and Poetry

hypnogagia

ten dreams
lean over my ear
whispers on lines
of past lives

opens the scene
ripped from the depth
of a crumpled up
receipt in my pocket

sitting smug in
a landfill askew
a locket full of
hearts and tears

eyes and words ripped
from raw nerves
flying down a crevice
of dark alleyways

containers of sushi
and crusty coffee cups
watching pictures of
babies and old people

babbling crying laughing
staring sighing
monitor glares at
squinting tired iris

regression poetry zooms
in geocentric orbit
spinning to the tops
of bottle rockets

floods of paragraphs
can't see through smog
of too many blogs in
the internet acid rain

alcohol salve on blank
white quiet screaming
rest comfort hand
affection home go

Currently reading :
Programming the Universe: A Quantum Computer Scientist Takes on the Cosmos
By Seth Lloyd
Release date: 13 March, 2007

1:59 AM - 3 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

Fragments
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Life

Fragments

Pieces of people

Come with me

on the journey

Faces unfocused

their elements diluted

As time warps on

unphased and transmuted

Fragments of moments

memories sublime

The ecstasies and torments

as hearts mingle and dissolve

In to one another's dreams

whispers and tears

Confidences traded

as fears

Abide by laws

unknown to peers

Tiny windows on fragile

buildings made of flesh

Display our interiors

as souls enmesh

Currently listening :
Duncan Sheik
By Duncan Sheik
Release date: 04 June, 1996

12:19 PM - 3 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

September 1, 2007 - Saturday

Non-Zero-Sum: To Be Or Not To Be
Current mood: determined
Category: Life

Game theory, the "truly original idea" stemming from mathematician John Nash's beautiful mind – has now been applied within fields as diverse as economics, computer science, philosophy, biology, psychology, sociology and numerous others. It consists of a group of players, the set of all possible moves those players can make, and the subsequent rewards that those participants can potentially reap for each combination of strategies – maximizing their overall gain.

Types include cooperative games, in which the parties have contracts enforced by third parties; and non-cooperative games, in which cooperation must be self-enforced. A zero-sum game is one in which the gains and losses cancel one another out; only one player can win. Conversely, a non-zero sum game is a situation in which the parties' cumulative totals result in either a surplus or a deficit.

While game theory can be used as a behavioral model – real human beings can sometimes act with complete irrationally due to emotions or in an altruistic way to benefit a large group of people. Another concept used in game theory referred to as "assured destruction" is used to explain the state of deterrence that arises from the participants' realization that overwhelming negative consequences will arise from choosing certain behaviors. While the technology exists to destroy the world as we know it completely, our one reprieve is that it hasn't been tangibly realized.

We still have a long way to go, but let's not backtrack to the Middle Ages by eschewing the use of advanced technology in favor of blissful unawareness and paranoia-driven outcomes. In the last hundred years alone, technology has much to lift the world out of poverty, rampant disease and just plain ignorance. I don't want to return to the days of pandemics and plagues that we have no ability to ameliorate. Of course we have scourges such as AIDS now, which would indeed kill everyone if we didn't have researchers coming up with medications to combat it. Penicillin, pasteurization, sanitation, electricity, telecommunications, and countless other inventions have shifted the balance in our favor, at least thus far. We have become increasingly non-zero-sum as society has become more complex and intertwined.

Maybe Einstein's groundwork enabled Oppenheimer to invent his deadly toy. Einstein wasn't a warmonger himself though, but a pacifist. He advocated control of nuclear weapons and world peace. He also unlocked some of the most profound secrets of the universe, paving the way for a unified theory. Unfortunately, to evolve we must sometimes experience unpalatable setbacks along with the progress. The same thing happens in political and social systems as they mature. Social science (the conscience) and technology (the mechanism for change) need to walk hand-in-hand toward the future, as they are vitally integral to one another.

Is the dream of the Homo sapiens over, or has it just begun?

Zero Sum Game

are we the mere sum

of our dna strands?

a double helix woven

by invisible hands

from a spark in

a sea of antiquity

we grew into beings

of complexity

memes at the wheel

toe before heel

we think and we feel

man rules and they kneel

we stood on a plain

and opened our eyes

gazed all around

to gauge our size

built cities and states

to divide and rule

made cars and jet planes

burned fossil fuel

an ant on a hill

our pockets we fill

fix all with a pill

predetermined freewill

waged wars on the grand

fueled rage forged hot

for lines in the sand

drawn by a despot

information revolution

puts hope on the mend

fundamentalist devolution

reverses the trend

cold collective thought

how cheaply we're bought

like a wild fish that's caught

our deaths are for naught

novel research gels

new therapy with genes

lines of stem cells

fresh organs grown clean

but for all the progress

the setbacks are legion

bombs, chemicals and virulence

pose threats to our region

the web on a net

new concepts we vet

third world is our pet

build fortune, rack debt

genetics, nanotech, robotics

forge a singular convergence

as the Earth's clock ticks

will this century burn us?

For a detailed look at history through game theory glasses, this is an interesting read:

Zero: The concept so easy a parrot can understand it.

Currently reading :
Cosmic Jackpot: Why Our Universe Is Just Right for Life
By Paul Davies
Release date: 11 April, 2007

9:50 PM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

June 30, 2007 - Saturday

Blossom
Current mood: cynical
Category: Life

Blossom

If only the soul could flower

yet undermine the power

Of the ripple effect

inciting bottlenecks in our brains

We seem to imply

that nobility stems

From what we are

not who we are

There will never be

a sea of community

Until the lunacy

that rules the common man

Is traded in for the

common wealth of worth

And the shoulds and

woulds of the future

Become a fleeting breath

from the mouth of a child

Looking into a puddle

and seeing her wavy smile

Currently listening :
The Fountain
By Clint Mansell
Release date: 21 November, 2006

10:25 PM - 3 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

Awe
Current mood: Unrequited
Category: Unrequited Writing and Poetry

Awe

Mountain to plain to sea

I sit plaintive

as my soul tries to be

Everything to no one

yet nothing to everyone

The din in the air speaks

and I hear its wisdom whisper

About all those who

came before and learned

That releasing love in the world

is the only thing that matters

It can cure this scarred

landscape of our planet

Before it turns to tatters

Currently reading :
The Fountainhead
By Ayn Rand
Release date: 01 September, 1996

10:09 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

June 15, 2007 - Friday

The Wellspring of Life
Current mood: peaceful
Category: Life

This poem is quite literally a metaphor for the journey of life, written just after returning from a jaunt along Anchorage's beautiful, meandering trail system. Alone with my thoughts, I was reminded how we are born and live out our time as singular entities in a populous sea of our family, friends and peers. The constant cacophony of local and global voices along with the frenetic pace of everyday life can oftentimes obfuscate our ability to reflect and meditate on what is really important to us; and what can simply usher us into a state of pure, unadulterated joy. When we do take the time to quiet our minds and reside next to our deepest desires and fears, out of that thought chasm can spring hope and the desire to reshape ourselves, and to mold a new reality - outside the "gilded cage."

The Ride

I'm all alone

The wind at my back

In silent attack

I see a line

A path through space

A deafening pace

Through black night

I ride

At length I glide

My thoughts

They come

Of life in sum

A haze of nothing

Of waking dreams

Or so it seems

My pulse quickens

As breath fades

Through endless charades

A life

It's mine

A journey through time

A race to win

A smile to give

In joy to live.

"You only arrive at the other shore when you finally realize that there is no other shore...we have arrived when we realize that we were there all along. It is very paradoxical." ~Chogyam Trungpa, Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism

Currently listening :
Life In Slow Motion
By David Gray
Release date: 13 September, 2005

2:26 AM - 6 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

May 20, 2007 - Sunday

There I Go, Turn The Page
Current mood: quixotic
Category: Life

There have been people I've known over the years who have referred to me as a seeker or a wandering soul. So does that mean I'll be walking down the street one day and get hit by a lightening bolt of omniscience and all will be revealed? Somehow happiness and contentment will instantly jump out of the numerous Pandora's boxes I've popped the lids off of? I think not...

Seekers never find, by definition. But it gets old. Then again, what is this thing we call normalcy, and who defines it? Merriam-Webster? Wikipedia? The New Encyclopedia Galactica?

How do you know when to stop? When is it ever enough knowledge, love, health, fulfillment, satiety? Are we there yet? When do you say when? Why do other people get to have all the fun?

Then, when something good actually comes along, it may not be readily recognizable. You may reject it summarily, and then only later come to realize the ramifications of that decision.

When you've been through some very painful experiences in life, you can slowly go numb inside without realizing it. Then there is the suffering of others you care about, and especially the people you don't know who endure the most unimaginable crimes against humanity. Like the girl in Iraq who was stoned to death for something she didn't do, the little boy in day care carelessly asphyxiated by having his mouth taped shut because he wouldn't be quiet, AIDS orphans in Africa - the list is endless.

If you have the unfortunate circumstance of being born in certain parts of the world, then you don't really stand a chance. Why is that fair? You could be the next Einstein, but if you don't have access to clean water and die of dysentery when you're two, then the world will never be the wiser, literally.

Of course, possessing an utterly nihilistic outlook about all these disheartening human tragedies accomplishes nothing. We all have to remember there are little things, no matter how small they seem to us, that we can do every day to help others. There are big things we can do too, and if enough people do them sometimes critical mass can be reached - and it makes the effort worthwhile. It's why we need to get up everyday, and keep trying. Only we can save ourselves, and we have made it this far.

I tell myself that I have no right to feel the pain I do, how can I justify it, with all of the true unmitigated suffering out there? I suppose I just have to realize that I am a human being after all, we have complex psyches by nature, and we can and do drown in our own subjective sorrows. REM was right, everybody hurts – sometimes.

Drop a penny in a fountain, close your eyes, and make a wish.

Currently watching :
The Prestige
Release date: 20 February, 2007

2:57 AM - 6 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

May 15, 2007 - Tuesday

The Dream of the Blue Aurorae
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Writing and Poetry

We are rapidly approaching the longest day of the year here in Anchorage, as the summer solstice is preparing to descend upon us June 21^st. This time of year brings to mind such movie titles as "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" and "Insomnia". It never really gets dark at all, but just morphs into a brief twilight time for a few hours. If you possess any sensitivity to light, sleep can be fairly elusive during these months. The raw beauty of Alaska somehow makes the darkness and geographic isolation bearable, but not always. At least we have bookstores and plenty of good coffee...

After this apex of brightness is reached, we will begin to lose about five minutes of light a day. At the end of August, the leaves will begin to fall and quickly usher in a brisk chill. By then, I'll miss my fleeting, verdant summer in this unusual Arctic rainforest microclimate. The "termination dust" will start to powder the mountain peaks as an auburn layer sashays its way down the slopes rapidly, consuming the velvety green with a vengeance. It is interesting how you can witness three seasons on the side of a mountain; it seems to have escaped my attention the first year I was here.

Since the darkness has almost eluded me now, I'll officially turn off the Aurora Borealis for the season. I highly recommend that everyone see the Northern Lights at least once, it should be one of the seven "natural" wonders – it is the ultimate freeform space art. It's so unromantic to think of them as mere charged solar particles slamming against a magnetic field…

With that said, I hope that my poem can transport you to the wondrous experience of personally witnessing such shimmering, blue, undulating curtains of light:

Aurora Blues

Sweeping swaths of scintillation

Dance through the heavens above

Falling soft and slow like rain

Upon streams of celestial terrain

Labyrinths in luminous lanes

As if streaked on sparkling panes

Of sky and cloud and alpenglow mist

Defying perception as they dart and twist

Atmospheric distortion of solar flame

Streaming from the darkness of space

The gentle violence of nature beckons