Listen to the message...
Current mood: happy

A song that struck me a couple of weeks ago is being reinforced... I heard it again yesterday and then again last night while watching "The Invisible"
There's a message here... Looking at it, I can see clearly and not let my ego ruin that which should (hopefully will) be good for me/us...
I have no fears, but damn those "ego hits" (of the reinforcing kind) are addictive!!!
I am so looking forward to this, trying to let it be what it wants to be, knowing that as it grows it will become even more beautiful...
*sigh*
:)

Bliss by Syntax (Song on my page now)
There was a time when we were cradled
one on one
and now i find that all creation is undone
I'm throwing out all of these thoughts
that are not mine
I'm building up your coming down
I'm losing time

And now I've found some solid ground
I thought I'd drowned but now I'm found
And on the lips of the life i kiss
I find I'm here this place of bliss

It's better now you'll find
that life is on your side
And you know of glory days
the vibe you cannot hide
I'm giving you the chance to make it all alright
Baby come on walk with me
I know the future's bright

When you dream of themes
that drive you to feel insincere
think again you know
that all those feelings are just fear
when you're thrilled by ego hits
you think you're on a high
you should know deep down inside
It never satisfies.

10:20 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

2007 in review (since everyone else is doing it)

Calendar Year Review…

JANUARY: How did you ring in 2007? Details! Where, who, kiss, etc???
Was at a house in Sandy with a bunch of good friends. We all shared balloons as the New Year came around, and really kicked it off with a bang! Tried calling a girl, but she was with someone else...

FEBRUARY: Were you in a relationship for Valentine's Day and what'd you do? Nope

MARCH: Did you celebrate St. Patty's Day by getting drunk?
Yup, at Liberty Park!

APRIL: Goblin Valley rocks! Erin and Geromie's wedding was attended by many wonderful people and a Penguin! Best friend moved out of my house.

MAY: Emo, but had some fun anyways

JUNE: Started building stronger bonds with friends. Went to the Sun Tunnels and got my mind squished.

JULY: Seattle for work and then vacation up there. Much needed mental rest! Sequence and Pioneer Daze fun, too! Yellowstone with the family :)

AUGUST: I don't remember much about August, thanks to July ;)

SEPTEMBER: Did you start school again? I went to school for a very long time. I'd prefer not to think about it.

OCTOBER: What did you dress as for Halloween? Probably a penguin, though I freaked my parents out with fangs and black contacts. Went to the poly party as a penguin, had some fun. Took KynD to sushi for her birthday and then a big surprise for her at Pele's! Couple of parties at home for Andy's birthday and a Get Freaky afterparty. Got to use a flamethrower on Andy's crotch! Burned a scarecrow, named drums, and jumped through the fire!

NOVEMBER: What did you do for Thanksgiving? KynD's and Family stuff. Burned Matt's coffee table in a wonderful display.

DECEMBER: What do you want/what did you get for Christmas? I don't really know what I want for Christmas... Materially, I have all I could ever need. I would like a relationship though that is good, healthy and happy, something we can share and grow, as human beings, into those beings that we each have the potential of becoming. Its already headed that way with some close friends, and I sometimes wish for the possibilities of us to share more.


Personal Reflection

Did you reach your goals for 2007?
Goals? I have none "written down" but somehow I manage to unconsciously direct my life to where I want it to be. So, yeah, I guess I did reach something...

Beside your set goals, what else did you accomplish?
Lots of stuff! I don't want to bore you though.

What is something you learned about yourself?
As much as I try to talk to others about not letting it happen, sometimes I let my wants control me when they're not even something I need.

Did you do anything you thought you'd never do?
I did a lot of things I thought I'd never do. Lets just say I conquered (or at least severely bruised) some of my societal phobias...

In 2007, Did You…

Change your appearance?
Lost some weight, gained some, lost some, grew a goatee

Move to a new place?
Physically? no
Mentally? yes

Go to a concert?
Do outdoor events count as concerts?

Go to a sporting event?
ew, sports.

Get a new job?
nope

Get a new addition to your family?
nope

Gain new friends?
hells yeah!

Lose old friends?
not this year

Get into a fight (verbal or physical)?
yah :(

Puke from drinking too much?
yup, felt much better

Travel?
a bit!

Go to a wedding?
Penguins rule!

Go to a funeral?
nope

Go to the hospital?
to see other people

Have any run-ins with the law?
nope

Season?
Spring, Summer, Winter is looking nice too. Fall nfg

Holiday?
New Years

Memory?
Playing in the Sun Tunnels with Moona :) <3 that girl!

Party?
A little bit ;)

Event?
Sun Tunnels

Club/Bar/Hangout?
A few... really, wherever my friends are!

Moment you laughed so hard that you cried?
too many to count...


Worst 2007...

Memory?
thinking I'd lost one I love forever...

Day at work or school?
losing a line we rep'd

Embarrassing moment?
I embarass myself all of the time. I don't really worry about those moments :)

Person you met?
someone who is banned from my home and will remain unnamed

For NYE 07-08…

Where will you be?
Wendover Nevada

Who will be there?
Most of my very best, loved friends.

Do you want to kiss someone at midnight?
There's a few people I'd like to kiss at midnight. They will be there :)

What are you wearing?
Red Shirt, Tan slacks


In 2008...

What are your goals?
Keep living in the moment

What do you look forward to?
Hawaii, Cancun and that "wonderful thing" that is hiding from me, just around the corner

12:32 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

I love Mary Poppins!

7:45 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Thou Art God!

Stranger in a Strange Land, one of the most influential books in my life (so far) has a theme running through it that took me a very long time to understand and accept.  Heinlein explains it simply:

That pantheistic, mystical "Thou art God!" chorus that runs through the book is not offered as a creed, but as an existentialist assumption of personal responsibility, devoid of all godding. It says, "Don't appeal for mercy to God the Father up in the sky, little man, because he's not at home and never was at home, and couldn't care less. What you do with yourself, whether you are happy or unhappy–live or die–is strictly your business and the universe doesn't care. In fact, you may be the universe and the only cause for your troubles. But, at best, the most you can hope for is comradeship with comrades no more divine (or just as divine) as you are. So quit sniveling and face up to it — "Thou art God!"

– October 21, 1960 Robert A. Heinlein to Lurton Blassingame

5:57 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

46+2

:)

5:49 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Moving on... :)

In moving on, I've noticed the serious lack of a girlfriend in my life (even though most of my friends are girls) and I'd like to take serious actions to correct this!
Having had many bad experiences in the past, I've decided to have an application and screening process.
If anyone wishes to become a girlfriend, please download, print and fill out the following form at: http://www.icreatedtheuniverse.com/myspace/gfapp.pdf

Inform me when you've completed this and we will review your application over coffee, sushi, or some other appropriate activity.

Benefits include, but are not limited to, me!
:p

(I love finding old files on my computer)
;)

9:57 AM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Tripping the light fantastic!
Current mood: eclectic

While singing the body electric!!!

Yes, I've lost it. Maybe. I don't know.
Thanks to those who noticed my "status update" earlier and voiced concerns. I'm fine, really. This is just one of those things I do.

I'm reminded of a story of three travelers (loose memory as I can't find where I've read it) As they passed by a Master's house, they heard a riot going on inside. Peering in the doorway they saw all manner of people doing all sorts of things: laughing, crying, happy, sad, yelling, dancing, angry, smiling, singing, rolling around on the ground, and so much more they couldn't believe it. It overwhelmed them, so they made their way with haste. Passing by later on, there was a sense of stillness at the Master's abode. Glancing inside, they saw those same people they'd seen before calmly meditating as if nothing had happened. The travelers moved on.
Some time later, their journey took them close to the Masters abode once more. This time, a sense of emptiness prevailed. Only the Master was present when they looked inside. Summoning courage, one of the travelers asked the Master "Did you fail at teaching the acolytes we witnessed earlier? There must have been another incident as the one we saw some time ago to have completely emptied your hall." The Master simply replied, "When you first came by, my friends were cleansing themselves of the toxins they'd picked up in their lives, in whatever ways they saw fit. The next time, they were meditating, working on rebuilding themselves with a clean slate. This last time, they've gone forth to help others recover from drinking their bitter cups. More will come." Puzzled, two of the travelers left, wondering why someone would drink poison in the first place. The third stayed.

I'd accepted a poison most foul, sipping it and finding it had a hint, a promise of sweet nectar that I thought I needed, in the end, it was only a want. That draught never fulfilled its promise, slowly bringing me to a state where I finally realized that it was killing me. For a moment, the music inside me fell silent and I knew in that moment what hell was truly like.

I'm a part of that story.
I'm still alive. I'm purging the toxins in the ways I know how to. Repairing and rebuilding all I can, sometimes seeking the help of others, sometimes helping others and in the process healing myself.

As I rebuild myself, this time it won't be with feet of clay. Major design flaw!
I've noticed that each time I fall and rebuild, the newest revision is greater than the last.
I'm learning to enjoy the pleasure and pains of change!

Come dance with me!

12:54 AM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Relationships

Kinda appropriate, pretty much how I feel lately.  There are times I actually feel good about this... ;)


I'd rather be alone for the right reasons, than with anyone for the wrong ones.

6:55 PM - 1 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

Living each moment

I'm tired of hiding in the dark, not saying what I think or feel or mean to say. Too many opportunities have passed me by lately because I've been afraid to open my mouth!
No longer.
I've taken a few steps lately to let others know how I feel about them, putting out feelers to see where I stand with them too.
I'm not letting a pain from long ago continue to control me and rule my actions!

If what I do seems self destructive to some, or weird to others, know this: I am living each and every moment as if its my last!

1:25 PM - 2 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Found it, at last!!!

After a bit of searching, I found WHERE the quote from UNKLE - Inside came from! One of my favorites... Expanded!!!
"The only thing that burns in Hell is the part of you that won't let go of life, your memories, your attachments. They burn them all away. But they're not punishing you, he said. They're freeing your soul. (Relax) So, if you're frightened of dying and... and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth."
Its from Jacobs Ladder, a film from 1990 with Tim Robbins in it, directed by Adrian Lyne.
Trailer looks like a movie I want to check out...

Review - "Jacobs Ladder is one of those rare films that throws you and your mind about like a ragdoll before giving you a bitter conclusion that turns everything upside down again. Forget Donnie Darko, that was mere childs play, this film is something else. Jacobs Ladder provides an experience so intimidating, brutal, wonderful and beautiful unparalleled to this day. This is something you have never seen or experienced before in film, and will probably never experience again.

Jacob Singer is a postal worker, who, through the brutal effects of Vietnam, mentally breaks down, and starts seeing demons following him, killing his friends, raping his wife...... Make no mistake, Jacobs Ladder is a grim film but behind its dark mask lies an uplifting message of hope, freedom and mental release. I wont say anymore, because spoiling the plot for you would be extremely horrible of me, who am i to take away the magic of seeing the film from you.

I'm not going to say that this is accessible to everyone, its not in the least. If your favourite film is American Pie than turn away, this is REAL film making. A lot of people will not like this, because they will expect, like with most films, to have all the answers served to them on a plate. Jacobs Ladder requires the viewer to do the thinking, letting them have their own perceptions of the film rather then being fed that of the directors. If you do choose to go on Jacobs journey with him be warned, it wont always be pretty, but you will come out of it gratified that for once in film you have the freedom to think for yourself."

Anyone want to watch a good movie with me? :)

7:49 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment