My show this Sunday

I will be playing at Mercury Lounge, this Sunday at 10:30pm. With Thomas Bartlett, Sean Lennon, Charlotte Muhl, Doug Wieselman. The show is dedicated to my dear roommate Sophie Caby who is leaving us shortly. It's a good night with lots of cool bands, please come! xo Yuka

10:31 AM - 13 Comments - 24 Kudos - Add Comment

Mom

Hi all,

I just wanted to say that I mentioned my mom not to describe my relationship with her really, but just along with this subject "battle" and "cellular level war", she just happens to be the reason I started to think about it a lot. Supposedly we get 5-7000 cancer cells in our body every day that our immune system is fighting off. I had never thought things like that before I encountered her illness.

In terms of my relationship with her, I am still so in love with her, more and more. The quality of my love seems to get purer and purer. Before there were other desires combined with it. She is such an amazing influence on me. She taught me so much stuff and I am hoping to reflect them in my music. On "memories are my only witness" and "eucademix" I have many songs that I wrote with her in mind. The song "seed of seed of peach" is a song I dedicated to her. It's a little embarrassing to be such a mother complex when I'm a grown adult. But she just was such an amazing artist. Her art was food and we (my brother and I) were the only fortunate and spoiled audience.

I don't want to mislead you by only talking about one side of her. She didn't want to fight the cancer but she did not stop living fully. I still remember her refusing our plead and driving two hours each way to the plum field so that she can pick each plums that she finds appropriate for her to make her plum wine, and salted plum (umeboshi). Her back was aching so much but she ignored my begging and sat on the wooden floor all day and prepared those plums to make the wines and umeboshi in the way that she believes, which takes much longer than how other people make it. Of course next day we had to give her massage all day long she was in so much pain. But she had the plum wine and umeboshi in the way that she believed still.

She said that she didn't fear dying. She grew up during the war, she watched so many of her friends and neighbors die, the attack happens during the night and they wake up in the morning and see who's alive and which house had burnt down. She sometimes felt guilty being alive. Their sleeps were so deprived, some nights they ignored the siren and didn't go to the shelter, just kept sleeping because they were simply too tired. Some nights I wondered if it were true that she wasn't scared, I overheard her doing a vedic chanting quietly in her bed, I selfishly wished that she would cry in my arms instead. She was, by all means, a brave one.

Some people thought that I am in pain or I am suffering from this, I want to assure you that I'm not. My grieving time has definitely passed. When I think of her, I do cry sometimes, I am still filled with many and deep emotions for her. I think it's great to be able to feel this. It makes me feel alive and I am so happy to be feeling this sensation and it reminds me the quest of my own adventure.

10:07 AM - 18 Comments - 23 Kudos - Add Comment

Natural Process 2

I was trying to respond my new friend David on the topic Natural Process, but it's not posting my reply.. so I post it here. I am posting this so that every one is invited to this conversation.

Dalai Lama said, "Share your knowledge. It's the way to achieve immortality."

Don't be afraid to talk, discuss, disagree, question. Everything is productive when it's done with love.


Hi David,

I am sorry too, I assumed that you are unfamiliar with the cellular level battle. In the way that I wanted to use this very word "battle" and "winner", you are the very one that I am talking about. What you've gone through is very inspiring and empowering to learn. Thank you so much.

Yes, I have lost my mother, she had a cancer, she chose not to battle. I respect her decision, and did my best to make things happen in the way that she desired, but it's also true that it left me in the darkest despair, hopelessness, I realized I am her, I can decide not to live, it's like it's in my genes, the program is printed.

Then I watched my grandmother, who just lost her own daughter, it must be so hard to lose your own daughter, much more than losing your mother. She didn't eat for a month and she lost so much weight after my mom died. Then she had a heart attack. But unlike my mother, she fought. While she was having an attack she fought. When the attack subsided, she said in her faint breath, I'm not going to let this defeat me. It brings tears to my eyes just by writing this, I remember how I felt. She fought two heart attacks and one stroke. She also fought TB when she was much younger. She is very conscious of her survival. She eats well, doesn't like to depend on others, she is actively alive. She is 97 years old today. I realized I have her genes in me too. I felt that it's my duty to channel into my grandmother's gene, not just for myself but for the people around me.

I wrote this blog after I've gone to Yoko's birthday party. She just turned 75 years old. I am so blessed to have spent some time with this great woman who has gone through so much in her life. A woman who has been blamed for so many things that she didn't do. A woman who inspired the entire world for becoming more aware of "peace" and "love". A woman who had her husband shot right in front of her eyes, lost him in her arms, and survived, still carrying their messages. She looks gorgeous, young, energetic. None of it is coincidence. She really works on it. She really takes care of her health, her mind, her spirit, and also constantly reminding us that we should also. She just made a beautiful light tower in Iceland that beams the light with all natural energy. She doesn't preach on ecology, she just made a beautiful art with an ecological mind. I watch her and hope that I absorb some of her amazingness. We jammed all night for her birthday, and she was more energetic than anyone. She put all of us younger people to shame. I just find it so great, inspiring, motivating.

So in my words, you are the survivor too. I know what you mean by we have to depend on words. I read one swami said, words are like a finger pointing at the moon. I do believe that we are looking at the same moon, though we may be pointing it from the different places.

Buddha talks about, how nothing has it's meaning. We just give it to it. We tend to imagine that we all feel the same way about a word, a thing, an event, etc.. But there are many degrees of reality in each person.

Today, people have become very conscious of war. I am aware that the word like "battle" can generate many thoughts and feelings in people's mind that are not what I mean by this very way that I used it.

In reality, we've had wars always. People have just become more conscious of it lately.

Because of this war, we feel that "battle" should be avoided. I too think that war should be avoided by all means. But in reality, life is "like" a war. And I don't say this to accept war. Just don't want to close eyes on reality. While war should be avoided, there are many battles that needs to be fought. I am calling that an evolution.

Losing my mother was very devastating for me. She was my love of my life that I never was able to reach. Strangely, after a while, I started to realize, it also liberated me. I am lonelier without her, I miss her greatly and would do anything to get her back. It just is simultaneously true that I am freer without this struggle of love. Life and truth are not so black and white. There are many complex reality coexisting together.

All truth has many sides. I think we are talking about the different sides of the same thing.

It's really nice to meet you David Thank you for talking to me. I feel very blessed.

love
Yuka

10:19 AM - 17 Comments - 17 Kudos - Add Comment

Did I tell you yet?
Category: Music

I played on this album. Eddie and Harper rock. Please check it out. http://www.myspace.com/heavycircles

7:56 PM - 8 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment

The Natural Process
Category: Life

The nature of us, is to evolve.
It's a non stop battle, the stronger wins
The survival of the fittest
To be fit you have to be like others
To win, you have to be the stronger, the wiser, the better, and, or some other ways that matter
To be happy, you have to know what makes you happy.
You may have to think more if you don't feel happy.
You may have to think even more to know if you are happy
To love, you can't prioritize yourself.
You may feel like you want to love, but you may just simply not want to be lonely.
Which story made you to believe that love will quench your loneliness?
Being naive is a crime, which victim is yourself.
Being criminal is a relief if you need an excuse.
Dying or living, we walk in the same direction
Time is like an arrow with no weight, no gravity
Breathing, bleeding, shining, spinning lights

1:12 AM - 15 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Happy Valentine! Happy to know, that we have love in this world. Love the ones you understand, they confirm you. Love the ones you don't understand, they teach you.

And for the lovely people who are waiting for my egg to hatch, as you may have guessed, my gestation period is needing to be longer. My egg is fertile but still premature. I hope to deliver it with patience and prudence. It's got a thin shell.

Tonight, I will be playing at Radio City Music Hall. Sean's band is really great right now. I really hope that some of you will make it.

Sean used to be my valentine. It was long time ago and since then we have gone through many stages of relationships and we have become the best partners that I could ever imagine possible. He has a great girlfriend now and we all get along so famously. I don't want to be smug but I am proud of us. Some talk about being progressive, we are one naturally. I really love Charlotte and can't wait for you to see her perform tonight. If you don't know of their songs yet, check out the page of The Goast of Saber Toothed Tiger, they are on my top friend list.

Have a great day with your loved one. Have a great day with yourself if you are single. The best person to love is yourself. There is light within ourselves.

love love love
Yuka

10:02 AM - 18 Comments - 34 Kudos - Add Comment

Happy Holidays!!

Happy Holidays!! Wishing you a true joy and happiness. Lights and love. yuka

1:56 PM - 6 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

Happy Holidays!!

Happy Holidays!! Wishing you a true joy and happiness. Lights and love. yuka

1:56 PM - 10 Comments - 14 Kudos - Add Comment

An egg
Current mood: awake
Category: Art and Photography

I'm a dreamy girl. My life doesn't feel like 'life', it feels like just the sequence of 'dream coming true' or 'dream breaking'.

They always start as an egg. An invisible one, often, I don't even know what it is. But my body starts to detect a sensation of something which grows, sometimes fast, sometimes slowly then eventually, I start to see my egg. Time, events, luck, and coincidences are what fertilize my egg.

I like to keep it warm without really revealing to any one too much. Some times I talk a little bit about it and the spell fades out. But other times I talk about it and it can bring the light on to the egg and it grows more. I never know. I just go with my instinct. Intuition. My heart as a radar and my brain as an advisor.

Life is like a river. There are all the other water drops running and creating a flow. It's not always in the way that you desire. Some times my egg is an brilliant egg but if it's not in the course of flow, it may break. It's painful when it does, especially if you had this egg for a long time and it was turning big. But if you don't let go, you have to get stuck in the pain, the darkness, the state of giving up.

So it goes. I've been learning to move. Not take it personally. Things some times don't work. It's just life. It really sucks sometimes. But it always is a great lesson.

I had this egg for a while and I've kept it very preciously. It's so close to my heart. It involves so much about my belief. I've only talked about it with few people with whom I thought we can hatch the egg together. And we waited for the flow, the tide to be going to the right direction.

I'm going to try to explain this metaphorically. You know I speak some English. My English is very far from being perfect but hopefully, you understand most of what I'm trying to say. When I speak in Japanese, I still hope that people understand most of what I'm trying to say, some times it's not necessarily easier for me to speak in Japanese, which is interesting. I speak a little French. Je me debrouille, I speak enough to get around. When I was a kid, I lived in Germany and I spoke German. I also lived in Denmark and I spoke Danish.

When you try to say 'one thing' in many different language, even though you mean the same thing, the sensation is slightly different.

Let me give you a simple example. Imagine I called you and said, "Let's go to the movie tonight. I come pick you up at 8pm." In Japanese, I would say, (in direct translation), "Tonight, movie let's go? 8pm I go pick you up". It sounds like a bad Kung-Fu movie but that's really how we speak and we are not less intelligent though this may sound so. It's just a completely different structure.

Or, how about this example, which may be more fun and simple. When an American person have an orgasm, he (or she) would say "I come". In Japanese we sould say, "I go".

They mean exactly the same thing but it creates a different, very minor but slightly different sensation right?

So this is my egg. I want to express, whatever that I've been trying to express and will continue to express, (I can't call it with a name of course if I could, I would just say it and stop this art thing entirely now.) through, more than music, the formula that uses audio, talking to your ears. I don't mean to give up on music. No no, that will never happen. It's the language that I have worked on the most.

But I also want to connect to you through your other senses. Your eyes, your nose, your hand, your feet. I also want to create a situation that you, yourself is a part of my art.

This may sound vague now, but I have to keep it this way as I want to be prudent with my egg, but it is growing. It definitely has passed it's trimester and the baby is coming, I know for sure now.

My dear friends, you have been so great with me, I haven't released anything for a long time and you are still here for me. I hope you know how much that means to me. I'm sorry that the wait has been long. But I really feel strongly that it was worth it.

I will keep you posted as the egg develops. Please come to New York on the Eve of Valentines to see my egg hatch. I will pour my heart out to you.

I'm not going to be alone doing this. I have an army of beauty, intrigue, and mystery to present. I really want you to come witness and be a part of it.

with love
yuka

11:13 AM - 21 Comments - 36 Kudos - Add Comment

Iceland
Current mood: awake

i'm in the land of rock and moss. waiting for the wishes of peace to be beamed up into the sky. which energy is purely geothermal. how beautiful. how wonderful. what a kick ass.

went to Blue Lagoon today. oh my god. imagine a heaven that you can go to by taking a bus! (and back!!)

praying for love and peace with brilliant people gives me hope. so let's!

5:46 PM - 13 Comments - 27 Kudos - Add Comment