Lady sing the blues so well...as if she means it..
Current mood: miserable
Category: Life
Well I just wrote a blog, poured my heart out and pressed backspace and it all disappeared. Typical. Long story short:
UWA now does part time music degrees. My wrists are aching at the very thought. I'm in a relationship with someone that I envy so acutely for their musical ability that my heart becomes heavy if I allow myself to think about it for too long. Spent most of the evening/night sobbing and doing whatever I can to feel anything at all.
It's been nearly twenty years of living with one dream, and I can't fucking do it. I have no idea what to do, I'm sick of fluffing around saying "I'll be a doctor," or "Today I think I'll be a lawyer!" I just want to make music, twenty fucking years and it's all I ever wanted.
Things to do before I die:
Current mood: lonely
Category: Life
1. Lick the statue of liberty 2. Be a pirate (pirates get wenches) 3. Eat a butterfly (to settle a debate on if they'd be chewy or not) 4. Break into a church and fuck on the altar 5. Give up McDonalds 6. Go to prison and make all the gals my bitches. 7. Open a pizza shop next to the leaning tower of Piza and cash in on tourists. 8. Gondola through Venice. 9. Finish something at uni (not like, finish a lunch or something, like an actual degree haha!) 10. Go to Disneyland!!!!!! 11. Be in a band (probably NOT singing haha!) 12. Learn to surf. 13. Own a massive library like in Beauty and the Beast. 14. Learn to knit and knit an entire scarf! (I've been taught how to knit countless amounts of times and I just cannot retain the knowledge, I think I am knitretarded or something..) 15. See the northern lights 16. Make furniture (although not a bed). 17. Play the piano in some sort of concert thingy again. 18. Learn a language (english? perhaps) 19. Learn how to play guitar (not on the crappy one!) 20. Inject sugar and water into my veins to see what would happen...
FINALLY:
21. write a song with the lines "some people have all the fuck" and "when I go to prison girl, I'd love to be your bitch."
Aussie hiphop
Current mood: impatient
Category: Life
Listening to aussie hip hop on Rage this morning, and I get so frustrated with it. I can't even bring myself to listen to the lyrics, the aussie accent just clashes around in my ears. I can't imagine what the hell they are singing about, really what ghettos do we have in australia?
There's Maylands, that could be classed as the worst area, with it's high rise units and poverty. My little unit with a broken window looking out onto guildford road, all traffic all the time. I hated doing the food shopping because I'd have to take everything upstairs at once so nothing was stolen. Baby, pram, a weeks worth of groceries. People in Maylands are downtrodden, western australias slum kings and queens.
What about Coolbellup? With the derogatory name of 'coonbellup' it's full of 16 year old families 'trying to make a go of it' while their parents sit on the couches drinking all day into the evening and saying "I'm so glad my kids can come and talk to me, and it's safer if they drink at home, I'd prefer them to have sex at home." I lived in Coolbellup listening to the sounds of Commodores versus Fords, the never ending battle of drop outs and the hopeless.
I've resided in Boulder, in the goldfields, 'don't trust anyone from Boulder' 'Boulder-hole' (in reference to the giant Super-pit that dominates it's suburb). A place full of all the people who can't actually afford to live in Kalgoorlie, which isn't that expensive on a miners wage. With drunks on the streets at all hours, I always felt sorry for the homeless trying to live each day in the treacherous dry heat of the place.
But really, are these places anything in comparison to the ghettos of America? Where people get shot? Where you don't own a TV because that would be too tempting for your neighbours? I think "aussies get over yourselves, we've got it good."
*turns tv off and listens to some good music* ;-)
Currently
listening
:
Noah’s Ark
By
CocoRosie
Release date: 13 September, 2005
Carrie says: but according to him it's okay coz he wears more makeup than I do
sweet cuppin cakes says: *glares* hmmmm
sweet cuppin cakes says: i guess thats okay
Carrie says: lol
sweet cuppin cakes says: he better have boobs
Carrie says: glad to have your support there
Carrie says: ahahahahaha
sweet cuppin cakes says: BAD ONES
Carrie says: nope no boobies *sad face*
sweet cuppin cakes says: so mine look even better
Carrie says: ROFL
sweet cuppin cakes says: ahaha
sweet cuppin cakes says: nah nah
sweet cuppin cakes says: glad to hear ur with someone
sweet cuppin cakes says: even if it is a ...
sweet cuppin cakes says: u know
Carrie says: lol
Carrie says: penis thing
sweet cuppin cakes says: straight sex
------talking about last years threesome------
sweet cuppin cakes says: was it so bad that u vomited all your lesbian out, hense-straight now??
Carrie says: hahahaha nah, it was good, I had a threesome, lots of fun, I know Matt from a long time ago, we used to have crushes on each other when we were in school and freo bums..
sweet cuppin cakes says: hmmm yes
sweet cuppin cakes says: well
sweet cuppin cakes says: dont come crawling back to me when he pulls down trou and leaves a cleavland steamer on ur chest
Carrie says: ROFL
sweet cuppin cakes says: well its a possbility
sweet cuppin cakes says: HASBIAN
Carrie says: hahahaha
sweet cuppin cakes says: kia isnt surprised
Carrie says: lol
sweet cuppin cakes says: its bc now that u cant have me (aleesha) u will settle for no other woman
Carrie says: hahahahahaha ROFL
Carrie says: he says that's fair enough lmao
sweet cuppin cakes says: u happy ur dirty man
sweet cuppin cakes says: stealing our girl away from us
Carrie says: ahahahaha
sweet cuppin cakes says: lol
sweet cuppin cakes says: NO CLEAVAND STEAMERS
Carrie says: ROFL
sweet cuppin cakes says: so
sweet cuppin cakes says: what girth are we talking about here
sweet cuppin cakes says: must be good if u left our side
Carrie says: lol no comment ;-P
sweet cuppin cakes says: aha DANG
sweet cuppin cakes says: im just kidding guy thats dating my friend
Carrie says: ahahahaha
sweet cuppin cakes says: ur allllright
Carrie says: I'm not relaying messages anymore, I felt like a tool lol
Carrie says: his girth is well worth the excursion into mendom
sweet cuppin cakes says: hmmm
sweet cuppin cakes says: u better join us again sumtime
sweet cuppin cakes says: or we cant be friends
Carrie says: yeah of course
sweet cuppin cakes says: GIRL FRIENDS
sweet cuppin cakes says: *fran fine voice*
Carrie says: ROFL
Carrie says: HOES BEFORE BROS!
sweet cuppin cakes says: yay
sweet cuppin cakes says: i give u
sweet cuppin cakes says: 3 months
sweet cuppin cakes says: and 7 aborsions
Carrie says: LMAOOO
sweet cuppin cakes says: ahaha
sweet cuppin cakes says: nah so mean
Carrie says: he says himself I would have to introduce him as:
sweet cuppin cakes says: HIM sweet cuppin cakes says: the shedevil from cleavand sweet cuppin cakes says: STEAMER THAT IS!
Carrie says: - "This is my alcoholic boyfriend Matt not only is he a nihilist, anarchist and a punk.. but he is also homeless..."
sweet cuppin cakes says: and u could have someone just like me sweet cuppin cakes says: IF U WERENT A HASBIAN sweet cuppin cakes says: lawl sweet cuppin cakes says: loves it
Carrie says: hey was Kia really sick from those photos? Carrie says: like really really?
sweet cuppin cakes says: 'uhm i felt naucious' sweet cuppin cakes says: 'she cums from art' sweet cuppin cakes says: 'all over the place' sweet cuppin cakes says: 'its pretty vomit inducing' sweet cuppin cakes says: IT WAS EVERYWHERE sweet cuppin cakes says: im just makin this up
Carrie says: lol
sweet cuppin cakes says: uh yes she felt sick sweet cuppin cakes says: and says she has physical reactions art sweet cuppin cakes says: hense the cum comment
Carrie says: Oooh interesting Carrie says: I'm going to copy this convo into a blog, coz parts made me laugh so hard and Chao wants to know why I'm laughing
sweet cuppin cakes says: ahahaha sweet cuppin cakes says: its coz im awesome
Currently
listening
:
Goo
By
Sonic Youth
Release date: 13 September, 2005
catch up blog
Current mood: pirate
Category: Blogging
Lots has been happening in my life, and I just feel too slack to tell you about it while it's happening...
can't remember what the last blog told you, so I may be repeating myself ;-)
I've fulfilled all my bridesmaid duties, three times - red dress orange dress green dress.
Tiger was flower girl twice. Absolutely hates her photo being taken, so we were running around like crazy trying to sneak ones of her while she was doing other stuff =P
Thinking about signing her up for some sport thing at the local park, like soccer or baseball/softball/whatever ball kids play.. She could use some burning off energy time, and also I think she'd benefit from a team sport.. she needs to learn it's not her own personal world out there!!
In other news I am now in a relationship. *cringes at word and tries not to run away in commitmentphobic horror* It's a bit odd, with a guy. According to Matt though it's fine, as he wears more makeup than I do anyway haha. We're pretty much opposites in all ways - I love sugar, and he does not. Sugar free drinks are my idea of what hell must be like... *shudders*
In other ways we're kind of the same, in that "what's the difference between a punk and a hippy? A punk wears shoes."
One thing I felt a bit bizarre about though was people's reactions to dating a guy. I've been yelled at by friends, ignored, laughed at. To tell the truth it's pretty damn hurtful. I didn't have this much trouble coming out as a lesbian - everyone was really supportive and kind. I guess now I know what it is like for gay people coming out into nonsupportive families/friendships.
I'd never want to see you unhappy I thought you'd want the same for me almost lover - a fine frenzy
But meanwhile we're having fun. We went out on a date that lasted 12 hours. I still have the blisters from all the walking! We went to the art gallery, museum, PICA, that little park in east perth with the nonstuffed black swans and signed statue of peter pan, walked all along the foreshore (pretty sure that's where I got the blisters lol) caught a ferry to south perth and walked all round there, sat in a park and made shapes in the clouds, went on a road trip to mandurah, drove back, went to my house and played piano, went to the court, went back to Matts place and then got home at three in the morning!!
*tired just writing it all down*
Went to the beach on sunday, everyone you so have to play sand pictionary, but be warned!! Not with me!! *cringes at memory of downs syndrome camel that was supposed to be a monkey*
Last night we went on a picnic in a tiny park that was beautiful. It had a Lamp Post like in Narnia. Fresh fruits and spicy dips, a pug that wanted to adopt Jesse, and a man looking for a cat to kill. Hmmm... the life and times of highgate ;-)
Okay, I know it was awhile ago now, but I promise you Rex, I will tell all about that thing I did that time ;-) Maybe just in the next blog haha
"my mood is Pirate, coz ninjas don't get wenches."
Currently
listening
:
Hope There’s Someone
By
Antony and the Johnsons
Release date: 07 June, 2005
broke biatches
Current mood: grateful
Category: Blogging
*sigh*
Today I have been really upset with myself, and through that I have been exceptionally grateful to the kindness of others.
I went to pick Tiger up from school, and they were having a fair day. Now, I didn't really realise the importance of this - I packed no money for her, I brought no money for it. I picked her up and all the kids were going from stall to stall buying crap, and Tiger was just walking with everyone watching. She saw me, raced up, and asked for some money please. I had nothing. I don't even have parking money for work tomorrow yet. A lapse in judgement meant I relied on her dads money this week and as usual he didn't pay. Therefore money is even tighter than usual and I am kicking myself.
Anyway, Tessa the teacher saw me and told me about the market stalls, she said most of the parents gave her the kids money in the morning, and now that I was here did I want to give Tiger some coins so she could learn about paying for things with money. I felt like crap and said no not today, and Tessa said "well is it okay if I buy her a little something?" *cries* I told her I'd bring the money tomorrow (pay day) and she told me not to worry about it.
Then I decided (guilt filled mother reasoning) that we should get nuggets from HJs on the way home - using the last of the money in the bank account. I drove through and used eftpos, and the card was declined. The manager at the window had already given the nuggets and Tiger hadn't opened them, so I got the nuggets back and said something like "here I have no cash I'm so sorry I can't pay." The woman gave them back, added a burger and drink and said "don't worry about it."
I cried all the way home, so grateful. I am so blessed I think, things look really down and then the kindness of other people shows me life is pretty damn good really.
Lmao, Told you that would be the title Ace =P love it sick sick sick!
A fair bit has happened while I haven't had the internet, instead of typing about life I've actually been out there living it! (shock horror!)
So here is an update:
I've moved house, just about finished unpacking, nearly all the bruises are g..)
I was a bridesmaid for the first time, and I think I went a bit overboard with the bridesmaid duties ... Pictures to come, I have them, but not having a inet I can't put them up here yet..
I went on a motorbike for the first time ever!! And then I learned to ride one!!!
My ass is sore from said activities..
I learned to ride in a park, coz Lisa was a bit afraid of me falling off and killing myself =P I'd heard all these horror stories recently, so I was a bit nervous =P But I did it! (more photos to put up whenever I can lolz)
uhh
my grandparents are here from the UK, which is cool, my grandma keeps saying "whatever turns you on" which really freaks me out =P She's pretty modern, she volunteers in the courts and jails looking after kids of criminals, or young rape victims, so she's all up to date in the slang and cool stuff of the day..
I went to the chocolate factory!!! OMFG LOVE IT SICK!
I don't have to starve myself anymore, I fitted into the bridesmaid dress, so I have a whole month of being able to eat all the timtams I want (thanks again Ace for leaving them at my house!!!). I don't have to fit into another dress until new years eve, then again in january.. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride... oh wait. lol
Being a bridesmaid is so much more fun than being a bride - you just rock up and have fun, whereas being a bride you have to stress about stuff like:
I wonder if the flowers are going to last during the heat of the day
I wonder if the groomsmen are going to insist on ripping the garter off with their teeth
I wonder if I could run away without anyone noticing I haven't shown..... muah ha ha ha
Yeah, so bridesmaiding is fun..
Anyway, I love you all bitches (had to throw one more in there), miss you to, oh shit, Chao I didn't call you back, I just remembered, I'll call you tonight lol sorry..
Oh, over the weekend I also went to a wedding and the bride and I used to make out, and the bridesmaid was my first girlfriend. =/ lmaooooooooooo weird.. More pics of them to come!! lol
peace out! xxx
P.s. the last blog I wrote you couldn't see the video, so here it is again. If it doesn't work, then go to youtube and search for "Kevin Rudd ear."
Currently
listening
:
Oh My Darling
By
Basia Bulat
Release date: 04 June, 2007
Answer blog =)
Current mood: sleepy
Category: Quiz/Survey
7 True 3 False Can you pick?
1. I was in a death metal band TRUE. I was 19, and in the band Vermillion with my best friend Adam. I had nearly shaved white blonde hair, and my mates all called me Spike. As in Spike from Buffy. LOL
2. I have welsh royalty in my bloodline. TRUE. So if I kill off all the monarchy maybe I really can be a princess =P
3. I was accepted into the London School of Music in 2001 FALSE. I was going to apply, but had bad wrists. Never made it =(
4. I nearly lost my driving licence for "reckless driving and excessive noise." TRUE. I did a mad burnout on my way to a party, and as the smoke cleared I saw a police car with lights on. Whoooooops =P I'd already lost most of the points on my licence and that little shenanigan left me with a solitary point remaining...
5. My favourite flower is a rose. FALSE. Pffffffffffft Roses shmoses, I love forget-me-nots =)
6. I have a friend in prison. TRUE.
7. I've sung and played the piano in the semifinals of starsearch. TRUE. Yes, my piano playing was awesome enough to make them overlook the fact I can't sing at all ahahaha I performed Hey Jupiter by Tori Amos.
8. My land speed record was 200km/hr, and I've broken the speed limit before by 115 kms. TRUE. 200km.hr down south on a road trip with Spuds, Darren and his friend. and I broke the speed limit of 40km/hr by going at 155 in my Datsun (no easy feat btw).
9. When I was in the UK I (accidently) set fire to a bedroom. FALSE. I've never set fire to anything. Except cake ;-)
10. I've had three serious marriage proposals. TRUE. *blushes*
Currently
listening
:
Eye to the Telescope
By
KT Tunstall
Release date: 24 April, 2006
distressed
miserable
angsty
confused
mellow
lonely
impatient
naughty
pirate
vibrant
bitchy
grateful
crazy
sleepy
