most expensive pine cone ever!
Current mood: razzeled

so a man tried to sell me a pine cone today. we were in a park and he came right up to me and says... hey im selling pine cones to get laundry money. i thought to my self " i dont really need any pine cones".  then i saw a bunch of them on the ground by a neer by pine tree.  so i asked the man. well what the diffrence was between his pine cone and the ones that were free on the ground. His reply is what got me though... "well" he says " this pine cone is a doller and those are just sitting around".  BRILIANT, the other pine cones had no valu at all but his pine cone was worth a buck .  i imigan it will only go un in value... so i bought it... the moral of the story is... some times i buy usless things, especialy if you can some how atach an arbatrary valu to them. good night kidies.

11:40 PM - 3 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

wack that rat!!!!!
Current mood: shocked
Category: shocked Life

So I have not written one of these in a while but that is not to say that it is because nothing crazy has happened to me.  Quite the opposite my friend. QUITE the opposite. You have all miss out on the story of my five foot b day cake,  loffy the river poo, me almost cutting my own head off, and a beaver in sun glasses. But this story friends, this store is to good not to mention.

So I some times go to this little hole in the wall bar. I hoof it alone there. Its a great place to think and seeing how I some times say insanely intellectual things, it would stand to reason that some times I have to think about them. So Im walking there and its dark. I get to the ally behind the place and notice some one in the corner doing what looks like peeing.  In truth he was not. A gentle shaking of the wrist and a moan led me to believe otherwise. So I let out a murmuring ahhhh. Said man turns around and yep yeah yes it is the bartender. Now a louder ahhh happens as I am now looking at a man I know masturbating on what appears to be a cat. In the bar I go no questions asked. None. So Im sitting and thinking, for now I have a great deal to think about, and he comes over.  Yeah, Im not feeling too comfortable.  And he explains him self.. so you can rest soundly knowing that there was a man jerking his kajunkle  on a dead cat.

-----his Story------

so I was looking out the window and I saw a sewer rat (it was a rat I learned, not a cat) and I thought it would bite some one. So I chased it and it ran to the ally. Then I though it would run in to my bar and bite some one so I decided I had to kill it. So I got a pipe and cornered it. The think got up on its hind legs and started clawin at me. So I hit it like 18 times in the head. then I picked it up with the pipe and put it in the dumpster.

So I never got why he decided to masturbate on the poor thing. Maybe he felt he owed it something.  On thing for sure, my drinks were free cause I saw what I saw.  I saw a man pull one off on a dead rat.

1:00 AM - 4 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment

im cashin in my show pony
Current mood: crushed
Category: Web, HTML, Tech

so i started today at 9:30... mind you thats in the am... not pm.... AM PEOPLE! it took all day. i finished at like 11. 11 is a good time to finish somthing. you can sit back and reflect on what you have done, decide your life is worthless and go get drunk..witch is exacty what i did minus the thinking im worthless and drinking part.. instead i played ping pong. er just pong caust the ball was cracked. so it just sat there when you hit it..  so what took so long you ask... well you see i performed my first briss.. no no no. im not a weiner toucher or a baby toucher, let alone a baby weiner toucher (one that toucher baby weiners).  ill tell you what i did...I ATE A WHOLE JAR OR MAYONAYSE......  no no no. icrashed this very computer and re installed everything back on it... now, im no tom cruse (he makes every thing look good) but id say i did an awsome job.... now if you dont mind im gona go stab myself in the ear with an ice pick...i need to get an apple

12:01 AM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

lick this
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Romance and Relationships

so i was driving like two days ago like i do some times. im over at the lights by snelling and 94. the long one that takes for ever...yeah that one..so im left with nothing to do but look around... so i do... what do i see... ( this period thing is getting a bit out of hand.........) WHAT DO I SEE? A MAN LICKING HIS HAND in his car.... just lickn the shit out of it. so he lookes over at me with those done somthing wrong puppy dog eyes and (and here is the kicker) continues to lick  his hand. wowie wow wow! so that was two days ago and im driving again today. im at that same light so naturaly i start thinking about what i saw. i start wondering why he did it.. i decide to try it... there i am licking my own hand... and i look over and yep, there sure is a car of girls laughing at me... yep,  longest light in the city.. loooooooooooong as hell! its like when your mom catches you masterbating........ or you catch her......... then you got to eat dinner with her. thats a diffrent story......

11:42 PM - 4 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

you droped your napkin with a phone .
Current mood: confortably silent
Category: confortably silent Life

so there i was 'hangin wit my peps' or what ever that means at grumpies in DT minneapolis. i like it there usually and last night was no exception. so im drinkin a drinkie and low and beholde this kind of asiany not aisian though lookin guy sits nex to me. then scoots in a bit closer. he dosent say any thinkg so im thinkin, ok its cold. i can see the motivation to sit a bit too close to some one. a few minuts go by and he pinches me in a bit more. so now its noticable. like the bar tender give me a funny look... i match his look and see him 20 more. the friendly stranger mumbels somthink i think about easter and charles dickens and i give him a look like a deer in mac lights. one of his eye brows raises. now im uncomfortable. he grabs a pen and a napkin writes a number down and puts the name roger next to it... only here is the kicker.......

HE SPELLS HIS NAME WROGER!!!!

i almost laughed my nuts off. all the while a strange man named talon stirs a beer with a straw and corts a girl with a side ponytail...

life is too good 

8:47 AM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

condomless killers for childless chillers
Current mood: log-o-rific
Category: log-o-rific Music

condomless killer for childless chillers. that is posible the best improv song lyric Pat T and I have ever come up with...

ok ok.. dose any one have kinny logens phone #. i want to call hime and talk him in to doing a music project with me.. it will be along the lines as the postal service.... you know. kind of dance remix his ol goodies.... foot looser, the danger er zone... thay will be hits... we can call the album

"log on"

so get me that number pronto.. some one has to be his cousin's, best friend's, roomate's, tax lawer..

2:04 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

thanks clark
Current mood: like a sea turtle
Category: like a sea turtle Life

a man gave me some old ass pine timbers today.. for those of you who dont know me, your probably wondering what the fuck a manly manster such as my myself might do with a wood so true. well i must say i also design a kind of... art/ custome furniture. you have all seen my work dont you worie.. you just dont know youve seen it. curently im working on the coolest thing man kind has ever seen.. i mean it.. it could draw a 13 year old away from porn its so cool. i mean i steals me away from porn and i be lovin porn full frontal. POINT ATOM, get to the point. a man gave me these huge white pine timbers for free and im using them on my "the coolest thing ever". so i thought i would give him a shout out.. thanks clark. (most people probably thought thay would never hear those words come out of my mouth). ill post a pic when its done. then you can all not watch porn and stair, eyes glazed in wonder.

shove it...

10:54 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

the original emo king
Current mood: cosby cool
Category: cosby cool Romance and Relationships

so i would like to start this blog with my newest invention... death messages. insted of text messaging, where as you would send a small document to somone instead of calling, now you send a death message. the reciver would cheak the "death message" say to them selves "i wonder why they want me dead, huh" and proceed to keel over and die.

now for the real reason for this blog... do you remember full house. yes you do (let me answer that for you). all of america remembers it... we all watched it for 13 years and  thats why no one makes funn of any on for watching it. no one excaped with our seeing uncle jessi's mullet. member how every time, atleast once in an epsode) the sad music would come on and you would find your self at the dinner table eyes glued to the tv and not paying attention to your already cold pork chop. that musican, the on that scored the show.. he is the original eimo king.. his music brought out the tears in all of us... thats real emo. non of this whiney 23 year old she left me music. props to that guy... oh wait, hold on my message aleart is beeping. what, die. i wonder why thay wanted me deaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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3:18 AM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

one persin can cause so much pain
Current mood: beside myself

so i wen to the mall to get some new socks. you know those people that sell things in the middle of the walkways. you know, they rub shit on you and then expect you to buy it.. well any other day i would have said no but i agreed to it on this particular day. he laughs in my face, grabes me and drages me over to the demo area. "hold out your hand." plop go a doulop of somthing that apears to be sand and conditioner. "now rub your hands together" i rubed the back of one hand against the back of another. "no no no like this" he says. he takes my hands and rubbes them together smearing the concoction all over them. i instantly feel a rush of pain shoot into my arm. (any one that knows me knows that i work with my hands and so i have a good deal of cuts and burns all over my hands) he starts explaing that its salt from the dead sea and moisturizing grease. i am yelling at him to get it off and he just keeps rubbing it in and gently saying dosent that feel nice. he then washes it off  but the greas stays and continues to burn my hands for hours to come. DONT GOT TO ANY OF THESE MERCHANTS..... THAY WILL RUB LIQUID PAIN INTO YOUR HANDS.....

that is all for now...

9:11 PM - 6 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

what has 4H done for you lately?
Current mood: super fresh

what has 4H done for you lately? well for me, they cooked a 1/2 chicken and all the fixens. thats right i was in shebyvill (you may remember that as the loving home of americas favorite animatied classic "the simpsons") an the local 4H was having a BBQ cook out. after chating with the locals i found that though the meal was serfice to a hungy for love, mid 20's boy such as my self, it was not as good as in past years. vera remembers that they used to use a BBQ powder that they would sprikel on the feast to make it more BBQish. "yeah, yeah," said augie" it was more BBQish in the past. it used to  have that great savory out back grill tast." all i could think is that i have to find this magic powder and shake it all over all the people i hate. imagin all your foes being devoured by compleet strangers. awsome! other than that and the invention of the HORSE FORCE a group of royal canadian mounted bounty hunting super herose (some one has to tell warner bros. about this) shelbyvill is nothing too great. shelbyvill, a great place to die but you wouldent want to live there. <br><img src=http://www.artbabych.com/Feb8-14-th/mounties-horses-th.JPG>

7:56 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment