The Ninth Day

Time tossed through the mirror
Like coins into a well
As it begins to fill
I objectify its contents
My face loses context
And I am no one.

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Table of Contents

27 DRINKS 6-26-07

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Whatever

reaping boredom in your place
dragging hands all down my face
leaving lines
for fears to slide
furrowed brow
the tears come out
who said that it would be this bad?
must have been a dream I had
I know all the words until it comes time to say them
I wrote four thousand pages but I lost them to our haven
when the fire put us out
now it's all I think about
but I don't want to know you
or to hear how much I owe you
I just want to cut you out
I just want to live without
remembering things you never said
or the coldness in your bed
or how he keeps it warm
our page already worn
hunched over from the pain
breaking loose from all the shame
taking refuge in the rain
fucked it all up once again

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As I Close My Eyes...

to half-lit faces
as the candle-light races
back and forth between our bodies,
a catylist to the friction,
our eyes drinking up the beauty
of a world newly opened.
You clasp my hand
to keep your balance
and mine.
Eyes rise
to perfect cherry
lip petals,
grip trembles
at such great blaze
as my legs are losing feeling,
as they drop me to the ceiling
where you lay down right beside me
with your head upon my chest.
You were every waking second
of my life's climb to its crest.
Settled into my descent,
this is what I miss the best.

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27 Drinks

Twenty-seven drinks
because you can't kill me
when I'm basking in a coma
in this fresh new season
through which I'm living on nicotine
and crying for no reason
in my upstairs dungeon
where nothing lives but me,
the mold on the dishes,
and all my dying wishes
for which I'll endure eternity
to never see through.
But watching all the poison
paint my heart with something new
breaks the silence in my skull
just when I thought it'd emptied for good,
and God, I miss the quiet.
So twenty-seven drinks
to help you find me where I rest,
rattling in tongues
in my spare-bedroom nightmares
but you're too late to listen
so come turn the lights out
and just fuck my brains out
and tell me that you love me
in this one last place
where I still might believe it
from the mouth of anyone.

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The Unseen Poet

Home,
these ripples in the mirror.
Of what is real,
I am weary.

Hope in possibilities.
I cling to them,
possessions,
preserved, un-nurtured.

I am the collector; I do not create.
The empty hand holds loneliness.
It will pick up what is offered.
Commitment to self destruction requires no drive.

Loss to need,
smoke to fire.
Fire to smoke,
essence to ashes.

Balance,
on a downward spiral.
I have never, ever,
looked down.

Faces in the dark.
Descent in quiet company.
I am not alone.
We are not companions.

Certain torture,
but this is all we have.
We must never, ever,
look down.


Copyright ©2006  A New Desperation

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Space

Looking through your pictures,
the ones I threw out weeks ago.
I breathe in deep,
the beauty in those eyes,
triumphing over intangibility.
Your heart full of strength,
I've a mind full of space,
as I go driving through these memories
and crash into your voicemail,
my lungs full of paper and plastic.

Copyright ©2006  A New Desperation

5:26 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Futile

hate all i am
hide beneath the sound
of the waterfall drying out
moon shies back
we came too close
now tonight is forever
and tomorrow is gone
somewhere in my car
windows fogged from my thoughts
things you never said
company in our bed
taken outs
broken vows
a wound that won't repair
still bleeds and you don't care
and if i were to die today
would you see me off to God?
i know you'd see the church
and yet i'm not so touched
because i die every night
and i haven't seen you once

Copyright ©2006  A New Desperation

4:49 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Just Drive

singing loudly in my car
the song you first undressed to
but i don't want to speak you
and i don't want to think you
twirling in my fingers
a hair pulled from my jacket
and i swore i wouldn't cry
but now i think i've had it
belly splashing softly
time to pull the covers tight
close my ears off to the sound
of the sun's resisting plight
wandering through the buzz
with the bass-line driving hard
wading through this darkness
behind my trailing shooting star
i'll face another sun
as if none of this is wrong
but i can't hide in my car
and i can't escape your song

Copyright ©2006  A New Desperation

6:11 PM - 4 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

"Live and Learn"

seeing through the glass
slows the sense
but not the thoughts
still running on
the fuel you gave me
running on fumes
if this broke down
who'd save me?
nevermind
i'm troubled
and you're happy
i miss you on the ground
send a post card from the clouds
if you should happen to remember
i'm down here
because i dropped the line
but where were you yesterday
when i was dying?
two weeks in between
still feels like a dream
nothing to be done
no pending expectations
no effective persuasions
so what would you teach me?
what have you taken?
life is just empty
just hear me
i'm saying
it's all in our heads
we're all we have to offer
our take is of our choosing
but everytime i drain my skull
of all the poison
i stand a little more empty
and i'm never filling up
so what can i stand for?
what can i fight for?
who can i be for?
who can i care for?
"live and learn"
ok, sure


Copyright ©2006  A New Desperation

3:41 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Bottom Line

pressing on in a slouch
jaw slack with apathy
cold heat on the back burner
blind spot in the left corner

i've sabotaged my second chances
before i ever failed my
first progression of "us,"
a regression to energy

i'm stashing my doubt
but you'd never come out
as they torch your aluminum shell
i'll stand back giggling, high on the fumes

reminds me of summertime
happy times
you and i
eternity

this is everytime
bottom lines
me and i
obscurity


Copyright ©2006  A New Desperation

11:48 AM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Release Me

Objection to my obsceneties
Fatal misunderstandings nigh
Sparking curiously painful amusements
Persistently pressing, "why?"
So I crumple up and straighten out
Waste myself and smooth my doubt
Place pots beneath my crimson leaks
Let the sound of the drip carry me off to sleep
It's the gaping audacity
of your glass-toothed fucking grin
It's the soul-consumption rate
of these flames that writhe within
I'd rather break than bend
Heart, just die; don't mend
I've fallen for the last time
You have no heart and that's why


Copyright ©2006  A New Desperation

1:43 PM - 5 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Phase Eleven

Dim the lights and smile bright
Afraid, but you'll be saved
Don't pretend it's never crossed your mind
Because I'm outside with the compass you gave me
And you're alive on the essence you're taking
And the sky is closing in
Or maybe I'm just going blind
But it takes away from days we've saved
You've tossed them with the love I gave
Maybe I'm going blind
Or maybe you're just darker
Maybe you'd like to see me again
But I'd rather be lost when you're caught up with him
And you probably haven't met him yet
But he's tall and warm and handsome, I'll bet
Calmer and cooler and better than me
And all of the things that you'd hoped I would be
But lost is much more than a choice I might make
Compass pointing southwest, here's the last step i'll take

Copyright ©2006  A New Desperation

7:45 AM - 2 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Never Again

The day just got older
As the room's growing colder
Growling at my back
Can't prevent the attack
Left here mangled
Thoughts kept tangled
But all's right in the Beast's sight
Bruised hand in the spotlight
Can't pick up the sword
Against its unofficial lord
Who swore all was better
Don't know how it let her
Under its flesh
Or why I thought it was best
Now she's up sleeping
While it's down seething
Kept here in December
Don't know why I let her

Copyright ©2006  A New Desperation

8:00 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Excuse My Interruption...

Mid-sentence
in the wrong verse
A half-smile
at the crossed words
Sword and shield
are kept here buried--
reckless method
to find new bearings--
raging blind
from awkward staring
(Yet some act of compassion
toward long-lost companions)
A scratch on the page
he'd spend hours reciting
It'll never be heard
and he'll never stop writing

Copyright ©2007  A New Desperation

9:07 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment