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Thursday, October 30, 2008
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Once upon..
Current mood:  breezy
Category: Writing and Poetry
There lived a fair maiden
and this is her storybook rhyme...
Is the color of love really blind
an empty hollowness of it's taste
close your eyes to spin around
sometimes it can be such a waste
Did the real thing just catch you
close your eyes to the truth
open them up and it's got you
right in the palm of it's root
Tangled into the game beyond comparison
lost in the invisible sediments
trying to get out of the mess
but deeper and deeper you get
Lost to the power of matter
love has caught you again
or was it just a villain
more of an enemy than a friend..
Is the taste of love really sweet
or is it bitter to the mouth
The taste of blood will linger
when you eat away at the doubt
Is it safe to let go
is it safe to finally give
will he hurt me beyond repair
will he be THE reason to give in
Or is he just a scoundrel
a menace in disguise
selfish instead of selfless
a true wound of the stake to drive..
This comic book hero that never was
this brute is the real kryptonite
my weakness is enveloping
I doubt my heart will make it through the night
Won't someone save me
from this caper of the night
where is my masked avenger
surly he wont let lust win my heart this fight
Is love real? Or am I blind?
Surely the color is true to see
but the taste I have never tasted
for it's never revealed itself to me
I guess I am doomed to be blind
to the beautiful colors that do bleed
Until I can taste the sweetness
of my hero to rescue me
Don't you see? I am just a fair thee maiden
broken to the touch
blind to what is real
waiting to be saved from a damaged trust
12:15 AM
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Thursday, October 23, 2008
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Abstract *Remix*
Current mood: artistic
Category: Writing and Poetry
Can true love die
Does it wither
Can it melt away
Does love just end
or does it continue to flourish in all that was left behind
A dying love
an aching heart
a soulmate gone
...Then there's you…
You who's left behind with nothing but an aching and weeping heart
nothing but a memory of what was and what used to be
Can forever be touched again
is it within reach
To have and to hold
the longing so pure
so clear
and so innocent
yet…
Is something so beautiful even imaginable
even possible
or
could it be just a dream…
One day it's here
then the next it's gone
Gone like the breath of air that you just breathed in
just gone
Your lost love
so simple and real
so true in a storybook way
it'll never fade…
A day never passes without a thought of him
The memories of all that you had
still growing strong just like it was yesterday
yesterday that you held them, cupped them and cherished them
To close your eyes is to remember
and to reminisce on a love that grew and aged beautifully through you and him
But you can't go through life with closed eyes
eventually, you'll have to open them to see reality
Life has changed instantly
but it's not forever
You see..
Your love wasn't a dream and it will live on inside your heart
because true love doesn't die
Check out part 1
9:20 PM
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Sunday, October 19, 2008
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Disposeable
Current mood:  tired
Category: Writing and Poetry
Completely disposable to a life that never will be
Living day to day in a make believe daze of "happiness"
So tired of fighting for something not worth fighting for but..
too afraid to do otherwise..
Not understanding why I continue letting go of what IS worth fighting for
Just so scared to completely let go of the pain..
-Too scared to be complete-
Holding on to what can never be
just holding onto the lies
but why?
Afraid to even hope that things will change
Living daily with a depressed soul
a broken heart
and a shattered spirit..
My body is weak but my soul is weaker
I am weak and never strong
and for this reason, I continue to be disposable...
Quietly crying on the inside
silently dying
always lying
-to myself and everyone around me-
Forever pretending that everything is ok
When will I stop committing daily suicide?
Slitting my wrists of confidence
Stabbing my chest of self-esteem
Shooting empty shells of joy into my already cracked heart
When will I stop cutting the veins of my life and finally let go of it all?
Will I ever be strong enough to not be disposable and to be worth having?
Am I worth having?
So tired of crying tears that forever leave blood stains on my cheeks
So tired of crying tears
...So tired of crying...
-Just so tired of being disposable-
9:16 PM
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Sunday, August 03, 2008
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Good-Bye
Current mood:  crushed
Category: Writing and Poetry
I just found out that someone I used to talk to A LOT on here passed away back in March. He committed suicide by jumping off of a garage. I don't let too much stuff bring me to tears, but this news did. It's always sad when you hear about someone committing suicide, whether you know them or not, but it's especially sad when you knew the person. I know people say that you can't develop friendships over the internet, but that's not true. The fact that I just found out about this almost 5 months later says to me that I've been away from here too long. This is my poem to him, I know it's not the best but it's from my heart.
Rest in Peace Beautiful Friend
Is truth really right in front of us, in front of our very eyes
or do we keep it hidden, hidden behind a cleverly planned disguise.
Our deepest pains unknown, even to our closest friends.
Ones would never know that we're planning on meeting our end.
Suicide becomes our own lively genocide
Killing oneself and committing self homicide..
but why?
The truth is, no one would understand why this great man
wanted to end his life.. why he wanted it to end..
Why?
So young.. So beautiful.. Words can't explain
His poetry.. His art.. Touched me in it's own way..
Good-bye
or is it?
This truth I don't want to know, I don't want to comprehend
but you're gone.. gone like a whisper into the wind..
And I'm sorry..
Sorry that I didn't see the truth that was right in front of me
sorry that I couldn't understand all that you wanted us to see..
Good-bye beautiful soul
Good-bye...
"Truth lies beyond what we see, yet it's right in front of us" M.C.H
RIP Mike Hunt 11/12/86- 3/6/08
6:30 PM
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Wednesday, January 30, 2008
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Simons Silence
Current mood: bullied
Category: Writing and Poetry
Even in my most silent moments.. I think of you
when I'm listening to a song, your face is what I see as I'm listening
your voice is what I hear singing the song to me
it's always you…
How come I can't let you go?
Why do you haunt me so?
My most silent moments are still haunted by your presence
my most still times are spent longing for just another touch
one more kiss
hug
stare…
It's your voice that I hear singing
it's your face that I see
but those are my tears that I cry
not yours
mine…
"Catch your breath
Hit the wall
Scream out loud
as you start to fall"
My breath is always lost when you come into the picture
and no matter how much I try to push
I hit a wall whenever I try to let you go..
That same wall each time…
"Could you get it back again?
Would it be the same?"
It's never the same is it?
To let you go
and slip away
to hold you back
so I'll have another day..
but it won't ever be the same…
In my world of silence
my small world of innocence
my world of defense
you always tend to slip in through the cracks
slipping in silently to haunt me
haunting so that I won't forget…
But don't you see?
I'll never forget why we went so far
or why we traded all that we were for the scars of our once blooming love
I'll never forget…
Because even when I try to, the memories scream at me
shouting out all of my insecurities
the ones that I tried to forget but never could..
You have broken through my world of silence, now I shall dare ask
What more do you want?
10:36 PM
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Saturday, January 19, 2008
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Adulteress
Current mood:  argumentative
Category: Writing and Poetry
Dirty hands permanently stained
from the sins of your present past
an inner feeling of peace
that you know will never last
wipe your hands dear child
wash away the pain
wipe and wipe and wipe
but the marks will never go away
fingernails forever dirtied
from a sin so unlike you
always wondering why there isn't guilt
in all the wrongs that you do
He comes and he leaves
and you wonder why
the inner self esteem that never existed
had come so soon to die
you play the game of not caring
but you know deep inside you're wrong
you try to show no weakness
but we both know you're not that strong
it's impossible to have just sex
there is always that inner connection
to love and lose .. to love or screw
to this there is no objection
My dear friend I will support you
whether you choose to leave or stay
but know that eventually
this pain you'll have to push away…
You're worth more than a few hours
of a lowlifes "precious" time
You deserve all the happiness in the world
so why this do you deny?
A soul forever polluted
by the adulteress life you lead
A game entitled fuck me then leave
a life of broken dreams
Dirty hands permanently marked
from a life of adulteress ways
an inner feeling of self loathing
wondering why you just don't walk away…
7:23 PM
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Thursday, January 17, 2008
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Imperfectly perfect
Current mood: artistic
Category: Writing and Poetry
I'm perfectly perfect in an imperfect world and flawless in an unseen way yet I'm tarnished I'm tainted I'm pure toxic to my own health imperfectly imperfect perfectly impeccable but finished. This poem is perfectly unfinished yet complete.
8:59 PM
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Monday, January 07, 2008
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Beauty becomes us
Current mood:  content
Category: Writing and Poetry
I close my eyes
reach out my hand
and on your face my fingertips land..
I begin to trace..
your mouth
your lips
your nose
your eyes
with each touch I come alive...
I love you....
I open my eyes
and what is this I see?
You're black and I'm white
how can this be?
Does this make my heart feel any differently?
No, because at the moment, I'm colorblind...
*The only thing that should be seperated by color is laundry*
-Unknown-
A paralyzing fear
a chance to change
to mix it up
look at life in a different perspective
A new relationship
two different races
colors
backgrounds
yet, one path that we've both merged onto.
I've found it hard to look past my soul that's crumbled from scars
I've found it hard to reach beneath the fear and pick myself back up
but you didn't care about that
you looked past all that
and here we are…
hand in hand
lip to lip
arm and arm
here we are
against the odds
just you and me
to face the world
ignore the stares
the whispers
the points
to be together…
In a world that's made of up vibrant colors,
I find it hard to understand how it can be so colorless
so ignorant
oblivious to something that's so beautiful…
If beauty makes the world go round,
then why is it that our relationship seems to make it stop?
Two different races… So what?
Two different backgrounds… So what?
Two different PEOPLE with the same blood color as anyone else,
yet we draw attention…
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
it's within
it's inside
it's us…
Love is colorblind
8:57 AM
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Wednesday, January 02, 2008
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Borrowed Time -08-
Current mood: adored
Category: Writing and Poetry
"Time is the essence of all things that have been and all that will be."
Time IS…
It's everything
Our whole life is centered around time.
"What time do I have to be there? What time does this start? What time does that end? What time will I die? What time will I live?"
Wait, live?
Life is so short, but its beauty is overlooked by the fact that we think we have
all the time in the world, when in reality, our time could never amount to even half that.
It's something that's taken for granted every single day..
Every minute that's wasted
Every second that slips away
Every hour, every day, every year that flies by
We can't get that time back…
We can't just go and rewind life
because with life there are no reruns, no redos, no call backs..
It's like a football game; what you see is what you get…
Sometimes you have too much
but mostly
you never have enough, even when you think you do.
It's something that's never noticed until it has ran out
but that's what's so poetic about it.
It never runs out…
We do…
We expire, We perish, We pass on
Our life ends
but time doesn't…
We. as people, just don't appreciate what little time each of us really has.
Time is the beauty that is within
Time is the extraction of ourselves
it's the never dying battery of life
it's the only thing on this earth that won't die, disappear or change…
We all only have a certain amount of time that's promised to us.
A promise long forgotten
Time is our destiny
It's something that we all have in common, something that we all share
borrowed time…
Just remember
"You can never borrow enough if you're not using what you already have…"
It's not recyclable, it's not reusable, it just IS
You have it, so why not go ahead and use it?
8:43 PM
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Publishing Poetry
Current mood:  adventurous
Category: Writing and Poetry
Help? I want to look into getting a book of my poems published, but I don't even know where to start! Your help is greatly appreciated=)
10:45 AM
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Thursday, December 27, 2007
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Chapter 2007
Current mood: artistic
Category: Writing and Poetry
I lost 2 people that I care for deeply,
one to drugs and one to death
life just lost
I was in the next room when he took his last breath
spiraling out of control
no other place to go
but the streets
I watched as she chose that path
hoping the drugs would make the pain go away fast
and they did, but it was just short term
nothing could bring him back
that's just life.
In 2007 I learned to say good-bye…
I finally let go of a long lost heartbreak
one that clenched my very soul
one that I just couldn't let go
but I did.. Finally
I said good bye
I didn't question it
I didn't ask why
I just let it slip
from my fingertips
and I watched him walk away
Yes I cried
but who wouldn't?
Sometimes, it's harder to hold on than to let go
but it's usually for the best.
In 2007 I learned to let go…
I realized those that you think you know, you usually don't
and those that you think won't be around another day, probably will become your best friends…
I lost old friends but I gained awesome new ones in the end
ones that I hold dear
ones that I cherish
ones that I love to the deepest
Even though I lost a few friends this past year
some out of heartbreak, some out of fear
I still have a place for them in my heart
Secrets shouldn't always remain a secret
especially between so called pals
eventually to salvage the friendship, the truth will have to come out.
I learned this, probably the hard way, but I learned it
In 2007 I lost and I gained
I grew this past year, I matured in some ways and I stayed the same in most.
I learned that I pick my own fights, and some things I just have to let float.
I made new friends, said good bye, and I walked.
I accepted a past life from which I used to haunt.
I learned to love myself, and in doing so, I allowed other to love me.
I learned acceptance, the true meaning of grief, and forgiveness.
In 2007 I grew into a real woman
yet,
I'm still childlike in many ways.
In 2007 I lived..
No regrets, no shame,
just life..
A life that's ready to begin a new chapter...
1:01 PM
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Wednesday, December 12, 2007
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Kryptonite
Current mood:  awake
Category: Writing and Poetry
My kryptonite. my vice
an inner fight
I fight myself everyday
I go this way or I go that way
fighting myself until I'm black and blue inside
blue and black
never is there a lack
no slack, doing things that I can't take back
my kryptonite, my vice
a problem that I can't deny
an inner fight
to duel and die
Why?
Does it have to be this way?
Pushing until there is no one left to push
Turning until there is nowhere left to turn
A silent voice inside yelling at me to STOP
but I can't…
My kryptonite is my defense
My defense is my weakness
and my weakness is myself…
My kryptonite is myself…
I am my own weakness
I am my own kryptonite
What's yours?
**This was inspired by my favorite "Yank" Tony. We're more alike than you realize my friend.**
6:37 PM
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Tuesday, December 11, 2007
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Dear You
Current mood: ashamed
Category: Writing and Poetry
Dear You,
You hate what you've become. No morals, no guilt, and no conscience. At least that's what you like for everyone to think, but we both know what really lies deep inside. I know that sometimes you wish your heart were dead, that maybe everything inside of you would die so that you wouldn't have to feel pain anymore. So that you won't have to deal with the pain of losing someone that you love, the pain of loss and the pain of letting go. Guess what? Sometimes I feel that way too, in fact, I feel that way right now. It's so hard dealing with all that's inside of you believe me, I know. You wish that your heart were cold like ice so that you wouldn't feel the emptiness inside of yourself. That emptiness that you feel every time you stray away from what you know is right. The emptiness inside you that grows every time you give away that little piece of your soul. Those pieces that you can't get back… Those little pieces that have taken a toll on your confidence, your emotional well-being, your emotional strength… It's making you weak and you have no reason to want to fight it… Or do you? You hate feeling vulnerable, you hate feeling alone, you hate feeling… useless and unloved… You hate everything about pain and what comes along with it. Those empty tears that you cry at night, yes the ones that you think no one hears you cry, I hear you. I hear your crying and I feel your pain, it's so real to me and it hurts me to know you're hurting. You hate the fact that you feel anything at all. Hey you? I know exactly what you're feeling because I've felt ALL of this before and I know EXACTLY what it is that you're going through… All I can say is that the future looks bright. YOUR future looks bright because it's a new beginning. I know because I've seen it, I've felt hope and I've held onto it just for you. I held onto it so that you would be able to see the beauty of love. I love you, even when you think that you don't love me back, you do. I LOVE YOU, and I love you now because I've grown to love myself. I know that you don't believe it's possible, but it is. It's possible to love yourself with everything that you have, it's possible to be able to feel without feeling pain, oh sweety it's possible. You'll see.. This, I promise.
Love,
Your future-self
11:57 PM
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Wednesday, December 05, 2007
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Invisible Wings
Current mood: artistic
Category: Writing and Poetry
The fluttering of wings silent but there was it just my imagination or were they really there….. a fluttering gently it's there open up your heart and you will see invisible wings… when you think that you're alone when your heart is broken and pain is all that you see open up your heart and there they are.. invisible wings gently fluttering it's a sound of comfort a sound of hope only few will ever hear the way it sounds when an angel flaps it's wings… but there gently fluttering like a butterfly in the wind gone in an instant but forever engraved in your mind ...invisibility was never so visible... oh and then there's the hope the hope you thought you'd lost the pain that overwhelmed so alone… ...but never.... the fluttering reminded you the wings that came unexpectedly invisible wings guiding holding cherishing loving … but most of all, understanding ...an angels wings... there when you needed them the most a fluttering so true there just for you **Based on a true story**
5:59 PM
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Saturday, November 17, 2007
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Single rose of hope
Current mood: touched
Category: Writing and Poetry
"Hope" is the thing with feathers-- That perches in the soul-- And sings the tune without the words-- And never stops--at all-- Emily Dickenson
In a world of mass destruction
with nothing but turmoil left after the pain
nothing but dust on the ground because of the years without everlasting rain
storms of distain
tornadoes of hate
What is that there in the distance?
past the tall grass of ugliness
living with the weeds of anger
there it stands
...a rose...
one.. single.. rose..
living, breathing and striving among all of the devastation
How? How did it survive after all of these years?
How did it manage to stand tall despite the ugliness and anger?
hope, that's how
A single rose of hope...
Standing tall through everything despite lifes sufferings,
because hope never dies
**It's the time of year where we must see all that we have in our lives and be thankful for it all. It's been a tough year.. we've all lost people that we love, broken up with people that we care for, we've had shootings in schools, more military heroes have died and so much more. This morning I woke up to the sun shining, I woke up with food to eat, water to bathe in and a family that loves me... Is this not enough to be thankful for? Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours and may all blessings be upon you. **
11:52 AM
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